by Lisa Simmons
I could have been happily in his arms in bed, the warmth of his skin seeping into mine and maybe letting my lips trail over his chest. I squirmed in my seat as I thought of the potential for what we could have gotten up to this morning, the already thin resolve of my no-sex rule crumbling as I thought of his hands trailing over my body. I knew if I would have stayed with him this morning, I probably would have caved.
I couldn't ignore the buzzing through my veins whenever he touched me, the way he made me feel so alive with the simplest of things. When you added in how I was beginning to feel for him emotionally, it was a devastatingly dangerous combination. The fact that I'd finally given up resisting feeling something for him made me feel reckless, dangerous, and, undeniably, alive.
Finally, my class ended, and I was free to move my pent up body from the seat, sure I was going to explode from the thoughts I'd been having of Reece and the way his body made me feel. I resisted the urge to call Reece right away, because I wanted to at least try and maintain my rule a little bit longer. If I called him now, I'd cave instantly. I was just about to call Emily for a ride home, realizing I didn't have a way home since Reece had dropped me off when a hand landed on my shoulder.
"Abigail, hey," a deep voice said, making me jump and jerk my vision to my right. My heart stopped cold in my chest. Are you serious?
"Hi," I said awkwardly, avoiding Jack's gaze as he fell into step with me, walking through the campus. He was, as always, the last person I wanted to see, especially when all I wanted to do was run back to Reece.
"How are you today?" he asked, attempting to sound friendly.
"Fine. How are you?" I asked flatly, hoping he would hold off on his hysterical anger. The fact that we were in the middle of campus should help to diffuse him if he were to go off.
"Been better. I still miss you, Abigail," he said, shooting me a smile that I didn't return.
"Hmm," I said simply, not about to return his sentiment.
"Don't you miss me, too?" he pried.
"No, Jack, I don't," I sighed.
"Not even a little?"
"No."
My hands fidgeted with my shirt as we walked, nodding at someone we passed that I recognized from my class, who happened to be a guy.
"Who was that? You screwing him, too now?" Jack said suddenly, his voice still sounding pleasant despite the harsh words.
"What?" I scoffed. "I'm not screwing every guy I talk to."
"Well that's the only reason I can think you wouldn't take me back."
"That's the only reason? Nothing to do with the cheating thing?" I said sarcastically.
"Abigail I apologized for that. So if it's not that, then is it that guy?" he said vaguely, even though I knew exactly who he meant. Reece. I didn't say anything, not wanting to give him any information about Reece.
"It is, huh?" he inferred.
"It's not your business, Jack, I've told you a hundred times."
"I don't want to have to get involved, but if I do, I will," he said, his tone dropping darkly. My heart thudded in fear.
"Is that a threat?" I asked shakily, glancing at him nervously.
"Not a threat, just... letting you know I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get you back."
My blood ran cold in my veins as I thought about what he was implying. He wouldn't try to hurt Reece, would he? He didn't really have much of a history of violence besides the random drunk fight once in a while, but now that I thought about it, I don't know many guys who actually got into drunk fights that often. I was scared of his threat and didn't want him to touch Reece, but I tried to play it cool and talk him down.
"That's not necessary, I just don't think it's going to work between us no matter what," I said gently, hoping he would accept that it wasn't because of Reece that I wouldn't take him back. Not only because of Reece, I should say.
"Hmm, we'll see Abigail. You should just make it easier on yourself and come back to me," he said, staring at me as we walked. I blinked, unsure of how to handle this. He'd never actually threatened to hurt someone before, and I didn't know what to do.
"Just... give me some time," I said vaguely, hoping he'd believe my lie and give me some more time to think about how to handle it. He perked up a little.
"Okay, Abigail, you can have some time."
I let out a subtle sigh of relief, glad he seemed to believe me for the time being. He was quickly becoming unstable, and it scared me.
"Okay. I gotta go, I gotta call Emily," I told him, peeling away from him to head down a different path; anything to take me away from him. "Bye."
