Rob was a nervous wreck by the time he walked up the drive of number 17 Asgard Court. It was ridiculous, he was behaving like a teenager on a first date, but this would be the first time he’d seen Marianne since the night she’d told him it was all over.
It had been in their usual meeting place, an Italian café in one of the sleazier parts of Dublin. He had always hated taking Marianne there, but she had insisted that it was a safer place to meet as it was unlikely they would bump into anyone they knew. That night, when he’d looked into her eyes, he’d known something was very wrong.
‘Has something happened?’ he’d asked as soon as they were seated and the waiter was out of earshot.
‘Things are a bit difficult at home at the moment.’
He’d had no idea what was going on in Marianne’s marriage, she had always refused to go into detail, but he’d watched her grow quieter and thinner over the last few months. He’d tried to compensate and had gone to extra lengths to make their time together special, but he wasn’t sure that would work today.
‘Forget about it for a couple of hours, sweetheart, you’re here with me now.’
‘For the last time, Rob,’ she said, her eyes full of tears.
‘But why?’
‘I’m married and I have two babies; I should never have started this. It was wrong of me and unfair to you.’
‘What’s happened, Marianne? Has Dominic said something? Does he suspect you of seeing someone?’
She flinched. ‘I don’t want to talk about him.’
‘Please. Tell me what’s wrong, Marianne, let me help.’
‘You can’t help other than by letting me go, Rob. Please don’t make this any harder than it is.’
He’d felt gutted by her words. They left the café soon afterwards; neither of them had felt like eating. As they walked back to the car park, side by side, but not touching, Rob wanted to pull her into his arms and beg her to reconsider. But he knew from the determined set of her mouth and the lost look in her eyes that her mind was made up. When he stopped outside the train station, he’d held her tightly in his arms, and kissed her for the last time, and then watched her walk out of his life.
‘Rob, good to see you.’
Rob did a double-take when Johnny flung open the door and gestured for him to come in. Rob stepped into the hallway, wiped his boots on the mat and glanced around. ‘Hi. I didn’t realize you were going to be here too, Johnny.’
‘I’m alone. Marianne thought it would be best to let you take a look around the house without her looking over your shoulder.’
‘Oh, right.’ Rob swallowed his disappointment. ‘That was very thoughtful of her.’
Johnny clapped his hands together. ‘Shall we start upstairs?’
‘Great.’
As Rob followed him from one bedroom to the next, he barely heard the man’s comments; he was too busy searching for signs of Marianne. But though there was plenty of evidence of the children in the form of artwork and toys and photos of them at various ages, he could find nothing of her. Even the bright, immaculate main bedroom seemed sterile. He eyed the bed hungrily.
‘Is she happy to rent the place furnished?’ he asked, thinking how good it would be to lie where she had lain.
‘Oh, absolutely. She’s moving to a smaller place that’s already furnished.’
‘Can I ask why?’ Rob asked.
‘There’s nothing wrong with the house if that’s what’s worrying you,’ Johnny quickly assured him. ‘The family is just going through a rough patch.’
‘I see.’ It was wrong, so wrong, but Rob couldn’t help but feel hope bubble up inside him; a rough patch must surely mean a separation. They were in the kitchen and Johnny was explaining the various appliances and waxing lyrical about the garden, from where you could just about glimpse Ireland’s Eye, when he saw the photo. It was stuck to the fridge among a mess of photos, Post-its and a colourful magnetic alphabet. It was a shot of Marianne and the children. Her long dark hair hung down over one shoulder and her head was thrown back. She was laughing, showing off the beautiful neck that he’d kissed so many times. She wore a simple white T-shirt and he could see the outline of her small, firm breasts underneath; it made him long to reach out and touch the photograph.
‘That’s Marianne and her two kids.’
Rob started as he realized that Johnny had come over to see what had caught his attention.
Johnny checked his watch. ‘She should be here any minute.’
Rob dragged his eyes away from the photo. ‘Sorry?’
Johnny turned away and reached for the kettle. ‘Marianne, she said she’d be back by eleven.’
