“Oh yeah. Seriously, though, does that look like a ‘bro’ hug to you?”
Ben shook his head. “No, it does not.”
“It’d be really nice if they’d put a decent gay or bi character in one of these movies. You know, that isn’t the comic relief or—”
“Tragic death, yeah.” Ben nodded. “Well, I think you’re right and those two are definitely more than just friends.”
Eric flashed him a grin. “I’m glad you acknowledge my brilliance.”
Ben laughed. “Indeed, cariño.” He leaned in with the intention of kissing Eric’s cheek, but Eric turned his head at exactly the wrong time, and instead of getting a five-o’clock shadow, Ben got smooth lips. He couldn’t have fought his wolf for anything in the world. His hands came up and cradled Eric’s face in his palms. Eric moaned softly, tilted his head, and ran his tongue over Ben’s lips.
Ben didn’t even hesitate to open to him. Their tongues touched, then slid, and Ben let a moan out this time. Eric just tasted so good.
Just as he was getting lost in the kiss, however, the bond between them, that something tying them together, thickened. As that was happening, something invisible wrapped around them and pulled them together.
They broke apart, and Eric stared at Ben with wide eyes. “Was that… did we just…? What the fuck just happened?”
Ben winced before he could stop himself. He let go of Eric, his heart pounding and aching at the same time. “I think we strengthened our bond,” he whispered.
“We what?”
Ben managed to keep from wincing again, though he definitely cringed on the inside.
Before he could speak, Finley came out from the kitchen. “Is everything all right?”
“Hell no,” Eric said, then paused. He took a deep breath, then let it out. “Sorry. I… no. I think we just… I think we just bonded.”
Finley raised his eyebrows, looking from one to the other. “Uh… you’re both still dressed. If you’ve found a way to fuck without moving your clothes even a little, I’d love to know how. That’d come in really handy.”
Eric blinked. “This isn’t a joke.”
Finley shook his head. “I’m not joking. What do you mean, bonded?”
“Uh, our bond is stronger than it was before we kissed.”
“Ah.” Finley nodded. “Yes, to a small degree, your bond will strengthen through kissing, but only a little. It’ll fade and be almost as if you never kissed.” He shrugged. “The only difference might be your wolves pushing a little harder to continue the bond.”
“So… it’ll mostly go away?” Eric asked.
Ben tried not to let the hopeful tone of voice hurt. He knew Eric was scared, and if Ben wasn’t also messed up over the partial bond, he wouldn’t be as upset as he was. Ben recognized that, after only a week, Eric wasn’t going to be ready to bond, wasn’t going to be able to trust like that yet.
Ben tried not to think about the fact that it could be years before that could happen.
“Yes. It will fade.” Finley shook his head. “It’s one of the differences between destined and chosen. Destined mates bond more and earlier. But,” he said, staring right at Eric, “destined don’t leave either.”
Before Eric could respond, Finley went back out to the kitchen, leaving them alone.
Eric blew out a breath. “Well, fuck. I didn’t know this could even happen.”
“Me either, cariño. If I’d known, I would have been more careful about kissing. I’m sorry.” Ben swallowed around the lump in his throat.
“Hey, I know you didn’t do it on purpose. It’s okay.”
Ben nodded, then took a breath—though it was too shallow—in an effort to keep his voice steady. “Listen, we can just let it fade. I doubt it would take long, and then I think you’ll feel better.”
Eric growled as he jumped up off the couch. “How can you be so patient with me? How does this not bother you?” The last ended on a shout, Eric’s hands clenched into fists.
“I did not say it didn’t bother me. But I told you the first day we met: I can be patient. And I will be. You are worth it.”
“But how? How are you not ready to climb the fucking walls?”
Ben sighed. “I told you my mamá hated our wolves. We did everything we could to suppress them outside the full moon. I had to learn to be patient, because if I did not, I would have said many things I would regret with her. I still did, when I left, but….” Ben shook his head. “Mamá is one of those who can be very, very stubborn when she believes firmly in something, and hiding our wolves—ridding ourselves of our demons—was one of them. It took a long time before she could accept we were not going camping on every full moon.”
