Victoria No. Besides, you haven’t left me two pounds.
Plume Then you’ll stop at nothing?
Victoria That’s right. You must pay your debts.
(In the background more prisoners are led past)
Unemployed Man (outside) You’ve no right to lock me up just because I can’t find work.
Another Prisoner (outside) The mills have shut down.
Bridewell (outside) But the barracks are open. Get in there!
Unemployed Man (outside) It’s a bloody shame!
Bridewell (outside) Halt! Who said that? You’ve insulted the constabulary. I’m turning you over to the dragoons.
(Kite brings in another prisoner, the banker Smuggler, wearing a lady’s dressing gown over his fine underwear)
Smuggler For the last time I’m asking you to return my clothes. (He smiles and bows to Plume and Victoria) A mistake, gentlemen.
Kite Were you or were you not in Chicken Street? (Goes out) (Smuggler offers cigars. Victoria declines. Plume takes two)
Smuggler Gentlemen! Boston has fallen, and with it the stock-market. Obviously firm measures are in order. The decimated ranks of our regiments must be replenished—but not with bankers! If you start putting us in the army, we may decide to let the New World go. What would that do to your profession, young man?
(Worthy bursts in)
Worthy (to Bridewell) Open up, you blockhead! (Bridewell unlocks the door) Mr. Smuggler. Some subordinate has blundered. Come with me. A thousand pardons. Hello, Plume.
Smuggler Captain Plume, your servant.
(Leaves with Worthy and Kite)
(Plume offers Victoria a cigar. They smoke in silence for a while)
Plume Wilful, I find it hard to understand how Victoria could choose a messenger of your stamp.
Victoria Perhaps she couldn’t get any other. (“Loch Lomond” is heard from backstage)
Plume It’s the same old story, Wilful. Miss Balance and I have failed to make contact again.
(Tears well up in Victoria’s eyes, she steps aside with dignity)
Plume Since it’s “marriage or nothing” in these latitudes, as it should be, I suppose nothing will come of it, except that I’ll go wandering through the foggy forests of Massachusetts, the corn fields of Virginia, the swamps of Delaware, and the burning prairies of Maryland with the image of a wonderful girl in my heart.
Victoria (angrily) I should have thought Miss Balance deserved a better fate than to have her image carried through burning cities along with the drunkards, thieves and desperadoes of all sorts that you will be in command of from now on. Aren’t you ashamed of such a company? I shall discard my uniform without delay, and I urge you to do the same.
Plume (wearily) Go right ahead. (Victoria takes fright) Let me tell you something; a cheese on the shelf wants to be paid for before it’s eaten. But one thing it doesn’t do—it doesn’t bite the customer in the leg.
(Enter Bridewell with Plume’s hat and sword)
Bridewell The justice of the peace wants you in court right away, captain. He is furious about your being arrested.
Victoria What about the note?
Plume Look here! I’m riding off in the morning and embarking the day after, note or no note. Our brief acquaintance has now come to an end. When I come back in a year or two, if I do come back, I hope I find you less designing.—Your servant, Miss Victoria Balance. (Goes out)
Victoria Go to the devil, you beast! (Starts bawling)
Interlude before the Curtain
Worthy leads Mr. Smuggler past quickly, covering him with his coat. They are followed by Bridewell, who is pulling a number of prisoners along on a rope. The last prisoner is the miner, who sings loudly.
Miner (sings)
Everybody paid—more or less
When the king was in distress
Armies cost a lot each day
All paid up without delay
All except for E.N. Smith
Bridewell Quiet!
Miner
But the king got very tough
Didn’t think they gave enough
Plucked them out of bed and alehouse
Packed them all off to the jailhouse
All except for E.N. Smith.
12
In the house of Mr. Balance.
The library, where Simpkins is waiting with the judicial robes. Balance receives Plume in the adjoining ball, which has been converted into a courtroom.
Balance Captain Plume! Excuse this unfortunate incident. Do permit me to advance you the thirty pounds. Bridewell! (Bridewell comes in and Balance gives him the money) Give this to the ensign—what’s his name again?—in return for the note. (Bridewell goes out)
Plume Thank you, Mr. Balance.
Balance Your ensign seems to be a rather peculiar fellow. The impudence of the man!
Plume Yes, indeed. Just between you and me, sir, a most unusual person, obstinate and totally unfit for military service. I’ve had to discharge him.
Balance Aren’t you being a bit too hard on him? My dear captain You will sit beside me on the bench. Captain Brazen ought to be here before long. (He goes into the library)
Plume Thank you, Mr. Balance. (He glances through the list of names)
Simpkins (in the library, helping Balance on with his robe) I understand the raid last night was rather productive, sir.
