by Ally Blake
Only when JJ headed up top to grab a deck chair and finally bring out the book she’d brought along, was the real speed of the ship evident in the height of the water splashing against her bow as she hurtled toward the end of the trip.
Toward home.
***
By the time the sun set, the guests had found their second wind as they revved themselves up again for the night of the Black-and-White Ball—the big ticket event of the cruise.
The entire contents of JJ’s suitcase spilled out onto her bed in an effort to find something remotely appropriate, her gaze landed on the outfit she’d worn on board the first day—black pants, buckled black ankle-boots, ancient Rolling Stones T-shirt, black sunglasses. She’d looked like a ruffian. Probably because she’d felt like one.
She just had to figure out how she felt now.
***
When JJ walked into the Starry Night Ballroom, what felt like a thousand pairs of eyes snapped her way.
It was Myrtle who rescued her. “Dear, you look divine.”
She’d washed her hair and let it trail long and sleek down her back. She’d borrowed a white button-down which she wore tucked into a long glittery black skirt. A black sash tied in a big bow around her waist, and the tiny diamond earrings her mother had passed down to her on her wedding day twinkled in her ears and for the first time, she wore them like she owned them, not like some kind of jewel version of a scarlet letter.
“Thanks Myrtle. So do you.”
In fact everyone had gone all out in their black and white and bling. The room was stunning; the chairs and tables around the outside of the dance floor swathed in silken whites and velvety blacks, the silvery web of the dome covering the open air space dripping in black and white balloons. And a big band onstage played Glenn Miller to the crowd’s evident delight.
“Have a wonderful time tonight. Just wonderful.” Myrtle gave JJ a kiss on the cheek then darted off to attach herself to Bernie who gave JJ a big thumbs-up.
JJ was returning one in kind as she turned to find Kane striding towards her in a tux, his hair slicked back, his jaw fresh-shaven. Without a word he swept her into his arms and took her to the dance floor.
The crowd was a blur as JJ’s focus diminished to nothing but the man in her arms.
“I can’t dance,” she warned, even as her hand slid over his shoulder, the other disappearing inside his warm hold.
He just smiled down at her and with a hum that made her insides melt into a puddle, tucked her against his chest and swayed.
The fact that he couldn’t dance either was the clincher. His timing was out. His feet as heavy as house bricks. Smiling so her cheeks hurt, JJ sank into his arms and adored him.
She adored him more when his little finger dipped beneath the waist of her skirt and found skin. But then it stopped. Wriggled a little.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“A safety pin. The skirt’s Carol’s and it needed taking in a bit.”
“Betting-ring Carol?”
“Yep. The shirt’s Samuel’s.”
He lifted his head, his expression incredulous, wondrous, and something else she couldn’t put her finger on even as it made her heart bounce about behind her ribs. “What happened to your clothes?”
“I wasn’t informed as to the themes before I came. Bad travel agent, remember. So it was either this, or a white baby doll negligée and black running tights.”
His eyes clouded over, a muscle ticking in his jaw as he gave himself over to that image. “But where do Carol and Samuel fit into it?”
“Oh. They’re in the room next door. The ones making all the . . . noise.”
His laughter turned heads. Women swooned. Men did mental arithmetic before descending on Samuel at rate of knots. Holding them at bay with a hand, he pulled a notebook from his pocket. The man was taking bets right here? Right now?
As the song came to an end, Kane pulled her over to a quieter corner.
“I can’t believe we’re at this point, that this cruise is nearly over,” he said, his voice low.
“Tell me about it,” she said with a sigh. “I won’t miss waking up with sand in my bed like I did this morning. But I will miss the taste of salt on my lips. And the particular blue of the water out here. And . . .” The words hovered on her lips before glancing up at him they spilled out of their own accord. “I’ll miss you.”
His usual cool blue eyes were intense in a way she hadn’t seen before. “I’d like to see you again.”
“You mean later tonight? Yeah, baby.”
