“You gonna be on there long?” a gruff voice said coming up next to him.
“Back off, man, can’t you see I’m on the damn phone,” Andrew stated with a sneer.
“Well, there’s a fucking time limit asshole!” the man huffed out angrily.
“Fine, whatever, I won’t be on long,” Andrew replied furiously. “Now, leave me the fuck alone!”
“Andrew, where are you?” Aaron asked worriedly, having heard the exchange.
Andrew hesitated for a moment. He knew that Aaron wouldn’t like what he told him.
“Andrew, where are you?” he asked again.
“I’m at one of the shelters here. I can’t leave New York until next Thursday because my PO won’t do the paperwork to let me leave sooner, so I should be back there by next Sunday. That is if I can still come back,” Andrew stated sadly.
“Of course you can come back here, son. We would never turn you away. This will always be your home.” He could hear Andrew’s sharp intake of breath. “Do you need any money or anything?” Aaron asked with worry.
Aaron was almost in a panic. He hated the idea of Andrew being in a shelter again, especially when it wasn’t necessary. He had so many people available for him. He also knew that Olivia would be horrified when she found out where he was.
“No, I don’t need anything,” Andrew sighed.
“Have you called Madison?”
“No, and I don’t plan too,” he said quickly. “Please, Aaron, don’t tell her where I am.”
“She’s very worried about you, son. Can I at least tell her that you’re okay without giving her your location?” Aaron asked, hoping that would be okay as he didn’t want to violate his trust.
“Yeah, I guess that would be alright. I just can’t talk to her right now and if she knows where I’m at she will come looking for me, I... I couldn’t handle that right now,” Andrew stated miserably.
“I understand,” Aaron said in his typically soothing way. “Andrew, I think ...”
“I have to go, Aaron, my time is up. Tell my aunt I’m okay,” Andrew said before hanging up.
Andrew wiped across his eyes and snatched his bags up quickly, giving the man waiting for the phone a dirty look. The man glared back at him before grabbing the phone and turning away from Andrew. Andrew pushed the door to his room open, threw his bags on the floor, and started pacing. Glancing down and seeing the small crack in the wall, he remembered the rat he had seen the night before, he lifted his bags off the floor and placed them on top of the dresser before throwing himself on the bed, allowing the tears to finally come.
~*~
Aaron was simultaneously relieved and worried. He was ecstatic that Andrew had made contact with him and that he was still in New York, although the prospect of him being in a shelter caused him great concern. He glanced at the clock, knowing that Olivia was still working, having taken a swing shift. He would go see her to tell her about Andrew, as this was something he wanted to tell her in person. He tapped the phone to his chin. He was hesitant about calling Madison. He wasn’t sure if she was still at work, but of greater concern, was how she would respond to Andrew not wanting to talk to her. He felt strongly about not breaking Andrew’s confidence. Yet, he knew how upset she was and he didn’t want her to continue to worry. Of course he had also told her that he would let her know when Andrew made contact with him. After much deliberation and with a heavy sigh, he dialed her number.
“Hello,” Madison answered quickly.
“Madison, he called,” Aaron said not wasting any time.
“Thank God!” Madison cried. “Where is he, is he okay?”
“Madison, please don’t be upset, but Andrew asked me not to give you any details about where he is.” He heard her gasp while he sighed once again. “Madison, just know that he is alright,” Aaron said as supportively as he possibly could, but based on her heavy breathing on the other end, he knew that it didn’t matter how he said it, there was no way to stop her from being upset.
“He doesn’t want me to know where he is?” she muttered almost incoherently.
“Madison, please understand. I need...”
“No, it’s alright, I, umm, understand,” Madison stuttered softly, swallowing thickly before she continued. “Thank you for telling me, umm, I should really go.”
She had a tenuous hold on her emotions and needed to get off quickly before she had a complete breakdown on the phone. The thought of Andrew not wanting to communicate with her tore her up inside more than she thought was possible.
“Madison, just give him some time, let me talk to him. I’m sure once we talk for a little bit more that he will be more agreeable,” Aaron tried to comfort her.
“Un huh,” was all Madison could utter. “I...” she stopped unable to continue.
Aaron could hear her dry heaving on the other end and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was what he had feared, that she would be upset that he couldn’t tell her specifics, that she would be hurt that Andrew was cutting her off. He wished that Olivia was here so that she could help her understand that Andrew was only trying to protect his heart. That he most likely needed some time to think about everything.
“Madison, please, it will be okay and I promise that I will call you and tell you whatever I can,” he replied quickly, trying to alleviate her fear and sadness. “Madison, please trust me.”
“Un huh,” Madison muttered again, this time he could hear her crying. “I need to go,” she said before hanging up quickly, not letting Aaron say goodbye.
Aaron washed his hands over his face as he gathered his things and headed towards the door. He decided that he would swing by the Bennetts on his way to the hospital to let them know what was going on as he was aware of how fond Andrew was of Jayden. He knew that he would not be opposed to his friend knowing that he was okay. Aaron was suddenly filled with a sense of purpose, a sense of hope. He felt that Andrew was reaching out to him, asking without actually asking for his help. Aaron knew what Madison had told him about the eviction notice and the trouble he had with a couple of her male co-workers. He felt that he knew Andrew well enough to know that he was most likely making his decision to leave out of some unrealistic sense of worthlessness.
