by Sara Daniell
“Why’d they ask for you?” Coach asked quietly.
I looked at him, and with all the anger I could muster, I said, “You are dead to me.”
“Hales,” Dane said quietly. “You don’t mean that.”
Quinn had a few bags in her hands and started handing everyone their stuff.
She saw the look on Elliot’s face. “What’s wrong? Is there bad news?”
I scoffed. “Yeah. The bad news is that Elliot is a piece of shit. His dead wife would be so disappointed in him. Even she saw the best in Zach.” I walked off with my things that Quinn handed to me.
I went into the bathroom and changed my clothes. I had to take a minute to let everything sink in. We could have lost Zach today and all because his brother couldn’t mind his own damn business and see how great he was.
Hales,” Dane said nudging me a little.
I picked my head up from his shoulder. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. “Hmmm?”
“He’s awake.”
I stood quickly and saw the sun rising outside. It was partly cloudy and, thankfully, not raining. The nurse smiled at us all. I waited for her to explain everything.
“He’s about to get something to eat, but he’s asking to see all of you. He had a slight concussion, and he’s running a fever now. We’re treating the fever with an antibiotic and Tylenol. Being exposed to the elements like he was, he has the beginnings of a cold.” The nurse motioned for all of us to follow her. “Oh, and he has some bruised ribs on his left side. We think it was from the impact of the truck hitting the tree, and the airbags deploying.”
Elliot hurried ahead of us to follow the nurse.
When we all came into the room, Zach was sitting up trying to eat , but his hands were shaking. I respectfully stayed out of the way so everyone could see Zach. Elliot had tears falling down his face as he wrapped Zach in a hug.
“Whoa, bro. I’m fine.” Zach said as he patted his back
“I’m so sorry,” Elliot said as he cried.
Zach rubbed Elliot’s back. “Everyone is allowed to be an ass now and then.”
Elliot finally let go of him and moved back. “This food looks like shit. I’ll go get you something good to eat.” He quickly left the room.
Brink left after him.
Zach looked at me. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I made my way over to the side of the bed.
“I’m sorry, Hales,” he whispered as tears filled his eyes.
“For what?” I sat down beside him on the bed.
“I hurt you. I never wanted to do that. Ever.”
I shrugged, but I felt like my heart was being stabbed multiple times. “It’s no biggie. I get why you ended things. It’s okay, Zach. We can be friends. I’m just glad you’re okay.”
Really it was a big deal, but I wasn’t mad at him. I hated Elliot for this, but maybe it was all for the better. Zach was out of my league. He needed a girl who had her shit figured who could stabilize him. He and I were just a fling. It never would have gone anywhere. Him and Elliot needed to work their shit out too. Us being together just wasn’t doable right now.
“I think we should leave,” Quinn said as she pushed Dane out of the room.
“It is a big deal to me. I—” He scrunched his eyebrows together. “I will always be your friend. Always. But I feel for you more than I ever have for anyone.” He winced as he moved a little.
“That makes me happier than you’ll ever know, but I can’t say that for myself. You’re my first everything, Zach.”
Dammit, I cared for him. I wanted to say I loved him and would be his forever, but how could I honestly be so sure? Maybe everything that was happening was a blessing in disguise, as crazy as that sounded right now.
“I’m not going to come between you and your family. Your brother needs you right now. I’m moving back home to work on shit with my parents. Everything just happened so fast, and maybe this was just a big sign telling us to slow down.”
Zach nodded and looked away from me. He moved again and bit back a yell. He closed his eyes. “My whole body hurts.”
There was a knock on the door and Jenny aka Miss Legs walked in with a teddy bear. “Hey. I came to see how you were.”
She gave me a smile. “Hey, Hales.”
I stood and moved. “Hey,” I said, trying to smile.
Jenny brought him a fucking teddy bear? I brought him nothing.
“I told you, you could stay at my place, Zach. Staying in your truck was just stupid.”
I felt a punch to the gut. I slipped out of the room when she sat on the bed next to him to talk to him.