“I mean after. When this is all over. I’m contracted to two more cruises before I get a break. And I’d like to see you then. More.”
JJ swallowed. At least she tried. She’d spent the day staring unseeingly at her book or walking around the ship telling herself it was all a mirage, none of it was real, that soon she’d be home and this would all feel like a dream. And she could take that new job and make a real go of it this time. No more temping. She was taking her life by the horns.
From nowhere the ship’s photographer stepped up to them, huge camera with its overwhelming flash raised like a shield. “Photo?”
JJ held up both hands. A public dance was one thing. A photo was pushing their luck. But Kane slid an arm around her waist as the photographer said, “Smile!”
And he leaned down whispered something in her ear right as nothing but habit had her stretching her lips across her face.
“Thanks,” the photographer said, peeling away to easier prey.
At least the guy had given JJ a moment to collect herself. Prevaricating, all she could think to ask was, “Two more contracts. I guess that means we escaped detection by the big boss.”
Expecting a big grin, she came over all cool as Kane shook his head.
“What do you mean?” she asked, as inevitability sank over her like a wet cloak.
“I’ve told the captain about us, JJ.”
Heat rushing from her fingers and toes and into her cheeks, JJ’s gaze shot across the room where the man himself was holding sway with a dozen couples all vying for an audience. “You told the captain what exactly? That we . . . kissed? More?”
And why? When he loved his job so much. Guilt and confusion warred within her so that she couldn’t think straight. Meaning she wasn’t geared up for his next words.
“I told him about you the day we met.”
“The day . . . I don’t understand.”
As if he could see she was in free fall, Kane held her by the upper arms. “At first I told him I’d met a young woman onboard who was clearly in the wrong place. Then I somehow found myself telling him you were dark and stormy and funny as hell. I didn’t tell him I heard you ask who you had to screw around here to find your bedroom.”
JJ coughed. Mortified.
But Kane wasn’t done. He crouched a little so that instead of mountain-esque he was merely huge and held her gaze as if it was the most important thing in the whole world. “Some point after that I told him I was going to keep an eye on you, I let him know I’d come to know you a little, and that I liked you. I didn’t tell him that I couldn’t stop thinking about you. That all I want to do is touch you. That you kiss like a dream. Or that letting you leave my bed the other night was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.”
JJ’s vision began to blur as Kane’s words trickled through her like hot water over ice. As she felt parts of her that had been cold and dark for so long began to uncurl and bloom.
His thumbs made small comforting circles over her arms, sending skitters of awareness all through her instead. And he said, “The next time we spoke I told him that I understood why there were rules in place keeping staff and guests apart, but that how I felt about you . . . how I feel about you, made me certain that I was about to break them all.”
It was overwhelming, the feeling filling her up. Bigger than her, stronger than her, and completely out of her control. While Kane looked so sure, so certain, she could barel
y see straight.
“This company gave me a job when I needed it most,” Kane said. “Even while I knew I might be putting myself in an untenable position for nothing, being direct felt like the honorable thing to do. If things turned out as I hoped they might, the gamble would be worth it.”
“What did he say?”
“He’s . . . considering.”
Considering. What a bland word for something that felt like it had just tipped JJ’s whole life on its axis.
Her holiday was meant to be a reprieve, a deep breath before heading back to her life. Real life. She’d never been the kind of girl who played princess, preferring the acute reality of scraped knees to building castles in the sky. How was she supposed to cope with being presented with a fantasy come true?
“This was meant to be a fling, Kane,” she said, even as a lone tear fell down her cheek. She never cried, not even in those ads where puppies gamboled and little kids bumped their knees and their moms wrapped them up all loved and protected.
“I know. But it doesn’t have to be that way.”
“You don’t know who I am out there. How far from all this ridiculous fabulousness my regular life is like.”
“Which is why I’d like to get to know you out there,” he said, silently wiping the tear away with the pad of his thumb. “And myself right alongside you. I spent a long time getting over my brother’s death, the unfairness of it all, but the moment I saw you standing there all battle-ready and adorable, I knew I was done kicking myself. I’m smitten, Juliana. I’m wild about you.”
