by A. L. Wood
However, these seats are amazing. Almost overwhelming that after so many years of concerts and being a fan I finally hit the jackpot and not only get to meet them, but to witness a concert with such emotional movement and powerful songs, that’s beyond luck.
“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”
— Thich Nhat Hanh
Chapter Three
“Are you guys ready to hit the stage yet?” Abagail asks.
“I thought we had the meet and greet first.” Ryan speaks up first.
“Venue staff thought it would be better to have the meet and greet after.” She throws her hands in the air, exasperated. “It was out of my hands.”
Ryan grimaces.
I’d love to see the organizers put on a three hour show, then have a formal meet and greet directly after while coated in sweat. Normally we would have the formal greet with fans before the concert, a light meal and some drinks then send them on their way so we can hit the stage. After the show we’d shower, change, whatever we needed then go out and meet the fans who didn’t have special tickets.
We’d set at a table for hours taking pictures and signing autographs, which wasn’t as exhausting as having deep conversations with people who’ve doled out hard earned cash and have a meal in between the pictures, the conversing. However, knowing Abagail she fought for us and it’s something they wouldn’t budge on.
“Let’s get out there then, yeah?” I look to Ryan, Liam, Gage and Jason.
“Let’s do this.” They murmur back, the excitement of putting on a show gone.
~*~
“I have to say that’s the first time in a long time I wasn’t feeling a show before we went on stage. Meet and greet after was daunting, but their fuckin’ energy was hard to ignore.” Jase is mumbling erratically, the adrenaline of performing in front of thousands of fans is addicting.
As we make our way off the stage Natalie cuts in front of us. “You guys have about seventy very important people to get through before everyone else, we’ve already made an announcement on how it would go. Everyone is already formed in a line, pictures first, and while they’re meeting you guys before posing for pictures they’ll get their autographs. When everyone has had a chance to meet you and get a picture or whatever you’ll all sit down and share a meal. They won’t be coming up to you, interrupting. Layla, Abby and I thought this might be better, seeing as how they wouldn’t change the times. You guys have ten minutes to go freshen up or change.”
This woman is a Godsend. She makes me forget how we got along before she came our way, we must’ve been a fucked up brood. Natalie isn’t much younger than I am, yet she takes on the mother role for all of us, well all of us except for Ryan that is.
I decide to make a run for the bus to take a quick shower and change before the greeting commences. I take off without saying a word, so that I won’t have contenders for the shower.
When I make it to the bus by ways of back hallways to hide from any fans, fans I certainly don’t want touching me whilst I’m covered in sweat soaked clothing, I grab a clean pair of jeans and an Affliction shirt, one of my favorite clothing lines.
I take the world’s fastest shower, throw the clean clothes on and style my hair before going to greet fans. I’ve got a short Mohawk, I change my hairstyle up every now and then. Not that I personally care about labels or outward appearances, it’s just something I’ve always had for myself. I’ve realized that I have no power to control anything around me, of the past or my future but I can control what I do, or how I look, even how I speak and what I want people to know about me.
I can control my life.
So I do, down to the smallest and meaningless things of my life. Like my hair.
This month my hair is colored in a hunter green, next month will probably be navy blue. I squirt some hair glue in my hands, run my fingers through my hair pulling it straight up to fashion it in my trademark rocker style. Before I exit the bathroom I observe myself, the sharp cut of my jaw that’s hairless thanks to my favorite razor, my full lips that curve slightly as if God himself wanted to play a joke on me by giving me a permanent smirk. Or the dimples that are etched well into my cheeks that no amount of plastic surgery, if I had wanted, would remove them. Hazel eyes, green with a light mix of brown that spoke to me, of someone drowning in dull lifelessness.
It amazes me that when we do shows, or greets with fans, how many of them want to meet me, the most boring one of the group. My story is just that, my story and it’s no one’s business, the guys being the exception if they ever brought it up. I fabricate my background to the press and magazines, to fans, because I don’t want any of them to intrude themselves in Rush or my parents lives. They didn’t need noses shoved into their daily doings.
To everyone else, I am me, I have no one, I am alone.
And I like it that way.
“You're just playing, playing, playing,
and then an image or something will come into your mind,
and basically you're just narrating it with music,
letting it move along.”
- Edie Brickell
Chapter Four
“Your nerves are starting to get on mine, Avery. Calm down, if anyone should be jumping out of their skin with excitement it should be me. I mean, Zepp is in the same building as we are and you don’t see me stepping on your heels, do you?”
“Sorry, you know how I get its either overly excited or ill because of nerves. I’m preventing hives here, any second I might start itching. I can’t believe I didn’t think about the possibility of this happening, you know this happens to me. Why didn’t you remind me? I would suggest you bring your boyfriend instead of me.”
“You’ll be fine, just breathe in. It’s just a concert after all. Shayne isn’t my boyfriend and you damn well know it.”
