by Terri Grace
Josie spent the next day making preparations and praying that the rain would hold off until after the trip. To her joy, the sky was a bright, unclouded blue all the next day, and was still that way when she got out of bed early on the second morning and went straight to the window to check.
As she baked fresh biscuits and bread for the day, Josie could hear Clae singing loudly out in the barnyard as he did his chores. She wondered with a smile what the pigs and the chickens thought of the performance.
Soon her preparations were made and she had changed out of her faded house dress and into a pretty floral-printed one with a matching bonnet that she had made and kept for a special occasion. Picking up the two enormous baskets of food, she staggered outside with them and over to where Clae and Harland were hitching up the horses.
“Are you planning to feed the whole town?” Clae teased, taking them from her.
It was a moment before Josie realised that Clae and Harland were hitching the horses to the wagon.
“Are the roads still too wet for the buggy?” she asked.
Clae looked at her for a second, puzzled. “Bit of a squeeze for the three of us and all that food in the buggy, don’t you think?”
Josie felt the color drain from her face. Her stomach churned. She raised her hand as if to shade her eyes from the sun, but really it was to hide her expression.
“Oh,” she said, forcing her voice to sound light and unconcerned. “Of course. I didn’t – I didn’t realise that Harland was joining us.” She turned away, desperately fighting the tears that pricked at her eyes. “I’ll need to get some extra food.”
She heard both men laugh, like echoes of each other.
“Hold up there,” said Clae. “There’s plenty enough! How about we save some stores for the winter?”
She managed a short laugh, in spite of her bitter disappointment. It was true. She always did over-prepare – at least, for the things that were really important to her.
She squared her shoulders and straightened her bonnet. She would enjoy the day, anyway, she determined. Many women would envy her for her little family. “Think of how Helena would enjoy a trip like this,” she silently scolded herself.
“Lord, please forgive my petty jealousy,” she prayed. “I know that if Clae wants Harland along, I should be happy that my hard-working husband will have a whole day to enjoy himself just as he pleases.”
Her disappointment was not easily overcome. She found it difficult to join in with the men’s jovial banter, and she had to reassure Clae on several occasions that she was not feeling ill. Still, as the morning went on and she saw the beauty of the state she now called home, her heart began to lighten. The Kansas horizon looked monotonously even – miles upon miles of flat grass plains. She soon learned, though, that that it was deceptive. The land undulated gently, and every now and then they entered a surprising little valley where the grass and the trees were somewhat greener, or they found themselves driving beside a stream.
Finally, from the top of a hill, Josie glimpsed a wider expanse of water. The river. She had heard Clae and Harland talk about it many times, but this was her first visit. Between their hill and the water were more trees than Josie had seen since her journey from New York. A couple of spires of smoke came up through the trees, indicating trapper’s cabins, but otherwise there were no signs of habitation. Flocks of birds wheeled above the trees, enjoying the warm air currents and chittering loudly.
Clae drove to a clearing on a small hill that ran down to the water’s edge. Clae helped Josie down and they all stretched their cramped legs and backs. Josie could feel Clae watching her, checking that she was well.
All three were hungry, so they decided to have their midday meal there and then. Clae was right: there was more than enough food for the three of them. When they had had their fill, Clae stretched out and began to drift off to sleep, and Harland lazily puffed away on his pipe, staring out over the water. Josie was contemplating going for a short walk when there was a loud rustle in the trees at the edge of the clearing. Clae and Harland were instantly on the alert with their rifles poised.
Josie froze, listening intently for what seemed a very long time but was probably less than a minute. Eventually, the source of the rustling moved away and the men relaxed.
“What was it?” whispered Josie. The noise itself had not frightened her, but the men’s response had.
“Could have been anything,” replied Clae. He nodded at the remains of their meal. “The smell of the food. Best get it back in the wagon. We don’t want to attract predators.”
“Predators. You mean coyote would come in close?”
“Coyote don’t worry me.” He took their scraps from her and began to dig a hole to bury them in. “Bears and suchlike, on the other hand….”
“Bears! I thought there were none left around here.”
“Not many, but you hear stories. A cousin of ours had a calf taken one night. He lives in an area like this one – lots of trees and water. He has a Shawnee ranch manager, who said the tracks definitely belonged to a black bear.”
Josie knew it was unwise, but a part of her would have loved to see a bear…although perhaps from a distance would be best, she decided.
Clae held up a plate on which one slice of cake remained. “Harland, this here last piece of cake is yours if you can rustle us up some venison before we leave.”
Harland’s eyes gleamed. “It’d be my pleasure,” he said. “But let’s set up the lines before I go. I’ve got a hankering for a good fish supper.”
Ten minutes later, Josie and Clae were sitting on an old rug down on the bank, a fishing line stretched out on either side of them into the water. They sat in comfortable silence, watching the birds swoop down to the water and soar back up with fish in their beaks.
“I owe you an apology,” said Clae, his voice sounding too loud in the peace.
Josie turned to look at him, surprised.