“Let me guess: you two are back together?” Dane said, and Quinn was smiling so big. She was finally on our side when there was no side to be on. We were nothing.
“No,” I said numbly. “Friends and that’s the way it should be.” I ran my fingers through my messy hair. “Dane, can you give me a ride home?”
“Home home?” He asked, confused.
I nodded. “I need to work things out with my parents.”
Before we could walk out, Jenny came out and smiled brightly at Coach Elliot coming over with food.
“Hi, Elliot,” she said beaming.
Elliot gave her a weak smile. “Hey, Jenny.” He walked past her and into Zach’s room.
I looked at Dane. “Ready?”
He nodded when Quinn and Jenny started talking.
As we walked out, he looked at me. “Did you see her face when Coach walked up?”
I nodded. “Yeah. So?”
“Oh, come on, Hales, she totally has the hots for him.” He laughed.
“And Zach.”
“Zach? She doesn’t have the hots for Zach.” He looked at me once he was in his truck. “They’re friends, but that’s it.” He pulled out and started heading for my house. “Well friends is a strong word. She kind of gets on his nerves.”
“Oh. Well it doesn’t matter. And Elliot is crazy about Sam still so she doesn’t stand a chance. I don’t know if I like her or not.” I looked at Dane. “We’re over, Dane. It was stupid of me to ever think we could be something.”
He looked at me skeptically. “Yeah. Uh-huh.” He kept driving. “So, Brink is helping me take away my dad’s rights. Elliot said he wants to adopt me into the family as his and Zach’s brother.”
I smiled. “That’s great!”
He nodded. “Yeah.” He pulled into my driveway. “I’ll be an official Shaw and Millie’s uncle.” He smiled. “Boys better watch out. No one is dating her. Ever.”
I laughed. “Good luck with that.”
I looked at my house and hesitated to push the truck door open. “Dane...”
“Yeah?”
“You’re a pretty amazing friend. Just thought you should know that.” I smiled weakly at him.
“You’re a pretty amazing friend too. Even if you are in denial and being stupid,” he teased.
I laughed. “Whether I am or not, I know I refuse to cause anymore drama between Coach and Zach. I won’t be responsible for screwing up their relationship. Coach has cancer, and what if he doesn’t make it? They need each other right now, not this mess Zach and I caused. Maybe the future will bring us back together. But be honest, Dane, I probably should test the waters. I can’t compare how I feel for Zach to anyone. How am I supposed to know if it’s real?”
“Sometimes you just know. I mean, Coach never had a girlfriend before his wife. And they never even had—” he stopped. “Never mind.”
“No, finish what you were saying.” I let go of the handle and turned my body so I was facing Dane.
“Elliot and Sam never had sex. It isn’t always about the physical stuff. It’s how that other person makes you feel.”
“Whoa.” I looked at Dane skeptically. “So Millie isn’t Coach’s daughter?”
“Not his biological daughter, no. Elliot and Sam got together after she was already pregnant.”
“Oh. Who is Millie’s father then?”
“Some jackass named Logan Hart. He’s also the reason Coach stopped playing baseball. He beat the shit out of Coach after he had been in a wreck.”
“Damn.” I looked at my house. “These past four days without Zach have killed me, Dane.”
“Then talk to him, Hales. He misses you, a lot.”
I shook my head. “He ended things and these past four days have given me time to think. Too much time to think. I can’t just beg him to take me back because I miss him. I think time is the smartest thing for us.” I looked at Dane.
“Time doesn’t always change things. Sometimes it makes it worse and more awkward.” He didn’t look at me as he spoke.
“You seem to know. Are you not telling me something?”
“I’ve been in love with the same girl for a while now.” He looked at me. “Sadie actually.”
My mouth fell open. “What!”
“Yeah. Since we were five. We dated for a bit at the end of ninth, but then some drama came up, and we decided to wait for a while.” He shrugged. “As you know, nothing has come of it.” He smiled a little. “She’s a good friend though. So I guess I have to be happy about that.”
