“Get out. And don’t ever fucking come back,” I tell him.
He doesn’t argue. He doesn’t even look sad. He just zips up his pants and leaves me there on the couch, crying.
Eight
I am a wreck at school on Monday. I miss Lucas, but I don’t miss his violence or his temper. I know when he came down, he must have felt terrible, and he may have even texted me, but I refuse to check. I am done, until he gets his shit together. I’m not dealing with this. I have to call Leo to see if he’ll take me back, although I bet he won’t. The scary thing is that I won’t even be able to use him as a reference, and a lot of clubs want private shows for the managers before they’ll hire someone without experiences. And, from what I’ve heard, those shows are not about the dancing. I was so lucky in finding Leo, because I think he might even be gay.
My students piss me off more than normally, until the last class of the day, when I hear someone talking about Kade McNamara and the fights over the weekend. I try to pretend I’m not listening, but I only get snippet of the conversation. I am lucky when the bell rings and they’re still talking.
“Ms. Gomez, would you like to enlighten the whole class on what is so important that you can’t stop talking now that class has started?” Erica Gomez is the school’s gossip queen and I just know she will have no problem enlightening us all.
“So, Miss Lawlor, you may have heard that Tim Pollen – you remember him?” I nod and she continues. “Well, he started this whole tourney thing where guys fight for money. It’s intense, and it’s all these crazy, scary guys from the city. But he got Lucas Guerrero involved this summer somehow, and Lucas has been a star. He wins every fight Tim organizes for him. So Tim started recruiting more kids from here to bring into the group. He like manages them or whatnot. And Kade McNamara is the new star. I guess he makes Lucas look like a puppy dog.”
“Yeah,” interjects Billy Harvey, who is excited apparently to talk to a teacher about this. “And this weekend, Kade was up against some guy from the city who fights for like this badass dude there.” I raise my eyebrows. “Sorry. A tough guy. Anyway, the tough guy sent his best fighter and he challenged Tim to a big payout if Tim’s guy could win. And Lucas was supposed to fight, but Kade wanted the fight. I don’t know what he did-”
“I heard he sucked Tim’s dick,” Erica interrupts. “Sorry, Miss Lawlor.”
“Gross,” Billy says. “But whatever he did, Kade stole the fight from Lucas. And this weekend, he almost got killed. I guess the guy was crazy and high or something, because he was bleeding and cut, but he wouldn’t fall down and he just pounded on Kade. Kade’s in the hospital now with like crazy injuries. Guess Lucas is thanking his lucky stars that Kade stole the fight, huh?”
I nod, thinking about how lucky Lucas really is. If this guy beat Kade that badly, imagine what he would have done to Lucas. Lucas is tough and he’s big, but Kade is a giant and he’s solid like a wall. Lucas could be dead right now, and even after what he did Friday night, I still feel relief that he isn’t.
“You guys really need to worry about school and not this kind of nonsense,” I say in my best teacher voice and get the class back on track, but after school ends, I am going right to Lucas’s to give him an ultimatum. I feel so happy he’s alive, but I want him alive and present if he wants to keep going with me.
****
Lucas is sleeping on his couch when I arrive, but the door is wide open. Fucking idiot, I think. I kick him a few times and he looks at me, groggy, and then sits up.
“What time is it?”
“Like almost four o’clock,” I tell him. “And your door was wide open.”
“See much to take?” He gestures around the room and he’s right. His only television is about 12” big and is playing in black and white. I didn’t even know they still made black and white TVs.
“Get up, take a shower, and come back downstairs. We need to talk.”
“Wanna join me?” He is flirting, but I am not giving in that easily. Not this time.
“Maybe later. After we talk.”
He starts to make his way upstairs and I call out, “Oh, and brush your fucking teeth. You smell like shit.”