Aaron shook his head as he got into his vehicle. Andrew’s parents had always filled him with a sense of place, or lack thereof. They ingrained in him that he had no worth and that he was insignificant. He masked that with fighting. He pushed people away, did not connect with them at all. It seemed that, at times, it didn’t matter how much positive reinforcement he and Olivia gave him because the early upbringing he received never seemed to go away. The minute things didn’t go right for him he felt the need to run. At least this time he was running to him and Olivia, which was progress in Aaron’s book. Sometimes he wished he had the capacity to go back in time so that he could swoop in and take Andrew out of his parents’ care when he was younger, before they had a chance to extinguish the light he had within him. What kind of man would he have become if he hadn’t been burdened with their dysfunction? All he knew was that he wished he could erase all those bad memories that Andrew had so that he would see just how special and important he really was to all of them.
19 Demons Inside
As Andrew lay on his rickety cot in the rat-infested shelter, he replayed the events of the past week, wondering how things could get so bad so damn quickly. Last week he had been excited as he planned the perfect Valentine’s Day for Madison and now he was lying on an uncomfortable bed, listening to people arguing in the hall. He knew that leaving so abruptly and not talking to Madison was probably not the best course of action, but he had to do it. If he heard her sweet voice or fell into her hypnotizing eyes, he wouldn’t be able to do what was right. Madison loved him beyond reason and that caused her to be hasty with her choices. Andrew couldn’t afford to let her do that any longer. He had to step up even though it killed him a little every day they were not together.
He pulled out one of his
sketchbooks and started flipping through the pages, settling on one he had drawn several weeks ago. He loved the way the skin at the corner of her eyes crinkled when she smiled. And her smile, it was something he would never tire of seeing. It lit up her whole face. He allowed his finger to trace along the outline of her lips, wishing he could feel them right now.
“I do love you, Madison,” he said reverently, knowing that, if nothing else, that was the complete truth.
He quickly slammed the book closed and tossed it away as if it were on fire. He lay there, momentarily stunned by the amount of rage within him. He squeezed his fists tightly and then glanced at the sketchpad that had skidded to the far corner of the room. He picked it up, brushed off the dirt and placed it back in his bag. He couldn’t think about that right now. He needed to be steady in his resolve. He was doing the right thing. At least, he hoped he was.
“Get the hell away from me!”
He heard a loud thump near his door and stared at the tiled roof, not wanting to know what was happening outside his room. His heart pounded while his hand rhythmically stroked his left forearm. He could still feel the track marks; they were nearly invisible to the naked eye, but they were always present. A not so gentle reminder of how easy it was to forget. God! How he wanted to forget. Forget about the pain in his heart that only Madison could heal. Forget about the loss and the loneliness. Forget about all that he had endured in his life.
“Go now or we will escort you out!”
Andrew closed his eyes as the noise in the hall settled and quietness ensued. He felt and heard the bed shift again as he moved, trying to find a comfortable position, unaccustomed to sleeping alone. He breathed out, hopeful that rest would not evade him again tonight.
“Madison, I love you so much,” Andrew said as he pulled her closer to him.
“Mmmm, I love you too, Helios,” she murmured, squeezing him tighter.
This was the best part, after they had both been satiated. Madison would always get touchy with him, as if the connection they just had wasn’t enough, she needed to meld with him. He knew that most guys hated this part, but not Andrew. When she did it, it always felt sensual and sweet, like she was trying to cherish him or something. He had never had that type of experience before because, generally speaking, sex was usually a means to an end for him. It was a way to get what he wanted, be it shelter, food, or money for drugs. But Madison was always different for him. She was the only woman that ever touched him like this and the only woman to look at him with love in her eyes.
Right now she was draped over his chest, tracing her fingers along his clavicle and then slowly she started working her way down his arm and over his track marks that were covered by his tattoo. That was unusual for her because she always avoided that part of his body. In fact, it was the only part of his body she wouldn’t touch. She slowly started to move her fingers tenderly up and down his forearm. He tensed up slightly, not sure why all of a sudden she was in her forbidden zone.
“Can I ask you something?” she asked sweetly.
“Of course, anything.”
She hesitated for a few moments, trying to muster up the nerve to ask what she wanted to know. Her fingers slowed to a stop and he felt her breath against his skin.
“Why did you use?”
“I don’t know, baby. To forget mostly,” Andrew replied as honestly as he could.
He wasn’t sure why she was bringing this up, which frightened him a bit. They never talked much about his using, which he was thankful for. It was a subject that he was ashamed of.
“I wonder if that’s why my dad used?” she pondered and he could hear the sadness in her voice.
“Baby, people use drugs for all kinds of different reasons,” he said as he started to run his hand down her silky hair. “Starting isn’t the issue, it’s quitting once you start that’s the hard part. It's sort of like that candy you like.” He could feel her grin against his skin.
“The Godiva,” she asked as she looked up at him and winked.