“But... What about Trevor?”
“What about him?’
“Him and Sadie are serious, right?”
Dane opened his mouth to say something then stopped. He thought for a moment before he spoke. “Well that’s complicated.”
“Why?”
Dane gave me his full attention “What I’m about to say doesn’t get told to anyone, not another soul. Okay?”
I nodded. “Cross my heart.”
He nodded. “Trevor and Sadie are just an act. They’re best friends but nothing more. They’re like us. They would do anything to make each other happy.”
“I’m confused. Why the hell would they need to put on an act?”
“Trevor is gay, Hales. And Sadie started pretending to be his girlfriend to get everyone to leave him alone.”
“Are you serious?” I was in total shock. Trevor and Sadie could win the Golden Globe Award for best show. They seemed like they were so in love. “So Sadie has given up dating anyone to save Trevor’s reputation?”
He nodded. “Yeah. They figured they could stop once they go off to college together.”
“Wow. That makes me so sad for Trevor. He shouldn’t have to hide who he is. People at Stockbridge High School are assholes, Dane.”
“Yeah, they are. They’re like that about me as well. Since I haven’t dated anyone in a while that’s what they’ve started saying about me, but they added that maybe Zach has changed sides. Please don’t tell him that. He gets angry enough when girls come up to him and say things they shouldn’t.”
“Small towns are bullshit.” I looked at my house again. “Wow, I had no idea about you and Sadie and Trevor. It makes me feel not so alone in all this crazy drama.” I laughed a little, and tears filled my eyes. I closed my eyes and laid my head back against the seat.
Zach and I were doing so good. Everything was more than perfect. Then, abruptly, everything stopped. I turned my head to look at Dane but kept it resting on the seat.
“Do me a favor, Hales. Don’t give up on you and Zach. I’ve known him longer than you, and he’s only ever truly happy when he’s with you or talking about you. His eyes light up when your name is mentioned.”
“I need to figure out me first. I’ve only ever known baseball. I’ve never been allowed to date. And then I meet Zach, and I go all in without even taking a break to breathe. Trust me, I’d go back to him in a heartbeat if I thought that’s what he wanted right now, but if we’re both honest with ourselves, it’s not what either of us need. Time will tell. If I choose to see other people or he does, I need you to support us.”
“I will do my best.” He smiled at me. He looked down at his phone when it dinged. “I need to go check on Zach.”
I looked at my house. “And I better go face my parents. I have to work that shit out.”
“Yeah. Let me know if I need to come rescue you.” He looked back down at his phone again. I could tell he was worried. “Oh, and don’t tell anyone about Sam and Elliot either.”
“I won’t.” I looked at my house for the sixth time. The longer I sat in the truck the less confident I was about going in. I took a deep breath and got out of the truck. Both of my parents met me on the front porch with open arms.
School was getting better. While I still was the ‘odd ball’, no one made fun of me anymore. People finally respected me, or feared me. Either way, it was peaceful, and I liked it. I hadn’t been over to Coach’s house in over three weeks. I thought it was best to avoid Zach while he got better and while he and Elliot worked through their issues. But I missed him and wondered if he missed me too.
I was taken out of my thoughts when Coach started talking to me about technique. Our conversations consisted of only baseball and nothing more. I didn’t talk to him about anything even when he tried to ask how I was doing. I still didn’t fully forgive him for everything, and I wanted to focus on baseball.
“Like this?” I asked as I made the motion he was showing me with my left arm. “It feels so awkward.”
“Yes. And it will until you get used to it. Hales, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.” I made the motion again.
“Did Zach really give you our dad’s Braves hat?”
“Yes. And I thought we had an agreement not to talk about your brother.”
“I just needed that question answered. Keep making that motion. I’ll go get Trevor for you to practice with.”
“Do you want the hat? I can give it to you. It’s in my bag.”
“No. He gave it to you. It was his to give.” He gave me a hint of a smile then went to where Trevor was stretching.
