Jarik looked ready to whack him again but looked at me instead. I shook my head and said, “Don’t indulge him. If you cause him further injury he’ll expect my pity.”
Kurit’s jaw dropped comically, and he mimed putting a blade through his heart. I could not help but laugh. He turned from me and tried to pout, but a smile at the silliness threatened to break through. I rose from my seat and went to him to kiss his cheek. The smile won, and he gave Jarik a look of triumph.
As I returned to my seat, Kurit said, “As I was saying, after the tournament, there will be dancing, of course.”
“Dancing?” I said. I had seen some folk dancing as a child but had never partaken in it.
“Of course,” said Kurit. “What’s a party without dancing? The music and dancing will go late into the night. We’ll be taken away by carriage before it ends, to go to the royal cottage. But don’t fret, we’ll have plenty of time to dance before we go.”
“I don’t know how,” I blurted.
They looked at each other in surprise, and then Jarik said, “I suppose that makes sense. You wouldn’t have been to many balls in your life, I suspect.”
“None,” I confirmed.
“Well, don’t worry, Jarik can teach you,” Kurit said. “If you want to teach her, that is,” he said to Jarik.
Jarik rose and bowed elegantly. “Lady Aenna, it would be my honour.”
“Good,” said Kurit. “I could teach you, but …”
“But you lack grace,” Jarik teased.
Kurit pretended to glare. “I was going to say it wouldn’t be appropriate. Someone, probably Mother, would accuse us of being unseemly.”
Jarik took his seat again and mocked, “Imagine that, Aenna! This rogue has finally learned the concept of appropriate behaviour. You must be a good influence.”
I doubted that, knowing as I did that I secretly enjoyed it when Kurit spoke to me in beastly ways.
It was decided then that Jarik would give me dance lessons between my regimen of classes with Kordos. They both were curious as to my progress therein, and I said I felt I was doing better than Kordos would acknowledge.
“Good,” said Jarik. “Don’t let that ogre discourage you. He is a large part of the reason that I elected to take more lessons in weapons and defence than history and science.”
“I like science,” I said. “I always wondered why some things happen, and it’s truly fascinating to learn what we know of the reasons for them. Yesterday I learned that the reason things look so strange if you look through a glass of water is because the light behaves differently once it hits the denser glass, then the water, then the glass again, on its way to your eye. It’s so amazing! I had never thought of the fact that light was something that moved; it was just there. Now I know so much more about it, and I’m fascinated.”
“Have you had to learn geography yet?” asked Kurit. “I hated that. All the talk of different places made me want to be there, not stare at their symbols on a map.”
We spoke at length about what I had learned, and the two sweet, kind men complimented me many times on learning so much so quickly. It was a great deal of work to become reasonably educated, but the reward of feeling intelligent and informed was well worth the effort.
My first dance lesson with Jarik the next day held more trepidation than curiosity, though, since I had never known myself to be the least bit graceful. Thankfully we were alone in the ballroom, or I would have been deeply embarrassed.
He bowed and instructed me to curtsey, so I did. He then took my left hand in his right. “Now, this is important,” he said. “A gentlemen will always take your hand like so,” he said as he demonstrated. He held his hand rigid and scooped it up under my fingers, so that my fingers curled over his index finger towards his palm. His thumb encircled my fingers, as though he were forming a hole with his hand, and mine was hooked upon it.
“Some scurrilous fiends will attempt to do this,” he said, taking my hand again, only this time hooking my fingers between his index and middle finger. “This is considered very unseemly, as the man can then move his finger across yours, caressing you in an inappropriate manner. Even that wretched husband-to-be of yours would not be so rude,” he said in jest.
He went on to explain that there was a similar set of rules as to the appropriate way that the man would place his hand on the lady’s waist, the distance for dancers to remain apart, and the various other possibilities for unseemly behaviour, usually on the part of the man.
“What is the joy in dancing at all if one must be so rigid and controlled?” I asked.