“Yeah, that,” he said, touching the tip of her nose with his finger. “You know you shouldn’t eat the whole package because it’s expensive and not good for you, but you do it anyway because it makes you feel good.”
She smiled brightly. “Well, it is the best!”
He nodded. “What is it you always say, 'it's the closest you can get to heaven'?” She giggled and nodded slightly. “Well, using is kind of the same principle, just harder to stop with deadlier results,” he finished as she sighed slightly.
Madison was quiet for a long time, just holding onto him closely. He wanted to say something else, something profound, but he didn’t know the words to use.
“I love you,” she finally said, moving so that her elbows were now resting on his chest.
“I love you, too.”
“Helios, are you sure you’re okay with coming to New York?” she asked him with the most serious expression on her face.
“Yes, I’m okay with it,” he told her, running his fingers along her hairline.
“So you’re not just saying that you want to go because that’s what I want to do? You really do want to leave here?”
He smiled and cupped her cheek. “Yes, I want to go to New York with you.”
“Good! I can’t wait to get back and show you everything! We are going to have so much fun out there, baby!” she said, smiling brightly, and Andrew couldn’t help but smile as well. “It will be just us, together, forever and ever and ever,” she whispered in a sexy giggle as she reached up and kissed him several times.
Andrew startled awake in a gasp. His breathing was erratic as he rose from his bed. He began walking back and forth in his small confined space before lying back down. Unfortunately, his eyes wouldn’t shut and his mind wouldn’t turn off. Unable to fall back to sleep and feeling restless, he decided to go for a walk, thinking the cool night air would settle him down some. He grabbed his jacket roughly and darted out of his room, which was starting to feel like a cage, or worse, a prison cell. He desperately needed some air and a cigarette. He passed the guard, who said something to him, but Andrew waved him off, needing to get outside as quickly as possible. He lit up the minute he stepped out into the cold night air.
“Hold it together,” he mumbled through a cloud of smoke.
He walked with no direction at all; there was no rhyme or reason to his movement, as he was not trying to get anywhere in particular. Andrew noticed that there was a lot of activity going on everywhere. He watched as people scurried about, some getting into mischief while others tried to avoid it. After walking around for several hours, he became tired, but still didn’t want to go back to the shelter, at least not yet. He looked up and down the street and snuck into a nearby alley. He plopped on the ground, wedging himself between two trash dumpsters, which was something he used to do when he was living on the streets. He rested his back against the wall and drew his legs up. He found it oddly comforting, reminiscent of a life he had known so well. Before long, he drifted off to sleep again.
“Hey, Harrison,” Tyler said, drawing his friend’s attention to him.
“Yeah, Ty,” Andrew slurred, already feeling pretty good.
“You ever notice how when you really feel like shit, like you know that suicidal kind of fucked up shit, that a little bit of this,” he tossed a small vile of white powder at him. “Can make everything feel fucking right again?”
“Ty, you may be fucked up but you speak the truth,” Riley said laughing. He then turned to face Andrew. “But you already know my shit makes all the fucked up things go away, don’t you, Harrison?” he asked tapping Andrew’s shoulder.
Andrew smiled and nodded his head lazily. “Hell yeah, I’ll take this reality over real life any fucking day!”
“Damn right!” Riley said before untying the rubber around Andrew’s arm. “I got some new shit I want you guys to try later, okay?” he said looking at the two of them.
Andrew smiled as he closed his eyes, lett
ing the heroin gently sweep away all his troubles. There was a part of him that sincerely wished that if death were to come to him that it would be peaceful like this was. A place where his head didn’t remember all the terrible things that had happened to him and his heart didn’t feel hollow and empty.
Andrew woke suddenly, in a cold sweat, his throat parched. He looked around confused. He didn’t remember where he was but heard commotion down the alley. Andrew hesitantly peeked around the trashcan to see a dispute was going on between two homeless men. He rubbed his eyes, trying to get his bearings. He wasn’t sure how long he had been sleeping but knew that it was really late. His arm was throbbing; his vein seemed to be pulsing. He needed to get to the shelter before he did something really stupid. He stuck his hands in his pockets and started walking quickly down the street.
“Baby, I love you.”
“A little bit of this can make everything alright again.”
“All of this is not cheap, she has a plan for her future and I don’t want her to throw all of that away because of her... fascination with you.”
“Stand back, Madison, let me show you he is nothing.”
“Do you really think you belong here?”
“This will make all the fucked up things go away.”
“No sun, no moon.”
“You'll always be weak!”
He started breathing hard as his hands went to his temples, trying desperately to block out the voices screaming in his head. He dug in his pocket for all the change he had and found a payphone to use across from a small park. As he dropped the change in and dialed the number, he saw what he knew was a drug deal going down not far from where he was located
“Hello?” Aaron answered drowsily.
Andrew was silent for a moment as he watched the exchange of money and drugs happening not far from him. His heart beat rapidly and he was fighting the urge to walk over there. To just hand over what little money he had and give in to his baser desire. He fished out his cigarettes and lit one quickly, exhaling.
Helios Exposed (The Helios Chronicles Book 2) Page 19
