by Ana Sparks
“I got into the business after I learned from so many female patients that they didn’t understand how to pleasure themselves, or how to ask for pleasure from their partners,” Asher explained.
“I wanted to help people, and when I joked at a party that I should start charging to give women their first orgasms and teach them how to give orgasms to themselves and demand it from their partners, several female guests offered to write me a check that night. So, I started the website and used this to pay off my student loans and my dad’s hospital bills, after the cancer hit. It was supposed to just be a lark, something to do for a time until I could afford to go back to working in a hospital, but then it just…became my life.”
He handed me some photos. They were of a small blond boy, smiling, with a man that looked a lot like a heavy-set version of Asher.
“Me and my dad,” he said. I looked up at him, unsure as to what this meant. “You met my parents,” he explained, “So I’m having you meet mine.”
I thought I started to see what he was getting at. Next, Asher handed me a photo of a beautiful redhead—his mother, apparently, although he didn’t look much like her. There were a lot more pictures of Asher with his father, and Asher patiently explained to me where each one was taken and what they were doing and what he remembered about that day.
“He would have liked you,” he said. “He’d have thought that you were too good for the likes of me.”
That was when I was certain—Asher was apologizing by giving me honesty. He was telling me all about his business as Dr. O, and his childhood with his father, and would probably answer any question that I asked of him right then. He was doing this because I had rightfully accused him of lying to me, and he was making it up to me by telling me the truth.
It made me want to cry, actually.
“Asher,” I said quietly. “This is really sweet.”
“I can give you a tour of the apartment, if you want,” he said. “I haven’t ever brought any clients or anything back here, just to be on the safe side. I always went to their places.”
“Asher,” I said again.
He paused, looking at me, and I could see defeat in his eyes, like he was preparing for me to tell him I wanted to leave and to never speak to me again.
“Jane suggested that I prove to you that I won’t lie to you again and that I was wrong and that I took what you said to heart,” he said, blurting it out in a way that reminded me so much of myself that I had to laugh. Asher paused again. “Sorry, what?”
“Nothing, I’m sorry,” I said. “You really were ready to tell me your entire family story?”
“I knew everything about you and you knew nothing about me, nothing that was real,” he said. “Except for my mom and my dad, that part was real. I’ve actually been more real, and more myself, with you than I have any other client. You’re the only one who knows my real name. You’re the only one I’ve taken out to dinner. And I could have stopped—I should have stopped—after that first time, and I really shouldn’t have lied to you at all, but I kept coming back because I couldn’t help myself.
“At first, I admit it was professional pride, and I felt that you deserved to experience pleasure, and that you could experience it, and I wanted to give that to you so that you wouldn’t feel like there was something wrong or inadequate about you. Because there isn’t. You’re amazing, Jessica, you really are.
“I meant everything that I said to your parents. You’re the hardest worker I’ve ever seen, and you take care of your friends, and you value honesty above all else. You decided that you couldn’t orgasm so you thought about how that would affect your partners, and made it all about them and making them feel special, which just might be the most selfless response to the situation that I’ve ever seen.
“And you’re gorgeous, and I thought you were beautiful when Mary sent me a photo of you, which was why I agreed to do it. Because the second I saw you, I thought, there’s no way that someone this beautiful hasn’t had men treating her right. And when you told me about the boyfriend that broke up with you because of it, because he let his ego get in the way and decided that you weren’t worth the effort, that just—that pissed me off like nothing else.
“I’m not expecting you to take me back, but I just want to make it up to you and prove to you that I’m sorry about what happened, especially the way that it happened. I know that you hate to be the center of attention and I made you into that, and you must hate me for it—and you have every right to. But I hope that you forgave Mary, because she was just trying to look out for you, even if she went about it the wrong way. But anyway. I…
“I love you. And I didn’t realize it until you were gone, but of course I’m in love with you. Because that’s why I did everything that I was doing—because I love you. I’m in love with you. And I just hope that you can forgive me and know that you are worth so much more than you think that you are, and that you deserve someone who’s going to see you as the whole person that you are and not as broken or incomplete, because you’re not. You’re really not.”
I stared at him, and this time, I knew that my jaw was open and I didn’t even try to stop it.
“You’re in love with me?”
Asher nodded. “I know it’s too little too late, but I just wanted to say it, just once.”
“It’s not too little, and it’s not too late,” I told him.
It felt like the world was shifting again, but this time, instead of stopping, it was sliding a little, puzzle pieces falling into place around me. Not that a mystery was solved, not in that kind of way, but in a way where everything was turning out the way it was supposed to be and everything and everyone was how they should be.
“Nobody’s…nobody’s ever told me that they are in love with me before…”
I could feel the tears welling up and I felt so stupid. Asher had just told me that he was in love with me and my response was to cry?
Asher laughed, then grabbed me and pulled me into him, the way that he had at the wedding.
“You’re okay, sweetheart,” he said. “Is it okay if I call you that? Are we okay?”
