by Sara Daniell
He leaned down. My breathing picked up when his lips got closer to mine, but he didn’t kiss my lips. He moved my hair away from my neck and kissed it.
“Ask me whatever you want.” He whispered in my ear as he held onto my hips and pulled my body against his.
“I’m having trouble thinking at all right now.”
One of his hands moved under my shirt, touching my bare skin. “Do you want me to stop?” He asked before covering my mouth with his. He led me backward until my back was to the fence.
I wrapped my arms around his neck as he picked me up so I was sitting on the fence.
“Should I tell you to stop?”
He looked into my eyes. He closed his eyes for a second, then opened them back up. “Yes,” he whispered. I could tell he was trying to get control.
“I don’t want you to.”
He kept his hands on my thighs. “I don’t want to either, but we need to.” He kept his body close to mine. He locked his eyes on mine like he was trying to read my mind. “Hales, have you ever been with someone? Physically?”
I was glad it was dark it because I was blushing.
I kept my eyes on his and shook my head.
He moved his hands up my thighs to my hips. He helped me off the fence. “Then we’re stopping. Your first time isn’t going to be here. It should be special.” He kissed my lips softly. “But just so you know this is really, really hard for me right now.” He smiled as he moved back. He laced his fingers with mine and pulled me to the Owl Tree. He sat down then patted the spot next to him. “Questions.”
I sat next to him. It took me a minute to calm myself down after what almost happened. I let out a heavy sigh and looked at him.
“Alright. First question… Why me?”
He looked at me and tucked a piece of hair behind my ears. I saw his forehead crease as he thought. “You’re beautiful, passionate, and make me laugh.” He dropped his hand in his lap, looking confused and out of place. “I’m not an asshole with you. It... confuses me, but I don’t want to be an ass to you.”
“Probably because you know I’ll beat you up.” I smiled.
He laughed. “Maybe.”
“Ask me something.”
He thought for a minute. “What is your favorite color?”
“Black.”
“Black?” He raised an eyebrow.
“All shades.” I laughed.
He chuckled. “Okay. Your turn.”
“Favorite food?”
“Elliot’s steaks or pancakes.”
I smiled. “Your turn.”
“What’s your favorite thing to do. Besides baseball?” He took my hand in his and started playing with my fingers.
“Anything that I can do outdoors. I love hiking, camping, and I had been learning to surf a year before we moved. I was getting pretty good at it too.”
I smiled. “What about you? Besides looking sexy in pizza sauce and a pissed-off look on your face.”
I bit my lip and smiled when he laughed. His laugh was amazing.
“I like the outdoors, but my favorite thing to do is work on the little beach area at the cabin.”
“Which is amazing by the way.”
“I’m glad you liked it.” Zach looked at me, then kissed me. “Any more questions for me tonight?”
“Yeah... How are you?” I laughed when he looked at me oddly. “Seriously. How are you, Zach Shaw? Or is it Zachary?” I turned and sat Indian-style so I could face him. “Answer it honestly. I feel like so many times people ask that simple question and we lie because it’s easier than spilling out everything, ya know? So... how are you?”
“It’s Zachary,” he smiled a little. “And I’m making it. I’m stressed out and a little—” he stopped and looked at his hands.
“A little what?”
“Scared.” He looked at me.
“Of?”
“That I’m going to lose my brother.” He looked down at his hands again. “I don’t usually tell people what’s going on in my head.”
I grabbed both of his hands and tangled my fingers in his. “I hope like hell that doesn’t happen.” I smiled softly when he looked at me. “Your thoughts are safe with me.”
“I’m glad.” He smiled a little. “What about you? How are you?” He brought my right hand up to his lips and kissed it.
Before I could talk, we heard a phone going off. Zach cursed, then pulled out his phone. He frowned as he looked at it. “It’s Elliot. I need to get inside.” He stood and held a hand out for me.
I took it and stood. “Meet me here again tomorrow morning for a run?”
He nodded. “What time?”
“5?”
“I’ll be here.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “Text me when you’re home safely.”
His phone dinged again, and he moved back from me. “I have to go.” He turned and headed through the bushes toward the house.
I looked up when the owl hooted. “Goodnight, Sam.” I laughed and headed home.
Zach and I had finished running and sat under the Owl Tree drinking water.
“Will you be at practice today?” I asked as I set the water bottle in the grass. I rested my back against the tree.
“No.” He took another drink. “Elliot will be there. I have to handle some business shit.”
“Oh.” I started picking at blades of grass. “Zach... What are we doing?”
“Sitting here hydrating.” He looked over at me and smiled. He laughed when I raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m guessing that’s not what you were asking?”
“I wish it were that simple of a question.”
He looked out at the garden as he took a drink. “And I wish I had a simple answer for you.”
“Am I just an easy make-out session?”
He didn’t look at me. “No.”
“I don’t know what’s going on, but I do know my parents can’t find out... or the school.” I frowned. “Will you please look at me? You’re making me nervous.”
He turned his head to look at me. “I know no one can find out.” He tucked a piece of hair that had fallen out of my ponytail behind my ear. “I don’t know what to tell you, Hales.”