He grins and runs upstairs to clean up. I try to pick up around me, but the dinginess seems inherent in the place rather than something that can be scrubbed away. How does he live like this? And what does it say about me that I have been so busy thinking about the size of his cock that I didn’t realize how much trouble Lucas really is in? I start to feel awful about myself, but I try to cover it when he comes back downstairs.
He sits on the couch and I settle into the chair on the other side of the room. My stupid body can’t help but want to be against his, especially now that he’s freshly showered and smells so good, but we have bigger things to deal with at the moment.
“Have you heard about Kade?” I ask.
“No. Why would you come here to fucking talk about Kade?”
“Lucas, listen to me. Kade’s in the hospital. Because of this weekend. Things got out of control.”
“That was supposed to be my fight,” he says and I can’t tell if he’s jealous, smug, or scared.
“I know. Which means it could be you in that hospital bed,” I remind him.
“Are you saying you would care?”
“Of course I would care, Lucas.”
“Would you really? You made me get out and told me you were done.”
“Look,” I try to explain. “I can’t support the drug thing. I just can’t. I know you claim it’s not an addiction and it helps you fight and whatever, but that shit will kill you, Lucas. And if I fall for you, I can’t bear to lose you like that. I want you out of all of this. This whole world. And whatever that means for me, I will face it.”
“I can’t.” He says it like there is no debate, like we can’t work through it.
“Yes, you can.”
“You don’t understand. Even if I could or even if I wanted to, Tim would never let me out. My only shot is to win big – and then lose big.”
“What do you mean?”
Lucas leans forward. “If I win and make it big, Tim will promote me. I will be his star. If I can get several fights under my belt, and get into the big money, then I will be set. And then, if I want out, I just need to stop winning. Eventually, he will get sick of me losing and move on.”
“But you could be killed before that happens. Look at Kade.”
“Speaking of… maybe we should go see Kade. Because I can take that fight and Tim will pay me double if I can win it, now that Kade humiliated him by getting his ass kicked.”
Lucas’s logic is circular and stupid. If he takes that fight, he will die. But he won’t listen to me. I decide to go along with his stupid plan for one reason only. Maybe seeing how badly Kade is hurt will scare the shit out of him like it did to me. And he will get the fuck out. I would let him move in with me at this point, if it would get him off the fucking meth and away from Tim.
I agree to go to the hospital and I drive. I don’t think Lucas is high, but who knows? It’s sad that there is no one in the hospital visiting Kade and I almost feel bad for him, before remembering he is kind of an asshole. He’s not conscious and the nurses say that it could be a while before he wakes up. I hope Lucas sees Kade lying here, tubes in him and needing machines to breathe, and realizes how ridiculous everything about his lifestyle is. However, he seems merely agitated that he can’t get some pointers from Kade.
“He could have died,” I remind Lucas.
“Someone needs to win that fight. May as well be me.”
I look between Kade and Lucas and sigh. Lucas is half Kade’s size. If this is what the fight did to Kade, imagine what it would do to Lucas.
“I can’t support you in this,” I tell him.
“Too bad. I need you to come with me now, to help me talk Tim into a redo.”
“Lucas, I can’t help you get killed.”
He leans close and pulls me to him roughl
y. “I won’t get killed. But I can’t be what you want if I don’t fucking start winning again. And I just know that all your convictions mean nothing when you get wet enough.”
“That’s a shitty thing to say,” I tell him.
“Is it?” He asks as he slips his hand down my pants and fingers my clit. Jesus, I want him. Is he right? Am I willing to do anything, at the cost of his safety, if he just gets me horny? I try to back away, but he holds me tight and brings me right to the edge of coming.
“You come with me – and then you can come for me,” he demands.
I don’t know why I go. Because I’m weak? Because I care for him too much to let him go alone? I wish I understood, and I wish I knew why I can’t stay away from him and all his fucked up bullshit that was going to bring the world down around me.