“We’re getting there,” I told him, my response muffled since my face was buried in his chest.
“Well, if it’ll help my cause, I did promise you my signature risotto,” Asher pointed out, kissing the top of my head. “I love you, Jessica. And that means that I want to be with you, if you’ll have me.”
I thought about it. He had lied, but then, he’d made up for it. He was in love with me, and he’d been a pretty fantastic boyfriend, all things considered. He’d charmed my parents, and given me the best and most considerate sex of my life, and taken me out on fun dates, and golfed with me—even if that part had ended in public sex. He’d been the kind of boyfriend I had always wanted to have.
I’d pictured having a wedding with him. Surely, that meant something. Surely, that hadn’t been just a flight of fancy. And now, he was holding me, and I just felt so safe, and protected, and whole. Like I wasn’t broken or incomplete or an inconvenience. Like I was enough. Me, Jessica Banks, just how I was already.
“I’ll have you,” I told him. “Since you plan on making risotto and all that.”
Asher laughed, kissing the top of my head again.
“You know what I get to do now?”
“What?”
“Touch you as much as I like and not feel guilty about it.”
I pulled back so that I could smile up at him.
“I like that idea.”
Chapter 14
Jessica
Asher held true to that whole touching me thing. His hands were occupied while he was making dinner—and that risotto really was delicious—but once we were eating at his kitchen table, he started pressing his leg up against mine in a way he never had before when we’d eaten out together.
He tucked my hair behind my ear, kissed my cheek when I said something that amused him, and playfully poked me when I was teasing him. I loved it. I’d
had no idea that there was this more tactile person lurking underneath the surface, someone who touched not just for sex but for fun and to express love, and I wanted more of it.
We talked all through dinner, about this and that. I explained how Mary had called me the day after the wedding—or rather, video called me—since she’d wanted to see my face and she and Josh were already in Hawaii for their honeymoon. We’d both cried a lot: me for causing a scene at her wedding, and her for lying to me and breaking my one friendship rule.
“We both had things to apologize for,” I said, when I’d finished. “But she’s been my best friend my entire life, and nothing’s going to change that. Although, in the moment, I did want to strangle her after I’d finished stabbing you.”
“Stabbing me? Really? Not even something nice like poison? Ouch.” Asher put his hand over his heart. “I’m truly wounded.”
I laughed. It felt good to laugh with Asher again. That had always been something that he was good at. Well, that, and getting me turned on. His hand was on my thigh and his thumb was rubbing slow circles on it, something that he probably thought was soothing but was actually driving me slowly crazy with lust.
So, as soon as we finished our meal, I pounced. Literally.
I pinned him up against the table before he could start clearing up the plates and utensils.
“Let’s save that for later,” I said, keeping my voice low and sensual.
Asher put his hands on my hips automatically.
“You sure? We did just get back together. After not…being together. Well, not officially being together. But. You know.”
It made me laugh to see him less than suave for once. Asher was a huge dork underneath it all, even if he would never admit it.
“Yes. I’m sure.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down, kissing him until he relaxed against me and I could slide my tongue into his mouth, turning the kiss deep and sensual.
“Very sure.”
“Well, if you insist,” Asher replied, his voice turning into a growl as he slid his hands underneath my thighs and lifted me up.
This time, I was expecting it, so I giggled instead of shrieking and wrapped my legs around him tight, rocking my hips into him. My body was starting to tingle in anticipation, knowing what was coming next—and knowing that he didn’t care if I came or not, just so long as we enjoyed ourselves together.
We stumbled down the hallway like love-drunk idiots, laughing into each other’s mouths because we couldn’t stop kissing long enough for Asher to properly walk us to where we needed to go. I got a quick glimpse of his room—tasteful, in masculine shades of blue and gray—and then I was landing flat on the bed and scrambling backwards to give him room, feeling myself continuing to grin.
My cheeks were going to hurt later on from so much smiling, but I didn’t care. Not when Asher was crawling up the bed towards me and looking at me like he wanted to devour me.
“You are just the most gorgeous fucking person,” he informed me, kissing me full on the mouth.
“Now you’re just being a kiss-ass,” I replied, tugging at his shirt to get it off of him.
He was wearing just a T-shirt, something I had rarely seen him in, and probably a sign of what a wreck he’d been for the last week. I liked the idea that he’d been a wreck because of me, seeing as I’d been a wreck because of him.
“It’s all 100% truth,” Asher assured me.
I shoved him back so that I could get a good look at all of the skin that I’d missed the last week, his chest and shoulders and stomach. I leaned in, running my tongue over his body, reacquainting myself with the taste of him. Asher made a choked noise and his hands started yanking at my own shirt and jeans, trying to get them off while I was still tonguing at his abs and nipples, which was not the smoothest idea ever.
“You know you’re going to have to wait for me to finish to get those off, right?” I asked, pausing.
“Your mouth is sin and I want you naked,” Asher replied, as if that answered my question.
