by A. L. Wood
So against his wishes I enter his room. It’s a small room, nothing fancy, each room is usually affixed with the mere necessities only. A hospital bed, two chair against the wall beside that, a television situated in the corner diagonally form the bed. Two small dressers and a door that leads to their personal bathroom. It’s up to each patient or their families to personalize the room that the patient will most likely be spending the rest of their lives in.
Mr. Fishers isn’t personalized, it’s as plain Jane as a room without someone living in it. This produces questions that I’m not sure the old man wants to answer.
“Didn’t I tell you to go away?” He says to me.
I take a seat in one of the chairs along the wall that’s facing the side of his bed. “You did? I didn’t hear you.” I state flatly, already bored with his stubbornness.
“Well you heard me now, young lady, be on your way.”
“Sorry, I can’t leave, if I do I’ll lose my job. So we have to make the most of this, I have to stay in here for at least two hours.”
He grumbles to himself, other than that he says nothing. He’s allowing me to stay. He picks up the remote to his television and changes the channel. Then changes it again, and again, and again.
By now he’s skipped past every channel the cable company has to offer three times over, and he’s still doing it. I bite at the corner of my lip, it’s my habit. Kind of like person whose quitting smoking, they sometimes keep a rubber band on their wrist and every time they get the urge to light another one up the pull at the rubber band, the pain a reminder to not smoke.
Well my biting my lip is a reminder to not speak. To just shut my mouth and let him do what he’s doing. Unfortunately, just as the rubber band isn’t always as effective, nor is my biting of my lip.
“For God’s sake man, stop on a channel.” I bellow out.
“It’s my T.V. I can do what I want. Don’t like it then leave.” He bellows back.
He continues changing channel after channel, until he gives up and stops it on some news network. I zone out and think about what happened this morning, how much I’ll miss Rush and working with her, how much I’ll miss her family. I almost miss what he says as I’m lost in thought.
“What’s got you so down?”
I snap out of my train of thought and answer. “Nothing, I’m not down. I’m fine, great really.”
“Bullshit. Something’s got you down. Want to talk about it?” He grumbles.
“I’m good.” I say shortly.
“Come on, appease an old bedridden man. Entertain me, please.” He says nicely.
Fine.
I tell him about Rush first, how I’ve come to think of her as a younger sister. How I care for her, then I tell him about Zepp. How I’ve longed to meet him, and then eventually seduce him into caring about me, someday. I leave out the sordid details of what we did last night, I tell him how cold Zepp was toward me today and that I had no idea he was Rush’s older brother, that I never knew how she was injured. That I like a complete jackass planned to bring her swimming, one of her favorite things she told me she liked to do, not knowing that she was the way she was because she had drowned.
“He’ll get over it.” Is all he says.
That’s it? You want me to tell you why I’m in such a desolate mood and you just tell me he’ll get over it?
“Nope, afraid he won’t. He was livid, he fired me this morning. Doesn’t believe me when I said I didn’t know he was related to Rush. His parents never mentioned it nor did Rush. I never asked, I thought Rush was there only and decided not to have more children so they could care for her.”
It’s not like they had family pictures all over the house, their home felt like a home but it wasn’t personal. I figured they had a home that was their personal one, as they were always going out of town for Rush’s doctors’ visits. They’d tell me ahead of time so I knew not to stop by and they’d call me when they got home. And as attached as I was to Rush, as attached as I still am, I knew that I shouldn’t ask personal questions that don’t concern me. I enjoyed my time I spent with her, I didn’t want to lose it like I did today.
“Maybe he’s afraid of something, did you think about that?”
“No, what could he possibly be afraid of?”
“Look at it from his point of view, this guy is famous you said, right?”
“Yes, but what does that have to do with this?” I ask.
