by Sam Destiny
“I’m taking you on a romantic date, one that I’m super nervous about, and you think it has to be something bad?” he inquired and she sniffled. The breeze had picked up, whipping blonde strands across her face until she shook her head and shrugged. It wasn’t exactly cold, but she figured where he was keeling he had to feel the lower temperatures. It made her worry.
“You know, you can perfectly well explain everything to me from your chair,” she pointed out and watched in surprise how he rested his forehead against their entwined hands, his shoulders shaking as if he was sobbing.
“Jazz,” she whispered, panic creeping into her voice when she noticed he was laughing.
“Only you, Tessa Rowan, could come on a date and worry it has a bad background, and only you would want to make sure someone else is fine when you’re actually a mess,” he exclaimed and then cupped her cheek. She couldn’t help but lean into the warmth, proud of her that so far she had kept her tears at bay. However, the way it looked Jesse was finally gearing up to his confession, and with that she decided all bets were off.
He’d meant to play songs to her, hold her, and laugh with her before popping the question, but his stomach was churning with worry and it had kept him from acting normal. He should’ve known she’d pick up on it, yet he couldn’t possibly have guessed she’d think it was something bad he was going to tell her.
“Tess, we’ve been through so much together, and I messed up. I messed up after finding out you were back here, though I do know that you understand where I came from. You forgave me for pushing you away when you and I needed each other most, and I didn’t deserve that. I messed up when Caleb came and I did it again… the pushing away. But mostly I messed up when I left for my deployment instead of passing it up.”
“Shut up, Jesse Connor, you didn’t. You love the army, and the army loves you. You’re one of those soldiers this country needs: devoted, loyal, gracious. What kind of woman would I have been not letting you go when that was your wish? What kind of girlfriend would I be for you if I wouldn’t understand where you’re coming from? Don’t ever, Corporal, say you messed up in walking away from me for something that was bigger than both of us,” she interrupted, her eyes glittering with anger in the soft light of the torches. “You didn’t hear what they all said about you. I know you didn’t, because we didn’t play it all on air, but Jesse, you touched so many lives during that deployment, made so many days better for guys down there, I refuse to think it was all bad.”
He swallowed, clearing his throat a few times before he could speak again. If he’d ever doubted that Tessa just knew him, it certainly would’ve been over now. “Can you please not interrupt me?” he inquired and she arched a brow.
“I will if I think you’re being stupid,” she fussed with a smile and he laughed, knowing it sounded strained even to his own ears.
“You changed me for the better. I was more compassionate, more patient, more devoted after meeting you because I knew you thought the world of me. You considered me to be better than I was, and I wanted to be just that. However, everything changed when I was gone, and by that I don’t mean I stopped wanting to be better for you, or anything for you at all, but I saw things, and lived through things that made me doubt I could ever be the man you deserve.
“And I’m not. There’s no doubt in my mind you could get any guy you want, but still, you’re here, with me, because for whatever reason you want to be mine. And yes, I can say it like that because… well, you didn’t close the door in my face today, nor did you any other time, and that can only mean you love me, no matter what you maybe want to feel.” He winked at her and she laughed, tears welling in her eyes again. Finally this was going more the way he’d planned.
“When being away I couldn’t think about anything but starting a family with you. After all, I didn’t know you’d basically done that without me already. And a good thing that is, too, because I think John was a huge part of why you didn’t turn away when I came back. I’d like to think it was my charming personality, but we know it would be a lie.”
Another time she giggled and then surprised him by cupping his face and kissing him briefly. “It was the way you desperately clung to me when being not quite awake yet. I knew your feelings hadn’t changed, and baby boy or not, it would’ve made me return,” she told him, the conviction shining brightly in her eyes.
“I’m a blessed man,” Jazz gave back, taking her hands in his again. “I’m a broken man, too. I’m a haunted man, and I’m a man in love, and we’re actually here because no matter if you decided to take me back yet or not, I know that we’re it. You’re my forever girl, and even if you walk away now, nothing will ever change that. So no, this isn’t about me leaving again. In fact, this is the exact opposite! This is about me asking you to become Mrs. Jesse Connor.”
