‘Dr Rhys?’ The man on the gate was the smiley one; the one who always greeted her like an old friend. But he wasn’t smiling now. ‘We’ve been trying to get hold of you.’
‘Oh…’ her stomach lurched. She could tell from his face that something was very wrong. ‘I… er…’ she mumbled. ‘My mobile… I haven’t got it…’ Panic rose like bile in her stomach. ‘It’s Dominic Wilde, isn’t it? What’s happened?’ Her mind crowded with a host of possibilities. Had the news made him flip? Had he attacked a guard? Another inmate? Or even tried to escape?
‘Yes, I’m afraid it is him, ma’am.’ The guard dropped his head. ‘It was a hell of a thing. A couple of the lads found him hanging in his cell. They tried to revive him but he was already gone.’
The walls and the floor began to melt. She clutched at the counter to stop herself collapsing.
‘Are you all right, ma’am? It’s a shock, isn’t it? That’s how we all feel. Of all the people…’ The sentence trailed away to nothing as he bent to reach for something under the counter. ‘He left this for you. It’s evidence, of course, so I’m afraid I can’t allow you to take it away but I thought you should read it before anyone else did.’
Megan couldn’t open the envelope until she sat down. It was warm in the warder’s lodge but she was shivering violently. There were two letters inside, one for her and one sealed up in a second envelope addressed to Elysha. As she began to read the tears she had been fighting back spilled down her face and stung her lips.
Dear Meg,
I wish I’d met you twenty years ago. If I had, I wouldn’t have messed my life up so completely. Elysha would never have been born and she wouldn’t have gone on to become a monster like me. They say that the sins of the fathers are visited on the children – when I saw the news tonight I realised what a terrible legacy I’d left.
For a while I truly believed my life had changed and your presence in it – however brief – gave me a feeling of joy that I’ve never experienced before – and will never feel again. I’ve known guilt in the past, but nothing on this scale. All that Elysha has become is because of me.
A few days ago you asked me if I had ever considered suicide. I told you then that what stopped me killing myself was knowing I had the choice. I still have that choice but now the circumstances are different. I don’t deserve to live and I no longer want to. That’s my decision – no turning back, no cry for help.
You promised to find my daughter and you kept that promise. You mustn’t feel in any way to blame for what I’m about to do. Can I ask you to do something else for me? Will you make sure she gets the letter I’ve enclosed? I know I’ve ruined her life, but if our friendship has meant anything to you, will you be a friend to her?
If there’s one positive thing I can achieve by my death, it’s to right some of the wrongs in this place. There were things I kept from you – things I couldn’t reveal while I was still inside. But I can tell you now. There are two men controlling this jail. You’ll have met both of them. Their names are Al Budgen and Gerry Kirk – as sadistic a pair of perverts as you are ever likely to find wearing a prison officer’s uniform. Until last year there was a third – Charlie Hutchins – the screw who was attacked in the laundry. I couldn’t tell you before who it was that beat him up. That’s because it was me. I did it because Hutchins had raped a young lad I’d counselled the previous day – a lad who had grown up in care and was totally vulnerable to their brand of brutality and humiliation. They use it to rule this place through fear and they are the cause of all the suicides you have been investigating. I don’t know what you’ll do with this information but if anyone can change things, you can.
I don’t think I’ve truly loved anyone in my life but what I feel for you is what I always hoped it would be like. For that reason I so wish I could change things. But it’s too late to stop now.
Be happy – Dom xxx
* * *
It was three months before Megan went back to Balsall Gate jail. Delva was with her, filming for the documentary BTV were making about the changes that had occurred there. Megan was relieved not to be going alone. The loss of Dom Wilde had turned her world upside down. In the weeks that followed his death she had seriously considered resigning from her job at Heartland. She had looked for posts at American universities; even sent off for details of a lectureship in Hong Kong. Anything to escape the daily reminders of what might have been.
She had fulfilled his last request, visiting Elysha while she was on remand and trying to help her make sense of what her father had done. And she had included his allegations about the prison officers in a report she had written for the Ministry of Justice. As a direct result of this, Malcolm Meredith had taken early retirement from his post as governor of Balsall Gate. Al Budgen and Gerry Kirk had been suspended pending a full police inquiry.
But the stress of it all had taken a physical toll on Megan. Her periods had stopped and she had felt so exhausted she had finally gone to see a doctor for a full MOT. The results of the examination had astonished her: she was pregnant. A subsequent scan revealed that she had been so for the past five months. The doctor informed her that although her medical history made conception very unlikely, she had defied the odds.
‘How do you feel about it now?’ Delva asked, as they walked through the inner courtyard of the prison. ‘Has it sunk in yet?’
‘Not really, no,’ Megan replied. ‘When I phoned you yesterday from outside the hospital I think I was in shock. They’d shown me this image on the scanner and I was thinking: this can’t be my baby. They must have got it wrong.’