“I don’t think he’s aware of that Rad. In his head, he’s your man.”
Avery is talking about Shayne, a platonic friend since childhood. We’re more co-workers than friends anyway, he and I work with disabled children and adults. Helping them have a somewhat independent life, depending on their medical disabilities. We grew up with one another, same school, lived on the same block and both wanted to work in the same field. Ironically he and I both ended up with jobs at the same private company, a position at a company that’s highly sought after. They only hire twenty applicants out of hundreds each year, providing the best care available in our area.
I know that Shayne has a tendre for me, but I’ve never once encouraged or spoke of it and we get along just fine without broaching the subject. Whenever I do think about it, which is only when Avery brings it up, it makes me uncomfortable. Because he and I work together most days than we don’t. We usually end up working together, because retirement homes or rehabilitation homes will hire us through our company.
As a matter of fact, the only time I don’t work with him is when I spend time with Rush. She’s my client only.
“Why are we talking about Shayne again? I’m beginning to think you’ve got a thing for him, since you’re the one always mentioning his name.”
“I was just bringing to light that in his head you and he have something and you could’ve asked him out on a date to join you here tonight.”
“I would’ve gone alone if you couldn’t have joined me. Tonight is the night where I’d rather have my best friend and sister with me for courage and support than a guy who’s sporting an unreturned crush.”
“Shh…the girl over there is saying something.”
She was with Natalie earlier outside of the venue, before we went to our seats.
As directed, once the concert ended we ran to the rear exit staircase leading backstage, where we would wait to meet Steele’s Army.
The concert was…exhilarating. I tried concentrating on the music, only to find myself daydreaming of meeting Zepp. The daydream proceeded to become a fantasy where
I would tear his clothes off and give him the best screw of his life, right before I kissed him hard on the lips and walked away.
“Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches,
letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights.”
- Pauline R. Kezer
Chapter Five
Abagail instructs us to line up against a wall, that has a backdrop of our band logo. A camera faces us, a photographer stationed behind it. One by one each fan gets their photo taken with us, standing beside their own favorite and has us sign whatever it was they brought with them to the show. Some ask us to sign body parts, not that I’m usually against it- as long as the body part isn’t completely exposed when I’m signing it. Sometimes they’re kids at our shows, not that I approve of a child attending a concert that is certain to involve mosh pits, depending on what songs we choose to perform.
As the line goes on, each person who approaches us begins to look like the last. Appearance’s blend, until not one person stands out. That is, until her. Until she approaches us, with another female that resembles her. Her cherry red hair blazes with the flash of the camera, her emerald green eyes torture me. Seeing right through my outward shell, her eyes read me and I don’t like it. At all.
She stood next to Liam for the photo, her friend, or maybe relative stands near Ryan. They remain respectable about their limbs, not trying to force an unwanted touch. Liam asks Cherry if she’d like him to sign anything for her, she cowers, her eyes looking to the floor….she’s shy? I can’t hear what she’s saying, because she’s mumbling her reply. Her friend approaches me, catching me full on staring at her friend.
Embarrassed to be caught, I look at Cherry with disgust, curling my lip up in distaste so as to not show how much she’s ensnared me. She’s caught my undivided attention. Nothing more that I can do other than offering her a reprieve from actual life, offering her a small escape from life. Casting my eyes to the little one who’s interrupted my gawking, “Hello.” I greet her quietly.
She holds out her hand, “Hey, nice to meet you. I’m Avery. I’ve wanted to meet you guys forever, my sister over there,” she says pointing in the direction of Cherry, “has wanted to me you for far longer than I. She’s your biggest fan, but don’t tell her I told you that.”
“I wouldn’t dream of speaking a word to her about it.” I chuckle.
She laughs too, “Seriously, she’s been to many of your concerts but hasn’t ever had the chance to meet you. This is a dreams of hers, that’s about to come true.”
“That’s great.” What else can I say? There are a lot of people who’ve dreamt of meeting us, sadly we can’t meet everyone in the world. It’s impossible. I wish we could, even if it would take me out of my comfort zone. Meet and greets are hard enough, everyone always asks personal questions to which they feel entitled an answer to. It’s always awkward when I refuse to answer, sometimes they’ll accuse me of not caring about their fans, namely them and other times they’ll just switch topics.
“She’s headed your way, I’ll let her do this alone. See ya around Zepp.” She says in a familiar tone before running off to introduce herself to Jason.
“Nice shirt.” Cherry says, her voice nothing but smooth silk. Her tone glides over me, causing shivers down my spine. I could listen to her read the dictionary, all night, every night.
Control yourself, offer an escape.
“Uhh…thanks, I guess.”
“That was an amazing show you put on tonight, I’ve never seen anything like it. The emotion you’re always putting into every single note you play or sing.”