Eric blinked. “Wow. Seriously?”
Ben nodded. “Yes.” He let out a breath. “I will wait, cariño.”
“I hope you can,” Eric whispered. He cleared his throat. “I need some air.” He turned toward the stairs leading down to the mudroom but paused on the top step. He looked over his shoulder. “I’ll be back. I will. I just….”
Ben nodded, at a loss for what else to do or say. When Eric was out of sight, he laid his head back on the couch, doing his best to hold in any emotion. Even though they hadn’t fully bonded, Eric would feel it—at least in part—and Ben did not want to risk that.
He’d heard Eric’s words, knew they were the truth to a point, at least—Eric would be back; he had nowhere else to go unless he stayed wolf—but the look on his mate’s face hadn’t been reassuring. Was Eric reconsidering mating after all?
Was Ben going to lose his destined mate before he ever really got one?
“Finley, I am going to shift for a bit.”
Finley came out of the kitchen again, tilting his head. “What’s wrong? Where’s Eric?” He frowned. “Did he take off again?”
“He said he needed some air and would be back. I… I could use some too. I have not shifted since I’ve been here. Are there places I should not go?”
Finley shook his head. “Watch the road north, but there’s plenty of forest to the south of the house.”
Ben nodded. “Thank you.” He got up and turned toward the stairs.
“Hey, Ben?”
Ben hesitated, turning back to Finley.
“He’ll be back. He won’t reject you completely.”
Ben shook his head. “I’m not so sure of that, Finley.”
Finley nodded and gave a small smile. “I am. You’ll see. Go, run. It always helps me clear my head.”
“Thank you,” Ben said, then hurried to the stairs before Finley could say any more.
BEN TOOK a long drink out of the stream, then flopped down on the bank. He closed his eyes, resting his head on his paws, trying to block out the memory of the look on Eric’s face earlier, trying not to think. He’d run, focusing on the feel of the wind in his fur and the forest under his paws. He hadn’t gotten to do that much back in Texas, and in fact, it had been very rare altogether. Even as an adult, his mother had made it clear she didn’t want him shifting any more than he absolutely had to, which meant getting away to run had been difficult at best.
Ben glanced up at the sky, noting it had gotten quite a bit darker since he’d left. He had no idea how long he’d been gone—time didn’t pass the same for him in wolf form as it did as a human—but he didn’t believe he’d really be missed, so he didn’t worry too much about it.
With a soft whine, he put his paws over his head, even though he was well aware that the pain was inside, rather than out. He didn’t want to let his brain keep going over the fact that it was starting to feel like no one wanted him.
If he was thinking clearly and not out of hurt, he’d know that wasn’t true. He knew Eric’s problem wasn’t that he didn’t want Ben. Eric’s problem was simple fear. But right then, it felt too much like he wasn’t wanted—much like it felt that his mamá didn’t want him.
That, too, wasn’t accurate. She didn’t want his wolf, but since his wolf was such an integral pa
rt of him, it sometimes felt like she didn’t want him.
He needed to stop thinking, not remember. Yet despite his best efforts, he did. The memories cropped up of the times when he’d been a pup, too young to control the shift, and his mother spanking him when he turned human again, scolding him, even at four and five years old, about controlling his “demon.” He winced, even now, when it was only a memory. He’d hidden in his room after that, so confused, because he couldn’t understand why he was getting spanked for something he couldn’t help. What was worse was that his mamá couldn’t seem to explain it either, just that it was “wrong.”
There’d been more Sunday mornings than he could count over the years that he sat on hard, uncomfortable church pews, his mother giving him looks he didn’t need to interpret. He was to listen to the messages and use them to rid himself of his demon.
He’d never forget the guilt and fear when he never succeeded. It took him too many years to understand he couldn’t get rid of his demon. When his papá had realized what was going on, he’d put his foot down and kept Ben home, but by then the damage was done. Ben knew he was wrong, and there was nothing he could do to fix it.