Rob checked his watch. It was a couple of minutes to the hour, a couple of minutes till he saw her again. He wondered how she’d react when they met; if she knew that he was her prospective tenant. ‘I’d like to take the house,’ he said quickly.
‘We haven’t even talked money yet,’ Johnny chuckled.
‘I’m sure the rent will reflect the downturn in the market,’ Rob grinned. ‘And I need somewhere close to the site so I can keep an eye on my builder.’
Johnny laughed. ‘It’s nice to know that you trust me!’
‘So, come on, tell me. What’s the story? Why are they moving out?’
‘Ah, well, that’s a bit delicate—’ Johnny broke off as they heard the front door open. ‘Sorry, it’ll have to wait.’
As Johnny went to meet Marianne, Rob’s eyes returned to the photo. He felt almost afraid to face the door; he really wasn’t sure what to expect.
After the night they had parted, he had sent her a couple of texts. He’d just wanted to know that she was okay, and had craved some contact, no matter how small. Marianne responded to them but not immediately and when she did her messages had been formal and brief. He had taken the hint and not contacted her again. He heard murmuring in the hall and their footsteps approaching, and taking a deep breath, he pasted on a smile and turned to face her.
‘Marianne, this is Rob Lee. Rob, Marianne Thomson.’
He crossed the kitchen, hand outstretched. ‘Nice to meet you.’
‘And you,’ she said with a nervous smile.
‘You have a lovely home.’
‘Thank you.’ As the kettle clicked off, Marianne moved past him. ‘Tea, coffee?’
‘Tea for me,’ Johnny replied, sitting down at the table.
‘And me.’ Rob took the diagonal seat so that Marianne would either have to sit next to him or across from him; he wasn’t sure which he’d prefer; probably opposite so that he could look into her eyes.
‘Have you seen everything?’ she asked.
‘Except for the garden and the garage,’ Johnny answered.
‘I’ll be honest, Marianne, I don’t really need to see any more.’ Rob’s voice caught as he said her name aloud. ‘This house and its location suit me perfectly. I would be happy to go ahead with the rental if you are.’
‘I think we can trust him not to trash the place, love, and I don’t think he has a criminal record.’
‘Well, there was an allegation of minor fraud, but it was never proven.’ Rob’s grin faded as they stared at him. He turned questioning eyes on Johnny, but the man just shook his head, his eyes clearly saying he should drop it. Rob’s heart sank; she’d only walked in the door and he’d already put his foot in it.
Marianne set a plate of biscuits and a jug of milk on the table, slopping it all over the place; some of it splashed on Rob’s shirt.
‘Oh, I’m so sorry,’ she said and quickly mopped it up.
Rob’s heart flipped when she smiled at him and he resolved there and then that it didn’t matter how high the rental was, he was taking this house.
Johnny’s phone rang and he pulled it out and looked at the display. ‘Sorry, do you mind if I take this?’
‘Of course not,’ Marianne said.
He talked briefly, hung up and sighed. ‘I’m sorry, I have to go. You can iron out the rest of the details between you, can’t yo
u?’
Marianne looked up at him, a hint of panic in her eyes. ‘Well, yes, but—’
He stood up, looking very pleased with himself. ‘I think this will work out just perfectly.’
‘I’m happy.’ Rob looked across at Marianne. He was glad she’d chosen the seat opposite; it gave him an opportunity to study her. Her hair was halfway down her back now and she seemed thinner and more serious, but when she’d smiled he’d seen the glint of humour in her eyes and her mouth was as sensuous as he remembered; the times he’d kissed those lips . . .
‘You could move in the first week of June,’ Johnny said. ‘€1,400 a month, okay, Rob? With a €1,400 deposit up front?’
Rob saw Marianne’s eyes widen at the figure. ‘Fine,’ he said instantly.
‘Excellent.’
Marianne stood up. ‘I’ll see you out.’