It was my turn to not look at him. I stared at the grass by my feet. “O-kay.”
He grabbed my chin to make me look at him. He ran his thumb across my bottom lip. “I’m sorry.”
I flinched away and stood. “I’m gonna head home.” I wiped grass off my shorts.
Zach stood. “What do you want me to say, Hales? Would you rather I lie to you?”
“No, but is it okay that it bothers me that you can’t give me an answer? I don’t feel like being hurt. If this is a waste of our time, let’s just stop now. We go from almost having sex to asking questions about favorite colors. I’m just so confused, and you not being able to tell me what this is, it doesn’t help.”
I was being so snappy, but what was I supposed to do? There was a huge age gap, and I knew this was a bad idea for many reasons. But when Zach looked at me with those stupid perfect eyes and smiled his stupid perfect grin, I had hope that maybe something great could happen between us. I didn’t think I was the type of girl to be stuck on labels, but I needed to know where he and I stood. I could make-out with anyone. But I was getting emotionally invested, and I was scared. I needed some sort of response to let me know I wasn’t crazy thinking this could actually work.
I went to walk off while Zach remained quiet. I felt him grab my hand.
“Hales, can you... Can you give me some time? I’m good at one-night stands, not relationships.”
I turned to look at him. “Maybe.” I shrugged. “I’ll try.” I let go of his hand. “I guess I’ll see you whenever. “
He looked lost. “Yeah. I guess so.”
I walked to the fence and climbed over.
I stopped, thinking about saying something else, but I decided against it. I picked up a steady pace and jogged home.
I SAW DANE walking over to me afte
r practice. Coach kept us busy so we had little time to say hi.
“Hey. So, guess what?” I put my backpack over my shoulders.
“What?”
“Since you couldn’t eat with us, my parents invited Coach, Millie, and Zach over.”
“I bet that was interesting.” He tried hard not to laugh or smile.
“Yeah...”
“How’d it go?”
“Fine. But this morning, not so much.” We walked to our vehicles. I smiled when I saw Sadie and Trevor.
“What happened this morning?” Dane put his bag in the back of his truck, and I saw him wince.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I ran into the edge of our bar last night. Think I bruised my ribs a little. So what happened?”
He leaned against the truck and looked at me, skating over his injury.
“Let me see.”
“I’m fine. Now tell me, what happened this morning?”
I looked around at the guys getting in their vehicles. “Not here.”
He moved and opened my door for me. “We can ride around.”
“Sounds good.” I got in and buckled.
I watched him as he drove. He was hiding something from me. It was obvious he wasn’t going to tell me about it.
“Zach is going to be a mistake, and I know it.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I asked him what was going on between us, and he couldn’t answer me. It was a struggle for him to even make eye contact with me. I won’t be just some girl he fools around with. That’s not me.”
Dane thought for a moment. “Did he say anything?”
“He asked for time.” I rolled my eyes.
“He didn’t say you were just a good time?”
“No. He didn’t say anything. That’s the problem.”
Dane chewed on his lip, getting lost in his thoughts.
“Don’t be silent too. Please.”
“He’s never been in any form of relationship, Hales. He has no problem telling a girl she’s just a good time. Maybe he didn’t know what to say because he doesn’t know what’s going on.”
“Then he could tell me that.”
“He could have, but knowing Zach, he’s just really confused and won’t say anything ‘till he has everything figured out.”
“It’s not a big deal. I’ll just see what happens and be careful.”
He nodded. “Good idea. I love Zach like a brother, but I think if he hurts you, I’ll have to kick his ass.”
I laughed. “So do you need to talk to me about anything?”
“Maybe this will be good practice for you,” he said, ignoring the question. “Older men can teach ya things,” he said teasingly.
I shoved his shoulder. “Ew!”
He laughed and rubbed his ribs after he stopped.
“You must’ve hit the corner really hard.”
“Yeah.”
I grabbed his shirt and lifted it before he could stop me. His skin was blotchy and purple. “How did you do this?”
“I told ya. I ran into the corner of the bar in my house.” He turned the wheel and headed down a road that circled back to the school.
I stared at him, gauging his expression. I’d just have to go along with the lie. For now, anyway.
I looked at the road and smiled a little. “I guess you’re right. I could just use the time with Zach as a good lesson. You never know, maybe it’ll come in handy. If baseball doesn’t work out for me, I could sell sex one day.” We both burst out laughing, knowing that would never happen.
“Okay, joking aside. Give Zach a little time.”
“I will try. But I can’t shake this feeling that somehow I’m making a deal with the devil with him. I have to stay focused. I have goals, and I really don’t have time to put myself out there just to get played. Do you know what I mean? I’m not even allowed to date, so I’m risking a lot by sneaking around with this guy.”
“Yeah, I get it.” He turned into the school parking lot. “But I also know if Zach ever commits, he’s not going to play you, but I could be wrong.”
I shrugged. “Don’t get involved with this, Dane. It’s not your problem.” I smiled at him. “Want to hang out later?”
“Yeah. I’m going to Coach’s for dinner. I can hang out before then, or you can come eat with us. We could go to the cabin and go swimming again.”