It was so tempting, this bright and beautiful man waltzing into her regular everyday life and brightening it right up. And she was beyond smitten. She’d fallen so far so fast she had vertigo.
But something . . . something deep and ingrained, like her very last survival instinct, told her it was a dangerous thing—relying on another person to brighten up her life. That job was hers and hers alone.
She wouldn’t give an inch. Couldn’t. In case like her dad, like her ex, he took a mile.
“You’re a nomad, Kane. I ran away from my life for a week, you ran and never looked back. You’re not ready for me.”
The look in his eyes was warm, the touch of it gentle, then insistent, then heated. “I’ve been ready, Juliana. I just didn’t know it until you opened your gorgeous whiskey eyes and looked at me like I was roast dinner and you wanted to eat me up whole.”
God, please. Help. This was hard. Too hard. Meaning it was wrong, right? The urge to run was so overwhelming she took a big step back and bumped into a table, sending wine sloshing all over.
“I found out last night that I have a job,” she babbled, voice tight, words overloud. “A touring job. Band promotion. I won’t even be in Sydney when you get there.” It was stretching the truth but in that moment it was all she had. It was the only thing between her and all the big hard scary stuff rushing up to meet her. “So, thank-you, really. For the lovely offer. I’ve had a great time. You’ve . . .” Opened my eyes. Opened my heart. So much I can only hope I can close it all back up again. “This has been fun,” she said, giving him a knock on the arm, her fist bouncing off the tense muscle. “And can be still. One more day. Let’s give ourselves one more fun day.”
He stood there looking frustrated. And gorgeous. And disbelieving. He jaw worked, his eyes clouding over but not in the way that never failed to make her melt.
“That’s it? That’s your answer?”
“It’s all I’ve got.”
With a shake of his head, and a slight bow that felt very much like goodbye, he turned and walked away.
JJ watched him go in mute dismay. No swirling camera sensation this time, just a bone deep ache that stapled her feet to the floor. She told herself it only felt so wrong because she always did the walking away, making up for the fact that her own mother never could. Walk away before you get hurt. Before you get stuck. Before you disappear.
But watching Kane walk away felt like a part of her was going with him.
Out of the ballroom and into the night.
Chapter 25
JJ spent the entire next day in her room. Watching the horizon through her porthole, the occasional random island sliding lazily by.
Her absence was noted, as Raul did indeed sneak her a selection of pastries from the Parisian-themed buffet.
Long after night fell over the ship, JJ was so restless she had to get out. Back in her black on black, dark sunglasses shielding her puffy eyes, straw cowboy hat pulled low over her face she finally ventured out. No energy for a run, instead she walked the ship. Finding an art gallery, a kids craft space (which had been converted into a pastels class for the ship full of non-kids), and a gastronomical galleria she hadn’t even known existed.
Somebody must have spread the word about her hasty exit the night before, as while everyone offered polite smiles, nobody bothered her, mothered her, or nudged her for hints as to the status of her affair with Kane.
She also found the photo lab, where photos could be processed or turned into albums ready to take home. And all three walls were filled with images taken by the ship’s photographer, all of which were for sale.
Pulling her shaggy cardigan tight around her, she figured out they were grouped by date and event. She found Hazel and Frank cutting a rug on the dance floor. Bernie and Myrtle smiling into one another’s eyes over a shared pina colada. Samuel holding Carol’s elbow as he helped her up the stairs.
The next photo near stopped her heart.
It was a candid shot of their dining table that first night when everyone was dressed up in their Arthurian finest. Frank buried in his menu. Hazel wielding her glass of wine. Samuel sitting back in his chair, arms crossed. Carol twisting her napkin. Bernie patting Myrtle on the back as she held both hands to her pink cheeks as the entire table laughed at something she’d said.