Balance Yes. There are always plenty of rogues.
Simpkins I presume that not a few of them will be put to the sword.
Balance Don’t be so bloodthirsty, Simpkins.
Simpkins Yes, sir. Shrewsbury expects a good deal of today’s trial.
(Melinda and Lucy come in)
Melinda My life is shattered, sir. Captain Brazen, whom an incomprehensible caprice led me to encourage, has resigned from the army, and I feel obligated to him.
Balance What about Worthy?
Melinda That’s just it!
Balance What’s this about quitting the service in the midst of a war? Just when Boston has fallen! I won’t stand for it. What would become of England?
Simpkins Monstrous!
Balance I beg your pardon?
Melinda But uncle, how can you make him stay in the service?
Balance Leave that to me, my child. (Ponders for a moment) Civil law—false representations concerning non-existent dowry.
Melinda Uncle, you must send him off to America!
Balance Don’t worry. Lucy, what do you know of your mistress’s intimate affairs?
Lucy Nothing, sir.
Balance In other words, everything. Lucy, go and find Captain Brazen. Tell him you’ve been sent by your mistress, who is at home, choking with tears. Tell him her entire fortune was invested in a cargo of tea, which the rebels have wantonly dumped into Boston harbor.
Lucy My wages!
Balance Tell him that in view of her misfortune Miss Moorhill feels she can no longer expect the captain to abandon his glorious military career. If Captain Brazen shows any signs of chivalry, self-sacrifice or sincere devotion, which seems unlikely, you must ask him for two pounds for the household That should bring him to his senses.
Lucy Is the money really gone, sir?
Balance Run along now, Lucy, and trust your masters.
Lucy Very well, sir. But in money matters, I like to know where I stand. (Goes out)
Melinda Uncle, I don’t know how I shall ever repay you.
Simpkins (to the departing Balance) God be with you, sir.
(Kite and Pearmain, the latter carrying bundles of uniforms, come into the adjoining courtroom. Bridewell brings in the Pickpocket and puts him under the measuring rod; Pearmain takes his measure. The public enters from the other side of the hall)
Unemployed Man’s Wife They got my husband. Did they get yours?
Miner’s Wife Yes, they got mine too.
The Broad-Shouldered Man They want to put them all in the army.
Jenny They’ve gone through all the taverns.
Mr
s. Cobb And certain other houses as well.
Unemployed Man’s Wife I hear they’ve nabbed a banker and an officer.
The Broad-Shouldered Man You won’t see them here, you can lay to that.
Bridewell Silence!
(Balance has come into the courtroom in the meantime, and has walked up to the table)
Balance The court is in session.
Plume Name?
Pickpocket Billy Pickpocket.
Kite If it please the court, I would like to testify in this case as king’s counsel.
Balance You have the floor, sergeant.
Kite Bridewell, where’s the watch? (Turning to the pimp) Freddy, this individual stole a gold watch from you, am I right?
Pimp It’s the gospel truth, mister.
Pickpocket Beg your pardon, Your Worship. It’s my watch.
Kite Can you prove to the court that this is your watch, Freddy?
Pimp Tell ’em, Kitty.
Kitty Your Worship, I gave Freddy a watch for his birthday. It’s got a scratch on the back.
Kite That’s the one!
Kitty “Kitty,” he says to me, he says: “Kitty, if I ever have to wallop you, just say: ‘Freddy, the watch!’?”
Pimp She’s too free with her money, Your Worship. And don’t talk so much.
Balance (to the Pickpocket) A clear case of pickpocketing. That man is fit for military service.
Kite Absolutely.
Plume Take him away.
(ThePickpocket is led away; Freddy starts to leave too)
Jenny They’re picking up everybody they can lay their hands on.
Kite (calls out) Just a minute, Freddy. (Addressing the bench) Name: Freddy Big. (To Kitty) Kitty, is this wretched watch the only thing you ever gave your protector?
Kitty You don’t know my Freddy, Mr. Kite. Whatever I takes in, he takes offa me. Ouch!
(The pimp has slapped her face)
Kite Your Worship, I believe that does it. I can’t save you after that, Freddy, that’s pimping.
Pimp Bartholomy, that ain’t fair.
Kite In the name of the king, I declare this man to be a brutal, lazy and greedy element, and consequently fit for the army.
Balance Take him away.
(The pimp falls down in a faint. He is measured and dragged off)
Kitty (as the Court Attendant leads her out) Freddy, I didn’t do it on purpose.
The Broad-Shouldered Man Fine grenadiers they’re getting.