I groaned. “I’m not sure I can face Zach so soon after this morning.” I sighed in defeat, knowing I couldn’t avoid him forever, and swimming and Coach’s cooking did sound good.
“He won’t be at the cabin. He was doing interviews all day today. He even texted me and said he wouldn’t be home for dinner. So tonight will be Zach-free.” He grinned at me.
“Alright.”
I pulled out my phone and texted my parents to let them know the plans and to make sure it was okay. After I got their approval, I got out of Dane’s truck.
I walked to his window, and when he rolled it down, I climbed onto the step rail and hugged his neck. “Thanks for listening to me whine. After I get cleaned up, I’ll be over to Coach’s.”
“See you later.” He smiled.
I got into my car and headed home.
When I got to Coach’s, I cursed. Zach’s truck was there. Dane came out of the front door and frowned when he saw me. I got out of the car slowly.
“I guess he’s here,” I said as I grabbed my purse out of the backseat and shut the door. I walked onto the front porch and hugged Dane. “Tell me if I’m being weird. I promise to try to act civil and not like an idiot.”
“I promise I’ll tell ya. I think he’s only here to check on Coach. He said something about having a few more interviews to do.”
I nodded and followed Dane inside.
I set my purse on the counter when we came into the kitchen. I hugged Coach and smiled when Millie came running in squealing when she saw me. I knelt to hug her.
“How’s the doll doing? Does she like her new home?”
She nodded. “She likes it a lot.” She pulled on my hand. “Do you want to see my room?”
“Of course I do!” I let her lead me through the house and up the stairs.
I came in to a mural of Peter Pan painted on the wall and a room that every little girl dreams of.
“Wow, Millie! This room is perfect!”
“Daddy, Uncle Zach, Aunt Quinnie, and Uncle Brink did it for me. Daddy painted the walls.” She pulled me to her bed where the doll I gave her was sitting next to another American Girl doll in a dance outfit.
“Awww, she looks just like you! Curls and all!” I sat on the edge of her bed and looked out into the hall when I heard a door close. Zach saw me but kept walking. I heard his feet stop, and then he backed up until he stood in the doorway.
I smiled a little. “Hey, assistant coach.”
“Hey. I didn’t know you were coming over.” He leaned against the doorjamb.
Millie held up a doll that looked like her. “Uncle Zach got this for me, didn’t you?”
Zach nodded. “Yep. Anything for my little monster.”
Millie giggled. “He calls me monster.” She looked up at me.
Zach smiled a little, but the normal energy he had when I saw him was gone.
“I think it’s very cute.” I stood. “Millie, I need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back, okay?”
She nodded and started playing with her dolls.
I went into the hall and grabbed Zach’s hand, pulling him into the bathroom with me. I shut the door and locked it. I hopped onto the countertop and crooked my finger at him. He was hesitant but came over anyway.
I smiled and then cupped the back of his head as I leaned in to kiss him. He moved in between my legs and pulled me against him completely as one of his hands moved up my body. My whole body shivered, but in a good way. My hands moved down his neck and gripped his t-shirt tightly. I hated and loved the effect he had on me.
“I’m sorry for this morning,” I whispered
against his ear. I couldn’t believe I was apologizing. I wasn’t sorry, or was I? He was honest with me about not knowing what was going to happen with us. I appreciated that, but did I need to be sorry for expecting more? I wasn’t sure.
If I had to be honest with myself, I was okay with letting this happen but only when he was around. I’d go home and stay up all night, hating myself and him all over again. He was using my emotions as his personal playground, or at least that’s what it felt like. But feeling his lips trail against my skin… It was too amazing to give a shit. Zach Shaw had my mind all kinds of fucked up.
He stopped kissing me and put his forehead against mine. “Don’t be sorry. I should be the one saying sorry.”
“I think this whole thing is so new for both of us. It’s okay if you don’t know because I don’t know either. The only thing I know is that I can’t quit you.”
He gave me that crooked smile of his. “I feel the same way about you.”
A real smile spread across my lips. “I should go back to play with Millie.”
He helped me off the counter. I smiled when his lips touched mine softly. I left the bathroom first and then went into Millie’s room to play.
AFTER DINNER, DANE and I decided to just chill at the house and watch a movie instead of swimming. We were both worn out from practice, and Coach went to bed early because he wasn’t feeling well, so we stayed to help with Millie.
“How long are Quinn and Brink out of town?” I asked Dane as he pushed play.
“Two more weeks. They spend half their time here and half their time in New York. That’s where Brink’s family is.” Dane leaned back against the couch and absentmindedly rubbed his ribs. I don’t think he even realized he was rubbing them.
“What movie are we watching?”
“Peter Pan. It’s Millie’s favorite. We tend to watch it quite a bit.” He tickled her, making her giggle. His phone dinged, and he looked down at it. His smile faded. He turned to me. “Can you do me a huge favor?”
“Yeah, what?”
“I need to head home. My dad needs help with something. Can you watch Millie until Zach gets home? If you can’t, I’ll text him back.”
Something was off. I could see it all over his face. “Dane, what’s going on?”
