Prude Turks!
(Balance enters with Bullock)
Balance Lady Prude …
Prude Mr. Balance, you are the justice of the peace in this town, but what has become of the peace in this town?
Balance Are you, perchance, referring to the officer who is honoring Shrewsbury with his presence?
Prude He’s a scoundrel—that’s what he is!
Balance (grandly) Lady Prude, you cannot stop England’s daughters from giving England’s fighting men their proper due.
Prude (dryly) Perhaps you ought to think of your own daughter when you say that, Mr Balance.
Balance (dryly) I have thought of her, Lady Prude.
6
Billiard room at the Raven.
Victoria is waiting for Plume. After a short while Plume appears.
Victoria I hope I haven’t disturbed you in a delicate situation, captain. The landlady seemed upset when she learned that you were not alone in your room. I’m so sorry.
Plume What brings you here, Mr.…
Victoria Wilful.—I have a letter for you. (Hands him a letter. Plume sits down) You may be wondering how I come to have this letter. Well, the other day, as I was returning from a morning canter extra muros, a carriage suddenly came thundering in my direction. My horse shied. The coachman tried to rein in his horses, but they reared. A cry of fright from inside the carriage, the sound of a wheel splintering against the curbstone. I leapt from my horse to offer my assistance. You will appreciate my relief at finding that the beautiful young person gazing wanly at me from the cushions was unharmed. While the driver changed the wheel I kept the fair stranger company. I learned that she was the daughter of Balance, the justice of the peace, who, for some whim, had sent her off to the country. She soon confided that this had separated her from someone she loved dearly, of whom she then spoke at some length. Sitting on the very curbstone that had brought about this happy encounter, she hastily penned a note. “For Captain Plume,” she said simply, got back into the carriage, and drove off.
(Plume, who has been sipping his whiskey all through Victoria’s account, opens the letter and reads it. He bursts into loud laughter)
Victoria Why are you laughing?
Plume (laughing) Read it yourself, young man.
Victoria (reads) “A young friend will reveal the true reason for my departure. With the fervent hope that you will remain in Shrewsbury forever this time. Yours, Victoria Balance.” Captain, you’re a lucky man!
Plume Priceless! She expects me to resign my commission for her!
Victoria (with a forced laugh) How perfectly naive!
Plume I could die laughing.—How about a game?
(They go over to the billiard table)
Victoria On the other hand, captain, the young lady’s sentiments seem to be of a serious nature. Of course your profession stands in the way of serious commitments and I can see you would never want to give up your noble calling. Though there are men who would, if the reasons were important enough.
Plume Quite so.
Victoria And there are such reasons, captain. There are men who, for one reason or another, would not take up this profession in the first place. I suppose you would advise them to put a bullet through their heads.
Plume Not at all.
Victoria Why not?
Plume After all, there are other professions.
Victoria Indeed? For instance?
Plume Well, all sorts.
Victoria Yes, of course. But which would you choose? Justice of the peace?
Plume Justice of the peace? Never!
Victoria Trade perhaps?
Plume No, not trade.
Victoria (whose eyes are filling with tears) Artist?
Plume You can’t be serious, Mr. Wilful!
Victoria In short—no other profession.
Plume It must be admitted that civilian professions have certain disadvantages.
Victoria And the military profession has none?
Plume No, I wouldn’t say that.
Victoria What disadvantages? (Plume seeks vainly for an answer) Do you mean that an officer can’t marry?
Plume Not if he’s a man of principle. Of course there are compensations.
Victoria I see.
Plume Incidentally, when will you be seeing Miss Balance?
Victoria You mean that an affair with Miss Balance is your compensation for not being able to marry?
Plume Why not?
Victoria Indeed. Why not? (Victoria viciously jabs the cue into the table, tearing the cloth)
Plume Anything wrong, Mr. Wilful?
(Mike the potboy comes in)
Mike Bull’s-eye. (He examines the damaged table)
Victoria Surely you can mend that.
Mike Mend it! The table’s ruined. That will be two pounds.
Plume Charge it!
Mike How are you going to pay for it when you still owe for last Sunday’s ale?
Plume Don’t make a fuss, Mike! Put it on the slate!
Mike And the room where you receive your ladies? You haven’t paid for that either! Put it on the slate! No more of that!
Victoria Idiot! Is that a way to talk to one of England’s heroes? Here are five pounds for last Sunday’s ale and for the room. Where do you expect the captain to receive his ladies? Now get out!
Mike A brand new billiard table. (Goes out)
Plume Young man, I hope you haven’t over-extended yourself.
