She bit her lip, clutched her waist harder, knowing she was playing a dangerous game. She was alone and in an hour she had to face her family. She wouldn’t have the defenses if she kept this up.
Sucking in another steadying breath she opened her eyes, pushed herself away from the wall and blinked.
Then again.
A tall figure stood five feet away from her, his shoulders hunched beneath a leather jacket, hands in the pockets of blue jeans. Softly waving hair the color of sand touched the collar of his jacket, piercing hazel eyes beneath level brows eyed her intently. His mouth was unsmiling.
Simon.
He’s so tall, she thought. She closed her eyes and opened them again. He looks tired. Her thoughts made no sense as she stared, unable to form another coherent thought. Then he started coming nearer and she took a step backward. Immediately she hit the wall behind her, but he kept coming. Finally he was directly in front of her, his deep-set eyes pinning her against the wall.
“Hi, there,” he said, his voice quiet. His lips were parted and Caitlin had to clench her fists to keep from reaching up to trace their line, to touch his cheek, to make sure he was real.
“Hi, yourself,” she said past dry lips, her heart beating so hard against her chest she thought it would fly out. She had missed him so much, had prayed, had wondered. Now he stood in front of her and she didn’t know what to say.
“Caitlin, I need to tell you something,” he said with a short laugh.
She looked up at that and saw uncertainty in his eyes, saw two small frown lines between his eyebrows. “Okay.”
“I love you,” he said, his deep voice surrounding her with its reality, warming her with its sound. “I was wrong. I thought I didn’t have anything to give you, but that doesn’t matter, does it?”
She shook her head as sorrow and pain and loneliness were washed away by his first three words. “I love you, too,” she couldn’t help but say.
He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against hers, his fingers lying on her neck. “Oh, Caitlin. I can hardly believe this.” His breath came out in a sigh, caressing her mouth, her cheek.
Then his arms were around her, crushing her, pressing her close, his mouth molding and shaping hers. He murmured her name again and again, kissing her cheeks, her eyes, her forehead, her mouth.
Then, he pressed his face against her neck, as he drew out a shuddering sigh.
Caitlin couldn’t hold him tight enough, couldn’t stop herself from repeating his words back to him. “I love you, Simon. I love you with all my heart.” It seemed a weak expression of the fullness in her chest that threatened to turn into tears of happiness.
Simon was the first to draw away, his eyes traveling hungrily over her face. “I can’t believe this,” he whispered, shaking his head lightly. “I can’t believe you said that.”
She smiled so hard, she felt as if her face were going to split. She wanted to kiss him again, to throw her arms out and shout it out to the world. I love Simon. Instead she reached up and did what she had longed to do from the first time she had realized her changing feelings for him. She traced the line of his mouth, his beautiful, expressive mouth. Then she pressed her fingers against his lips as if accepting a kiss, then touched her own.
“Okay you two, break it up.” A loud voice behind Simon made him whirl around, his arms still holding Caitlin.
Danielle faced them, her head tipped to one side, grinning a crooked grin. “Just because it’s Christmas doesn’t mean you can flirt with the nurses, Simon.”
He looked back at Caitlin, who felt her face redden in response. “I’m not flirting,” he said quietly. He dropped a quick kiss on her forehead. “This is serious business.” He looked down at Caitlin. “I need to talk to you later,” he said, his voice full of meaning.
Caitlin looked up at him, her eyes wide at first, then as she understood, spilling over with tears. “Talk to me now,” she said softly.
He glanced around the hospital ward. “No. I have a better place in mind.”
“Okay, I know what you’re talking about,” Danielle said with a laugh. “Why don’t you head home, Caitlin, and you can put this poor man out of his misery. But first, let me be the first to congratulate you.” She gave her friend a quick, hard hug. “Good on you, girl,” she said in her ear.