But the thing that had JJ transfixed was Kane, hand on the back of her chair, crouched down at her side. While everyone’s eyes were on Myrtle, Kane’s eyes, Kane’s smile, was all for her. His attraction was all there, for the whole world to see. Even that first night.
After he’d already talked to the captain about her.
JJ let out a long slow stream of air, the sound juddering as it left her trembling lips. This man had asked for more, and—unable to see her way past her own internal mess—she’d not believed such a simple request could be real.
All she’d needed to do was remind herself that this was Kane. A man who wasn’t perfect, a man who’d made mistakes. A man who’d made up for them with deliberate grace. Having not known many like him in her life, JJ hadn’t recognized him for all that he was. Not just a gladiator. Or a phenomenal lover. But an honorable man.
“There you are, love!”
JJ hunched under her hat as she turned to find Myrtle bearing down on her, Carol and Hazel bringing up the rear. It took her a moment to remember the final night’s them was Pajama Party and while she’d expected flannelette, instead she was face with a wall of feathers, fur, and kitten heels.
“We’ve been searching high and low.”
“Myrtle thought you’d jumped overboard,” said Hazel, a pair of pink furry handcuffs locked around her wrist like a double bangle.
“Shhh,” Myrtle chastised, enveloping JJ in a big soft hug, feathers tickling her nose.
Behind her Hazel rolled her eyes. And Carol looked sheepish.
“I’m fine,” JJ said, lying through her teeth. She felt achy and rotten. Maybe she was getting the flu. Or legionnaires disease. Or . . .
Oh shut-up, she told herself. You just walked away from the best man you’ve ever met, one who wants to see more of you. You don’t have the flu. You have Idiot Syndrome. If only it was curable.
“The place seems so quiet,” JJ said, changing the subject. “I’d half wondered if we were already home.”
Myrtle glared at Carol, who bit her bottom lip. “The girls and I did the rounds this morning. Told them all—in no uncertain terms
—enough was enough. Betting on a budding relationship like that. Not helpful.”
Carol’s forehead pinched as she finally found JJ’s eyes. “We didn’t think it through.”
“No,” JJ said, no choice now but to jump into the fray before Myrtle turned Carol into a quivering mess. “It wasn’t your fault. Honestly.”
Myrtle made a noise that sounded mighty like a sob. “Sorry,” she said, pulling back to raise a shaky finger to her mouth as she zeroed in on the wall of photos. “It’s just you two look so beautiful together.”
“I’m afraid if you stuck a cocktail in my hand that first night I’d have been happy to chat with Attila the Hun.”
“Not that one,” Myrtle said, directing JJ’s gaze to the photo of her and Kane from the Black-and-White Ball.
Kane in his tux, looking like he’d stepped out of GQ. JJ—in her borrowed finery—looked . . . unrecognizable. Color flooded her lightly tanned cheeks, a few new freckles dusted her nose. Her eyes were bright, her shoulders back. Kane’s arm held her tight and she fit in the nook of his shoulder just so.
He was leaning down whispering something in her ear. And while her eyes were lit with the shock of the conversation the photographer had interrupted, she looked bright. Spirited. A different person from the downtrodden girl who’d dragged her sorry bones onto the ship several days before.
Somehow in the blur of events that had knocked her backwards, sideways, and inside out, she’d forgotten what he’d whispered that night. It came back to her now, tickling her ear as is he was standing right beside her.
It’s been years since I found smiling so easy, wild girl.
“We’d best go,” said Myrtle, tucking a hand through Carol’s elbow. “Talent Show’s about to start and Bernie and I are doing a ventriloquist act that’ll bring the house down.”
All three women gave her a quick hug before chittering away. Hazel’s lasted longest. “Take care, dear girl,” she said. “You’re one of the good ones.”
Feeling like she needed to feel all that she was feeling if she was going to get over it, JJ tipped her sunglasses atop her head and looked over all the photos of people she’d met and people she hadn’t. Rather than turning away from the romance, she drank it in, finding herself enthralled not by the glamour of the ball but the held glances, the gentle touches, the small moments.