Nine
Tim Pollen is still an asshole. His house is a fucking mess and there are probably a number of health hazards as well as zoning violations happening, but no one cares. There is a group of guys strung out on some shit in one room, playing some video game. I’m relieved I don’t recognize any of them as former - or current – students. Tim has a girl sitting on his lap, a girl I do recognize. She’s a senior this year and I wonder if I should be calling the cops. She might be eighteen, but this has got to be a violation of some ethical rule, but then again, I am one big fucking violation lately. Her name’s Trina and she is high as fuck and playing with Tim’s cock, which is not even hard. It’s just flopped between his legs and Trina seems frustrated that she can’t get it to work. Of course, Tim is high.
There are bags and measuring devices everywhere and Tim looks like he may have been sampling his wares all day. Red eyes, unshaven, random twitches – all telltale signs.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” He looks at Lucas like somehow it’s Lucas’s fault that Kade lost this weekend.
“I want Kade’s fight. A redo. And double payout,” Lucas says.
Tim looks at him. “For what? What do I get out of it?”
Lucas looks like Tim hit him and recoils. “Uh, what do you want? I can win it – and it will make you look good again.”
“Yeah, and if you don’t? I need a reason. I need something you value, to convince you to win.”
“Name it,” Lucas says, because he’s too dumb to see where this is going. I’m not, though, and I take note of Tim’s eyes running over my body, and the way his cock has suddenly started to fill Trina’s hand.
“How you doing, Miss Lawlor? Do you remember me?”
“I do, Tim.”
“You failed me. I had to go to fucking summer school for your class. Twice.”
“That you did,” I say. Of course, he failed because he never came to school and, when he did, he only showed up to sell drugs. I don’t think the kid even wrote a homework assignment down during his high school career.
“What are you even doing here?”
Lucas moves closer, getting possessive, and wraps his arm around me. “She’s with me.”
Tim lets out a howling laugh and looks at us both. “You’re fucking our teacher? Dude…”
Trina looks me over and I realize how bad this is. Not only will I be screwed if she starts telling people, but I will also be fucked if anyone finds out that I saw her in this situation and didn’t report it. But how do I report it without getting myself in a shitload of trouble? This is all I am thinking about it, until Tim makes the situation far, far worse.
“I’m gonna fuck her,” he announces. “And Trina. At the same time. And watch them fuck one another.”
“No,” I argue.
Fortunately, jealousy settles over Lucas before he can sell me to Tim for the fight he wants. “I don’t share.”
“Then you don’t fight.”
“How is fucking her going to get me the fight?”
Tim stands up, pulling Trina up with him. His cock is still only semi-hard and it pokes forward awkwardly. “I need something that counts, something I can use to keep you in line. I’m not just going to fuck them.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m gonna record it. And, if you cooperate and if you win, you can keep the video as a memento. And if you don’t…”
“If I don’t,” Lucas says.
“If you don’t, it’s going viral. And this bitch can try explaining what she’s doing eating one of her students’ pussies online.”
“No,” I beg Lucas, but I see it. The asshole is fucking considering. “No.” I take my things and try to leave, but Tim yells out to one of his high comrades, who stops me. The guy might be out of it, but he’s stronger than me and he lifts me up, still kicking, and deposits me in front of Tim.
“I’m not doing it,” I say.
Lucas grabs my arm. Hard. “I need this. Just do it. I’ll get that video. And it’s not like you have never done something skeevy. Just do it. For me.”
I want to hit him, to cry, to fucking scream until the goddamn cops come, but I am surrounded by Tim, Lucas, Trina, and their little drug addled gang. I don’t know how to get out of this situation and when Lucas throws me over his shoulder and carries me up the stairs to Tim’s bedroom, following Tim’s lead, I realize I’m not getting out of it. He leaves me in the room and goes out in the hall, not meeting my pleading eyes, and Tim locks the door.
He already has an entire recording system set up, which is so gross, and I realize how bad this is going to be. How did I get mixed up in this shit?