Miner’s Wife Good enough for over there.
Unemployed Man’s Wife It’s only the scum that’s going over now.
(Brazen comes in wearing civilian clothes)
Balance There’s Brazen!
Brazen You’ll have to excuse me, Mr. Laconic, I’m retiring into private life. I’m getting married.
Balance You don’t say! In spite of everything? Amazing! Permit me to prepare Melinda.—Bridewell, who’s next?
Brazen Is she here? (Runs after Balance)
Balance (goes into the library; to Melinda) I’m so sorry, my dear, I was mistaken.
Brazen (has followed Balance into the library) Melinda! (In the courtroom the miner is brought in and measured)
Miner’s Wife Bob!
Brazen (in the library) My nymph! The parson is waiting, we must leave this instant, my love.
(Melinda faints)
Brazen (to Balance) Happiness, my dear fellow.
Unemployed Man’s Wife (in the courtroom) Where did they nab him?
Miner’s Wife At the Blue Bear; peacefully drinking his ale. Be sensible, don’t make a fuss.
(Lucy hurries through the courtroom into the library)
Lucy I’ve looked all over for you, Mr. Brazen—at the inn, at the hat shop …
Brazen Hahaha! I was at the flower shop.
Balance Ah, you missed him, he knows nothing. The world’s beginning to make sense again. Tell him.
Lucy Mr. Brazen, Miss Moorhill is beside herself. We have to ask you for two pounds for household expenses. All Miss Moorhill’s money was invested in a cargo of tea. The rebels have dumped it in Boston harbor.
Brazen All of it?
Lucy All of it.
Brazen Damnation! The scoundrels! It goes without saying that this relieves you of any obligation to me. Your servant, madam. (Goes out)
Balance Simpkins! (Simpkins comes in) Take Miss Moorhill to the parlor.
(Balance returns to the courtroom. Simpkins and Lucy leave the library with the unconscious Melinda)
(In the courtroom Bridewell steps forward with the miner)
The Broad-Shouldered Man (to The Miner’s Wife) Your husband has visible means of support. Which means they can’t put him in the army. That’s the law.
Plume Name?
Miner Bob Miner, sir.
Balance What have you got on him, Bridewell?
Bridewell Nothing, Your Worship, except that he’s a very decent fellow.
Balance Then why have you brought him here?
Plume Mr. Balance, let me at least have one decent fellow in my company.
Balance Trade?
Miner Miner. I work in the colliery.
Miner’s Wife See! My husband has visible means of support. (Pause)
The Broad-Shouldered Man See?
Kite If it please the court, this man’s means of support is not visible; he works underground.
Miner’s Wife It’s work, though.
Balance You can’t be a miner any more, you shall be a grenadier. Thanks to you, other miners will be able to remain miners.
Miner But I’m a married man.
Balance Don’t you know that we’ve lost Boston?
Miner No, Your Worship. I don’t know the gentleman.
Balance You mean you don’t even know what Boston is? Is that all the fate of England means to you? Into the army with you!
Plume Take him away.
Miner Pack of skunks! (He is led away)
Miner’s Wife (as she is being dragged off) You can’t do this! Bob! I’m going to have a child!
Unemployed Man’s Wife What’s Boston got to do with him!
Jenny The whole thing is illegal.
The Broad-Shouldered Man It’s legal, but …
Wife Of Unemployed Man They make the laws to suit themselves.
The Broad-Shouldered Man That’s it!
Bridewell Silence!
Mrs. Cobb (to Bridewell) Stop shouting.
(Enter Victoria in the uniform of an ensign)
Victoria (to Balance) My name is Wilful, sir. Captain Plume, the gentleman sitting beside you, must not be permitted to leave England under any circumstances. The wrong he has done is so appalling that I can speak of it only if you clear the court, sir.
Balance (under his breath) Victoria, have you lost your mind?
Victoria Oh, you’ve recognized me?
Balance What is the meaning of this ridiculous masquerade? Go into the library at once! (Victoria goes out) Next!
Mrs. Cobb They’re bringing one in.
Unemployed Man’s Wife John!
Bridewell Silence in the court!
Jenny You’re worse than wolves.
Balance (to Victoria in the library) So you ran after him.
Victoria You must stop him leaving England.
Balance Is that all?
Victoria You must marry us at once.
Balance Are you out of your mind?
Victoria Do you want your daughter to become a camp follower, creeping after an officer, abandoning herself to him in some ditch? She has done everything in her power to resist her emotions. All in vain. She can’t go on much longer; not another minute!
Berliner Ensemble Adaptations Page 35