‘But you are happy about it?’ Delva cast her a worried look.
‘Yes. Yes, I am happy.’ She said the words slowly, carefully, as if trying them for size. ‘It’s so hard to describe the way I feel. It’s something I never, ever expected but now it’s actually happened…’ she tailed off, unable to convey the mixture of joy, astonishment and fear that had overtaken her the minute she saw that tiny body on the hospital monitor.
‘Have you told Jonathan yet?’
‘Not yet, I’m still trying to work out what to say and I’m worried about how he’s going to take it.’
‘Worried? Why?’
‘Well, the relationship ended months ago. It had run out of steam. A baby can’t fix something that’s already broken. And to be frank, Del, I don’t need a man at this moment in my life.’
‘You might change your mind when the baby’s born.’
‘Possibly. But I don’t think so. The main reason it ended was because I hardly ever saw him. I don’t want the same for my baby.’
‘But what if this changes him? What if he offers to move nearer to you and the baby?’
‘Well I suppose he might – it’d be difficult – but I really can’t predict how he’s going to react. One thing I do know though.’ She stopped walking and turned to Delva, her eyes glistening. ‘If we have a boy, I’m going to call him Dominic.’
If you enjoyed The Killer Inside
you can read more of Megan’s investigations in
Strange Blood, Frozen and Death Studies:
DEATH STUDIES
Chapter 1
It was the girl who found the body.
Llŷr had sent her into the cold, still water while he waited on the muddy bank. As she edged forward the silver stud in his sleek, black eyebrow crept upward. His eyes were fastened on her thighs. Delicate slices of soft white flesh squeezed between dirty green waders and cut-off jeans. The frayed denim trembled as the wind hissed in the reeds. She bent over. Now he could see the top of her knickers. A black thong with a diamanté butterfly. Its wings glinted in the sunlight as she moved her hips. Was this for him?
‘Llŷr!’ Her child’s voice cut through his fogged mind. ‘There’s something in the water!’
She moved sideways and the sun blinded him. He blinked, shading his eyes with his hand. ‘What?’ His tone was impatient.
‘Something big and heavy.’ She half tu
rned, one small breast silhouetted against the sky. ‘The line’s snagged up in it.’
He sighed and rose lazily from the blanket on the grass. His long black hair fell over his eyes as he spat out the dog-end of a roll-up. He flicked his head back and pulled a band from his wrist, scraping the dark mane into a pony-tail. Then he kicked off his walking boots and wriggled into the waders lying at the edge of the pool.
A skylark fluttered from the reeds as he splashed into the water. In a few strides he was level with her. ‘Give me the line,’ he said, his hand brushing her thigh as he reached forward. He tugged the fishing twine hard and it snapped. ‘Bugger!’ He staggered back, almost losing his balance. Then he put his hands beneath the surface, feeling for the thing that had snagged it. There was a loud slosh as he dislodged something flat and hard. As it slid sideways a slick of mud bubbled up from underneath.
The girl let out a shrill cry that sent sheep thundering across the hummocky field beyond the reeds. Llŷr stood transfixed, as a bright, tangled mass broke the surface. ‘Jesus Christ,’ he whispered. ‘Jesus fucking Christ!’
ALSO FROM LINDSAY ASHFORD:
The Mysterious Death of Miss Austen
Miss Anne Sharp holds the position of governess at the Godmersham home of Edward Austen. She becomes friendly with his literary sister, Jane, when the latter arrives for an extended stay. Also a frequent visitor is a younger Austen brother, the maverick Henry. Anne becomes convinced that Henry is having an illicit affair with her employer’s wife and Jane too has her suspicions on this account.
When Jane Austen dies at the age of just 41, Anne is devastated. She begins to suspect that someone wanted Jane out of the way because she knew too much. Anne’s fears are heightened by the death of yet another family member soon after.
The story opens with two letters establishing that Anne has sought to confirm her suspicions, now that medical science has progressed sufficiently to assess the evidence presented by a tainted lock of Jane Austen’s hair. Natural causes or murder? Even after more than twenty years, Miss Sharp is determined to get to the bottom of the mysterious death of the acclaimed Miss Austen …
Lindsay Ashford is an established crime writer now living and working at the heart of the Jane Austen heritage movement - Chawton House in Hampshire. She is the author of the acclaimed Megan Rhys crime series; shortlisted for the Theakston’s Old Peculiar Award.
Praise for The Mysterious Death of Miss Austen
“Ashford borrows the “mischievous spirit” of Austen herself in this thoroughly entertaining mingling of fact and fiction.”
Anna Scott, Guardian
“unsettling and powerful… Ashford has captured the Jane Austen, and her intimate family circle, within my mind’s eye with sensitivity, perception and reproving guile. What unfolds is a gripping, page turning, toxic sugar plum unlike any other Austenesque novel I have ever read.”
