by Izzy Shows
It was a long car ride home, or at least it felt that way. In truth, there were very few cars on the road that late at night, but neither I nor Weylyn was talking. I was lost in thought about the plan Dudley and I had agreed to, and Weylyn seemed to respect that I needed to think about it.
I appreciated that. I didn’t think I could talk about it just yet.
He didn’t know what we were planning, and I knew he was going to hate it just as much as I did. At the very least, I’d spare him the humiliation. He wasn’t going to be a part of it. I’d keep him as far away from this as possible.
It wasn’t like it was going to be a fight, anyway, so I didn’t particularly need him to do his big impressive thing. Especially since Dudley wanted to humiliate me, and I didn’t see how I could convince Weylyn to go along with the humiliation plan. I didn’t even want to go along with it.
At long last, I pulled up to the curb outside my house. Instead of getting out, though, I rested my head against the steering wheel and let out a low groan.
“What is it, Blair?” Weylyn let out a low whine, nudging me with his nose.
“It’s nothing I can’t handle,” I said. “I just... Give me a minute.”
I was so sick of handling everything. I was so sick of being on my own with this shit. Yeah, I had all my friends, and that was awesome, because I’d never been the type of person to have friends, but they couldn’t bear the brunt of this for me. No one could take the pressure off me except for me.
Even if I brought other people in on this, I’d still be stressing about it.
There was no way out of it that I could see.
With a grunt, I pushed off the steering wheel. I got out of the car, let Weylyn out, and we walked into the house side by side.
Fred was on the couch, lying on his back with a book held up on his chest. The sight of it brought a smile to my lips. This was good. This was normal.
Well, as normal as an imp lying on your couch could be, all things considered.
“Hey,” I said, leaning against the door to tug my boots off.
“Miss Blair! You is home.” He beamed at me. “And your encounter has been well, yes? I heard you leaving the vampires, and I decided was safe to put the crystal away. Is true?”
“Yeah, everything went about as well as could be expected. There were no fights, so that was good. I just... Oof. I wish things had gone a little better. But when you play with vampires, everything doesn’t exactly come out smelling like roses, you know?”
He had a solemn look on his face. “Yes, Miss. Vampires is nasty business to be getting into. I is wishing that you didn’t has to do it.”
“You and me both,” I said. But it wasn’t like I could just walk away from everything and turn my nose up because vampires were involved.
No, I had to see everything through, no matter what.
I leaned my staff against the wall and took off my thigh holster. I laid the holster down on the floor by the door, not wanting to carry it down to the basement just now. I took the wands out of my boots, then removed them.
Letting out a happy sigh to be home and done, I stretched my arms over my head, then twisted side to side.
“Is everything OK, Miss?”
Weylyn grumbled, and Fred nodded as if he understood exactly what Weylyn meant.
Well, hell, maybe he did. Weylyn wasn’t an actual average dog, and Fred was something I’d never understand. Who was to say the two of them couldn’t communicate on a level I wouldn’t understand?
I walked over and took a seat on the couch. Fred moved to make room for me.
“Ah, not exactly. I think you’re going to like this plan even less than you liked the first one.”
“Oh, no.”
“Yeah. No, wait until you hear it,” I said, dragging a hand through my hair. “So, I want to preface this with the statement that I don’t like this plan, either, but I just... I don’t see any other choices here. I talked with the rebel vampires, and that actually went OK. Well, maybe it wasn’t the best, but I didn’t die, so that’s something. I was told by the leader, Karl, that the vampires were hungry and that Dudley wasn’t keeping them as well-fed as he should, and that’s why they’re rebelling. But when I told Dudley that, he said that was just a ruse. That the vampires were tired of him and didn’t think he was strong enough to lead them anymore. I don’t know what to think. Karl didn’t exactly seem like the most honest guy, but people being hungry? That, I can understand.”
Fred reached over and patted my leg. “Miss, I know you is trying to understands the vampires, but is not something you cans do. They is not like you. They wills never have the same morality you has. Is just not possible.”
I groaned. “But why? Why can’t I understand them?”
He shrugged. “Because is the way it is. You can no more understand the Fae than you can understand the vampires.”
Well, that was confusing. I thought I understood Fae, but now he was making me think that maybe I didn’t. Maybe I didn’t know anything about anything at all and I’d just been fooling myself.
It was a hard pill to swallow, admitting that I didn’t know what I thought I had.
In order to achieve the level of control I wanted, though, I needed to keep an open mind. I needed to be able to recognize when I was wrong and not fight that idea so much.
It was a lot harder than it sounded.
“All right, so it looks like you and Dudley are probably right about all of this,” I said on the tail end of a sigh. “I’m just the fool who wanted the vampires to be more than they are.”
“You is not a fool for being empathetic, Miss,” Fred said with a gentle smile. “Is a good trait to have, and I is hoping that you will never lose it.”
I smiled in return. He might have a point, but there was no room for empathy in a war.
