by Faith Starr
“Now that I know the truth, I probably would’ve felt worse if I had, seeing the ‘bad boy’ you speak about portraying, because I’d think it’s who you have become instead of it being an act.”
“You’re right.” He nodded in agreement. “Okay, I take it back. I’m glad you never researched me. But please, so you know, unless it’s our social media team posting pictures of the band, most of the shit you see and read about online about me and the guys isn’t true.”
“When do you go back on tour?” My fragile heart already missed him, feeling lonely at the thought.
“In a few weeks, but I’d love to spend a huge chunk of my break with you if you’ll let me.”
The desperation on his face tore me apart.
“Oh Logan.” I couldn’t hold back from not touching him any longer. I crawled across the couch and onto his lap, where I straddled him. “I would want nothing more than to spend more time with you.”
He smiled. “I’m glad.”
We kissed, his tongue making its presence known but not in a lustful manner. Rather, the kiss had a great deal of feeling in it. I might even go out on a limb and say it tasted like a promise as well.
Logan wrapped his arms around my waist. I wrapped mine around his neck. We continued to kiss. Then we kissed some more, as if were our first time together. In a sense, I considered it to be a new beginning for us. I only hoped this new chapter would have a happier ending.
15
Logan
Drew’s stomach made a loud noise. She covered it with her hand. A faint blush spread across her cheeks.
“Ms. Sanders, in all the excitement you didn’t eat your dinner.”
She sighed. “I lost my appetite, but it’s obviously come back with a vengeance. I’m starving.” She circled her hand over her belly.
“Me too. What do you say we try dinner again but with a table for two and no surprise guests?”
“I don’t mind surprise guests and yes, I’d love to get something to eat with you.”
I wasn’t sure how much I believed her about the surprise-guests part. The eating part, yes, her stomach had made her hunger evident to probably half the ranch it gurgled so loud.
She eased off me. I stood, took her hand in mine, and faced her. “Thanks for hearing me out. It means a lot to me.”
“It means a lot to me that you opened up.” She smiled warmly.
Hand in hand, we walked back to the dining hall. And by good fortune, we discovered no guests inside. Thank God.
Our dirty dishes remained on the table, right where we’d left them. I hated wasting food. I suddenly remembered Susanna and Jack’s dogs loved eating leftovers. Maybe Drew and I could feed ours to them after we finished with our meals.
Fresh food got reheated and I brought the goodies I’d hunted down in the kitchen to the table, setting them in front of Drew. “Help yourself.”
She did without any hesitation whatsoever.
“Mmm, this fish is delicious. I think my stomach will agree. I’m so hungry, anything would be delicious by this point.”
Feeling hungry myself, I tasted the fish, agreeing with her opinion of it.
“You’re right. It is good.”
“Let me get us drinks.”
Her sweet ass shook side to side during her waltz to the counter to get two glasses of ice water. I studied her face when she returned. Contentment filled her features. Filled mine too.
She set my drink in front of me.
“Thanks.” I took a sip.
She dug into her food again.
“And my stomach thanks you.” She continued to feast on her dinner, pretty much clearing the plate. I loved seeing a girl with a hearty appetite.
“Thank Susanna. She cooked it. I’ll have to keep better track of time in the future to make sure to feed you properly.”
“Yes, you will. You’ve worked me to the bone today, Mr. Trimble.”
“A little hard work never hurt anyone.”
“So true. Speaking of hard work, tell me about your days on the road.”
“Typically, after our shows we travel through the night to our next destination. I’ll usually wake up early to workout because once the day officially begins, there’s not much time left over for anything other than prepping for the next show. The guys and I meet up with our manager when we arrive at the venue, do a sound check, review procedures for meet and greets, and any other business or tasks our manager wants us to take care of. On a good day, we’ll have a few hours to kill, depending on the venue and how late rehearsals and preparations take beforehand. Other days it’s one task after another with no breaks in between. For the most part, meet and greets take place prior to performances. That frees us up later on.”
“Like for groupies?”
Sarcasm at its best.
A shrug gave her my reply because she spoke the truth. After-parties used to happen more frequently, less now that the guys were tied up with their girls, figuratively speaking of course. And if they were into kinky shit, they never spilled details to me about it. Not that I wanted any.
“I know this may sound odd, but where and how do you meet them?”
Say what? I scrunched my face, the topic not one I wanted to discuss, especially with her.
“Come on, I want to know.”
She saw right through me. She always could.
“Well, a lot of our hard-core fans come to sound check. And they definitely dress for the occasion—low-cut tops and high-rise shorts. You get my drift.” I backhanded the air, not wanting to give her any more food for thought. “When the guys and I finish playing, we head down to where they’re sitting to sign autographs, take pictures, and other shit.”
She didn’t require a play-by-play.
“Other shit?”
Her question put me on edge. Screw that. This entire conversation put me on fucking edge.
“Please continue.”
