Before Sasha could decline, Mrs. Lopez had her seated with a glass of water and a plate full of food. “Ma’am, living next door to you is the best decision I’ve ever made.”
The older woman chuckled. Sasha knew she’d been alone for several years. Her husband had passed away ten years ago, and her children both had families of their own in different cities. Feeding Sasha made her day. She would never deny the woman this pleasure.
Mrs. Lopez finally waved a hand between them as she settled at the table across from Sasha, not filling a plate of her own. “I haven’t let you get a word in edgewise, mija. What did you stop by for?”
Sasha swallowed the delicious bite in her mouth and wiped her lips on her cloth napkin. “I wanted to let you know I’m going to be out of town for a while. I was hoping you could grab my mail and water my plants. I didn’t have time to stop the mail, unfortunately.”
Please don’t ask me too many questions.
Mrs. Lopez clapped her hands together. “How exciting. Where are you going?”
“Oh…” Why did I say out of town? Shit. “Well, I don’t have a destination in mind. I was going to head for the beach and then take some time to rest. It’s been a stressful year with the kids. I need a break to read and relax.”
Mrs. Lopez pouted. “The beach. That’s like ten minutes from here. How about the mountains?” She perked up as if she were a travel agent.
Sasha took another bite to keep her mouth occupied for a minute. After swallowing, she met Mrs. Lopez’s gaze. “That’s not a bad idea. I think I’ll do that. Thanks.”
Mrs. Lopez reached across the table and patted Sasha’s hand. “I’d be honored to water your plants and grab your mail while you go find yourself, mija.”
Thank God Sasha hadn’t taken another bite before those words were spoken. If Mrs. Lopez had any idea how close to the truth her words were…
Chapter 9
Lincoln was nervous. He’d never been this nervous in his life. In twelve hours he would pick up Sasha and bring her to his home.
He sat in his office chair, but he wasn’t facing the desk. He was staring out the window at the darkness.
He knew several things after a week of communicating with Sasha by text and email. They hadn’t spoken on the phone. He’d never encouraged that, and she’d never asked or attempted to call him.
He hadn’t wanted to influence her with his voice. It was much easier to remain detached if he only sent her typed messages. Perhaps it was a cop out, but he stuck to it anyway.
She was curious. She asked all the right questions and some he was certain she threw in to get a rise out of him. He answered them.
She was ready.
And he feared she was indeed the submissive she believed herself to be.
There were so many problems with this scenario, and he had twelve hours to address them and get his head on straight before he picked her up. First and foremost, he needed to remind himself repeatedly that this was a temporary arrangement.
Sasha was not his. She never would be. It didn’t matter how attracted he was to her, he still would never have her. For one thing, Rowen would kill him. For another thing, it was becoming more and more apparent based on her curiosity about the lifestyle that she might be a sexual submissive.
The sort of questions she asked told him everything he needed to know. She never asked about floggers or whips. She asked about ropes and bondage and vibrators. She asked about butt plugs and nipple clamps. Her curiosity ran toward sexual fulfillment. And she wasn’t shy about her questions either. At least not in text or email.
Perhaps she wasn’t nearly as innocent as he envisioned her. At least not in her mind. He still felt confident she was inexperienced. And she certainly would never be the kind of submissive he needed, nor could he be the kind of Dom she might need. In the end it didn’t matter if she was submissive or not. He still needed to guide her out of the lifestyle.
Was he a selfish asshole? Yep.
He had no idea if she would be as open and inquisitive verbally in person. He would find out tomorrow.
What was he thinking? He couldn’t go through with this. He needed to recuse himself and find another Dom who could give her what she needed and wanted. Someone who could train a sexual submissive. Someone like Carter.
Lincoln winced. For the millionth time. The thought of any other man touching her made him physically ill. Somehow after years of keeping himself at arm’s length, he’d crossed a line. Holding her in his lap last weekend had changed him. The feel of her body in his grip. The way her heart raced. The way she licked her lips. The way her eyes widened when he spoke… Everything she did in that brief encounter changed him. He shuddered every time he imagined her with another Dom. If anyone even attempted to so much as hold her hand, he would probably flatten them with his fist.
This bothered him more than anything. He had no business feeling so possessive of Sasha Easton. His partner’s sister. Keep reminding yourself, asshole.
After dropping in on her unannounced last Saturday, he’d had trouble focusing the rest of the weekend. She’d been half asleep, her hair a mess of curls, her brain muddled, and her damn tank top hiding nothing. His cock had stiffened and remained that way for the rest of the day.
