In a way, I feel like I don’t fit into this conversation. Really, give me a room with a bed and I’m happy. Instead of listening to everything they need, I continue eating.
As soon as I finish dessert, I drink some water and tackle the guacamole, which is amazing. There’s just the right amount of lime and salt with a balance of tomato, onion, and cilantro. Whoever made it deserves a thumbs up. Pretty soon, I run out of tortilla chips, and Hayes goes to fetch a few more. Ugh, I want to hate him, but he’s being so nice to me.
To fight the butterflies fluttering inside my stomach, I try to pay attention to the conversation. I just can’t. They all have requests. Space for their home office, their own garage. I tune them out and send a message to Tori.
Blaire: Hey, can you find me doctors for our next project? We need to figure out how much they’re going to charge and start creating a budget for everything we need for it. I might be able to get enough funding this time.
Tori: I’m sure we can cover it. We received a generous donation.
Blaire: How much is it?
Tori: Check your email.
When I do, I gasp and start coughing. Ten million dollars. Someone just donated, not one, but ten million dollars.
“You okay?” Hayes asks, patting me on the back and handing me a glass of water.
“I’m fine. The tortilla chip went down the wrong pipe.” I touch the base of my throat, trying to recover my breathing. “Thank you.”
“You’ll tell me if you’re not okay, right?” His eyes are filled with concern.
I nod. He’s always worried about my health. When we met, I had been cancer free for only a year, and I had just received the news of my second six-month checkup. My doctor had sent some balloons, wishing me a happy healthy year.
He has always been cautious and vigilant about my health—even a slight cough worries him. To distract myself from the past, I return to Tori and the mysterious ten million dollars.
Blaire: Is this a joke?
Tori: No. The money is already in the account. With this money and whatever the old man left you, we can cross a lot of items off your list. Wait, why do you need doctors? Are you staying home? Because I wasn’t joking about your room.
I read the email again and confirm that it is ten million dollars. That’s … a lot. Hayes asks me something, but I’m too busy thinking about what we can do with the money that I only nod and say a couple of uh-huh’s. It’s not like I can bring much to the table. Can I?
Blaire: About that … I need to stay in Baker’s Creek. I’ll explain everything tomorrow, when I’m back home. Send me the resumes of the doctors who apply in the meantime. We need to be thorough.
Tori: You got it.
“So, we agree,” Henry concludes. “We all have our assignments, and we’ll meet here in a month.”
I look up, feeling like I missed something important, and yet, the conclusion is just what I expected. There’s nothing left to do but to move in within thirty days. Henry and Sophia are having their own discussion. Vance, Mills, and Beacon are talking about buying some tequila and bourbon at the liquor store. I guess this meeting is adjourned.
“Do you want to take a walk?” Hayes asks, as I finish my last taco.
“Not with you,” I answer, sounding defensive—maybe I should be less confrontational. “Listen, we have to interact with each other for the next eighteen months, but let’s not pretend that we are friends, okay?”
“Maybe we should clear the air,” he suggests.
“What’s there to clear?” I ask, standing from the chair and starting to clear my dishes.
“Leave those there,” Sophia suggests. “The crew is coming over to clean in a few minutes.”
“Thank you again for everything,” I say.
“Can we continue?” Henry asks with a groan. Sophia rolls her eyes, and her attention goes back to him.
I leave the conference room. Hayes is right behind me, and he says, “There’s a lot to clear, Blaire.”
“There’s nothing, really,” I insist. “We’ll just coexist until it’s over. Have a good night.”
Instead of heading upstairs, I leave The Lodge. I do need to take a walk. It’s a habit of mine, or more like something I have to do, or else, my day isn’t complete. After dinner, I always take a walk.
This old habit began back when I was sick, and I refused to eat. It became an incentive for me to finish at least a meal. My parents tried to keep me indoors and away from germs since my immune system was compromised. I was allowed to go out for a small walk after dinner, as long as I ate something.
Mom or Dad would take me if we were home. At the hospital, the nurses would either push me in a wheelchair, or if I was strong enough, I’d be walking on my own with one of them supervising. In college, I walked with Hayes most nights.
“There’s nothing left between us,” I say and walk faster.
“How much do you hate me?” He asks, and I notice he’s still right behind me.
I halt and look at him in surprise. “I thought you were the one who swore to never forgive me or stop hating me for what I had done,” I reminded him, using some of the hurtful words he threw at me like arrows after Carter’s funeral.
Since I’m not interested in whatever he’s selling, I continue walking.
“Look,” he says, without acknowledging what I just blurted. “They’re beautiful.”
I stop and turn around to see what he’s looking at. You never know when a snake or some dangerous animal might appear that he might think is cool. The guy is a nerd and, believe it or not, a nature junkie.
Hayes is actually looking up at the sky. When I follow his gaze, I see all the constellations shining. It’s beautiful—magical.
“It’s been years since I’ve seen them this close,” he says.
“Hmm,” I say in response. “How? You like stargazing.”