Victoria A mere trifle. By the way, Miss Balance hopes her little attention to a certain Molly at the Raven didn’t strike you as presumptuous.
Plume By no means. I admire her generosity; a rare display of worldly wisdom in one so young.
Victoria In any event mother and child are well provided for.
Plume I hope she didn’t give her any money?
Victoria I wouldn’t know.
Plume (calling out) Kite! (To Victoria) The mother, my dear Wilful, happens to be my sergeant’s wife. The poor creature spread the tale that I was the father in the hope that my friends would come to her assistance. She succeeded. (Kite comes in) Mr. Kite, I hope there wasn’t any cash in the basket that was sent to Molly—I mean Mrs. Kite?
Kite Yes, captain, there was. I only heard about it this morning. Those greedy people …
Plume How much?
Kite Twenty pounds. Old Mrs. Fastspittle goes right out and buys a hat shop. What can I do with a hat shop, tell me that?
Victoria You’d rather she’d bought a helmet shop, I suppose.
Plume Kite, you are to return the money to Miss Balance at once.
Kite Me? You want me to pay out money on top of everything else?
Plume All right, you haven’t got it. Very well, I shall pay your debts. I admire Miss Balance’s solicitude, but money, no—that I can’t permit. Wilful, lend me thirty pounds.
Victoria I’ll be glad to. (Takes out her wallet and hands him thirty pounds)
Plume I’ll give you my note payable in three days. We’ll have plenty of cash after the inspection.
Victoria That’s not necessary.
Plume Ah, but it is. Excuse me now. (Goes out)
Victoria Three days? (To Kite) Will you be leaving in three days?
Kite Three days and we’re off to the New World. How would a little trip to America strike you? You know the Severn, but do you know the Mississippi? (He produces some pictures) Boston—Philadelphia—Baltimore.
Victoria I don’t believe, Mr. Kite, that the Bunker Hill area is quite the thing for tourists.
Kite For soldiers, though!
Victoria You think I ought to join the army?
Kite You’ve got money to burn. Why not buy an ensign’s commission?
Victoria Where?
Kite In our company.
Victoria How much would it be?
Kite About twenty pounds, I’d say.
Victoria I could afford that, but …
Kite Twenty pounds and a few more for extras—an
d you can come along with us!
Victoria I must admit, one little chat with your captain has convinced me that a military career offers unparalleled pleasures, deeper satisfactions than love.
Kite Than what?
Victoria Than love.
Kite I should think so. Uniform, boots, sword belt, cocked hat,—you’ll get the lowest prices if you buy them through me. You’re sure to get nicked if you don’t. Say twenty-five pounds—no, twenty-four—no, better make it twenty-five. (Since Victoria , who has been listening in amusement, seems to hesitate) Cold feet? Balderdash. People die in bed, too, you know. True, Bunker Hill cost us eleven thousand men, but …
Mike (busy tearing the torn cloth off the billiard table) Eleven thousand? Did you say eleven thousand, sergeant?
Kite What are you hanging around for? What have you heard?
Mike Nothing, sergeant, by St. Patrick.
Kite You were listening when I was talking about Bunker Hill, weren’t you? What exactly was said?
Mike Something about eleven thousand men—that’s all.
Kite And what did I say about them?
Mike (after a pause) That they were lost (as Kite threatens him) and found again.
Kite Get out! Scoundrel! (Mike goes out in a panic) In round numbers, ensign, twenty-five pounds, everything included. But for that you’ll find out what a man is.
Victoria Of course, I’d be glad of that.
Kite Take me, for instance: born in the gutter, grew up with the dregs to the age of ten. That’s where I learned that the main thing in life is filling your belly. It’s not the whole story, mind you, but it’s the first step. My mother, Cleopatra, sold me for three gold florins to a gentleman who’d taken a fancy to my beauty. That’s where I learned that a man’s got to obey his master, body and soul. I was sacked because I took a liking to the master’s fine linen and my lady’s liqueurs. Then I worked as a bailiff. That’s where I learned how to bully and hold out my palm. It was only after learning all that that I was found fit for military service. I had nothing more to learn but boozing and whoring. And marrying, of course.
Victoria What do you mean by that?
Kite Marrying in soldier fashion without benefit of parson or license. Our sword is our honor. We lay it on the ground. First the young hero jumps over it, then the girl. The buck leaps and the whore jumps. A roll of drums and off to bed. That’s how we get married.
Victoria What about the captain—can he do all that?
Kite He hasn’t an equal.