‘Bye, Johnny,’ Rob called after him, and strained to hear Marianne’s frantic whispers in the hallway. The front door opened and closed moments later and he smiled as she walked back into the room. ‘It’s good to see you again.’
‘And you.’ She leaned against the counter, crossing her arms in front of her. ‘Although it feels very odd having you sitting drinking tea in my kitchen.’
‘I thought you’d prefer it if I pretended we didn’t know each other.’
She nodded. ‘Yes, thanks.’
‘How are you, Marianne?’
She looked at him and gave a shrug. ‘I’m okay.’
His heart sank. He’d assumed that once they were alone that they’d be able to talk just as they used to but he’d been fooling himself.
‘Look, if you want to find some excuse not to rent to me, I’ll understand.’ He held his breath as he waited to see if she’d jump at the opportunity to push him out of her life again.
But after a few seconds, she shook her head and sat down again. ‘No, of course not; I need to rent this place as quickly as possible and I’ll feel more comfortable leasing it to a friend.’
A friend. Rob stiffened at the word; he had been a lot more than a friend.
‘Don’t you need to check with your husband first?’ he asked, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice.
‘Didn’t Johnny explain?’ Marianne said, her voice barely a whisper.
Rob sat forward. Perhaps he’d been right after all; perhaps Dominic was gone. ‘He said that you had some problems and were moving to a smaller place. Has Dominic lost his job?’
Marianne shook her head slowly. ‘No.’
‘So what is it?’ he asked, finding it hard to read her expression.
‘Dominic died of a heart attack six weeks ago.’
Rob stared at her, stunned. ‘He’s dead?’
‘Yes.’
He searched for the right words. He hadn’t liked the man; he’d hated the fact that he went to bed with Marianne every night; hated that she’d chosen to stay with him, but his heart went out to her; a widow at only thirty-five.
‘I’m not sure what to say to you other than I’m sorry. How are Kate and Andrew coping?’ He could see surprise on her face that he had remembered their names; as if he could forget anything about her.
‘They have their good and bad days.’
‘And you?’ he asked, not entirely sure that he wanted to hear the answer.
‘I’m confused, upset, angry. I’m in a bit of a mess, to be honest.’
‘What do you mean?’
Marianne thought for a moment, as if considering whether or not to go on. ‘This is strictly confidential, Rob; even Dominic’s mother doesn’t know.’
‘You know I wouldn’t betray your trust,’ he said, hurt that she would think otherwise.
‘Of course you wouldn’t. Sorry, I’m not exactly thinking straight.’ She took a deep but slightly shaky breath. ‘I just found out that Dominic was stealing from his employer. I don’t know how much he took but it was a lot, and the upshot is that I’m unlikely to get a pension.’
Marianne bunched her hair back behind her head in a gesture so familiar it made him smile.
‘What?’ She frowned.
He shook his head. ‘Sorry, nothing, go on.’
‘I probably won’t get the life assurance money either. Dominic was taking drugs and they showed up in his bloodstream when they did the post-mortem.’
‘Drugs? Was he taking them when we were together? Is that what the fights were about?’
‘It was a bit more complicated than that, and it’s not important now. The bottom line is I can’t afford to live here any more.’ She glanced at her watch. ‘I’m sorry, but I need to collect the children soon; they have a half-day. Let me show you the garden and the garage.’
Rob really didn’t care about either, but it meant at least a few minutes longer in Marianne’s company. He followed her, watching the seductive sway of her hips and breathing in her perfume. He didn’t take in much of what she was saying, he was too busy listening to the music of her voice and reacquainting himself with her expressions. Her proud smile when he commented on Andrew’s artwork and how pretty Kate was and her laughter when he tripped over Andrew’s scooter and almost went flying. And when she flicked back her hair and some tendrils touched his face he had to dig his hands into his pockets to stop himself grabbing her.
She led him around the side of the house, paused in the driveway, glancing at her watch.
‘I’m sorry . . .’
‘Yeah, sure, the kids, you’d better get going.’ Rob reached into his jacket for a business card. ‘In case you need to get hold of me.’