“I didn’t know you were wanting today to be just for us.”
“I – it's—“
“No, I know you were disappointed. I could see it.”
Josie closed her eyes for a moment, capturing her thoughts. “It’s so rare we get to have any time with just each other,” she finally said.
Clae nodded. “You’re right. It’s always been me and Harland, since we were born.” He paused and suddenly grinned. “Since before we were born, if you think about it. It’s like I don’t notice he’s there in the same way as another person.”
Josie nodded and reached tentatively for Clae’s hand. “I understand.”
“But I married you, which means you’re joined to me, and I’ve been thinking that I’m not doing wholly right by you if that doesn’t change how me and Harland are. I’ll talk to him.”
Josie felt awful. “I don’t want to come in between you and your brother. I never wanted that.” A thought suddenly occurred to her. “Besides, I’ve been desperately asking the Lord for a little one, but having a little one to care for is going to mean less time for us. I shouldn’t be expecting two such...contrary things.”
Clae dropped his head. “Way I see it, they’re two different things,” he finally said.
They listened to the gentle splash of the water against the bank, gripping each other’s fingers as if they were holding on for life.
“Clae,” Josie breathed, her thoughts and fears building beneath the surface with such a pressure she could no longer hold them back, “what if I...I can’t? It’s been a while.”
“You’ve been sick.” He could not conceal the desperate edge to his voice.
“I know, but I’m starting to wonder...I don’t think it’s only that.”
Clae suddenly released her hand, jumped up and walked swiftly over to where his coat hung on a tree branch. He searched the pockets and pulled out a very small book. Josie recognised it. She had seen him reading it at her bedside during the evenings she was recuperating from her illness. It contained all the Psalms and Proverbs
from the Bible.
He came back to her, shuffling the pages backwards and forwards until he found what he was looking for. He sat down behind her and put his arms around her so that they could both see the page, and then he read aloud the 128th Psalm:
Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord; that walketh in His ways.
For though shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.
Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round thy table.
Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord.
The Lord shall bless thee out of Zion: and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life.
Yea, thou shalt see thy children’s children, and peace upon Israel.
Josie sighed. It was beautiful, but could she really believe it?
As if he was reading her thoughts, Clae said, “We’ll say it until we believe it.”
CHAPTER SIX
The Fashionable Miss Brenda Kelly
HARLAND RETURNED, WEIGHED down by a fine buck, and claimed the last of Josie’s apple cake. He noticed Josie’s look of panic when she realised she didn’t know what to do with so much meat, and teased that it would have to be hung above her bed.
The next couple of days were filled preparing fish and venison and deliberating over the school board’s request for Josie’s help, which she agreed to after some urging from Millie. Time seemed to speed up after that day at the river, and before Josie could pause to appreciate the experiences, the harvest was in and safely stored, Thanksgiving had come and gone in a flurry of food and celebration, and the fierceness had gone out of the sun.
The time came for Josie to begin her teaching. She had been devising her lessons, in consultation with Millie and Mrs Parker, for weeks, but she still felt unprepared. What if the children refused to accept her authority, or she could not explain clearly enough to help them learn?
While it was still dark, Clae drove her into town to the Drescher’s house. There she left her things and accompanied the younger members of the Drescher clan to the schoolhouse. Like the children, she carried her noon meal in an old milk pail.
The children were all abuzz, as was Mrs Parker, with the news that the general store had been broken into and robbed during the night. Several items had been taken, but most of them were common household goods and food, so it would be difficult to prove that any particular person had taken them.
Josie feared the excitement would make controlling the chaos difficult, but the moment Mrs Parker called for order, the children settled down. Only when one boy’s chalk squeaked unusually loudly against his slate did stifled giggles erupt.
School in the west was very different to Josie’s own experience of education in New York City, but almost immediately she developed a rapport with the children, especially the younger ones, so she soon relaxed and enjoyed the morning.
At noon the children were released into the small yard behind the schoolhouse. Chatting to Mrs Parker while they ate, Josie glanced out of the rear window. Not surprisingly, the games of choice that day appeared to be variations on “arrest the thieves” or “evade the sheriff”.
When she had finished eating, Josie went out onto the back porch for some fresh air. A tiny little girl was sitting on the steps, grappling with her bootlaces. The boots were too big for her, and heavy, and Josie marvelled that there was enough strength in her thin frame to walk in them.
Josie sat beside her. “That’s right, Miriam. Now tuck it through there, get a good grip on both bits and pull them tight. There, now!”
Miriam beamed. “That’s only two times I’ve done it all by myself!” she said.
“Very well done. Why don’t you go and play with the other girls now?”
Miriam shook her head. “I ain’t supposed to. Mama says. I had the fever.”
“Oh, I see. Me too.”
“It don’t allow for much fun times, do it?”
“It doesn’t, no.”
“Doesn’t.”
“That’s right. But there will be more fun times to come.”
The two of them sat together quietly for a while. Josie could tell that Miriam was working up to asking a question.