“I shall show you,” he said, taking a hold of me in the proper manner. “Now, just step along with me—don’t worry yet about how to move your feet.” He led me in slow circles around the room, eyes locked to mine. Despite the fact that he was a man of great honour and the cousin of my betrothed, our intense eye contact made my heart flutter. I could not look away, and though his face betrayed no emotion, his stare was captivating. I’m not sure if he began to lead us faster, but the room certainly began to spin.
I felt myself blushing, and he stopped the dance.
“That, my dear Aenna, is the pleasure of a dance: to become locked in a gaze, and though every part of your body is in a specific place and behaving in an appropriate manner, the eyes are free to communicate great affection.”
I covered my cheeks, ashamed that I had so easily been swept away by his gaze.
“Forgive me. I have embarrassed you,” he said softly.
I shook my head. “No, it is good that you forewarned me. I can only imagine the embarrassment of becoming locked in such a gaze while dancing with …”
“The King?” he suggested.
“Goodness!” I exclaimed. “Can you imagine? Oh, I would curl up and die if such a thing happened!”
“That is why you must look around you often whilst dancing with anyone other than Kurit. There is many an uncouth wretch who, having an old and miserable wife, will seek to catch a pretty young girl in such a state. In fact, I shall warn you now that Lord Staesh, the wealthy sea merchant from Penklin, is the worst of the lot for that trick. It’s unlikely that you will have enough dances to spare to grant him one, but be forewarned.”
He took my hands away from my face gently and apologized again. “I hope that I have not made you uncomfortable.”
I shook my head and smiled at him. “Jarik, I trust you. You, Leiset, and of course Kurit are my dearest friends. And with the beatings that you give Kurit for being a rascal, I know you to be good and honourable.” I laughed. “I know you intended nothing rude.” To prove that I trusted him, I stood on the tips of my toes to kiss his cheek.
Oh, how that made him blush! Never had I witnessed a man to turn so red. He was so taken aback by my gesture that he could not speak clearly for some time.
I took my turn to apologize. “Now I have embarrassed you!”
He shook his head. “No. I … well, just that …” He took a deep breath and managed to compose himself enough to say, “It was a kind gift, good Lady. Thank you.”
The air of awkwardness was too fresh still to continue, so we ended the lesson for that day.
Within a few weeks, he had taught me several dance steps, and though I know I lacked feminine grace, I managed to perform adequately. We did not again become locked in a gaze, nor did I kiss his cheek, and thus we were able to spend the time together merrily and without blushing. We were even able to talk of many things without accidental embarrassment—which he seemed more prone to than I, for some reason—and I felt that he was not only my friend but a kind and reliable confidant.
He challenged me on some of the more difficult steps to go faster and faster. One afternoon we spun quickly around the ballroom, our feet moving so fast that I could not even keep track of where they were. I caught sight of our reflection in the mirrors on the wall, and we looked marvellous! My dress fluttered out behind me beautifully, and he was so tall and elegant as he led me around the room
.
I became distracted at the sight of us in the mirror, and my feet crossed when they should not. Our speed made me stumble badly enough to send me flying out of his hold to land hard on my backside, sprawled on the floor.
Before I had even realized what had happened, he was at my side, his expression distraught. I looked down and saw my skirts scattered about my legs, rumpled and unladylike. Then I looked again at Jarik, who was wide-eyed with great concern. It was all so ridiculously clumsy and inelegant that I burst into laughter. I laughed so that tears rolled down my cheeks and my sides ached. Poor Jarik—he didn’t know if I was hurt so badly that I had dashed my mind, or if I was indeed merry.
I managed to curtail the laughter enough to touch his sweetly concerned face. “Don’t fret,” I said. “I’m unhurt. It’s just really, really funny to be so elegant one moment and here sprawled on the floor like a derelict the next.”
He didn’t laugh with me, and his serious expression made me stop laughing myself. He helped me graciously to my feet and gently dusted off my hands.