“Okay, so he’s famous, his sister isn’t well. She has serious health issues, she’s vulnerable. In his position, if anyone knew that he had a sister and what he health status was she could be targeted. Picked on, harassed, the same for him, people could go after his family. It wouldn’t be as easy to travel to appointments, or for his sister to enjoy life as much as she can. He’s probably afraid that after meeting you last night, knowing you had an interest in him, that you could expose his family. He’s protecting them, Red.”
“I guess I didn’t look at it that way, I took it that he just didn’t like me, that he wanted me gone because of what we did.”
“My suggestion for you, is that if you still want to be Rush’s friend, you find him and talk to him. He’s the patriarch of his family, and probably the only one who could let you back in. If you want to go back that is.”
I smile. Who knew that coming here to distract myself, would cause me to meet someone with wisdom.
“I think I will Mr. Fisher, thank you.”
“Anytime.”
I sit there for a moment longer, not wanting to just run out on the lonely guy/
“Are you going or what?” He asks, the grumpiness back in his tone like I’m bothering him.
“Yeah, I’m going. But not because you want me to, but because I have to. I’ll be back for you story soon though.” I wink at him and walk out.
“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.”
-- Oprah Winfrey
Chapter Twelve
I’ve had her number for days, my parents keep calling wondering when I’ll work up the balls to call her and apologize for being such a dick. They said that Rush has been down, depressed without having Radisyn visit. If anything that should be encouragement enough to make the phone call but I can’t bring myself to do it.
I’m a selfish prick.
We’ve left California, played a few shows and now we’re headed to the Midwest. Because of having Temperance on tour with us, a day off is coming soon, I’m thinking rather than call I should just show up, now that I know where she works usually and where she lives. It shouldn’t be so hard to find her.
“Pick the phone up yet?” Jason asks, I’ve told them all about it. Jason and Gage had seen Radisyn the night I brought her onto the bus and kicked them out. It’s not every day that I kick them out so I can be alone with a lady friend. Usually I don’t give a shit, they can be in their own beds and I’m still getting laid.
With Radisyn, I guess I cared. I didn’t want them to see an inch of her bare skin, I didn’t want to take the chance that they’d hear the heated sounds she made, the sounds caused by me.
For some unknown reason, those sounds had to belong to me and only me.
The guys all have their women, and they’re faithful I would never question that, but she’s mine.
Mine?
She’s definitely not mine.
But why is my body feeling that she is?
I need to see Radisyn.
~*~
“You sure you’ll be back in time for the next show right?” Ryan questions me.
“I promise I’ll meet you guys at the next show, this is just something I have to do.”
“It’s about fucking time, first time since I’ve met you that I couldn’t stand to be around you. You’ve had a stick shoved up your rotten ass all week.” He says pulling up to drop me off at the airport.
“Yeah well I clearly remember you being a dick when Natalie wouldn’t speak to you, or how abou
t when you first met her? You embarrassed her in front of an entire audience. God you were a dick then, or how about Liam and his bi-polar-ness when it came to Layla? He wanted her, didn’t want her, and wanted her.”
“Liam had a lot going on then.”
“Still, he was the same way. How about I continue? Gage shoved Abagail away when all she wanted was to spend the rest of her life away. Jason, well I can’t say much about Jason, he went after what he wanted. Although Raven was a stark raving bitch at the time. Me, well I knew when I saw her that I wanted her, I just didn’t know that I wanted her for good.”
“Then what are you doing sitting here still blabbing? Go make her yours.”
“I’m going to try like hell, if she’ll have me.”
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”
-- Lao Tzu
Chapter Thirteen
It’s been one week, since the first meeting with Zepp.
Six days since I’ve seen Rush.
And I feel like the world I had made, crumbled down around me. What I thought was, wasn’t. What I had felt, I was wrong. Avery called earlier, said it was time I stopped mulling over what was lost and move on. I reluctantly agreed. So here, exiting a cab outside of The Edison, wearing a green faded dress, its vintage and something I normally wouldn’t have picked out except that Avery bought it and brought it over so I couldn’t refuse.