Tim comes over to me, and somehow, by the grace of God, he actually smells okay. His cock is still loose and he grabs it, stroking it, while he explores my mouth with his tongue. I close my eyes and think of the hand jobs I’ve given, the private shows I have done for men who are far worse, and I try not to let it bother me. If I hadn’t met Lucas, and this situation was not so fucked up, it’s not like I would mind a threesome. I just don’t want it to be with these two.
He turns on the camera now that he’s hard and tells me to get on the bed. I do, lying on my back, and Tim tells Trina to sit on my face. I can’t believe she’s going along with this, since she has no reason to do so, but she does. She grinds her pussy into my face and I start licking the slit. In college, I had my moments of experimentation and it’s not the first time I have been with a girl. I just wish the circumstances were better. I try to detach from the emotion and focus on the physical, which admittedly is not even bad. Trina is loving what I am doing with my tongue and I reach my fingers up to tease her clit while I eat her pussy.
Tim gets between my legs and reaches around Trina, pulling her back toward him so he can stroke her tits, and then he slides his now fully hard cock into me. He’s nowhere near as big as Lucas, but I have to say, he’s pretty good sized. If I forget everything else, he’s pretty good with it, too. He slides partway in, waits, flicking the inner walls with the head, and then when I moan against Trina’s cunt, he pushes deeper. He repeats this move several times until I actually want him to fuck me hard and after Trina comes all over my face, Tim makes me get on my hands and knees. He makes me face the cameras and there is no way I can deny that it’s me if the video gets out. Trina kneels down on the floor in front of me after giving the camera a huge small, so I can’t deny it’s her, either, and then kisses me as Tim rams me hard from behind. No matter how bad this is, how wrong it is, how much I care about Lucas despite also hating him, and how fucked I am if this gets out, Tim fucking me is still too good for me to pretend I hate it and I come, ashamed that I like it as much as I do. I groan as he fucks me hard for the world to see, and then he comes across my ass. I am a fucking horrible person, I think, as I collapse on the bed.
Tim opens the door and takes Trina with him. “She’s all yours, if you want to fuck her a few times. She’s a nasty slut,” he says to Lucas.
Lucas comes in and he’s angry. I’m angry, since he put me in this position, and he pulls me up into a sitting position.
“Did you actually like it?” He growls.
“What was
I supposed to do, Lucas? It was that or have him fuck me against my will. You gave me no way out. If I had to do it, what did you want me to do?”
It’s all too much and I start to cry, which will probably be on the video, too. He brushes the tears from my face.
“Miss Lawlor, I am so sorry,” he says.
“Savannah. At this point, I probably won’t be Miss Lawlor for much longer. Lucas, you have gotten me into one big fucking mess. I kinda wish you had never walked into the club that night.”
“Please don’t say that. Please. I swear to you – I will win this fucking fight and when I get the money, I will start losing. Then, when I get out, no more drugs, no more fighting, no more of this shit.”
Do I want to wait that long? I don’t know the answer to that, and I certainly don’t know how I feel about continuing to be involved in a situation that makes me feel more like a whore than a girlfriend. “When you win, come see me. And give me that fucking video,” I tell him. Then I dress, gather my things, and get the fuck out of there. I don’t even care how he gets home. I am done with this until he fixes it.
Ten
I try to get my shit together once I finish the nonsense with Lucas. At school, I am focused and driven. After school, I grade, plan, and go to bed early. For two weeks, I am the picture of a good educator. I don’t even call Leo about my dancing job. I dress conservatively and tell myself that I will stop being the person who got messed up in that shit in the first place. Clearly, something was wrong with me. Cara notices and she asks if something is up, since I am more social than normal as well. I don’t know what to tell anyone, though, so I act surprised when they are surprised. Even the days do not seem so long and frustrating. I lose myself in doing what’s right – and I hope it will be enough if that video goes viral. I have seen Trina in the hall a couple times, but only once did she acknowledge me. It was just a vague smirk as well, nothing anyone else would ever notice.
Teach Me Page 5