Laurel Ann Nattress, Austenprose.com
“I actually couldn’t put it down… beautifully written and wholly believable…”
Jane Odiwe, janeaustensequels.blogspot.com
ISBN: 9781906784263
£8.99
Also available as an ebook
Other titles in the Megan Rhys Crime series by Lindsay Ashford
Death Studies
Some secrets haunt the living and the dead… A windswept seaside strip in West Wales – sleepy enough, until three bodies turn up within as many days. A shocking coincidence or a serial killer?
Forensic psychologist Megan Rhys is supposed to be on holiday but she can’t ignore the body in her backyard… Her journalist sister Ceri is being held to ransom by an editor eager to steal a march on her national red-top rivals, and the closer the sisters get to the heart of the case the more their careers bring them into potential conflict…
The third title in the Megan Rhys crime series.
ISBN: 978 1870206 860 £6.99
Strange Blood
Women are dying with pentagrams carved on their faces. Satanic ritual or cunning deception? Forensic psychologist Megan Rhys is called in to help the police investigate what they believe is a ritual killing. She feels that prejudice is taking the enquiry in the wrong direction and she is suspicious of the media-obsessed police chief in charge of the case. As more women die – and as the press, the police, her boss and her own family turn on her – Megan stakes everything on finding the killer.
The second title in the Megan Rhys crime series. Shortlisted for the Theakston’s Old Peculier Crime Novel of the Year.
ISBN: 978 1870206 846 £6.99
Frozen
Megan has been asked to advise on two murders: two young prostitutes, dumped like rubbish, seemingly the victims of two men working together. But there is something wrong the the information the police are giving her. Someone is trying to manipulate her. Or are Megan’s own prejudices colouring her judgement?
As the killings add up, Megan is being pushed harder and harder towards one solution – and someone is getting into her house. Can she trust her instincts ? Is the killer closer than she realises?
The first title in the Megan Rhys crime series.
“Gritty, streetwise and raw” Denise Hamilton, author of the Eve Diamond crime novels
ISBN: 978 1870206 822 £6.99
All Honno titles can be ordered online at
www.honno.co.uk
or by sending a cheque to Honno.
FREE p&p to all UK addresses
Other titles from Honno
Facing into the West Wind
by Lara Clough
A debut novel with an ethereal, deeply felt focus on characters and relationships. When Haz meets the rejected and lonely Jason on the streets of Bristol he decides to take him home to the family’s beach house at Gower. What follows is a series of confessions and revelations which will change everything.
“A tender and perceptive tale of secrets” The Guardian.
“A deeply felt and accomplished first novel” Sue Gee
ISBN: 978 1870206 792 £6.99
Girl on the Edge
by Rachel V Knox
A chilling story of love, betrayal, secrets and lies…
Just how did her mother die and what did Leila witness on the cliff top, if anything? Leila knows that there’s something about her childhood she can’t quite remember.. that haunts her dreams and sometimes her days. This year she’s determined to find out the truth… but someone has tried very hard to keep their secrets and will go to extremes to make sure it stays that way.
A compelling psychological thriller set in the moors of North Wales.
ISBN: 978 1870206 754 £6.99
Hector’s Talent for Miracles
by Kitty Harri
A gripping human story set in this century and the last: heroic, tragic and compelling…
The small spanish town of Torre de Burros is known to pilgrims the world over for its miracles; there Hector Martinez, his mother and grandmother live in the shadow of dark secrets. Mair Watkins arrives in a clapped out yellow Beetle, all the way from Wales, on a mission to find her lost grandfather. Their meeting is explosive and their lives revealed as fragile constructions forged in the fire of a vicious conflict…
Praise for Kitty Harri (writing as Kitty Sewell) and her previous novel Ice Trap: “An involving narrative, a sharply observed cast and an atmospherically evoked and unusual setting” The Guardian.
ISBN: 978 1870206 815 £6.99
All Honno titles can be ordered online at
www.honno.co.uk
or by sending a cheque to Honno.
FREE p&p to all UK addresses
ABOUT HONNO
Honno Welsh Women’s Press was set up in 1986 by a group of women who felt strongly that women in Wales needed wider opportunities to see their writing in print and to become involved in the publishing process. Our aim is to develop the writing talents of women in Wales, give them new and exciting opportunities to see their work published and often to give them their first ‘
break’ as a writer.
Honno is registered as a community co-operative. Any profit that Honno makes is invested in the publishing programme. Women from Wales and around the world have expressed their support for Honno by buying shares in the co-operative. Shareholders’ liability is limited to the amount invested and each shareholder has a vote at the Annual General Meeting.
To buy shares or to receive further information about forthcoming publications, please write to Honno at the address below, or visit our website: www.honno.co.uk.
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