by Noah Harris
Turning back to Talon, he winced apologetically. “Uh…”
Talon’s face was neutral and he nodded slowly without a single glance toward the kitchen where an excessive amount of slamming and banging was happening. “It is late. Please continue to attempt to listen to the fern if you would… if you can calm yourself enough to do so. Once you learn to listen, everything else will come far more easily.”
Dean followed Talon as they rose to their feet, speaking as quietly as he could, while still making sure Talon could hear him. “I’m so sorry about that.”
Talon shook his head, an almost knowing smile on his face as he turned to the door. “It is time I check in with your alphas, anyway. I would’ve imagined that other shamans would have turned up by now, as they’ve had plenty of time to arrive. No spirits have come to me with news, so I shall ask them instead. Please remember to continue our exercise.”
Dean could only nod, watching quietly as Talon pulled on his own coat and boots before leaving in another gust of cold air. Another thump from the kitchen brought his attention back to the problem stomping around in the other room. Mikael wasn’t even trying to be subtle about being angry anymore. Apparently, the period of stony silence was over and had transitioned, from the sounds of it, to Mikael now attempting to break every cupboard and drawer in the house.
Taking a deep, steadying breath, Dean turned on his heels and made for the kitchen. When he entered, he saw that all the noise Mikael had been making had been from retrieving what was needed to make a small sandwich. Which from the looks of it, was a peanut butter and jelly one, leaving Dean to wonder what drawers and cupboards he had to open to make all the noise.
“So…” he began, trying to keep his voice more even than he felt, “…are you just going to break doors, and be rude to my teachers from now on, or are you gonna tell me what your issue is, instead?”
Mikael turned his head towards Dean, narrowing his eyes past the sandwich he’d been ready to put in his mouth. “Don’t call it an ‘issue,’ like I’m being childish.”
Dean motioned around the kitchen. “When you’re slamming things and being outright rude to new people I’ve invited in, I would call that pretty childish, Mikael. Try telling me, instead. I’d prefer to talk, but if you want to yell, I’d take that over the crap I’ve been putting up with the past few days.”
“Crap?” Mikael asked as he tossed the sandwich onto the plate, wiping his hands aggressively on his jeans. “It’s not crap! And what would be the point? You’ve already decided, so what say do I have in this?”
“Mikael, it’s a dangerous plan, but a good one. You have to know that.”
“Yeah, really dangerous. Just throwing yourself right into the path of danger all over again.”
Dean stepped closer to him. “Really? Because I asked for this! Sure, maybe the first time was because I mouthed off to Samuel and called him out. But you can’t stand there and act like it’s my fault Damian and Nox tried to kidnap me for their own reasons. It’s not like I threw myself in their path screaming ‘pick me, pick me.’ It wasn’t my fault!”
“No, but the first chance you get this time, you just throw yourself out into the middle. You’re perfectly happy being bait, which you know damn well is going to put a target on your back for everyone who wants our heads. You’re going to be either the prize that they try to take, or their number one target, as they try to wipe you out to weaken our reputation. It’s one thing for my dad to come up with this sort of plan; he’s always been one to think about the end goal. But I thought you at least would think about yourself, or about me, before you placed a giant target on your back.”
“It puts me in danger, yeah, I’m not going to deny that. But it also makes us more attractive as a pack, to all the other packs who might still be fence-sitting. If enough of them ally with us over this, strengthening our numbers or hell, helping to bolster the northern border, that’s a win in my book. I hated how helpless I felt when Damian’s pack attacked, but that doesn’t mean I should just hide and not do what I can to make things better for the pack, either!”
“And what about me?”
Dean was taken aback by the question, blinking in confusion. “I… what? What about you?”
Mikael glared down at him, pulling his arms across his chest in a defensive posture. “What about me, huh? Fuck, what if you get kidnapped, or worse, killed? Where’s that leave me? You didn’t even stop to discuss it with me, Dean. We’re mated and you didn’t even pause to consider that something like this might be something you should talk to me about. We’re supposed to be in this together.”
Dean had expected more bluster and anger, but this last statement was said quietly, low enough that Dean could hear the pain in Mikael’s voice. All of his own anger deflated within him, his shoulders slumping as the realization hit him. He had willingly bound himself to Mikael on a level that he didn’t completely understand yet, and he had done it because he’d wanted to be with Mikael for the rest of his life. Yet, the first time he was presented with a situation where he would have to choose something that would affect the both of them, he hadn’t thought for a second to talk to Mikael, not once.
“I know I’m not always the best about standing up to my dad. And I don’t always get involved when you’re doing your thing, but this… I would have fought for you with this, Dean. I don’t want to see you get hurt again. I stood by once and almost let you get killed, I’m not going to let it happen again. I can’t keep… failing to protect you.”
“Mikael,” Dean whispered, reaching forward slowly, afraid that Mikael might pull his hand away from Dean’s outstretched one. Mikael never looked up from the spot he was drilling into the floor with his intense stare, but allowed Dean to take one of his hands and pull it away from his chest. “You do remember who actually killed Nox, right? You know, the one I was losing my own little battle with? And you did stand up to your dad in the end. You called it ‘too late,’ but it was just in time in my book. You’ve been on time to save my ass the whole way through, you and me.”