And make no mistake, I was at war every moment of every day. I waged war on every supernatural creature that thought to endanger the peace I protected in the city of London.
I’d never allow harm to befall these people so long as I still had breath in my body.
“I’m going to go outside for a quick minute, OK?” I said, standing up.
“You is taking your things with you, yes?”
I winced. “Well, no...” I really didn’t want to put back on all that stuff when I’d just taken it off.
“Miss! You was attacked by the vampires the last time you went out unarmed. You has just been to see them. What is you thinking the odds are of them attacking again?”
Damn it, he had a point. “Fine,” I conceded. “I’ll put my shit back on.”
I stomped over to the door, slid my thigh holster back on with the stakes still in it, donned my boots and replaced my wands, then grabbed my staff as I headed out the door.
It was a quiet night, aside from the small sounds of nature that echoed around me. Reassuring sounds, for no animal would dare to make noise when predators were prowling about.
So long as the animals were at rest, I could be as well.
I walked around the back of the house to Aidan’s grave and took a seat beside it, laying my staff on the ground.
“Hey. Long time, no talk,” I said. “I’m sorry I haven’t visited you much lately. Things have been crazy, with all the Fae nonsense and then the Order, and now the vampires. I just can’t seem to catch a break, it seems. Do you know what I’d give to have one night off?”
I chuckled. “Of course you do. This was your job before it was mine, and you were so alone. You didn’t have anyone like Emily, and it seems like you weren’t very close with Fred. Don’t get me wrong, the guy loved you, and he was so broken about...well, you know. But I don’t think you let him in the way you should have. Maybe I’m like you about that. I don’t like to let people in, but I’m working on it. You really should have had Diego around more to crack some sense into you like he does to me.”
The idea of Aidan and Diego as friends warmed me. I didn’t know how well that had carried into adult
hood, but Diego seemed fond of the man, in memory, at least.
“I wish you’d leaned on people more. I wish you were alive to tell me why you let me in, when it seems so out of character for you.” I picked at the grass near my leg. “I wish you were here to give me advice. I don’t know if what I’m doing is right or wrong. See, these vampires are about to revolt. They want to get rid of Dudley, and it’s me and Dudley who are trying to get it taken care of, but I’m just a young mage. Still wet behind the ears. I’m not that young in terms of age, not anymore, but I’m still new to this whole magic thing. You would know better than I how much Dudley can be trusted, although I don’t think he’d have wanted to work with you at all. You didn’t seem to get along.
“But, and maybe this is just wishful thinking, I think you’d know what to do about the revolution. At least, I think you’d be able to tell me if Dudley’s plan is smart or not. But then again, what did you know about plans? You were as bad as I am.” I grinned. “No offense. I like that--that you and I are kind of the same. I don’t think that’ll serve me well in the long run, but it’s a nice thing to think about.”
I lifted a hand and fingered the pentacle necklace around my neck--the one that Aidan had given me before we’d gone to Tyburn Tree. Back then, it had been a focus for strength that he’d created. Now, it was nothing more than a piece of silver. It was impossible for a mage, or a Wizard, to refill a focus that someone else had made.
But I couldn’t bring myself to take it off. He’d given it to me to keep me safe just before he died, and even though I’d only known him for a short time, he’d meant so much to me.
To other people, it might have seemed insane that I’d become so attached to Aidan in such a short time. But those people didn’t know what it was like to grow up without a single male figure in your life being kind to you, and then to have someone tell you that you were special. That you were worthwhile. They didn’t know what it was like to have someone believe in you when no one else had before.
That was powerful stuff, and it served to bind me to Aidan in ways that probably didn’t make a lot of sense. I didn’t try to fight it, though. I knew that was useless.
You can’t dictate your emotions.
I looked around, sending my senses throughout the field to see if I could pick up the aura of anyone who might be nearby and looking to do me harm.
When I found no one, I lay down atop Aidan’s grave, pressing my cheek against the earth.
“I hope you don’t mind if I just stay here for a minute. I need a minute of peace.”
The world could go to hell tomorrow. Right now, I just needed to breathe.
Thirty Five
“You’re going to do what?”
I cringed at the sharp bark in Diego’s voice. Morning had come all too quickly, and with it my usual training session with Diego.
I had decided to fill him in on the plan that Dudley had come up with and that I’d reluctantly agreed to. I stressed how reluctant I was to go along with it, but that didn’t seem to have an effect on Diego’s reaction.
“I’m going to let Dudley treat me like shit, I guess,” I said, stiffening my shoulders as I prepared for his rage.
Instead, he seemed to calm. “You don’t deserve that, Blair.”
I lifted my chin. “I know. I know that it’s all bullshit and none of it really matters, which is why I’m going to go through with it. If an hour or two of humiliation means that the innocents of London are safe, then that’s a price I’m willing to pay.”
“You don’t know what price you could be paying,” he said with a note of anguish in his voice. “You don’t understand how dangerous this all is.”
I looked over at Weylyn, who was sitting on the floor beside Diego’s couch.