She took the card and read it before looking back up at him. ‘Did you know that this was my house?’
‘Yes.’ He held his breath as she opened her mouth to say something but then changed her mind. Disappointed, he gave her a reassuring smile. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not stalking you; your house is perfect for me.’
She smiled. ‘Good, I’m glad.’
‘I really am sorry, Marianne, about everything. If you ever want to talk . . .’
‘Thanks, Rob, I appreciate it.’
When she didn’t meet his eyes he knew that she had no intention of taking him up on the offer. He swallowed his disappointment and with a brief nod, he walked quickly down the drive, steeling himself not to look back.
Later, Marianne went inside and closed the door with shaking hands. She couldn’t believe that Rob Lee had been standing here beside her and that he was going to live in her house and maybe even sleep in her bed; the thought sent a shiver down her spine. She had felt embarrassed telling him about Dominic. How many times had Rob told her to leave him, that he was no good? Incredible, given he knew nothing of the physical abuse. Marianne didn’t want to tell him about it now. It would only anger and upset him and what was the point? Oh, but it would have been so easy to open up to him. She had been amazed at how, once they were alone, that familiar sense of calm had descended on her. As he had sat at her table, sipping tea, she had drunk him in, every inch; he hadn’t changed a bit.
His warm hazel eyes were as clear and direct as ever. His hair, almost the same colour, still touched his collar and there was already a shadow on his jaw despite the fact that it wasn’t even lunchtime. She remembered vividly the roughness of that jaw on her cheek; how she would have to pack on concealer before returning home after spending time with him. She shivered at the delicious memory of his skin against hers.
The terrible guilt she would feel after their time together was always worth it. The bittersweet meetings with Rob had been the only thing that kept her going through those dark days, although leaving him had grown harder and harder. Saying goodbye had broken her heart. She had deliberated over it for days, wondered if there any other way out, but she always arrived back at the same conclusion; Rob had to go, for his sake more than hers.
But Dominic was dead now. There was no longer a reason to turn Rob away. And he had come here knowing she was his prospective landlady and client; that had to mean something, didn’t it? Afraid to
hope and terrified of making a fool of herself, she had tried to remain aloof but she was unable to control the tremor in her hands and voice; she wondered if he’d noticed. In a way she hoped he had. She hoped that he was here because of her and not the house. She hoped that her turn for happiness had finally arrived. And despite the fact that she was leaving her home, was practically penniless and her family’s future was so uncertain, Marianne smiled.
Chapter Twelve
When Marianne finally got round to going to see her doctor about the constant pain in her stomach, Mandy James said it was probably just stress. She wrote out a prescription.
‘These should help but you really just need to relax. Are you sleeping?’
‘Yes, most nights.’
‘Try and get some exercise and keep the caffeine and wine to a minimum.’
Marianne pulled a face. ‘Spoilsport.’
Mandy laughed. ‘That’s me. How are you doing, Marianne? Really? This has been a difficult time for you.’
If only she knew, Marianne thought, but she was reluctant to open up to her lovely GP. If she started to talk she might never shut up. ‘I’m coping, well, most of the time,’ she joked.
‘Really?’ Mandy’s eyes were shrewd.
‘Really, although I do worry about the children. Andrew is being a little terror in school. He throws tantrums at home for the slightest reason and has turned into a foul-mouth. He’s been wetting the bed too.’
‘All perfectly normal reactions for a five-year-old considering he’s just lost his dad. What about Kate?’
Marianne sighed. ‘I’ve no idea what’s going on in her head. She just won’t talk to me about Dominic and she doesn’t have much of an appetite.’
‘Does she talk to anyone else, do you know?’
‘A little to Dot, I think, but not much.’
‘If you think it would help, you can bring them in to see me.’
‘I’d love your opinion, but if I suggest it Andrew will probably be scared stiff and Kate will clam up if she thinks she’s being interviewed.’
‘Tell them it’s just a routine check-up. I’ll do all the usual tests and chat to them as I go, how does that sound?’
Every Time We Say Goodbye Page 11