Hold your horses, partner. I put my hand up to pacify her, mostly to give me a pause to figure out how to word it properly without making her feel bad or jealous. Drew had the sensitivity gene locked down tight.
“If we like a girl in particular, we’ll make sure she’s seated up front at the show. We’ll then have someone on our security team bring her backstage following the performance. Fans seated in the front tend to make their presence known. If we want to see more of them, we’ll have security escort them backstage.”
“And these strange women agree to sleep with you just because of who you are?”
“You wouldn’t believe what women do to get with us. But again, I’d rather not delve deeper into this with you. It’s not something I’m proud of.”
“I’m sure your ego is.” She flashed me a half-smile, but her eyes had pain in them.
“It is what it is.” I flashed her a lopsided grin.
“How do you live with yourself?”
“You mean to tell me you’ve never fucked a guy just because you wanted to?”
Say what? Her body language answered the question for me. No way.
“I’m not thrilled admitting to you I have, but in my defense, I did know the guys’ names and also knew a thing or two about them.”
Them?
My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe the words she’d spoken. Talk about a double standard. Yes, I’d confess I had no issue with me fucking countless women in my past but had a serious problem with her fucking any other man.
“You’ve had one-night stands?”
“It’s not something I’d like to write home and brag about. If I’m being totally honest, since we agreed to be open with each other, I thought acting out would help me get over you faster.”
Double what the fuck? She could have drawn a stake into my heart, it ached so much.
“And did it?”
She shook her head.
Thank God for small miracles.
Not that I wanted her to suffer but because I didn’t want her finding comfort in the arms of another man. I always di
d hold the selfish bastard card firmly in my grasp.
“So what did you do?”
Please say you abstained in an attempt to overcome heartbreak.
“I tried it again, maxing out at three guys. I felt worse with each one I spent time with. It really sucked.”
Three? I swallowed hard at her answer, not expecting it whatsoever. I couldn’t hold back my displeasure.
“Fuck, Drew.”
“Don’t look so disappointed. My total can still be counted on one hand.” She raised one and wiggled her fingers in front of me. “I’m sure you can’t say the same.”
She had me there.
“I’m not disappointed in you. I’m disappointed you felt the need to behave a certain way because of me.”
She shrugged. She set her fork on the plate, and slid it toward me. Guess she had finished eating.
“Like you said, it is what it is.”
“So what did it take to finally get over me?” Not that I wanted to hear her answer because if she asked me the same question, I’d have to confess I never truly got over her.
“Are you trying to feed that big ego of yours?”
I wanted her to see the seriousness in my expression, so I looked directly at her. “Not in this particular case.”
“I don’t know how to answer your question… Time maybe… And I’ll admit the pain lessened, but it never fully left. It stuck with me as did the rest of my feelings.”
Did she mean the feelings of love she had toward me as well? My heart raced at the possibility.
“Christ, Logan. Why are you bringing all this up?” She crumpled up her napkin and tossed it on the table in front of her.
“You’re the one who started it by asking questions about groupies.” I defended myself, even though groupies had nothing to do with where our conversation had drifted.
“Yeah, I did. But I didn’t bring up how I dealt with the aftermath of our failed relationship. You did.”
“The topic was bound to come up sooner or later, so we may as well bite the bullet and discuss it now.”
She eyed me, not saying a word. Okay, I’ll go first. “I have to say, you seem to still be carrying around a lot of anger toward me.” It emanated from her being.
“In all seriousness, do you blame me?”
“Not for a second. I just wish I knew how to break the wall down, so I can get close to you again.”
“Trust builds with time. You know that as well as I do, especially rebuilding it. Right now, we have a few days ahead of us to spend together as we please. But it doesn’t mean I’m willing to put my all into something I’m not sure will turn out in my favor.”
“No one ever knows how things will turn out. And I already told you, I want to spend more time with you back home before I hit the road again.”
“Then it’s back to your groupies, right?” She glared at me. “I know we’re not in a committed relationship anymore, but I’m not okay with that nor should you expect me to be.”
“First of all, if we’re together, we’re together.”
“I remember you telling me the same thing years back, and it didn’t have such a happy ending.” Her jaw tightened, her body stiffened.
“Fuck, Drew. This is exactly what I’m talking about with your walls. Didn’t you specifically tell your sister people make mistakes? I fucked up. I made one, a huge one. But there’s nothing I can do to change the past.”
She buried her face in her hands. “Oh my God. I’m completely mortified right now.”
“Hey, if it makes you feel better, I fuck strange women because they don’t mean anything to me. I don’t have to feel anything toward them.”
She raised her head, her gaze fixed on mine. “And that’s supposed to make me feel better how?”
“It means you’re the only one I ever attached feelings to it with.” I scooted closer to her.
“That was years ago. We’re older now. We’ve grown up, changed. It doesn’t mean we can pick up where we left off.”