"Bye, Abigail," he said, shooting me a dark look as I hurried away. Anxiety and fear crept through me, nervous about he'd do. I had stalled him for now, but I knew I'd have to come up with something to make him stop. This was going to be difficult.
My mind was whirling in a thousand different directions as I found myself walking home, the fresh air helping to calm me down a little. I needed the space to think and sort things out, so maybe walking would help clear things up. I couldn't tell Reece about this; he already had enough going on with trying to deal with everything we were going through, and I didn't want to add more problems to his plate.
I also couldn't tell him because I didn't know how he'd react. Would he decide it wasn't worth it and give up on us? Would he get pissed off and go after Jack? Or would he do nothing? I had no way to determine how he'd react, and that scared me. Hatred for Jack coursed through me as I walked, furious at him for adding unnecessary problems to my already precarious relationship with Reece. It was already hard enough to deal with everything I was feeling for him without having to worry about what Jack was going to do.
Reece was already so much better for me than Jack; he made me feel so... wild, wanted, incredible, alive, everything. Jack had only made me feel scared and helpless. The fire I felt with Reece was something I'd never experienced, and I never wanted to let it go, no matter what Jack threatened. I already felt like I was going crazy without being near him; I didn't want to know what would happen to me if Reece were to give up on this.
I had just arrived home when my phone buzzed in my hand, panic flashing through me in fear of Jack, but I smiled when I saw Reece's name on the screen, indicating I had a text from him.
Reece: hope you enjoyed your class, but I hope you know you'd have enjoyed yourself more with me
I smiled widely. It was as if he'd read my mind, knowing I wouldn't be able to focus in class after spending so much time with him. He was absolutely right, after all, I would have enjoyed my time much more if I had stayed with him. And, as an even better bonus, I wouldn't have ran into Jack.
I should have just stayed with Reece.
Abigail: well I couldn't focus at all so thank you for that
Reece: glad to hear it, baby
I smiled again, already feeling better about things with Reece's few text messages. I would find a way to deal with Jack, because this thing I had with Reece was too impossible to ignore. Somehow, I would find a way to diffuse the ticking time bomb that was Jack, and he would finally leave me alone.
You can do it. You'll figure it out.
I kept repeating those words to myself over and over as I flung myself onto my bed, preparing to think of every possible solution to fix this issue with Jack. I had to if I wanted anything with Reece, which I was quickly realizing I wanted more and more by the second. I had to make it work with Reece, or I would surely explode.
"And my heart won't beat again if I can't feel him in my veins."
Chapter 24
It was now Friday and I had yet to tell Reece about what had happened with Jack. The brief flirtation I’d had with the idea of telling him had flown out the window after I’d avoided telling him the first day. If I was going to tell him, it would have had to be right away; now that I had waited so long, I couldn’t. I just hoped I’d figure out a way to deal with Jack on my own without Reece ever getting involved, because I
was beyond terrified he would decide I wasn’t worth the trouble and give up on us before even starting. I hadn’t seen Reece since he’d dropped me off at class on Wednesday, but we had exchanged texts and even a phone call when he’d called me out of the blue to ask if I was going to a party Friday night, which happened to be tonight. I hadn’t even thought about going until he’d asked, and I desperately hoped he’d ask me to go with him, but he didn’t even though he was going, too. For a second, I let myself imagine what it would be like to go to the party with him, holding his hand and claiming him as mine while all the other jealous girls looked on. I could kiss his shoulder when we wove through the crowd, our bodies getting pushed together from the masses while we moved. I sighed, wishing that I actually would be able to do those things when in reality, I’d be going with Emily, Lauren, and Chloe.