Danielle pulled away and sniffed, wiping her eyes surreptitiously. She gave Simon a quick hug, as well, smiling at him as she pulled away. “You take good care of her,” she said, a warning note in her voice.
“With God’s help, I will,” he said, his voice solemn as a vow.
Danielle nodded then turned to Caitlin. “You’re not going to be any good to me for the next half hour, Caitlin. You may as well go home.”
Caitlin looked up at Simon. “You have to come with me, you know.” She waited, almost holding her breath while he seemed to consider.
“I was hoping you’d ask.”
Caitlin smiled up at him, her heart full.
Danielle gave her a push. “Just go already.”
“Thanks, Danielle,” Caitlin said to her friend. “I hope you have a blessed Christmas.”
“I will and I know you will, too.”
Caitlin nodded, slipped her arm around Simon and together they walked out of the hospital.
* * *
The drive back to her parents’ place was quiet. Caitlin sat with her head on the headrest of the car, facing him. Simon felt the same way he had that evening sitting by his computer desk. A lightness, a lifting of burdens that had been weighing him down. He drew in a careful breath, trying to find the right words, a place to start.
“I want to thank you for Jake,” he said, glancing at her quickly, then back at the road. “He came a few days back. For a visit.”
“Thank the Lord,” Caitlin breathed, laying a gentle hand on his arm. She squeezed lightly and it was as if her hand held his heart.
“I thank Him, too.” Simon shook his head at the memory. “It was so good to see him again.” He bit his lip, knowing that his next words were even more important to her. “I also want you to know that I’ve done a lot of discovering in the past few weeks. I’ve discovered a need for redemption in my life, for reconciliation with God.” He laughed lightly. “It’s been a long road, but I’ve found the way back. I know I’ve got a long way to go yet, but for the first time in my life I feel like I’m running toward something, instead of away.” He gave her another sidelong glance. “Even though I didn’t dare come any sooner than this.”
“I’m glad you finally dared.” Her fingers touched his cheek, lingering a moment, teasing him, and Simon made a sudden decision. They were on a quiet street and he pulled over.
He put the car into neutral, unbuckled his seat belt and turned to face Caitlin. She sat up straight, her eyes gleaming in the reflected light of the dashboard. Outside, lightly falling snow ticked against the windshield, but inside they were warm, secure. Alone.
He wanted to talk to her but was unable to articulate the feelings that welled up in him. He reached out and almost reverently traced the line of her eyebrows, her cheeks. She turned her face to meet his hand.
“I need to tell you something else.”
She opened her eyes, her hand coming up to meet his. “So you said. You’re not nervous are you?”
“Yes, I am.” He stroked her face, his fingers rough against her soft skin. Did he dare? Was he presuming too much? Maybe, but he also knew for the first time in his life he didn’t want to leave, run away. He wanted to stay. Stay with Caitlin.
With shaking hands, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. He took a slow, deep breath and flipped it open.
The solitaire diamond nestled in the box caught the nebulous glow of the streetlights and magnified them, winking out rays of color like a promise.
<
br /> “I know this is kind of sudden, but I’m scared to wait too much longer. Caitlin Severn, will you marry me?”
Caitlin bit her lip, her eyes suspiciously bright. She looked up from admiring the diamond and let her hands linger down his face, catching him around the neck. “I told you I love you, Simon. I don’t know if I can say it enough. I will marry you.”
He felt the tension surrounding his lungs loosen at her words. Then he leaned closer, his lips lightly touching hers, their breaths mingling in a sigh. “I want to get to know all about you,” he said softly. “I want to laugh with you, to pray with you. Have children. Maybe move into that rambling house we looked at.” He slipped the ring on her finger. Then he pulled her close, and then there was no more need for words.
Caitlin was the first to draw away. “We should go. My family is waiting. I want so bad for them to get to know you better.”
Simon nodded, nervous again. But he started the engine and drove through the city to her home.