He reached for the velvet box and opened it, the stone catching the light the way he’d imagined in. “Will you marry me, Tessa Rowan?” he asked and then forced himself to meet her eyes.
She’d covered her face with her hands, peeking at him above the tips of her fingers, which made it nearly impossible to gauge her reaction.
“You damn idiot,” she suddenly cried and Jazz had to admit he had nothing. There was nothing he could reply to that, nothing he could think at her exclamation.
“I thought you were breaking up with me, or that… that… I mean… you want to marry me!” Her whole face lit up at that and it told him all he needed to know.
“Yes, I want to marry you,” he confirmed and she nodded.
“I know, you said that. Jesse, I cannot… I mean… don’t ever push me away again,” she demanded and he had a hard time to not get up, push the ring on her finger and kiss her senseless. How hard could it be for a woman to say three simple letters?
“Does that mean what I think it means?” he wondered and she dropped to her knees in front of him.
“Of course it does. Yes, Jesse, I want to marry you. Yes! Yes. Yes,” she finally stated and his shoulders sagged. Up until that last moment, he’d worried it would still go all wrong.
“And have more of my babies, too?” he tagged on while trying to hold her trembling fingers still long enough to put the ring where it belonged.
“That, too,” she agreed and he drew her close, kissing her until there was no more air left.
A hollering made her pull back and he watched how she squinted into the darkness. From where she sat she’d never see his comrades.
“I made the guys stand guard so no one would interrupt the dinner,” he explained. “Seems they watched when they shouldn’t have,” he then added and she giggled.
He shrugged and then stood, turning to the guys while doing a fist pump. He didn’t care how macho the gesture was, because that moment Jazz could’ve kissed the world. Finally he had it all.
He kissed her again then, and nothing had ever felt as good as her mouth on his, and her promise in his heart.
Christmas wasn’t what Tessa expected it to be. The day before a call had come, telling Jazz Caleb had taken his own life a week back, and they now held a funeral for him.
No matter what had been going on between them, or that Caleb had tried to kill Jazz, her fiancé still had wanted to go.
They stood at the entrance to the graveyard, and not many people were at the assigned slot. The way Jazz refused to move made Tessa wonder if maybe it would be two less.
“We can go,” she offered.
The army had decided to bury his former brother-in-arms with honors because Jazz hadn’t pressed charges and PTSD had led Caleb’s hand, or so it was reported.
“No,” Jazz told her when Betty stepped to them. Tessa hadn’t seen her again after the whole incident, and gritted her teeth.
“I’m not here to cause trouble,” the dark-haired woman instantly promised. “I just wanted to apologize. Being in love with Jazz was a figment of my imagination, one I denied toward others—and also myself. I mean, I know how deeply he could love, and I think t
hat’s what made me fall for him… or think I did.”
Tessa knew her face was impassive, and she worked hard to keep it that way. When Jazz didn’t say anything, she forced herself to speak. “Okay.” She had no clue what else there was left to say.
“I didn’t love him, Tessa. Instead I loved the idea of loving someone like you two love each other. I acted ridiculous, and I know it, yet I wanted to come and tell you again how sorry I am. This… Caleb’s death…” She shook her head, tears welling in her eyes. “We all were ruined down there, and nothing excuses his actions, but I’m worried about the rest of our comrades. Of those who walked away, how many will survive PTSD, Jazz? Besides you, that is. I’m going to visit all of them and make sure there won’t be a repeat. And I’ll create a foundation called ‘Veteran Cuddles’. They’ll provide companions and friends for people like us, Jazz. Or rather like me. People who don’t have their own Tessa.”
The conversation was almost absurd, but Tessa couldn’t help but admire the cause.
“It’s a great idea,” she admitted. “One I’d like to be part of, so if you need promotion or anything, hit me up and I’ll help with the station.” She meant it, she realized, while Betty’s eyes widened.
“Really?”
Tessa nodded. “Really. I don’t want to imagine what families go through with soldiers returning in the state Caleb was in, not knowing what to do. They need help, Betty. And it will give you a shot at redemption,” she pointed out.