The one good thing he could say that came out of the situation was he spared his little sister the church pew, at least. She’d been too little to understand the church’s message, so Papá had kept them home. It was before she could be put through the same thing.
It was, in fact, one of the few big arguments he’d heard his parents have. They normally didn’t fight, but the shouted rapid-fire Spanish had been hard to miss. He’d kept Tina occupied on the PlayStation, though, of course, she heard as well as he did. Their preternatural hearing didn’t allow them to ignore it completely. They’d both winced over the shatter of pottery, then exchanged looks when things went silent. That had been more ominous than the shouting.
Eventually his mother had apparently given in, because neither he—nor Tina—had ever gone back to the Catholic church. With patience and understanding, his papá had helped him get over some of his fears. He and his sister learned more and more about their species, and their history and lore, and could put away a lot of the things his mamá had insisted on.
But Ben had never completely gotten over the idea that his mamá didn’t love a huge part of him.
He sighed, looking up at the now setting sun. Was Eric second-guessing him? Was his destined mate going to not want him either? Just like his mamá? His former alpha?
Before he could think it through, he lifted his head and let loose a howl of worry and frustration.
“See? I knew it bothered you,” Eric said from beside him.
Ben jumped and dropped his head, shaking it slightly, annoyed with himself for not hearing Eric approach.
“Hey, baby. It’s okay, really.” Eric ran his hand over Ben’s head and neck, and having his mate’s hands on him, even petting him, felt ridiculously good. “You are a beautiful wolf, but can I see my human mate?”
Ben took a breath, then pulled his wolf back. Like the shift to wolf earlier, the return to human form took longer than it should have. He’d have to get better at it, but he’d worry about that later.
Before he could say or do anything when he was once more human, Eric lifted Ben’s face, then slid his hands up to cup Ben’s cheeks. A second later… Eric kissed him. The full, thorough kiss went through him as Eric’s lips moved over his, brushing, then nipping, then deepening the kiss.
Stunned, Ben could do nothing but sit there for a moment. Finally he pulled himself together and returned it. Their tongues slid, the taste as incredible as it had been earlier and maybe even more so somehow because Eric started the kiss. Ben couldn’t stop his body from reacting, feeling his very naked mate against him, though at least he wasn’t embarrassed, because Eric was reacting too. His hard cock brushed Ben’s, and it took all Ben had to simply moan at the feel and not do more.
Even so, when they broke apart, he scrunched his eyebrows together while looking at Eric, who was now in shades of gray. “What… but….”
“I hurt you,” Eric said. Ben opened his mouth to argue, but Eric simply raised his eyebrows, and Ben sighed but closed his mouth again. “You can’t lie to me, baby.”
Ben frowned, slightly relieved as his arousal faded enough for his vision to go back to full color. “But… I mean…. Okay, I cannot lie, but you do not have to kiss me because I am… unhappy.”
Eric shook his head. “That was more than being unhappy. I hurt you. My fears, while yeah, I have reason to be afraid… they’re not a good reason to hurt you the way I did.”
“Cariño, I will be—”
“Don’t. I know it’s not true.” Eric ran a thumb over Ben’s cheek as Ben dropped his gaze to Eric’s throat. “You’re still worried I’ll reject you. The only thing I can do is tell you I won’t… and not let the portion of our bond that is there now fade.”
Ben looked up again. “The portion of our bond?”
Eric nodded. “Yes. The bit that we strengthened with our first kiss. I’m so sorry, baby, that I ruined it.”
Ben was having trouble breathing. “You mean it? You do not want it to fade?”
“Yeah, I mean it. And no, I don’t.” Eric pulled him closer, wrapping both arms around him. “Gods, you feel so fucking good here. I want to bond with you, Ben. I want to do more. But I’m not there yet. However, I’m not going to do this to you. It might not have been all that long, but it’s time I start facing these fears. If I trust my wolf and our goddess, then I have to face them. They aren’t going to go away on their own.”