He came to a stop in front of the brightly lit house, festooned with Christmas lights. Caitlin was out of the car and waiting for him as he locked the doors. He came around the front of the car and took her outstretched hand, lifting it to look once more at the ring on her finger. A symbol of commitment. He raised her hand to his mouth, pressing it to his lips.
“Are you sure it’ll be okay with your family?” Simon asked as Caitlin tugged on his hand, signalling her desire to go into the house.
“Of course it will be.” She opened the door, glancing up at him. “Hurry up. I want my family to share this.”
Simon looked past her through the large bay window, its bright light streaming out onto the lawn. Inside, by a colorfully lit tree, Rachel and her husband stood with their arms around each other. Beside them a man he didn’t know slept in a recliner, his head tilted to one side, a baby resting in the crook of his arm. A child played at the feet of the embracing couple and as Simon watched, Caitlin’s mother walked into the room with a tray of steaming mugs. He could faintly hear Christmas music playing and then the sound of laughter. It looked too good to be true.
“C’mon Simon, what are you staring at?”
He watched yet another moment, wondering again what they would say when he came in with Caitlin as someone who wanted to marry her.
He felt his stomach tighten as it used to all those years ago each time he was introduced to another family, a new place.
But this was Caitlin’s family and that made it even more difficult. Now, even more than then, he longed to be accepted, to be a part of that family.
“Did your leg seize up, mister?” Caitlin called out from the porch. “My family is waiting.”
Simon gave himself a mental shake, drew in a deep breath and sent up a heartfelt prayer. Then he slowly walked up the steps, through the door and into light and noise and the sounds of an excited family.
“Caitlin, you’re here...Caitlin’s here....”
“Oh, good... Finally...what took you?” Then a moment’s silence descended as the people crowding into the entranceway saw Simon and then the ring on Caitlin’s hand.
Then more noise and hugs and cries of congratulation.
He greeted Caitlin’s parents as Mr. and Mrs. Just like in all the foster homes, wondering what they would think of him now that Caitlin wore his ring.
“You didn’t meet my sister Evelyn and her husband Scott from Portland.” Caitlin indicated a couple he hadn’t met before. He struggled to commit their names to memory.
Simon drew a deep breath, unconsciously wiping his damp palms down the sides of his blue jeans. He was hugged by Evelyn, shook hands with Scott.
Caitlin caught Simon by the arm as the family moved ahead of them into the living room. “Do you mind if I leave you for a bit? I’d like to change into other clothes.”
“You look great just the way you are, Caitlin.”
She glanced down at her uniform with a pained look. “Thanks, but I prefer not to look like a nurse at home.”
“Go then, but hurry up.”
“You’ll be okay?”
Simon cupped her face in his hands and brushed a kiss over her lips. “You’ve got a great family, Caitlin. I think I can manage.”
Caitlin pressed her hand to his. “I’ll be right back.”
Simon watched her run up the stairs, stop at the top, then turn and smile down at him.
He couldn’t help but return her smile. Even so, as he entered the living room, he felt a slight touch of panic. This was one family he badly wanted to feel a part of.
“Sit down, Simon. If I know Caitlin, she’ll be a while yet.” Caitlin’s father indicated the couch and Simon sat down, looking around at the family who were trying not to look too hard at him. The first time he’d met them it was only as a friend. Now, he entered their home as a future in-law.
They made small talk. Caitlin’s father asked him how his work was going. Simon supposed it was a subtle way of measuring how he would be able to support Caitlin. The talk was stilted for a while and Simon could hardly wait for Caitlin to return.
“Wow, sis. That looks good.”
All eyes turned to the doorway as Caitlin walked into the room.
She looks like a ray of light, Simon thought, his heart swelling with pride as she came to his side. She wore a simple red dress made of velvet, short and fitted, accented by a plain gold chain around her neck. Her hair shone, backlit by the light coming from the hallway, framing a face that radiated happiness. He stood up as she approached.
