by Ana Sparks
I scan the main area for Jay, but catch no sign of him. Deflated, I take a seat on one of the upholstered benches along the wall. I can’t let my fatigue get to me. The tournament is about to start, and I have to find Jay.
But, first, there’s something else I need to do. The idea has been stewing in my head ever since I saw the little boy on the train, and now it’s time to take action.
After asking for some help, an employee directs me to a little area down the hall where there are pay phones. I dial my dad’s cellphone number before I can second-guess myself.
I don’t know what’s going to happen tonight between Jay and me. He might not even be happy to see me, which means he’s also definitely not going to be happy to hear that I’m pregnant. If that’s the case, then I’m going to need my parents more than ever.
It doesn’t matter that we disagree on some things. They’re family—two of the few people I know will always be there for me. Snubbing them now, just because they’ve hurt my feelings, would be ridiculous.
I hold the receiver tight and pray that my dad will pick up, even though he won’t recognize the number.
“Hello?”
I nearly fall to the floor in relief. “Dad! It’s me!”
“Lauren! Thank God. Are you in Monte Carlo?”
“Yeah, I’m at the big casino here.”
“Don’t hang up.”
“I’m not going to, Dad,” I say quietly.
If he thinks I’m going to call him and then just hang up, he must believe I’m really, really mad at him. Like, unforgivably mad. Then, I remember how angry I was when I left the apartment in New York. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and stomped on.
Some hours away from the drama has done me good, and I realize that I need my parents. That’s just the honest truth, and I can’t deny it any longer.
“Your mother is here. I’m putting you on speakerphone.”
There’s a rustling and then my mother’s voice comes across the line.
“Lauren, honey, your father and I are so sorry.”
“We are,” my dad adds, an uncharacteristic softness in his voice.
My heart melts instantly. I feel the tears prick at my eyes, and I blink them away.
“Thank you. I’m sorry, too.”
“Whatever you’re doing in Monte Carlo,” Dad says, “just be careful. All right? That’s all that we’re asking of you.”
“I will. I promise.” I take a deep breath. I’m going to have to give them my big news sooner or later, and doing it during a calm conversation like this one is the best time. “There’s something I want to tell you guys. It’s part of the reason I needed to come to Monte Carlo.”
There’s a long silence.
“We’re listening,” my mom encourages me.
I swallow hard. Even though my parents are being nice, and I’m a grown woman, dropping this kind of news is still hard.
So, I just go for it.
“I’m pregnant. Jay, the guy I met in Macau, is the father. I had to come here to tell him in person.”
With the confession out, I feel like I’ve had a week-long fever that’s just broken. I almost don’t even care what my parents are going to say. I’ve told them the truth, and that’s what matters the most.
Still, the silence that follows my announcement is painful.
Mom speaks first. “That’s big news, sweetie. I know it was probably hard to tell us.”
There’s a pause, and I get the sense that they’re silently communicating with each other. Perhaps my mom is telling my dad to be nice.
“Yes,” Dad chimes in. “It is big news.”
“It all makes sense now,” Mom says. “I could tell that you were under a lot of stress.”
“I’m doing okay, Mom.” My voice cracks on the last part of the sentence. I’m sure everyone involved in this conversation knows that I’m not ‘okay’ at all.
It’s Dad who responds. “Lauren, no matter what you decide to do, we’re here for you.”
My throat grows tight, and the first tears in a long time that aren’t from anger or pain fill my eyes. I’ve cried so much in the last twenty-four hours I would have assumed my tear ducts have dried out, but apparently they’re still functioning fine.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“Have you told Jay?” Mom tentatively asks.
“Not yet,” I say. “But I’m looking for him.”
Dad exhales loudly. “Christ, Lauren. I’m so sorry about your phone.”
I sniff and blink away the last of my crying spell. “It’s okay, Dad. We both got pretty angry.”
“Lauren.” It’s Mom again. “Whatever he says to you, just know that we think you’re amazing, and your baby is going to be amazing, too. Don’t let him, or anyone else, get you down.”
It might be the sweetest thing my mother has ever said to me. It doesn’t matter if it’s a preemptive stab aimed at Jay. She’s letting me know that she has my back. For the first time in a long time, I’m truly grateful to my parents.
“Call us later,” Dad says. “And let us know how it went.”
I nod even though they can’t see me. “I will. Thanks.”
We say our goodbyes and I hang up my phone. That’s two down, one to go.
And now, I’m actually looking forward to seeing Jay and telling him the news. I worked myself up when it came to my parents, thinking that they would be angry with me, that they would reject me…but they were exactly the opposite. So, maybe I’m worrying too much about Jay, as well.
With a lightness in my heart, I wheel my suitcase to the ladies’ room. There, I splash my face with cold water and braid my hair. The conversation with my parents has turned a new page. I now have this deep sense that everything is going to be all right.
Granted, I have no idea what’s going to happen when I do find Jay. I just know that after I tell him, I’ll have to deal with things in the best way that I can.
“Everything will be fine,” I whisper into the mirror.
I hope the baby hears me, even though she or he can’t understand me. I hope they can feel the absolute certainty in my promise.