I made the motion with my arm again when I heard a car door shut. I looked toward the side road near the field and saw Sadie running over with tears falling. She ran onto the field and over to Trevor. She launched herself into his arms and said something, but I couldn’t understand it because I was too far away.
I looked at Dane who started making his way over to them. I made my way over too as did the rest of the team.
Trevor kept her close as she cried. Tears filled his own eyes. “Why can’t you just move in with me?” he asked, his voice breaking.
“Move? You’re moving?” I asked.
Sadie moved back and wiped her eyes as she looked at me. Then her eyes locked on Dane. “My parents are divorcing, and I’m moving with my mom. I’m only seventeen, or I’d stay here with Trevor. My mom is making me go. We’re moving to New York with her parents.”
Trevor kept his arm wrapped around her waist. Dane looked devastated. He looked away from Sadie and tried to restrain his features.
“13 hours, guys. 13 damn hours away,” she cried. She buried her face against Trevor’s neck. “We leave right now,” she said as she picked her head up and looked at us.
“What?” Trevor asked in shock. “No! You can’t! You’re my best friend, Sadie. I’ll move to New York.”
“Trev, honey, you can’t. You can’t leave your parents here and all of our friends. I’ll keep the same college plans. This is my problem; don’t make it yours.” She hadn’t stopped crying.
“Your problems are my problems!” Trevor said as a tear slipped down his cheek.
She wiped it away.
“Sadie, let’s go!” her mom yelled from the car. “Our flight leaves in an hour!”
I was so sad. Sadie was becoming such a great friend of mine, and now she was leaving. But mostly I hurt because Dane was hurting. He couldn’t hide it. Not from me.
“I can finish my senior year in New York with you, Sadie,” Trevor said as he tried to calm down.
I looked down and saw Dane’s fists clenched. She didn’t say anything. She hugged everyone, and Trevor walked her to her car. I looked at Coach.
“I think we should cancel practice.”
Coach looked at Dane worriedly
then nodded.
We all watched Sadie’s mom drive away, and Trevor stood in the middle of the road with his hands resting on top of his head, tears falling steadily.
I walked to Dane and laid my head on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“It wasn’t like we had a future, Hales. We need to be there for Trevor. They’ve been best friends since pre-school.”
I nodded, and we all went to Trevor and wrapped him in a big group hug.
WE ALL SPENT the night at Trevor’s. Coach had pizza delivered, and we all goofed off, trying to make him feel better. Everyone slept in the living room floor on sleeping bags, the couch, the chair, and an air mattress. I was lying next to Dane who tossed and turned in his sleeping bag. I climbed out of mine and crawled over to Dane. I nudged his shoulder since he had his back to me.
“Hey,” I whispered.
He rolled over and looked up at me. “Hey.”
“I can’t sleep either.” I unzipped his sleeping bag and crawled in with him. We both tried to laugh quietly as I did my best to squeeze in with him. He turned on his side then had me turn on my side with my back to him.
“Better?” he asked when we finally fit. He chuckled quietly.
He wrapped his arms around me so we were more comfortable, and I laid my head on his arm. “Yeah. My mind is racing. You?”
“Same. Trying to figure out how to be there for Trevor.”
“I feel selfish because that’s not where my mind is.” I looked at his blue eyes and reached up to move his hair out of his eyes. “You seriously need a haircut.” I laughed.
“You don’t like me with red, shaggy hair?” he smiled. “Where was your mind?”
“I do, but a little trim would look great. Where do you think my mind is?”
“Zach. I guess we both suck at trying to have a relationship. I have a great idea.” He grinned at me. “You become a nun, and I can become a priest.”
I laughed, and Dane covered my mouth. I bit his hand, and he laughed out loud. A pillow flew across the room and hit us. A few of the guys cursed and rolled away from us.
Dane smiled and closed his eyes. “We should try and sleep.”
“You can. I’ll just lie here and contemplate my life.”