Mikael cleared his throat. “Doesn’t feel like I will this time, though.”
“Mikael, you’re right, okay? I should have thought of you before I opened my mouth. I’ve been so used to doing everything on my own, it was just… habit.” Damn it, he had shut Mikael right out of the decision, and it didn’t matter that the decision had already been made for them. At the very least, he should have included Mikael in the symbolic acceptance of the plan. Their mutual decision wouldn’t have changed the outcome, but at least he would have shared it with his mate.
Mikael sighed, curling his fingers slowly around Dean’s. “My independent mate, always gotta do things his way, on his time.”
It probably was meant to make Dean smile, but it sounded so weary and sad that it just made him feel worse. “I guess maybe I need to start remembering that I’m not alone in stuff anymore. I’m really sorry, Mikael.”
That earned him a more genuine smile. “I knew what I was signing up for when I chose to be with you. I’m going to have to accept that I’m not always going to be able to help, or that you’re not always going to want me to be involved except as backup.”
“You are far more than something as simple as ‘backup’, Mikael. You’re way more than that and I hate that you even think that about yourself. I see us as equals. I just have to remember to keep that in mind from now on, before I charge into something that’s gonna have an effect on both of us.”
“Guns blazing. I should have talked to you about this, instead of pouting for days. Though I don’t think I’m always going to be happy with all of the decisions you make, especially when they involve putting you right in the line of fire.”
“And I know I’m not going to be able to break a habit I built up over years of being on my own overnight. We’ve done pretty good with dealing with one another so far, but we were bound to run into something eventually, right? And really? Don’t be afraid to speak up next time. If I can
mouth off to your dad, you can speak up when I do something you don’t agree with.”
“I don’t wanna be the one who, like, undermines you, in front of other people, especially my dad.”
“So pull me aside instead, okay?”
“Okay.”
It was a simple affirmation, but he could hear the calm acceptance of his words as Mikael smiled down at him. A tension he hadn’t been aware of until that moment drained from his body, and the ache in his back ebbed to an annoying background pain. Mikael looked as if he were relaxing as well, fingers brushing idly along Dean’s as they stood there looking at one another. He had picked up more of Mikael’s tension than he’d realized. Now the aches in his body felt like the normal sort of aches from a few tough training sessions, instead of the constant throb that it had been.
“Huh, I think I just got my first taste of what being mated to you is like.”
Mikael looked at him in confusion. “What?”
“Pretty sure I was responding to your stress. Been feeling like I went a few rounds with a boxer instead of just some sparring with Katarina. Now it feels like I just got a massage, you know, right as you relaxed.”
“You can… feel my emotions?”
“I think it’s more that my body responds to your emotions in the same way your body responds to them. So like, bodily synching up? Or maybe I’m just reading too much into what would probably be a normal reaction to being around someone you care about who’s silently upset.”
The fingers of Mikael’s other hand ghosted along his shoulder, pulling the collar away to eye the wound. “It really is looking better. Better than a bite from one of us should be. Guess you found another advantage to being a druid, huh?”
“I’ll start making a pros and cons list one of these days. But, here’s my question: you were okay to silently brood for the past few days, but you come storming in here, mad all over again. What set you off?”
The tension returned to Mikael’s body, the dark look cast over his face bringing a knot of tension back to Dean’s stomach. “Father heard word that the other packs are on the move. There’s been no call to battle, but the packs on Damian’s side are on their way. Everyone else is scrambling to either join sides, get out of the way, or hunker down and wait for it to all blow over.”
His knotted stomach felt as if it had dropped a few feet. “War.”
It was unnerving to think that the last time Dean had seen this much activity in The Grove, it had been both during the ambush of Damian’s pack, and the repairs that occurred afterward. Except now, people weren’t rushing around to clean up or fix anything, but rather were all moving about to try and brace for the coming battles. Supplies from caches outside the main living area of The Grove were being pulled back from the potential danger zone on the outer edges of the territory, while supplies from within The Grove were shifted about. A handful of pack members were moving from building to building, checking each to make sure that the fire-resistant treatments that had been used were still in place.
Damian and his allies were still at least a couple of days shy of posing a threat to them, yet Dean was nervous all the same. They had all learned a harsh lesson in just how clever the sneaky bastard could be, and they wouldn’t put it past him to send a few smaller groups forward to antagonize them and test for any weaknesses in their defenses. That was exactly why Mikael was out seeing to the defenses on their perimeter, making sure their scouts were prepared and in proper position.
Considering everything Dean already knew about him, it had been a bit of a surprise to know that Mikael was pretty knowledgeable when it came to battle and war. He knew that his mate could fight, having seen part of the battle during the ambush months ago. Being a warrior and being a commander were two different things, however. Yet, Mikael was entrusted by Samuel to go out to the edges of their territory and make sure their defenses were dependable, which said something. The idea that learning how to fight in a war would have been part of Mikael’s education, while growing up as the heir to the pack’s alpha, hadn’t occurred to him until then.