He looks down at me and gives me a sad smile, and then I remember. When we met, it became our thing. Then, the memories of the first time we went out to Monte Bello Preserve, which is one of the best places to stargaze in the Palo Alto area, come back to me. It wasn’t a date, but it might as well have been because, from that moment on, we became inseparable.
Fourteen
Blaire
It’s Friday, I just finished the third week of my freshman year. So far, I’ve adapted to the rhythm and the atmosphere of college life. Tonight, I’m on my way to the ice cream shop when I bump into Hayes Aldridge. I didn’t think I’d see him any time soon, even though his brother lives right across the hall from me.
“Pink?” He asks, pulling down the beanie hat I’m wearing. “Do you have one in every color or one for each day of the week?”
I frown, confused, because how does he know I have so many different beanies. We haven’t seen each other since he helped me move, and that day, I was wearing a baseball cap.
“Hi,” I say, instead of quizzing him.
“Hey, Blaire,” he says with that raspy syrupy voice of his that makes me a sticky mush. “Where are you going?”
“Getting something for dinner,” I answer.
“That’s an ice cream shop,” he states the obvious.
“Life is too short. I always start with dessert and then make my way toward the rest.”
He gives me a strange look and then says, “I was heading to the sandwich shop. Why don’t we buy food and get out of this town? We can find a spot to eat.”
His invitation tempts my dormant wild side. Being in college is different from living at home with my parents—homeschooled and isolated from everything and everyone. I wasn’t a rebel during middle school, but I tried to keep up with my brothers who loved to raise havoc. Once I got sick, my parents never let me go anywhere without them.
It’s the first time I’m on my own in seventeen, almost eighteen years. The past is behind me. I don’t have to be afraid of getting pneumonia because someone walking by me sneezed. The weight of my parents’ marriage was stripped from my back o
nce I moved out of the house and into campus housing. The burden of getting on with the program, even when I wanted to give up, because I was tired of the medication, the needles, and my parents' fights, is over.
Done.
I’m free.
I can allow myself to feel any way I want without worrying about my mother nagging me about always smiling because I’m still alive. Keeping a positive attitude while struggling is hard—sometimes impossible. Hey, I’m grateful for all my blessings, but I’m also human. We can’t be all smiles and positive thoughts twenty-four seven.
This new future is different. I’m supposed to be cautious. Mindful of my studies and my health. Still, my doctors and nurses recommended me to have fun, to truly live. Tonight, I want to just be Blaire, not the sick, cautious girl. I choose to be semi-reckless, and I agree to go with Hayes.
“Where should we go?” he asks, once we have our food and are inside of his truck.
“Monte Bello Preserve,” I answer, without even thinking.
He doesn’t ask where that’s at, he just drives to our destination. In the meantime, we listen to his music, which isn’t that bad. Coldplay, Linkin Park, Bush, and the Killers are some of his favorite bands, but he also likes classical music and old classic rock. I’m not ready to tell him that I love boy bands. My brothers used to say I was lame for loving them. Surely this guy is going to think the same—or worse.
When we arrive at the park, we eat, we talk about my classes, and once we’re done, we enjoy the view.
Being here, laying on a blanket, watching the stars is a new experience for me. At least everything looks different. Brighter. The last time I visited this place was with my parents and my brothers. It was … before.
“What are you thinking?” Hayes asks.
Too many things, but I don't answer. He doesn’t know that I never thought I’d see the stars again like this. Or that maybe they look even more beautiful because I had an almost near-death experience—or because he’s here with me.
It’s the place, not him. The sky looks so different from my bedroom—or the hospital room. A part of me has been waiting for what feels like my entire life to witness this wonder of nature: a sea of stars.
Galaxies billions of years away from us. An experience I thought I would never get to live again. But here I am looking at this miracle.
The stars.
A million wishes waiting to be professed to the darkness. My one wish is to be able to experience life. For the cancer to never come back.
Today is enough, though.
I’ve been waiting my entire life to experience the freedom that was snatched from when I turned thirteen. I’m free to dream, to hope, and to do as I wish.
At least for now.
“Are you always this quiet?”
“Only when I’m in front of greatness, or I don’t have anything good to say,” I answer.
“Which one is it?” His voice is low, and the words slide through my ears slowly like warm syrup.
“The former,” I answer with a chuckle and turn my attention to him.
His mouth turns up at the corners. “It’s like a dream, right? I don’t think there’s anything more relaxing than watching the sky at night.”
“Some nights, when my parents took me camping, my family and I would spend hours looking up at the sky and trying to search for our constellations. I wanted to be my own.”
“You wanted to be a star?”
“I guess, if you put it that way, it sounds ridiculous.”
“No, it’s just strange. Do you know that stars always shine brighter seconds before they fall apart?”
“Well, aren’t we a glass half empty kind of guy.”
“No, sweetheart. I’m a who the fuck needs a glass kind of person.”
“Still, I’m telling you I wanted to be a constellation, and you're telling me that I’d explode if I shine too much.”
“You are, in fact, part of a star,” he says. “So no, that’s not what I meant.”
“Now I’m confused.”
“Well, it depends on how you want to see it. According to an article in National Geographic, we’re made out of stardust. Most of the material we’re made of comes out of dying stars. I’d guess you originated from one of the biggest, brightest ones.”