“Jarik, really, I’m fine,” I said, but he was unconvinced.
With a voice full of guilt he said, “I should not have spun you about so quickly. I was to teach you to dance, not whip you about like a rag doll.”
“What can I say to console you?” I asked. “Jarik, I’m fine. Really, I laughed because it was amusing! Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You can’t forever protect me from every bump and spill,” I said, trying to soothe him.
“You should never suffer so much as a bruise or scrape,” he insisted. “And especially not at my hand.”
His insistent guilt was becoming tiresome. I put my hands on my hips and said, “Jarik, that’s well and good for those other ladies, but you know very well I am not going to sit in a soft chair and grow wan and weak. I’d gladly suffer bruises if it meant I was able to be alive and active. Now stop pouting, or you shall make me sad with you.”
He looked at me sheepishly, which was a strange sight for such a warrior. “You’re right. Very well, I will try not to worry so much. But only if you promise to always be careful. I should die if something bad happened to you that I could have prevented, or worse, was the cause of.”
“Jarik, don’t be silly,” I said, touching his arm tenderly. “You would never be the cause of anything unpleasant. And between your fretting over my every clumsy bump and spill, Kurit’s continued fear that I will up and disappear, and Leiset’s dedicated guard over my virtue and reputation, I am the most well-protected woman in the kingdom! Come now, that’s enough dancing for today. Would you be so kind as to escort me to my chambers, that I might clean myself up before dinner?”
He seemed to finally be more relaxed and took me graciously to my room.
Just before dinner, Kurit came to my chambers as Leiset and I sat in the receiving chamber talking.
“I came to make sure you are unhurt,” he said with concern.
“I’m fine, of course,” I said.
He nodded and smiled, taking the seat across from my own. “Jarik’s brooding in his chambers. I pestered him as to why until he told me you had fallen rather hard during his dance lesson, at which point I came straight to see you.”
“Oh, by the very Temple,” I muttered, sighing. “I told him I was fine. I laughed when I fell! I told him not to worry so.”
“He won’t ever listen to that, Aenna. He has it in his head that he’s responsible for your well-being, an attitude that I find as frustrating as you apparently do. It is as if he thinks I am not man enough to keep you safe myself.”
“Oh, Kurit, I don’t think he means anything of the sort. No one questions your masculinity, and for all that he teases you about your size, you’re neither small nor weak. He’s the tallest man in this city, I’m sure, and his bulk is also beyond the norm. You are perfectly handsome and strong, Kurit, and shouldn’t feel overshadowed by your cousin.”
I had not realized how sensitive he was about the difference between himself and Jarik until a look of delight at my words crept onto his face. “Surely you don’t imagine that I ever thought you less of a man than Jarik?” I asked. His awkward shrug betrayed that he had.
My day was certainly turning into a great one for having to feed the fragile egos of these men. It was ridiculous how quickly they thought ill of themselves. Of course, I suppose I had been guilty of the same in the many discussions of the past where they had reassured me of my worth. But that was somehow different.
“Leiset, I know you’re going to tell me it’s unseemly, but could I have just a short moment alone with Kurit?” I asked.
She looked at Kurit suspiciously but was kind enough to agree. “I shall go to Lord Jarik’s room and ask him to join you on your way to dinner. But I will be back very soon,” she warned.
When she had left I stood and took Kurit’s hand. He rose beside me, and I embraced him. “Don’t ever imagine that I think you unmanly,” I said.
He smiled again. “You’re very good to me,” he said and then kissed me gently. “Too good to me, for all that I’m a beast to you when we’re alone.”
“Behave,” I scolded softly.
He ignored my directive and kissed me again, this time with a fervent longing. When he finished, he whispered, “I cannot help myself. You tell me that I am your strong man. You make me feel powerful, and my desire grows with it.” We kissed again, lustfully. He broke the kiss off in time that we would not be caught, but before releasing me the rogue whispered into my ear: “On our wedding night, I shall make love with you until you cannot help but cry out in delight.”