Ben took a deep breath. “Thank you, cariño. I—” He cut himself off, burying his face in Eric’s neck instead to keep the words he’d almost blurted contained. He was sure Eric wasn’t ready to hear them yet. He put his own arms around Eric and held tight, taking a deep inhale and letting his mate’s scent help calm him.
“I’m sorry, baby,” Eric murmured.
Ben pulled back. “You do not have to be sorry.”
“No, I do. I hurt you and I ruined our first kiss. It should have been something we celebrated. Instead, I freaked out. So, yeah, I do have to be sorry, and I am.”
Ben didn’t know what to say to that. “Well. Uh…. It’s okay.” He frowned. “How did you find me? And, uh, why did you go looking? Did Finley or Tanner go after you?”
Eric shook his head. “So sure you’re not wanted,” he murmured and Ben blushed. “I was worried about you. You were gone so long. I know we lose track of time as wolves—I lost track of years. Almost a decade.” Ben chuckled and Eric smiled. “But even so, it seemed too long. And I followed your scent.”
Ben blinked. “You can do that?”
Eric raised his eyebrows but nodded.
Ben drooped. “I did not hear you approach. I didn’t even know I could find your scent like that. I am a terrible wolf.”
Eric flashed him a smile. “Well, as it so happens, I’m an excellent wolf. I can help you be a better wolf, just like you’re helping me be a better human.”
Ben blushed but looked up. “You’d do that? Teach me to be a better wolf?”
Eric nodded. “Happily, baby.”
“I like that,” Ben whispered.
“Baby?”
Ben nodded.
“Then that’s what I’ll call you.” Eric kissed him softly on the lips, and Ben savored the feel of his mate’s lips on his, even as light as the kiss was. “I have something to ask you.”
“Oh?” Ben blinked.
Eric nodded. “Would you like to go out on a date with me?”
Apparently Ben wasn’t done being surprised. “You… want to go on a date?”
Eric grinned. “Yup.” He chuckled. “I gotta show off those silverware skills you helped me get back, don’t I?”
Ben couldn’t resist laughing, but he sobered again. “But… what about people?”
Eric’s grin faded a little. “I’ve been letting myself hide. Like getting past my fears about bonding, I’m
never going to get better about being around other people if I’m not… around other people. I can’t think of a better way to deal with it than spending time with you, my mate.”
Ben’s smile was huge. “I’d like that very much.”
“I’m not sure I’m up to driving yet. In fact, I don’t even know if I have a driver’s license anymore.” Eric shrugged. “You’ll have to drive us for now. But—”
“I do not care even a little, cariño. I will be happy to drive us.”
Eric flashed his smile again. “Good. Now… I think we should get back to the house before I do something I’m not ready for. You are way too hot to be around naked right now.”
Ben blushed to the roots of his hair. “Uh….”
Eric grinned. “And that just makes you cute.”
Ben scowled. “I am not cute.”
Eric chuckled. “Yes, you are. So, mate… how about we finish Star Wars?” He stood and held his hand out.
Ben stood with him and nodded. “That sounds good to me.”
“Let’s shift and run. We’ll get there faster. And I won’t have to look at your hot naked body.”
Ben laughed. “Race you?”
“You’re on!”
Eric waited for Ben to shift but then took off. Ben followed, feeling more hopeful than he’d been in a long time.
Chapter 9
ERIC FLEXED his hand a couple of times, then clicked the pencil until he had a decent point and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes, brought the image to mind he wanted, and put the pencil onto the sketchbook.
Then froze. He couldn’t seem to make himself move the pencil, even to draw a straight line—not that he wanted one. That didn’t matter, though. His hand did not want to move.
He took another breath and closed his eyes again. “Diana, I could use a little help here. I need to be useful to the mate you’ve given me,” he whispered, grateful Ben wasn’t in the house at the moment. In fact, no one else was. He was alone, which was one reason he’d decided to try drawing right then. He just couldn’t seem to speak louder. “It’s all I know how to do, Goddess. Please help me.”
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