Victoria I must own that I felt a certain liking for your captain even before I heard that. Perhaps he could do with a guardian angel while performing his strenuous duties in the New World. Sergeant Kite, I’m at your service (They shake hands) ( Plume comes in)
Plume My note, Wilful.
Kite Ensign Wilful, sir. (Plume looks at her with astonishment. She makes a besitant gesture) It’s all settled, captain. Mr. Wilful wants to see the New World.
Victoria What do you say, Captain Plume? Would you be willing to take me with you to the New World?
Plume I’m afraid I must decline to have a gentleman in my company.
Victoria Oh.
Kite Ensign Wilful will be glad to contribute five pounds to the next recruiting concert, captain.
Plume Learned to fence?
Victoria Yes, sir.
Plume Whist?
Victoria A little.
Plume I suppose half a bottle of port puts you under the table.
Victoria No, sir.
Plume Make it ten pounds—If there wasn’t a certain je-ne-sais-quoi about you that appeals to me … Your treatment will depend on your conduct. Here’s your note, Wilful, and kindly pass this letter on to your pretty friend. (Hands her a letter)
Kite That makes it forty pounds.
Victoria That’s enough now, Mr. Kite. Thirty-five, and get out.
Plume Let’s get some breakfast, ensign.
Victoria (hesitates) Captain Plume, I have a confession to make. I hope it won’t throw you into a rage. That country lass has made quite an impression on me. Are you very much involved?
Plume Ah, ensign. In such matters we can easily come to terms. I’ll exchange a woman for an able-bodied man any time. Suppose we discuss it over breakfast. (Both go out)
Interlude before the Curtain
Victoria (with her uniform under her arm) Ladies and gentlemen, your Victoria is faced with a hard decision. She has joined the army to be near the man she loves! Can she really mean to cross the ocean? Be that as it may, I cannot bear to leave his side during his last days in England, no matter how foolhardy this may be. How does the song go? (She sings)
At certain times in life we’re driven
Head over heels to make a painful choice:
Whether to fate and passion we should give in
Or let ourselves be guided by reason’s prudent voice,
But the bosom swells with emotion
And the mind hasn’t got much to say
The sail fills with wind on the ocean
And the ship doesn’t ask long; Which way?
Sister, what metal are you made of?
Where is your modesty and where your pride?
There’s hardly any plight or peril you’re afraid of
Once love has caught you up in its tumultuous tide
The doe runs after the stag
And the lioness follows her lord
And to be with her lover a maid
Will go to the ends of the world.
7
Market place.
Plume and Kite are sitting in the recruiting booth. Jenny Mason and old Mrs. Cobb are standing outside.
Mrs. Cobb Well, I’ve come for his things.
Jenny That’s old Mrs. Cobb. They say her son Bert was killed at Bunker Hill.
Plume I see.
Kite (rummages about and finds a watch) The captain has brought this for you: his watch.
Mrs. Cobb Thank-ee.
Jenny It’s been a blow to her. But now that I have the good fortune to see the captain, could I inquire about my husband, Jimmy Mason?
Kite Jimmy Mason. He’s even picked out the farm he’s going to buy when it’s all over. He’s doing fine or I’m a worthless rogue.
Jenny It’s only that I’ve had no news of him for almost six months.
Kite The bloody post, it’s always the same thing. Don’t you worry, Mrs. Mason, he’s all right. Good evening to you!
Mrs. Cobb (to Jenny) Did Bert have a watch?
(Both women go out. Kite mops his forehead)
Plume The devil take them!
Kite She’ll be all over Shrewsbury, driving everybody crazy.
Plume How many have we recruited so far?
Kite Nine, captain.
Plume We had that many three days ago. Then there’s the two Picklewooders that girl—what’s her name again?—dragged in. Eleven in all. It’s terrible! What’s wrong with this place?
Kite Recruiting’s been slow in the last few days, captain.
Plume Why?
Kite It’s the rumors about the losses at Bunker Hill. (Captain Brazen comes in)
Brazen We meet again! How are you, my dear old boy? What’s your name, dear fellow?
Kite This is Captain Plume, Captain Brazen.
Brazen Right. Plume, you’re just the man I was going to ask for five pounds.
Plume (laughs and makes a gesture of regret) Me? (They sit down)
Plume How’s your recruiting, old boy?
Brazen I beg your pardon?
Plume How many have you recruited?
Brazen Shh!
Plume What’s that?
Brazen Shh! That’s my last word.
Plume What’s that you’re holding?
Brazen Two plans—for getting rid of twenty thousand pounds.
Plume Mightn’t it be better to find a way of raising twenty thousand pounds?
Berliner Ensemble Adaptations Page 31