“Sorry I took so long,” she said as she came to
Simon’s side. She brushed her hair back from her face with a casual gesture, the diamond on her finger catching the light from the Christmas tree.
“Long?” Jonathon snorted. “I’ve seen you take more time to change your mind.”
General laughter followed that comment. Caitlin answered in kind and as Simon and Caitlin sat down again, the talk became general.
Caitlin’s nephew, Scott and Evelyn’s child, came and sat on her lap, her mother passed around the warm cider and noisy talk roiled around the two of them.
Simon felt the tightness in his stomach relax as family business carried on, as if it were the most normal thing in the world for a stranger to come into their Christmas celebration. Scott ended up beside him. Simon found out he had also spent time tree planting and soon they were exchanging hardship stories.
The other family members flowed around them. Evelyn interrupted them to hand Scott the baby. She rested her hand lightly on Simon’s shoulder and only smiled at him. Simon felt her acceptance. Rachel gave him a quick hug from behind, Jonathon gave him a curious thumbs-up while Mr. and Mrs. Severn smiled benignly at him and Caitlin.
The Severns were a warm, loving family. The very people he had once derided. He knew he had done it out of self-protection, but now he dared accept what was freely given him.
As he looked around the pleased faces of Caitlin Severn’s parents, sisters and brothers-in-law, he knew that with God’s help he had discovered a family’s love.
He thought of his own brother and his brother’s daughter. Another family he was a part of. His heart felt full.
But the best of all was Caitlin tucked into his side, his arm around her, her fingers playing with the solitaire on her hand. He glanced down at her and as their eyes met, he felt as much as saw her slow smile.
She pulled his head closer to hers. “I love you,” she whispered in his ear.
Simon felt his heart lift. Would he ever tire of hearing her say that, he wondered? He pressed a kiss to her forehead and drew her even closer.
Someday, he thought, with God’s blessing, they would be a family, as well.
Epilogue
“I figured I’d find you here.”
Simon’s voi
ce from the doorway made Caitlin turn her head. She still wore her nurse’s uniform and had meant to change as soon as she got home from work, but she had made a cup of tea and taken it up to their bedroom.
She had paused at the bow window on her way to the cupboard and as she often did, she stopped to look out over the Strait of Georgia, to the hazy blue mountains of the mainland.
“Don’t you ever get tired of that view?” Simon teased as he walked up behind her. He slipped his arms around her waist and pressed a kiss to her neck, then nuzzled her ear.
“Nope,” Caitlin said, setting her tea cup on the small table beside her. She wrapped her arms over his, leaning back into his embrace. With a shiver of satisfaction she laid her head back against his chest, reveling in his strength, his warmth.
“Why not,” he murmured against her hair. “It doesn’t change much.”
“Of course it does. The morning light makes the water and the mountains look fresh and new. When it rains or storms and the water has whitecaps on it, I feel all safe and cozy in here. In the evening, like now, everything looks so soft and peaceful.”
Simon looked up, rocking her lightly. “Every time I see it I think, ‘oceanfront property.’”
“Oh, you do not,” Caitlin chided, hugging his arms even tighter. “You just say that to get a rise out of me. I know you love this place.”
Simon sighed, his chest lifting behind her, his breath teasing her hair. “You see right through me, my dear,” he confessed. “I do love this place.” He turned Caitlin to face him and she looped her arms around his neck. “But to me the best part of coming to this house is seeing my own dear wife standing at our bedroom window, waiting for her prince to come.”
“And he always does.” She brushed a kiss over his mouth and laid her head on his shoulder. “But you know the real reason I like to stand at this window and stare out of it?”
“Tell me.”
“Because every time I do, you come up behind me, and put your arms around me and my day gets better.”
Simon laughed, a gentle rumble beneath her cheek. “You truly are a gift from God, Caitlin Steele.”
A Family-Style Christmas and Yuletide Homecoming Page 17