“I agree. It’s a good thing. And I’m ready to support it, too,” Jazz said quietly before stepping forward to hug his former comrade.
“The funeral is about to start,” Tessa pointed out as she saw soldiers line up next to the grave.
They stood through the service, having stayed in the back, and waited until most people left afterward.
Tessa knew Jazz had some words to say, and no matter how many people were waiting for them at home, she’d give Jazz all the time in the world.
Jazz knelt next to the open grave, lowering his head.
“I’m sorry. I should’ve helped you back then and later, home again, too. I knew you weren’t a bad guy, but I also know how it feels to have nothing, and no hope. I don’t blame you, buddy. I don’t hate you for what you did. I just wish I had reached out even after you beat me up. God, I knew the signs. Hell, everyone did. I’m sorry, Caleb, for having let you down. And I wanted you to know I forgive you.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping to keep the tears at bay. “Wherever you are, I hope there are hot babes and sandy beaches. The good kind of warmth, too. No grueling sun, but paradise and blue oceans. You deserve a happy ending after all you lost.”
His voice cracked and he felt Tessa step to his side, placing her hand on his shoulder.
“May you rest in peace, Private Caleb Jones. Thank you for your service,” she whispered, and Jazz knew she meant it.
Standing, he knew he’d be back many times, but for now they had a true family dinner waiting for them.
I won't lie, writing this part is always the hardest. Not because I don't feel like thanking people, but because I have a tendency to actually forget the most important ones.
However, let me try.
Thanks, dad. You've always supported and helped me whenever you could, and I feel like you deserve the first acknowledgment in this book.
Next up, my Parabatai who kept me sane a lot of times during the last time. Seriously, Aimie Jennison, you living on the other side of the world meant I had someone to talk to when my side of the world was still asleep.
Jamie Summer, my dearest best friend, stay the way you are; supportive and positive. Thank you.
My Betas (who I've put through hell because some of them only had a sad ending until I decided what I wanted for this book) Staci Berger, Lucy Johnson, Ariana McWilliams, seriously, I value your feedback above all, and you always manage to make me smile.
My aunt, who still didn't get a chance to read one of my books because... English. *wink*
Melissa Gill, girl, you did AMAZING with this cover, and I cannot wait to work with you on the rest of the series. You are such a talented and professional lady, it's a pleasure working with you.
My PA Lina. Nope, not the last one, but you know, the later the party, the better the guests and so on. Thank you. I know I am never easy, and I know you are always busy, but still, you did great and I know you will keep doing great. Thank you.
To all you readers having asked for more, here it is, because Tessa and Jazz ARE more. Thank you for loving those two, and thank you for still being here.
Last, but not least, thank YOU for reading this, for being here. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
xo
Sam
Once upon a time there was a young girl with her head full of dreams and her heart full of stories. Her parents, though not a unit, always supported her and told her more stories, encouraging her to become what she wanted to be. The problem was, young Sam didn't know what she wanted to be, so after getting her A-levels she started studying Computer Science and Media. After not even one year she realized it wasn't what her heart wanted, and so she stopped, staying home and trying to find her purpose in life. Through some detours she landed an internship and eventually an apprenticeship in a company that sells cell phones. Not a dreamy career, but hey. Today she's doing an accounting job from nine-to-five, which mainly consists of daydreaming and scribbling notes wherever she can.
All through that time little Sam never once lost the stories in her heart, writing a few little of them here and there, writing for and with her best friend, who always told her to take that last step.
Only when a certain twin-couple entered her mind, bothering her with ideas and talking to her nonstop did she start to write down their story - getting as far as thinking she could finish it. Through the help of some author friends, and the encouragement of earlier mentioned best friend, little Sam, now not so little anymore and in her twenty-seventh year, decided to try her luck as an Indie author. She finished the story of the first twin, Jaden, and realized she couldn't ever stop.
So, it really is only after five that the real Sam comes out. The one that hungers for love, romance, some blood, a good story, and, at the end of the day, a nice hot cup of Chai Tea Latte.
And if the boys are still talking to her, she'll write happily ever after.
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