There wasn’t much that Dean could do to help prepare, either. He knew nothing about war, only able to guess at what an individual could or would do, and that was the extent of his knowledge. To try and help prepare things in The Grove would probably leave him underfoot more than being of any use. Before Mikael had left that morning to see to the outer defenses, he had told Dean that he was wanted in the main house sometime in the afternoon. Dean was hoping that whatever Samuel wanted, it was something that would help make him feel more useful than he did now.
His work with the exercise Talon had given him with the fern had met with no further progress. All he ended up hearing was the sounds of The Grove around them, and his own breathing. He didn’t know where to begin to start to ‘listen’ to the plant, either. His mind was running rampant with all sorts of different thoughts about the upcoming days that he couldn’t hear the sounds of the trees from the older part of The Grove anymore either. This was the one thing he might have actually been able to offer to the pack and he hadn’t managed to hear even the slightest whisper, which certainly wasn’t helping his mood.
Before his thoughts could become too dark and overwhelming, he pushed himself to walk faster across The Grove to the main house. It wasn’t as cold as it had been, with the sun out and warming the day, but it was still a relief to get inside in the warmth. Once inside, he was away from the constant reminder of what was coming toward them. He thought he might be okay if this day came, but now he was a nervous wreck and was hoping to find something to distract him from thoughts of the coming war and his failure to make any progress with his abilities.
He stopped when he spotted Samuel on a bench against the wall. Before the alpha was a table, with a map spread across the smooth surface. Dean recognized the surrounding area, seeing different marks that he didn’t know the meaning of, placed all over the large paper. Wood shavings littered the table and map, as Samuel’s hand worked a small knife over a small chunk of wood in his hand.
“I didn’t know you whittled,” Dean commented as he pulled off his winter gear, a little surprised to not find Matalina and Samuel in their customary spots in the center of the room.
“I like to keep my hands busy, it allows me to do something productive, which is good when I must play the waiting game as I am now.”
Dean smiled at the thought of the whittler’s son becoming a carpenter as he stepped closer. “You called for me?”
“No,” Samuel returned his gaze to the map, “I am busy dealing with matters of our security.”
“Oh Dean, you’re here, good,” Dean turned to the sound of Matalina’s voice, smiling at the sight of the slight woman in a loose dress.
“So, you’re the one who called me here.”
“Yes. Would you mind coming in here? I don’t want our conversation to interrupt Samuel’s concentration.”
Shrugging, Dean gave a nod and followed Matalina to the back room that Dean had assumed was her and Samuel’s private quarters. Pushing past the intricate strings of beads that marked the doorway, he hesitated at the sight of the murals and tapestries on the walls. In everything that had been going on, he had forgotten that Mikael already had the box of things Dean had brought with them for Matalina taken to the main house. Matalina had apparently wasted little time in hanging up the various pieces of old artwork that Dean’s grandfather had kept in tightly sealed storage boxes.
“I meant to thank you for your gifts. I would have insisted you keep them, as they were your family’s in the first place, but I’m sure you wouldn’t have taken them back.”
“They would have just stayed in storage. Some of them are at the house, hanging up, but I didn’t have any place for these. Figured after the fire, you would get more use out of them than I would. I kept the books though.”
“I would have expected no less, thank you. It was disheartening to lose the collection I had. They are just things, but the value they ha
d went beyond material. It is nice to see the tales of our people on my walls once more. Tea?”
Dean glanced over to where she stood next to a small cooking fire, where she carefully pulled an iron kettle from atop the flames. “Oh, sure.”
“It’s not the coffee you are so fond of, but it is at least black tea, so you will get your caffeine fix.”
“Didn’t know tea was really a thing out here, or any drink that wasn’t water.”
“I’m allowed my own indulgences.”
Dean had to smile at that, taking a seat at the nearby small table that she motioned to as she moved toward it. She busied herself with the tea, moving in quick but precise motions as she went. It was obvious that she made tea quite often, and he thought that maybe her ‘indulgence’ was more of a habit. He didn’t say anything, though she raised a delicate brow as she caught sight of his amused expression as she sat herself across from him.
“I apologize for not having spoken to you sooner than this, Dean. With everything that has been happening as of late, we have been… quite preoccupied.”
“Don’t worry about it. I know it’s been bad, I just didn’t know how bad it really was until Mikael told me about Damian and his flunkies moving in.”
“I think we all hoped he would wait to move until after winter had passed. Wars during the winter season are notoriously difficult for all involved. Both sides are more exposed, and require a great deal more resources than they normally do. Outside of hunting, gathering, or even stealing, there isn’t much either side can do to replenish spent supplies, either. War in winter is a bloody thing, more than war normally is.”
Dean accepted the steaming cup of tea as she poured it for him. “Are you okay?”
Her hand shook slightly as she reached for her own cup, grasping it firmly as if to hide it from him. “Yes…”