Chapter Fourteen
Lauren
As I leave the ladies’ room, my stomach growls at the same time a wave of nausea rises in it.
“Ugh.” I stop walking and press my hand against my chest. I can’t get sick. Not now. Judging by the mass of people spilling into the casino, the tournament is beginning soon.
I push my way through the crowd, which is tricky, considering the suitcase I have to lug behind me. Though this casino isn’t the Venetian Macau, it’s massive and opulent, in its own right. There’s a good chance I won’t find Jay before the first game begins.
As I press on, the ache in my stomach grows. It’s a hunger unlike any I’ve ever had, combined with a stomach that feels like it’s been turned inside-out. What’s the point of eating right now? I’m just going to throw the food up anyway.
I’m just about to resign myself to having to talk to Jay after the tournament when I see a familiar figure near the tables. My heart skips a beat and, for a moment, I feel like I’m being lifted into the clouds.
Two seconds later and I’m crashing back to Earth. Hard.
All of my worries over coming here in the first place are back in a millisecond. What if Jay sees me and demands to know what I’m doing here, considering we haven’t talked all week? Can I handle the shame of being the woman who has flown across the world to chase a guy who doesn’t give a damn about her?
My breathing starts to come faster, and I take a step back. I can’t do this. I have to leave. Now.
Before I can take another step, Jay turns and looks right at me. His eyes go wide, and his mouth opens in surprise. I’m frozen on the carpet as he makes his way to me. It’s too late. I’ve missed my chance to escape, and now I’m going to have to go through with my original plan, no matter what.
“Lauren!” He wraps me in a big hug and pulls me t
ightly to him.
I shut my eyes tightly and breathe him in. I’d forgotten just what Jay’s scent does to me. One whiff of him and I’m weak, shaking, and lost to the rest of the world.
Too soon, he lets me go. His eyes search my face, and I’m pleased to see he’s wearing a smile.
“I didn’t know if you were coming,” he says, taking my hands in his. “I’ve been calling you.”
I squeeze his hands back. Hearing he’s happy to see me makes me so relieved I almost want to cry, but I’ve shed enough tears the last couple of days. I’m ready to laugh and celebrate.
“My phone broke,” I tell him. “Well, more specifically, my dad threw it out the window.”
His face darkens. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah, but it’s okay, now.” I wave my hand, dismissing the event. “It’s a long story. I can tell you about it later. Did you see any of my missed calls? I was trying to touch base about today, and I kept getting voicemail.”
His shoulders sag. “Shit, sorry. I was staying at a friend’s in the countryside this week. There was hardly any service.” He touches my cheek. “You would love it there. There’s a vineyard, and a castle just a mile away.”
“That sounds amazing.”
With Jay touching me and the two of us chatting, it feels like we’re far away from the hustle and bustle of a casino. Just like in Macau, we’re in our own private world once more.
“I thought you weren’t coming,” he softly says, a hint of pain in his voice.
I cling tighter to his hand, wanting to hold onto him until the end of time. There’s no easy way to tell him the news I’ve brought with me. Even if Jay is as crazy about me as I am about him, having a baby together is going to change everything about us. It’ll determine what our relationship is like for the rest of our lives.
“Are you okay?” he asks. “You look pale.”
I shake my head, and then nod. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just jet-lagged, you know?”
“Okay.” He pulls my hand up to his mouth and plants a kiss on my knuckles. “I really am so happy to see you. Listen, the tournament is about to start, but you’re not going anywhere, right?”
“Not a chance.”
He gives me that beautiful crooked grin. “Good.”
Behind him, players are approaching the poker table. The first game is about to begin, which means I’m going to have to give Jay my news after he’s done with the tournament. I’m relieved, really. Doing this somewhere private and quiet will be for the best.
I’m about to wish Jay good luck when none other than Maxime Petit saunters up behind him.
“Hello, happy little family.”
Jay doesn’t need to turn around to know who’s there. His jaw twitches as he glares over his shoulder to address Petit.
“Back off, Maxime.”
Petit smiles, looking genuinely happy. “Why? I came to congratulate you, my friend.”
It feels like a hole has opened up under my feet and I’m falling, falling… How could Petit know about the baby? There’s no way. It doesn’t make any sense.
“Congratulate me on what?” Jay barks at him.
“Let’s go,” I beg, tugging on Jay’s hand and trying to get him to walk away from Petit. He doesn’t move.
Petit chuckles. “On your impending fatherhood.”
Jay snorts. “Fuck off, all right? I’m sorry you’re about to get your ass beat at the table, but I’m not interested in your games.”
I tug on his hand again. “Jay…”
He turns to me, and the second we lock eyes, the realization of what’s happening hits him.
“It’s true,” I whisper. “I was about to tell you.”
Petit sucks in a harsh breath. “Sorry, Hammond. You didn’t know? Damn.”
He’s pretending, of course. Petit knew damn well that Jay knew nothing about the pregnancy. He came over here specifically to stir up trouble. Judging by the look of shock on Jay’s face, he’s succeeded.
“You’re pregnant?”