I sighed and let him help me out of my clothes, pretending to be extremely put-out about the hassle, but I think the stupid grin still plastered on my face ruined that somewhat. Then, we were kissing again, slow and languid, like we had all the time in the world.
And we did, I realized. We actually did have all of the time, because he wasn’t trying to just give me an orgasm and then leave, and I wasn’t stuck in limbo wondering if we were together or not. He loved me and I loved him, so we could take our time.
It was amazing what that knowledge did to my body. I felt so relaxed, like all of the tension had gone out of me.
Asher noticed the change in me, because he pulled back and looked down at me.
“You all good?” he asked.
“I am,” I replied, swiftly undoing his pants. “I’m with you and I’m happy, that’s all.”
Asher smiled at me, like this was the best news that he’d ever heard, and started kissing me again. This time, he didn’t stay just at my mouth, but worked his way down, obligingly taking off his jeans so that I could admire the view. He kissed his way down my neck—stopping at the spot behind my ear that made me gasp and a shiver work down my spine—and then down to my breasts.
I loved his mouth on my breasts. I loved the way he would tug lightly at a nipple, just this side of pleasure and pain, and how he would tease, rubbing circles around my nipple but not fully touching it just yet. I was still feeling that relaxed, pleasured sensation, like I was a live wire but a floppy one, filled to the brim with sensation but so relaxed about it.
Asher kept working his way down, until he could spread my legs wide with his hands and kiss and suck his way up my inner thighs, making me tremble. He liked teasing me, liked making me beg for it, and I was determined to hold out this time.
Maybe today he was a little impatient, feeling a rush where I was feeling relaxed, because he dove right in, licking and sucking at my clit. I cried out in surprise and pleasure, my back arching up. Oh, God, it felt so good when he did that.
My legs shook as I forced them to stay open against the onslaught of sensation. Asher slipped a finger inside of me, slowly working me open, and I keened in pleasure as he curled it upwards just the way that I liked. I loved that he’d taken the time to get to know my body. It made each time we had sex better than the last, because he knew me better, knew how I worked and what made me go crazy.
Asher added a second finger, and I moaned, thrusting my hips down to meet the sensation. I wanted him inside of me, loving the feel of him coming undone. Maybe later on, we’d be able to do this without a condom, and I could feel him in every way as he fell apart. I wanted that, and the thought made me even wetter, the idea of no barriers between us. I thrust my hips more frantically, trying to show him that I was ready, that I wanted him.
“C’mon,” I finally gasped, reaching down to tug at his hair. “Asher, please, please, I want you, please.”
“Well, when you say it like that…” He raised his head up and winked at me. He loved it when I begged.
Asher fished around inside his top dresser drawer, pulled out a condom, and lined himself up.
“I’m still going to make you try doggie style someday.”
“Mmm, that sounds good, but right now I really like the feeling of you pinning me down.”
Asher’s hips stuttered and he slid into me, his mouth going slack. I grinned and draped my legs up over his shoulders to give him more room to sink all the way into me. Asher also liked it when I talked dirty—or, rather, he liked it too much—and it always made him go a little out of control.
That was another thing—I liked that I knew all of this about him, just as he knew things about me. We were synced up, working and moving together as one, especially now that he was inside of me. I could feel him thrusting, getting in deep, his body rubbing against my clit with each thrust. I worked hard to meet him, that syrupy-thick feeling of satisfaction filling me more and more,
like I was a cup about to be filled to the brim.
I yanked at his shoulders, pulling him up a little so that I could kiss him. I loved this. I loved him pinning me down, I loved him deep inside of me, I loved this building sensation like I was riding the crest of a wave, I loved I loved I loved—
It was like someone had punched me in the stomach, but in the absolute best way. My limbs tensed and shuddered as the air shot out of me, leaving me gasping and clawing at Asher as I made a strangled, screaming sound that I’d never made before. It felt so good, beyond good, oh my God. Just everything on fire, exquisite fire, my body burning up as it writhed, really writhed, completely out of control.
I could hardly breathe for the pleasure that filled me, making my body shake. Asher was still moving inside of me, thrusting hard, and that only made the pleasure stretch on and on, until just when I thought I would die from how good it felt, Asher gave a shudder and I felt him finish.
Asher pulled out of me, but I was still shaking, tiny little tremors, like the aftershocks of an earthquake. He pulled me close to him, pushing the hair back from my face.
“Are you okay?” he asked. “You look a little shocked there.”
I realized that I was still gasping for breath.
“Oh my God,” I croaked. “That was—holy shit—that was the best sex of my life. How did—what was—”
“That,” Asher told me, kissing the tip of my nose, “Was an orgasm, sweetheart.
Chapter 15
Asher
I stared down at Jessica, my lovely, wrecked Jessica, as comprehension dawned on her face.
“I just had an orgasm?”
I nodded.
Jessica looked thoughtful, even as her face occasionally went slack from the tremors her body was still making. After years and years of buildup and being denied, her body seemed to be making up for lost time.