“It feels like you’re giving me a compliment,” I say. “A very nerdy one.”
He laughs playfully. “I know, I’m a nerd.”
“A sweet nerd,” I reply, staring at his profile, as he continues looking up at the sky. His chin dusted with facial hair, his lips slightly open. It makes me want to kiss him.
How would that be? I’ve never been kissed. A kiss from him might be the beginning of a long fantasy or the start of a heartbreaking tragedy. Because what if I fall for him, but then, like the stars, I die?
Should I push him away?
According to the young adult novels, fiction books, and romance novels I’ve read for the past five years, by now I should’ve fallen in love at least once. I should’ve had my heart broken twice. Suffered from unrequited love several times. Have a million crushes, if not, at least five of them.
After my parents’ marriage broke, I stopped believing in love the way I used to. I don’t believe in love at first sight. Lust might exist, but I’ve never experienced it. Swooning … I’ve only read about it. I didn’t believe in those crackle sounds that some hear when there’s a hot guy around them making them fall in love—until I met this guy.
Hayes is making me question myself. I feel an energy surrounding us that pulls me to him. It might be pure imagination. He’s older, I have to remind myself. Much more experienced, and he knows how to entice women older than me. I’m just a small fish.
“I like your smile and you,” he says. “But your eyes … I can get lost in them forever.”
“You don’t even know me.”
“But I do,” he answers. “We originated from the same star.”
“Does that line work?” I ask skeptically.
“You tell me, beautiful.”
I laugh hard. Not sure if it’s because I’m nervous, happy, or because he’s actually funny.
“I think this is it,” I say, as I’m calming down from the hysterical laughter.
“What is it?”
“Favorite moment of the day,” I tell him.
“Favorite moment?”
“I collect them, in my journal. I started doing it when I was about fourteen. Back when the days were dark, and I felt like I could barely hold onto this life, I’d read them. They helped me get through the day. I still collect them. It’s a way to remind myself that there’s always something good, even on the darkest days. That it’s okay that not every day is bright, but there’s always brightness within it.”
“Seeing you,” he says. “Every time I see you around campus is my favorite moment of the day.”
Stargazing with Hayes was always special, but that night is still one of the top ten favorite moments of my entire life. Is it possible that everything that’s been happening is just pure coincidence, or…?
I look at him, and I’m positive that he’s trying to reenact our story.
“What are you doing?” I ask him suspiciously.
His face is solemn, but his eyes hold a little mischief. Bingo!
I finally caught him. He’s trying to recreate us: our past, how we met. Even our favorite moments. But why?
“Desserts, the walk, the stars…” I list the small things he’s been doing.
“I don’t know, Stardust,” he says with a low voice that makes my entire body tremble.
I can’t succumb to his charm. He can’t be doing this to me. Not now—or ever. How dare he call me that when he’s the one who relinquished the right to be mine and broke my heart.
“All I know is that for the first time in years, I…” He shuts his mouth and looks at me anxiously. “Listen, I fucked up royally. I understand that it is twelve years too late to ask you to forgive me, to let me love you agai
n. But if anyone believes in second chances, it’s you. I promise to do the impossible and prove to you that I’m worthy of you. I just hope I can convince you that I am truly sorry.”
That huge donation we received today, I’m positive that he sent it.
“It was you who left me. Now you’re sorry, and you’re sending me money to show me your remorse?” I can't contain the anger. “Ten million dollars doesn’t mend a broken heart. It doesn’t erase the ugly memories, nor wipe the tears. Are you becoming your father? Here are a few millions, please forgive me for skipping your graduation. In my case, sorry for breaking your heart and breaking my promise.”
“That’s a low blow, Blaire. Never compare me with that asshole,” he says offended.
“The truth hurts. You broke up with me so you could be free to fuck around. You said I was your soulmate, and then you left me.”
“It was for your benefit. I was your first,” he says, raising his voice. “First boyfriend, first kiss, first love … first everything. You hadn’t lived at all. There was a moment when I wanted to marry you, but I didn’t want to repeat our parents’ mistakes. My parents married after Mom graduated. Your parents had to marry because…”
Dad knocked up Mom. There’s my answer. The pregnancy scare.
“It was the baby,” I match his tone. “I wasn’t pregnant, and even if I had been, I told you that I could take care of myself and our child. You said it was okay, it wouldn’t matter. That even though kids weren’t in your plans, we could handle it. But those were all lies. You were afraid that I’d trap you. So that’s why you broke my heart?”
“I confess, being a father back then scared me. William was an asshole—he never changed, Blaire. What would happen if I followed in his footsteps? I was twenty-two and stupid. Things were happening too fast—and I wanted it all with you. At some point, med school didn’t matter, it was just you. My star. My heart. My love. But what if one day you realized I wasn’t worth it? If you met someone new and left me?”
“No matter how you spin the story, Hayes, you left me. You weren’t any different from my parents or my brothers who decided I was too much work to stick around.”
Loved You Once (The Baker’s Creek Billionaire Brothers Book 1) Page 11