Finally, she said, “Do your children go to the school in the south?”
Josie breath caught in her throat. “No. I don’t have any children.”
“Why not?”
“Because...well, God hasn’t sent them to me yet.”
“Oh.” Miriam considered this for several moments. “Well. He must be baking them extra good for you and Mr McKinley. You know, like how Mama’s special cakes always take so long preparing.”
Josie felt pressure behind her eyes. “Yes, I guess that’s it,” she said.
Miriam wiped her little hand on her pinafore and then slipped it into Josie’s. “You’re a good teacher,” she said, and lapsed back into silence.
One afternoon a fortnight later, Josie accompanied Beth to the general store. It was a Tuesday, and the children had been dismissed ten minutes early for good behaviour. Harland was not due to pick up Josie for another hour, and Beth had heard that Mr Jones had brought in from Chicago several bolts of pretty new fabrics. The two women decided to idle away the hour inventing ways to afford the nicest ones and make them up into elaborate gowns.
They were just passing the stump of the tree that earlier in the year had brought poor Mr King such confusion and the undertaker an unwanted window in his roof when Beth, who’d been joyously telling Josie the latest exploits of Jasper, the puppy that Harland had given her, turned pale and faltered mid-sentence.
Josie followed her line of sight. Coming toward them up the street was Harland in the buggy. Oddly, he was wearing his Sunday best. The apparent reason for this was perched beside him, a rug carefully tucked around her against the wind: Miss Brenda Kelley, the golden-haired and fashionable daughter of a local banker. They were talking merrily and laughing together.
Josie’s mouth went dry. She hadn’t been aware that Harland was even acquainted with Miss Kelley, much less openly courting her.
Beside her, Beth was blindly groping for a support. Josie gripped her hand firmly and led her to a railing in a secluded spot. As they got there, Beth pulled her hand away.
“Why didn’t you tell me Harland was courtin’ Brenda?” she said.
Josie was stung. “I didn’t know it until just now. I promise. I’m as surprised as you.” Perhaps not quite as surprised, she realised. Still, Harland’s behaviour made little sense. “We can’t be sure they’re courting. Maybe she just needed a ride.”
“Then why would he come to pick you up dressed all fancy like that?”
Josie had to concede the point. There was a silence.
“I’m sorry,” said Beth, her voice softening as the anger drained out of it and left only sorrow. “I shouldn’t be saying – I have no right to – Harland hasn’t done wrong by me.”
Josie wasn’t so sure of that. “What about Jake Friend? I thought – that is, Clae and Harland said they saw you out in town with him one day.” Beth had never mentioned the incident to her, and Josie had not found the right opening to bring it up.
Beth flushed. “Jake invited me to the concert with a group of friends from school. I – went with him because – well, because I was flattered, I guess. He’s rich, and he’s handsome...and I guess I never saw it before, but he’s also…” here, she lowered her voice – “boring. All that handsome kind of fades when you can’t think of anything to talk of.”
Beth frowned. “Do you think maybe that’s why – does Harland think I’m courtin’ Jake?”
“I don’t know,” said Josie. “I can’t pretend to know what’s going through his mind.”
“No…truth is, I’ve been thinking for some time that I need to….” She sighed and shook her head. "I was so young when I…grew to like Harland, and I’ve embarrassed myself over him sometimes. That’s why he
never – I mean, why would he want to marry someone so young and poor and unrefined as me, when he can go courting the likes of Brenda Kelley?”
“Because he’s not such a fool,” thought Josie, putting her arms around Beth’s shoulders.
At least, she had always thought he wasn’t.
Harland arrived at the Drescher’s with a big grin on his face, but Josie could not help being curt with him. For the first part of the journey they were both silent. Eventually Harland said loudly, “I declare, Josie, I’ve been racking my brains and I can’t think what I’ve done to upset you. Did I leave an empty pot on the stove again?”
Josie sighed. “No, you didn’t. At least, I hope you didn’t!”
“Well, what, then? I know you and Clae like driving together, but I had to come to town today.”
“No, I know. You had to go courting. Beth and I saw you driving Miss Kelley. I had no idea you had…intentions towards her.”
“Intentions to—? What? I’m not courting Miss Kelley!” Harland pulled back on the reigns so he could turn and look properly at Josie. “Why would you think—? Oh, no. Did you and Miss Beth think…?”
“Well, of course we did. You’re out driving and laughing and all in your Sunday suit. What were we supposed to think?” Josie was relieved to hear the truth, but more confused than ever.
Harland looked distressed, but then his lips hardened into a line and he urged the horses on again. “Well, Miss Drescher was stepping out with Jake Friend, so what does it matter, anyway?”
Josie’s anger flared. “She stepped out with him one time, along with a group of school-friends. That’s all. But even if it was more than one time, why shouldn’t she?”
She thought about the heartache that Beth had suffered, waiting for Harland to declare himself. She herself knew the pain of waiting in vain, and now it fuelled her internal fire and she burst out, “You can’t expect the girl to wait forever!”