“It’s impossible for one person to know the entirety of how an event will play out before they take part in it. I don’t expect this to be any different from the rules that govern normal behaviour. I’m sure there’ll be something more that will come up, but I intend to handle it in whatever way I can.”
“Though I do not agree with your actions, Blair, I must commend you on the way you are handling this.”
I smiled, a twinge of pride passing through me. Weylyn thought I was doing a good job of it, and that meant a lot to me.
Diego took a seat beside me, leaned over and pressed his head into his hands, his elbows on his knees.
“I don’t know how to get you to understand just how bad an idea this is.”
I placed a hand on his back. “That’s what you don’t seem to understand. I get it, I really do. This isn’t what I wanted to do, and I don’t like it any more than anyone else does. But that doesn’t change the fact that this is something I need to do.”
“But it isn’t!” he snapped, lifting his head to glare at me. “This isn’t something you need to do. You don’t need to be involved with those vampires at all.”
To my great surprise, I softened instead of responding with my usual temper. “I know you want to keep me safe, Diego, but that’s not the way this job works. It’s the nature of things that I have to endanger myself for the city.”
“You’ll wilfully walk into something that could very well be a trap.”
“I knowingly endanger myself in the hope that I’ll be able to make my way out of it.”
“And what will happen if you don’t?”
“You’ll be here. Or the Order will assign another Wizard to look after the city in my stead. It won’t be like it was when Aidan died. They didn’t know about that, in large part because I was unable to report his death. You can request that someone else be assigned so you can go back to your family in the States. So, in a way, it’ll work out better for you if something happens to me.” I tried for a smile to go along with my gallows humour.
He didn’t appreciate that, apparently. “It won’t work out better for me if you die, Blair. You can’t possibly think that.”
“It was a joke,” I mumbled, looking down at my hands.
“You’re my student.” His voice was soft, quiet. “I wouldn’t handle it well if something were to happen to you.”
That hit hard. I didn’t like to think about other people caring about me, about anyone being affected whether I lived or died. It had always been so much easier to take care of things when it was just me against the world.
Now, I had so many people to think about. And in a way, that was nice--to be surrounded by people who cared about me--but it also meant I had to be more careful.
I couldn’t risk hurting the people I cared about and who cared about me in turn.
“Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean it. My point stands, though. The world wouldn’t end if something happened to me.”
“You won’t take Weylyn with you?”
“No. You wouldn’t be able to put up with what Dudley has planned, would you?” I directed the question to Weylyn.
“I’d tear his throat out.”
“That settles that.”
“I don’t think you should be doing this alone. You should allow me to tear his throat out.”
“Ah, but that wouldn’t help with this rebellion,” I said. “I need you to let me do this.”
“Blair...I don’t think you truly understand how dangerous vampires are.”
I looked over to Diego, frowning. “I know they’re dangerous.”
“But you don’t know how treacherous they can be. They’re perfect at tricking you into trusting them, into laying your life in their hands, and then snapping your neck as soon as the opportunity presents itself. They’ll always turn on you. It’s just a matter of time, waiting for that to happen.”
I didn’t know about that. Dudley had never once done something that he hadn’t given me full disclosure about. And he’d asked me to do this, in his own way. The only time we’d really butted heads had been when he’d threatened to call the Order on me, and even that I could understand, in a way.
He needed me to stop the rebellion, and he couldn’
t risk me walking away.
“I understand that, Diego.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
I pinched my brows together. “What do you mean?”
He let out a heavy sigh, dragging his hands over his face. “I mean to say... I trusted a vampire once. I made the mistake of thinking I understood their nature, and that I could work with it. He led me to believe that he didn’t put any faith in the war the vampires were fighting, and that he wanted things to go back to the way they were. I lost a lot of good Wizards because of that mistake. I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did.”
My heart squeezed at his revelation. He was actually opening up and telling me about the war that was going on right now. He had been so tight-lipped about it, and now he was letting me in.
I wanted to be able to tell him that this was enough, and that I wasn’t going to go through with it now that I knew that. I knew that was what he wanted, and in that moment, it was all I wanted to make him rest easy.
But I couldn’t say any of that, because it wouldn’t be true.
I laid a hand on top of his and squeezed. “I can’t put into words how much I appreciate you sharing that with me. I won’t forget it, and I’ll always keep it in mind when I deal with Dudley. But it doesn’t change my decision.”
He looked at me, pain in his eyes.
“Is there anything I can do to help? Anything that will keep you safe? You’re my charge...”
I shook my head. “You can’t interfere. It would ruin everything. You have to let me do this on my own.”
His smile was tight, as if he’d already known that was what I was going to say. He stood up and walked to a bookshelf by the fireplace, took a book off of it and flipped through a few pages.
I frowned, trying to decipher what he was doing. How would books help us right now?
He took something out from between the pages and put the book back, then walked back to me. He held out his hand, and in it was an ancient coin I didn’t recognize.
“Take this. If you need me, just touch it. I’ll be there as fast as I can.”
Tears welled in my eyes.