The only solace I found was in the knowledge that we would, almost certainly, end up together. It was kind of inevitable with us, and I was excited for the first moment I would see him tonight. The rush I got from seeing him across the party, waiting for the moment when we’d find each other and finally make contact was like no other feeling I’d ever experienced, and I thrived on it. I resisted the urge to call him and ask him to come with me anyway. I got the feeling that he wasn’t ready to show up somewhere so public with me, the statement it would surely make scaring him a little. I tried not to feel dejected at this realization, determinedly trying to think of it as nothing personal against me and simply because he wasn’t ready for such a public commitment. At least that was what I tried to convince myself as I got ready for the night, the music flooding through our apartment feeding my building adrenaline. Before I knew it, I was ready and watching Emily mix us a drink in our kitchen. She bobbed around happily, the party enthusiast in her extremely pleased that the four of us girls would all be going out together.
“So are you gonna ditch out for Reece again?” she asked playfully, shooting me a knowing look over the drink she handed me. I blushed, knowing I couldn’t deny it.
“Um... we’ll see,” I said, grinning guiltily and taking a sip of my drink. It was delicious, as always with the drinks Emily made.
“You never really told me how your date went, since you didn’t come home and all,” she said, raising an eyebrow playfully at me.
“It was amazing, actually. He’s really... sweet. Which you’d never guess, but he is,” I said, holding myself back from gushing. I could probably go on for hours about Reece, but I resisted. “Hmm, yeah, sweet. You mean amazing in bed,” she said, dropping her eye in a wink.
“Well obviously that too,” I said, blushing. “But we actually made a rule not to sleep together.”
I hadn’t told her about our rule simply because I didn’t want to tell her if I was only going to cave in a few days, but I felt the need to defend our relationship, for lack of a better word. I wanted her to believe me when I said it was more than sex.
“What?! Are you crazy? Why would you resist sleeping with him? He’s seriously so fricking gorgeous, oh my god,” she said, fanning herself jokingly.
“Hey,” I warned with a grin. “Back off, he’s mine. But I dunno, I kinda hate myself for it now but I think it will be good for us if we actually want it to go somewhere,” I explained. She nodded, thinking over my words. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Kudos to you though for resisting that boy. Damn.”
I grinned, glad she could see my point when I sometimes found it so hard to remember in the first place. “It’s not easy, trust me.”
“How long are you gonna make yourself wait?” she questioned.
“I don’t know, what do you think?” I asked, desperately hoping she could give me some structure. She shrugged.
“I dunno... maybe once you get some semblance of commitment? Not like boyfriend/girlfriend but like... an understanding you won’t see anyone else?” she suggested, screwing up her face in thought.
“Yeah... that could be good. I mean we already agreed not to sleep with anyone else but I guess we never said anything about dating...” I said, the thought suddenly occurring to me that we’d made no commitments as far as that, even though it was pretty much unsaid. “I’ll probably just cave at some point and that’ll be the end of it,” I said, laughing because I knew it was true. I wouldn’t be able to hold out from him for much longer; the burning and physicality of our relationship was too strong to ignore for a long period of time. “Are you gonna tell Lauren and Chloe about you guys or what? ‘Cause they’ll be here any minute and I need to know if we can talk about him or not,” she said with a laugh.
“Ugh, no, I don’t feel like explaining the whole thing again when they already have their own opinions of him. I’ll tell them tomorrow or something,” I said, not wanting to have to deal with a thousand questions from both of them when all I really wanted to think about was seeing Reece later. Emily nodded at me.
“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” she answered, taking a long sip from her drink. As soon as she had said it, our door burst open, revealing an excited Chloe and Lauren.
“Heyyyy pretty ladies,” Lauren cheered, grinning at us both as they let themselves into our apartment. We greeted them back excitedly.
“You guys ready for tonight?” Chloe asked, a wide grin on her face. Nothing quite made my friends happier than a good party on the weekends.