“I know, but I’d like to try.” I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed it.
“You say that now because we’re here in isolation world. Once you get back to reality, things will be different. It’s not fair to me.”
My nostrils flared, my irritation meter rising rapidly. “So are you saying you’re not willing to at least give it a try?”
“I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.” Her muscles clenched with tension. I wanted to console her, but feared touching her. What if she rejected me? No thanks. But I also wanted her to remain open and keep talking because soon enough, she’d shut down again.
“You were the love of my life, but you broke my heart. It’s not an easy thing to recover from. Trust has been a major issue for me ever since because of it.”
I directed the anger fueling me at myself for fucking her up emotionally the way I evidently had. But I couldn’t do anything about it now. The past was history. The only way to rewrite it, or at least change her view of it, was through my actions.
“I’m confused too. But the one thing I am sure about is how I feel when I’m with you.”
“Please give me some time.” She spoke in a hushed voice.
“I’ll give you all the time you need.”
I sure hoped the time we had left together at the ranch would be enough for her because the suspense of what her response would be was killing me.
16
Drew
Logan suggested we feed the dogs outside the dining hall after we ate, offering to give them the leftovers we hadn’t eaten earlier. He gave me a quick rundown on what the ranch dogs were permitted to eat, showing me a posted sign next to the exit door.
Hanging out with the hairy pets elevated our moods from the intense conversation we’d engaged in during dinner, both of us coming down and relaxing while feeding and giving the dogs love. It also showed me another side of Logan I had forgotten about. He became so spirited around animals, overly mushy toward them. His kindhearted nature brought a smile to my face.
The dogs chowed down every last morsel we offered. They whined and begged for more. We promised we’d visit again soon with more treats for them, not that they understood us, but it made me feel better.
Back on the main trail, others were still gathered around the campfire. Brian waved us over. I tried to read Logan’s thoughts. I wanted to join the fun. I could tell Logan didn’t, but the sweetie pie agreed to come with me.
I thought engaging in activities with others might be a good distraction from the heaviness surrounding us.
The group sat around, sharing favorite stories about the happenings at the ranch. I had nothing to share, since I had only participated in one shooting session.
We listened as mostly the teens spoke animatedly about the fun they were having. One of the fangirls who had approached us earlier in the dining hall interrupted her friend’s incessant chatting and directed her attention at Logan.
“Excuse me, Mr. Trimble, would you mind playing a song for us? Brian has a guitar. He played it for us earlier.”
Brian and Logan exchanged knowing glances. I had no clue about their secret, but I found the girl’s question to be adorable and heartwarming. She beamed, staring at him, along with the rest of the teenyboppers sitting in the circle, waiting for his reply. Logan eyed me questioningly. He certainly didn’t need my permission. I loved hearing him play.
“Your fans want to hear a song, me being one of them.”
His face lit up at my response. He retrieved the guitar from Brian. Everyone watched him adjust the guitar on his lap.
“I’ll play under one condition.” He posed his stipulation to the entire group, making sure they listened closely.
“What?” They spoke in unison.
“That we do this together. You request a song. I’ll play it. You sing along. Agreed?” He acted so carefree and in his element being center stage. I envied his ability to not be affected.
They all chanted in unison, “Agreed.”
“Please play ‘Pray for the Best in Times of the Worst!’” another teen girl yelled out.
I had no knowledge of the song, but the kids surely did. As soon as Logan strummed the melody, all of them started singing, not missing a beat.
It surprised me that some of the moms in the group knew the lyrics as well. I felt somewhat ignorant about my lack of awareness of the tune.
What a phenomenal show he gave the audience. The group swayed to the music, and some of the parents danced to the choral singing. The counselors clapped to the beat. It was exactly what Logan and I needed to relieve some of the tension from dinner. At least for me it was. I couldn’t speak for Logan, but by the gleam in his eyes, I knew he felt damn good, as did I.
He kept his focus primarily on me, winking and smiling at me while playing for the others. My heart went pitter-patter because of it.
When the song came to an end, a few of the girls rushed over to him and asked if they could take selfies with him. He kindly agreed. The girls became somewhat starstruck when he stood next to them. I completely understood their captivation. I too became enthralled and entranced by his charm when I got close to him.
After he finished taking pictures, Brian took him aside.
“Sorry, bro. I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
“It’s all good. I just prefer to remain on the down low during my stays at the ranch.”
“I understand.” Brian patted Logan’s arm and returned to the group.
Logan clasped my hand in his and we took off for our cabins.
We stopped in front of his, reaching it first.
“Do you want to come in?” He had a glimmer of hope in his voice and expression.
And here came my dilemma. Did I stay with him, or did I go back to my cabin all by my lonesome?
“I think I’m going to call it a night. Would you mind walking me to my cabin?”
What?
I frowned along with him at the words that spilled out of my mouth.
“Really?” His response had less than an ounce of cheerfulness in it.