Thus, I was of course blushing when Leiset arrived with Jarik in tow. She directed a reproachful look at Kurit, who, naturally, feigned innocence. To avoid an altercation of any sort, in jest or not, I took the hands of both Jarik and Kurit and asked them politely to take me down to dinner.
* * *
The remaining weeks leading up to the wedding went smoothly as everyone was too busy for silly worries or inappropriate behaviour. Then, five days before the wedding, Kurit came to my room in a state of near panic early in the morning. I had only just finished dressing, and my hair was still in its night braid when he asked Leiset to leave us alone.
She refused at first, having ample reason to be suspicious of his motives. After all, he had used every moment alone to steal a kiss in the past months—whilst walking in the garden, in dark halls at night, in my chambers, and even once between the shelves in the library as I tried to study for one of Kordos’s unfairly difficult tests.
But he was insistent and clearly too upset to be seeking my company for illicit purposes, so she relented and left us alone. He bade me to sit and did so himself as well, though on the edge of the chair in an obvious state of great anxiety.
“What is it?” I asked in alarm.
“There is something that I must tell you, Aenna. Something happened last night, and it is very unpleasant, but you must believe that I am telling you the full and honest truth and I would never betray you in any way.”
“Of course I would believe whatever you told me, Kurit. What has happened that you are so upset?”
He looked at the floor in obvious shame, his hands knotted together in agitation. “I would have come to tell you last night, but it was so late, and I didn’t want to upset you.”
“Well, I’ll be upset now if you don’t tell me what is so terribly wrong!”
He untangled his hands and raised them as fists to his face. He looked angry and frustrated, and I suspected his mother had done something to disturb the wedding plans. She had not spoken so much as a word to me, but whenever we were in the same room—such as every evening at dinner—she glared at me with unabashed vehemence.
Angrily, Kurit blurted, “That vile fiend Sashken tried to seduce me last night. She came into my room as I slept, which I assure you I have given the guards a stern lecture for allowing! I woke to find her in my bed, naked, with her hand on my …” He paused in embarrassmen
t, which was disturbingly uncharacteristic of him.
“She didn’t!” I exclaimed, not in doubt of his words but in outrage at the very thought. I had learned over time that Sashken had been unofficially chosen by Queen Kasha to be Kurit’s bride. I had spoken with her myself only once and found her to be cold and unpleasant, most certainly not someone Kurit could ever love.
“She did. Of course I woke with a start, and seeing that pointy face of hers looking down at me, I almost fell out of the bed. But she kept a hold of my, well, my sensitive area, which …” He sighed in exasperation. “Aenna, I swear to you, she must have been touching me as I slept, because it was … in her hand it had become …and when I tried to roll away she gripped it, and of course I could not move without tearing it off!” He rose from his chair in frustration. “I blurted out something to the effect of ‘Get away from me,’ but she refused. She said that she was ripe for childbearing, and she intended to have me father one inside her that night so I would be forced to forget about you and marry her instead.”
I was speechless in outrage. My jaw had dropped, and my fists sat clenched at my sides. That pathetic slut! my mind screamed.
He saw my anger and nodded. “I know how you must feel. Believe me, Aenna, I don’t wish to upset you, but I had to tell you. I grabbed her wrist and twisted it until she cried out and let go of me. Then I got out of bed and dragged her out to my receiving chamber. I ordered her out of my sight. I was embarrassed, shocked, enraged! I shamefully admit that I wanted to strike her for her insolence, but thankfully I had the presence of mind to restrain myself.
“She stood facing me, naked as the day she was born, a hideous sight, I swear. Honestly, Aenna, her nude form disgusted me, both in its impropriety and in her almost emaciated form. Ribs poking out over a waist misshapen from growing up in an over-tightened corset …” He shook his head in revulsion. “Forgive me—I should be sparing you such details, but I need you to understand that in no way was I the least bit tempted by her.”
Sorrows of Adoration Page 15