“Hell yeah,” I said, grinning widely. As always, their enthusiastic nature was infectious. We passed the next hour drinking and listening to music, the general attitude around us thriving as we got ourselves ready for the night. A solid buzz was running through my veins, and I was definitely the closest to drunk I’ve been in a long time by the time we decided to start walking to the party. Usually, I’d get a bit of a buzz going only to stop drinking at the party and disappear with Reece, the high he gave me much more effective than any alcohol could give me. I pulled my phone out of my pocket as we made our way down the sidewalk, stumbling slightly over the uneven cement and gigging as I swiped my thumb across the screen. I frowned when I saw I had no texts from Reece, hoping he was still planning on going. I had only exchanged a few texts with him earlier today, our conversation revolving strangely around something he’d overheard in class that he’d found funny. It gave me butterflies to think of him sitting in class and hearing something that he wanted to share with me. I perked up at the sound of Reece’s name. I hadn’t heard the context of it, but I was certain his name had been mentioned. I responded faster to it than my own name, these days. My phone was shoved back into my pocket as I walked, listening closely to the conversation my friends were now having.
“You gonna bring a man home, Abigail?” Chloe asked me.
“Sorry, what did you say before?” I asked, hoping whoever said Reece’s name would repeat it so I’d know what was going on.
“I said I wouldn’t mind finding that guy Reece from a few weeks ago... you know that boy has got to be amazing in bed,” Lauren said casually. I almost choked on my breath as her words speared into my chest. There was no way that was going to happen.
“Uh...” I didn’t know what to say, not wanting to get into our complicated relationship right now but also wanting Lauren to stay far, far away from Reece. “He probably won’t be there.”“Boo,” Lauren said, frowning in exaggeration. “Shame, would have really liked to get to know him if you know what I mean.”
She dug her elbow playfully into my side and I tried not to shove her off me. I was suddenly reminded of the girl we’d run into in the coffee shop who had practically thrown herself at him again at 8:30 am. The girl who clearly only saw him as a physical being to be used for their own personal pleasure without worrying about the actual person inside his body. The thought made me sick. Thankfully, Emily cleared her throat and changed the subject, saving me from coming up with something else to say. I shook my head, trying to clear the image of Lauren and Reece together that had started to haunt me as we made our way down the street. I couldn’t get to the party
and find Reece soon enough. It’d be a miracle if I managed to stop myself from kissing him on the spot, because I wanted nothing more than to make it known the that he was off limits, even though that wasn’t true. He wasn’t mine to claim.
I jumped slightly when Emily nudged me gently with her arm, a reassuring smile on her face as we neared the party, the music that could now be heard indicating we were getting close. I smiled back at her, thankful for her subtle intervention. The noise only got louder as we approached the house that was clearly the night’s host for the party, and I watched as Lauren and Chloe skipped excitedly up the path. “You can always tell her to fuck off,” Emily said as she leaned into me, a conspiratorially wide grin spreading across her face.
“I might have to,” I said with a laugh, once again beyond thankful for such a good friend as Emily. We made our way up the path after Chloe and Lauren, playfully waving off three guys standing outside who tried to call us over to them. As always, the party was overflowing with people and I had already lost sight of our other two friends, the crowd swallowing them up as they set off in search of drinks. Immediately, my eyes searched the crowd hopelessly for Reece, but he was nowhere to be seen yet. As if reading my mind, Emily ducked her head to my ear and shouted so she could be heard.
“I’ll let you know if I see him,” she said over the music, linking her arm in mine so we wouldn’t get separated.
“Thanks,” I shouted back before bravely diving into the crowd.
After much pushing and shoving, Emily and I finally burst through the mass of bodies to come out on the other side where the drinks were being served. I laughed as Emily tripped over someone’s foot and turned to curse out the innocent drunk man who had the misfortune of being in her way. “People,” she said exasperatedly. “I need a drink.”
I stifled my laugh as we helped ourselves, the red cups we held filled to the brim before taking a few sips. I took advantage of our position in the somewhat clear corner to scan the room once again, but was disappointed once again. My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I pulled it out excitedly, praying it was from Reece.