“Y-yes.” I try again, this time hoping not to stutter. “I was going to tell you.”
“When did you find out?”
“This week. I wanted to tell you in person.”
“But you told others on the phone?” Petit smoothly asks.
I turn my now-furious gaze on him. I’d almost forgotten he was still here. “I was talking to my parents,” I answer through clenched teeth. “Not that that’s any of your business.”
Jay’s nostrils flare. “Petit, get the hell out of here. Now.” He sets his eyes on the other man, and there’s an intensity there I’ve never seen before. Even though his anger is turned on someone else, I’m almost afraid of Jay. “Or you’ll regret it,” he adds.
Petit leaves without another word, though the smile on his face is that of a winner. I cling even tighter to Jay’s hand and frantically look for the right words to say.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out. “He must have heard me talking on the phone. I wasn’t going to wait any longer to tell you.”
He nods, still looking dazed.
A man in a suit comes up and touches Jay’s shoulder. “Mr. Hammond, the tournament is about to begin.”
Jay’s eyebrows bunch together. “I have to go,” he says to me.
I nod. There’s a painful lump in my throat and I don’t think I’ll be able to speak around it. He still hasn’t shown a real reaction to the news, other than being surprised. Is he happy? Angry? Regretful?
“Mr. Hammond,” the man says.
Over his shoulder, the other players, Petit included, have all taken their seats. Spectators crowd around the roped-off area, drinking and chatting.
Jay’s hand slips out of mine and he turns for the table. Each step he takes away from me is a knife to my heart. Why didn’t he tell me he was happy before he left for the table?
He’s not happy. That’s why. He doesn’t want this baby, or me.
I shake the thought from my head. I don’t know if that’s true. All I know is that Jay didn’t give me a response one way or the other.
I keep my eyes on him as he takes his seat, standing out as elegant and smooth among the other players. My very soul feels like it’s being squeezed to death.
There’s very little in the world that I know for sure, but I do know this: I love Jay Hammond. He means more to me than any other person I’ve ever met. The amount of time we’ve spent together doesn’t matter. I knew, that first night, that he was going to change my life.
If he doesn’t feel the same way about me, if he isn’t ready for this baby, then the change is going to be for the worse. It would break me—I know it—but I would make it through the pain. I would do that for our child. I’d have to. But I would never be the same again.
Someone jostles me from behind and I step forward. The casino is filling up fast, and the spectators here are twice as exuberant as the ones in Macau. They toast and laugh all around me, even when the announcer’s voice blares over the speakers.
I keep waiting for Jay to turn around, to look at me just once, to make sure I’m still here, but he doesn’t. He remains with his back to me, his eyes on the game.
There’s more pushing from the crowd, and I find myself at the very edge of the rope, not more than a yard away from Jay. It’s too tight here, with too many bodies on every side. I turn to go left, but the crowd is packed in like sardines. It’s the same to the right.
My chest tightens and my head spins as adrenaline hits me. Crowds are fine, I remind myself. I’m from New York City. I’m used to crowds.
But something about this is different. A fresh wave of nausea hits me. I’m going to throw up. I’m going to faint. I’m going to scream.
Jay is still at the table, his eyes on the dealer. Just look at me, I silently plead.
I’m bumped again and pushed right against the rope. I have to get out of here. I turn to leave the crowd, but there’s nowhere to go. Everyone presses in closer.
The room spins, the color
s streaking as if they’re nothing but finger-paints. The floor rushes toward me.
The baby!
It's all I can think before everything goes dark.
Chapter Fifteen
Jay
A chorus of staccato gasps sounds from behind me, sending the hair on the back of my neck standing straight up on end.
“She fainted!” a woman cries.
The announcement makes my stomach twist. Somehow, someway, I already know she’s talking about Lauren. Turning in my seat, I find confirmation of my fears. Lauren is on the ground, her eyes closed and her body limp.
Fear like I’ve never felt before pummels me. I’ve had knives and guns pulled on me. I’ve had my life threatened more times than I can count. All of those moments had my pulse going and adrenaline pounding, but none of them was like this.
Because I’ve never had someone to be afraid for.
I don’t even make the decision to move. I just do. It’s instinctual. The cards are out of my hands and I’m flying across the short distance between me and the crowd surrounding Lauren. I push a guy out of the way and drop to my knees.
A woman holding a cocktail in one hand fans her other palm over Lauren’s face. “Wake up, honey.”
I take her head and hold it up. Beneath her closed lids, I can see her eyes moving. She’s in there, somewhere.
“Lauren,” I gasp.
She’s pregnant. She’s pregnant.
It’s all I can think. She’s pregnant, and now, something bad has happened. She’s not all right. The baby—my baby, our baby—is not all right.
“Let me see,” a man says nearby.
He drops down next to me and pries one of her lids open. “I’m a doctor,” he explains to no one in particular. “What happened?”
“She just collapsed!” a woman says. A murmur goes through the crowd, and people in the back excitedly ask others what was happening.
“Someone call an ambulance,” the doctor commands. “She might have just fainted, but we should get her to the hospital.” He looks at me still holding her head. “Are you with her?”