“Music is an outlet, one that’s always worked for me. I put every feeling I have inside of myself into my music. All of us do, I believe, maybe that’s why we’ve been so successful. Not a lot of artists immerse themselves in their songs and share it with the world without shame or embarrassment. Fuck, some that do share themselves always deny it after its ben made a hit. They don’t want people to know that their human too, that they feel just as you.” I shut my lips.
That was too much information. I can’t remember a time where I’ve lost control of what I was saying, the truth fell from my lips so readily without censor. This isn’t a good thing. I should walk away from this Cherry red temptress now.
“What song of yours would you say has the most of you revealed in it?” She asks studying my reaction.
I shouldn’t answer her, I should ignore it tell her it was fantastic meeting her and walk the fuck away. Fast like, slow jogging her effects on me away.
Stupid me though, I can’t resist, I need to know what she’s going to say in reply. I just have to know. “Persevere.” I say before throwing my censor in place.
She throws her hand on her chest, over her heart, my eyes chase her hand. She’s wearing a V-neck shirt that fits her curves perfectly, her hand sits atop attractive cleavage. I look back into her eyes, so she doesn’t catch me drooling over her breasts. Her green eyes gaze at me with surprise, her pink glossed lips curl into a smile. She’s fucking beaming at me.
All because I told her the song that reflects me personally?
I did this to her? I put this happily serene face on her? Who is this woman?
“Tell me, what’s your name Cherry?”
The looks stays in place, and if it’s possible her smile gets bigger.
“I’ll tell you my name, if you tell me why that song reflects you.”
Here it goes. Escape time.
“Well, there’s a long ass line behind you and it could probably take me well into the night to tell you how that song is mine, how it’s me. Why don’t you wait for me after this? We could talk some more, before we had to leave. Sound good?”
She cowers again, eyes downcast to the floor. Looking at everyone and at everywhere except for at me. “I mean, if you don’t want to you don’t have to.”
She looks up, “Radisyn. I’m Radisyn.”
As she walks away her hand brushes against mine, her touch jolts me. Her touch ignites flames that I haven’t felt, ever.
“Life certainly points it out to you -
'you can go this way or the other way.'
You have to decide and it's a very strong decision because,
would you sleep well knowing that you're living in the best place,
but you're letting the place where you should live alone?”
- Gael Garcia Bernal
Chapter Six
Meeting Zepp shook me, to my core. I’ve dated in the past, nothing ever ended up being serious to where I was choosing my dream wedding ring or wedding dress. I never thought about what my dream house would look like or if I wanted children. No one ever made me feel that way, no one made me believe we could ever have a future.
Meeting him was more than I had expected, I thought I would’ve had to fight for his attentions. That I would’ve had to do something drastic, fake a heart attack or maybe just jump on him like a crazed lunatic. After giving both ideas deep thought I realized both of those actions would cause me to have to leave, if I faked a heart attack I would have been surrounded by on hand paramedics until an ambulance arrived and if I jumped on him security would’ve thrown me out.
There was no other option other than just being myself. If being me didn’t attract him, then he just wasn’t worth attracting anyway. That’s how I had to look at it. All night I had hopes but after standing in line waiting to finally meet him, I had an epiphany. I was worth everything, I would be a gift to someone, the right one and if he was my right one, then he would see my worth when we met.
He saw all right.
He still sees, a little too clearly.
We couldn’t have been seated as far away from each other as we were right now. All I wanted to do was make my way over to him to continue our conversation, but security wouldn’t like that and I’d be thrown out on my ass.
“You’ll be safe right.” Avery whispers in my ear after I tell her of my and Zepp’s conversation.
“Of
course I’m going to be safe. I’m not going to be here all night, I’ll call you as soon as I get home. Drive safe, I love you.”
“Love you too.”
I watch Avery walk away. She’s an amazing sister, it’s always been her and I against the world. A team, always having each other’s backs with whatever happened.
“Ready to continue our conversation?” Zepp’s guttural tone whispers along my neck, his breath blowing hot on my skin. I urge to turn my head so I can taste him, but I don’t want him to view me as another groupie. Just another fling looking to fuck him because of who he is.
Instead, I hold still and reply. “Sure, how long until you have to leave to the next show?”
“We’ve got a few hours. Come on.” He says reaching for my hand and pulling me along. We go through a maze of halls at the fast pace he’s set. I wouldn’t be able to make my way out by myself when I leave. How long has he been here? To have mastered every single hallway and know his way around a place as big as this.
“Your choice, the bus or a hotel room.”
“The bus is fine with me. Show me your home.”
He leads me out an exit that meets a parking that’s full of busses, vans and trucks, most likely all with Steele’s Army. Still holding my hand he leads me to his bus, opens the door and pulls me in.
“Gage, Jason, join Ryan and Liam on their bus for a few would you?” He asks passively. Not really giving them a choice.