I enter, a hostess in a 1920’s flapper dress leads me down a beautiful staircase into the basement of the Higgins Building. I spot Avery at the bar, she waves two drinks at me.
“Finally, you made it! I’ve already taken the privilege of choosing your first drink. A moscato, its delicious, just enough bubbles and sweet. Enjoy!” She says handing the wine glass over. I down it, I’m going to need a buzz to get through tonight.
I take a look around, large ornate walls, decorated to feel like you’re back in the 20’s. Every waitress wears a shiny black flapper dress and the bartenders are dressed in suits. Very classy. The lounge has a relaxed jazzy feel, a small stage located across the room in a corner.
The lights are dimmed, the lone stage covered in darkness except for one small light shining on a microphone and its stand. Dry smoke hovers the floor, wisps of white man-made clouds. They shift away, when I realize someone’s walking onto the stage, the person’s feet clearing the smoke with each step they make. My eyes are entranced at the small unsteady steps the legs covered in black dress pants make.
This persons nervous and taking their time reaching the spotlight. I hold my breath, just wanting the person to reach that spot on the stage. Thrilled to hear what they might do in a place such as this.
They take another unsure step, then another slowly revealing themselves. I follow the legs up, slowly, they’re wearing a suit, tailor made to their body. The buttons on their jacket undone revealing a white crisp dress shirt, their sleeves rolled up to their forearms. Then the face.
Is face.
I gulp.
It’s him.
Zeppelin.
What is he doing here?
I look to Avery quizzigly.
“Did you know he’d be here?” I question her.
“No, I had no idea he’d be here, thought he was on tour or something.”
She lies.
Liar.
“Fucking liar.”
I place the wine glass down on the bar, throw a few ones on the counter and begin walking away. If he’s here, I’m not.
“Radisyn! Wait, please just wait.”
I pause in my step, I turn my body around to face her. “If he’s here I need to leave Avery. I can’t stay I’m sorry.” I begin to walk away again. Until she speaks.
“He made me bring you here. Well he didn’t make me, but he asked. He’s here because of you. Please just stay and hear him out.”
“I don’t owe him anything.”
“No of course you don’t Rad, but you could just do him this favor and listen to what he has to say. For me at least, please because I want to hear what he has to say to you.”
I think it over. I could leave, but if I did it would be with regret that I chose not to hear what he had to say.
“Fine, I’ll stay but only because I don’t want to regret my decision to leave. Once he’s done, we’re leaving. I’m not waiting around for him.”
“Okay, that’s okay.”
We go back to the bar, sit at the stools as Avery places another order for drinks. I look back over to the stage and find him, in the lone spotlight, his eyes meeting mine.
His eyes that are filled with regret and apathy, for me?
He clutches the microphone and speaks into it lightly.
“This song is for my Cherry. She doesn’t know it, but with one meeting, she changed me. This is Letting Go.”
The music begins, a soft lullaby of notes, and then he begins to sign. His voice starts out as a light whisper, floating throughout the entire room.
Letting Go
Led into darkness, past was light
Blame and guilt fed the fire inside at night
Women and drinks gave me a reprieve, only for happiness to misconceive
But tonight all I want to do, is Let Go with you
Miles on my feet from running, only to stop because your cherry red hair was stunning
Made to forget that day, only for it to go out the window with what you had to say
But tonight all I want to do, is Let Go with you
Confrontation ruined my hopes, anger fueled my thoughts, that happiness could never be bought
Even then all I wanted to do, was to Let Go with you.
Tonight I get on my knees to apologize, we can find a way to compromise because baby, there’s no sense in Letting Go when you’re not there to catch me.
By the time the songs ends, every single patron at the luxurious lounge is feeling his pain, his every emotion, and his regret, but most of all his love. He made himself vulnerable for me, telling me and everyone in here his story with a song.
I look to Avery, “Just go.” She encourages me.
He steps off the stage guarded, slowly walking toward me as I do the same to him. Until we’re feet apart, I run to him covering the distance between his and my lips. I kiss him with my song, stealing his and giving him a new one. I clutch at his neck, aiming for depths unknown. Drowning him with myself.
He pulls back slightly, “Come back to Rush, but most of all, come back to me. Be my happy?”
I hesitate. “Yes! Yes! I’ll be your happy.”
The End.
Acknowledgements
There are a few people I wanted to acknowledge personally that have made this journey one of a kind.
My husband, whom from day one wholeheartedly supported this dream. He takes care of me daily and never falters to support every move I make.
My bestie, who encouraged me to start writing years ago. Self-doubt held me up for a while and when I moved past that hurdle she was there cheering me on.
Steele’s Groupies, the best ladies an author could have backing her. Each one of you are amazing and mean so much to me. That you all took a chance on an unknown and fell in love. That you’ve floated on this boat of Steele’s Army with me, blows my mind.
Renee Lee Fisher, hands down, the kindest soul I’ve ever had the chance to meet. We started with Bacon, sailed into words, flowed to friendship, now we’re infinite.
Amy Hemp, somehow we’ve planted the seeds for a lifelong friendship. We’re connected souls, you and I.
Enjoy Rocker Romances?
Check this book out.
Rock Notes
By Renee Lee Fisher
Madison Tierney's a writer, whose husband, Thomas suddenly left her after 10 years; she is destroyed and now recently alone and divorced. She picks herself up slowly trying to restore her lost confidence and ability to love again. She follows her writing passion and ventures to follow a local band - Rolling Isaac's and write about them, raw and real and how they fol
low their dreams. Her book is titled ROCK NOTES.
Her ex-husband wants to come back, and she is torn with what she had for ten years with him which was safe, comforting and a committed relationship. And now she is falling hard for the band singer - Max Rand (Madison calls him Rand), who is several years younger than her and every moment with him is intense and unpredictable.
Rand has tragically lost love in his life. He has no love left to give. He fills his time with many groupies and late nights. The story travels you to various concert venues, from a sexy piercing party to a New Years rocking eve. There are many interruptions and assumptions for this couple along their journey.
While Madison is writing ROCK NOTES, somewhere along the way she begins to write LOVE NOTES, which are personal secret love letters for Rand. Also Rand is always writing music with the hope of creating his first solo album. Both Madison and Rand appear to be able to write their feelings on paper effortlessly but have a hard time conveying them to one another.
This story is about being so broken inside from having your heart ripped apart, to attempting to rebuild trust, follow your dreams and hopefully find love. Will she return to the warm awaiting arms of her ex-husband who still is in love with her? Or will there be a new beginning for Madison and Rand?
Can these two empty souls feel love again? Or will what ignites between them simply fade away after the concert lights dim?
A Sample from Rock Notes
By Renee Lee Fisher
Chapter One – Meeting
I am in a new part of my life, driving through an early spring day, air thick with falling petals swirling about. I think back to where I was months ago and I remember my marriage ending. It was a horrible cycle of emotions for me, first came so many tears and pain. Then I had so many questions as to why was I suddenly replaced with a woman that he hired to work in his office. I thought we had a solid and secure relationship. His walking away from me was staggering. I then suffered loss of self esteem and later I found anger which was hard for me to release, I kept so much inside. I still carry with me a self-doubt. I’m not sure I can rely on my judgment enough to trust any future partner. My husband ending our marriage knocked me down, but each new road I travel, I will get stronger. I turn on the radio to hear something to sway my mood. The music immediately takes me away on a journey as I travel briefly from traffic light to traffic light through town. Seems like the changing of the light pattern is in a sequence of musical themes like the chorus repeating over and over, red – yellow – green. Go – it is now time for me to go and begin my journey writing about the band. Conveying through my words their passion, their singing, and their playing to becoming seasoned musicians. I follow all the traffic to the concert this evening.