Lincoln was not the kind of Dom who played with sexual submissives. Ever. And he sure didn’t train them. He was a sadist. He sometimes worked with other sadists. He sometimes worked with masochists. He didn’t fuck the women he did scenes with in his club. He was well-trained in the use of many types of whips and floggers and crops and even rope bondage and paddles. Hell, all sorts of equipment. He used them to help many different subs achieve the release they needed.
He vetted his subs heavily before he ever touched them, and then he gave them what they required. He didn’t get off on it. Not sexually anyway. He didn’t even get hard. He kept his sex life separate from his BDSM world and always had.
The problem was he would never find a life partner with his particular limitations. He’d realized the dilemma years ago and had reconciled with the fact. A permanent woman was not in the cards for him. He knew this because he’d put it to the test several times over the years.
He’d occasionally scened with the same woman for weeks or even months at a time. He’d tried to combine his sadistic tendencies with a sex life over the years. It never worked. The two were mutually exclusive. There had been a few women who enjoyed having sex with him after a scene, and he put a lot of effort into combining the two, but they didn’t mesh. Even if he knew he was going to sleep with a woman later that evening, he still didn’t get off on striking her beforehand.
What he craved was unrealistic. He wanted a woman who enjoyed being flogged into subspace without sexual interaction whom he could later take to his bed and fuck into submission. That woman didn’t exist.
And she certainly wasn’t Sasha.
Something was seriously fucked up in Lincoln’s mind.
What was he thinking training a sexual submissive in a twenty-four seven arrangement? Lordy.
It wasn’t that he wasn’t qualified. He totally understood the ins and outs of such an agreement. He even taught other Doms about the role. But he didn’t participate himself. He was better suited to training other Doms how to be better sadists or even subs to be well-behaved masochists.
He should be appalled by the idea of taking on such a boring task. And yet, he was not only excited with the prospect, but his cock hadn’t stopped throbbing for the entire week.
A noise behind him made him twist his head around to find Carter stepping into his office. The enormous man grinned. “Tomorrow’s the big day, huh?”
Lincoln turned back to the window, not responding.
Carter shut the door and came more fully into the room, putting himself between Lincoln and the window. “You okay?”
Lincoln sighed, lifting his hands up to lock them behind his head. “No. And if you tell Rowen that, I’ll have you shot.”
Carter chuckl
ed. “My lips are sealed. In over your head?”
“Totally,” he admitted. He released his hands to run them over his face. He needed to talk to someone. Carter was his best option. At least the man was into the same things he suspected Sasha would enjoy. “I think she’s a sexual submissive.”
“Ya think?” He chuckled again, putting a hand over his belly. “Dude, I could have told you that years ago.”
Lincoln winced. “Really?” How had he not noticed? He knew the answer. He had intentionally not paid attention.
“I think that’s why Rowen’s so freaked out. He can’t stand the idea of his sister having sex, let alone with a Dominant. It sends chills down his spine. He’s not just her brother. He’s more like a father to her. Nobody wants to picture their sister or their daughter splayed open for a man. I’m sure most dads stuff the idea of their daughters having sex to the back of their minds and assume it’s missionary and only for procreation.”
Carter was right.
“If Sasha had come to Rowen and asked him to flog her or arrange for someone else to do it, he probably would’ve consented. But he’s a sharp guy. He knows his sister’s tastes run in a different direction.”
Lincoln nodded. “I can’t do this.” He looked at the floor. “I’ve been sitting here for two hours trying to figure out how to bow out gracefully and still save face.”
“You have an alternate solution?”
“No. That’s the problem.” Lincoln toed the carpet with his shoe, aiming to dig a hole in it clear to the floorboards. He inhaled a long breath and lifted his gaze again. “The only person I would hand this over to would be you.”
Carter nodded slowly. “But you won’t.”
“No.”
“Have you stopped to consider what that means?”
Lincoln groaned. “Too many times.”
Carter snorted. “It’s okay, you know.”
“What is?”
“Falling for a woman. Even the great Lincoln Walsh is permitted to be human. I’d give my right arm to meet someone so obviously devoted to me. I’d move heaven and earth to make sure she felt cherished every day of her life.”
Lincoln flinched. “What are you talking about? What makes you think Sasha’s interested in me in particular? This is nothing but an arrangement to teach her what submission means. That’s all.”
Carter didn’t laugh again. If he had, there was a chance Lincoln would have decked him. “You really believe that?”
“What?” He regretted asking immediately.
“Dude, you’ve spent so many years trying to put her off and make sure she knew you wanted nothing to do with her that you couldn’t see how she worships you from across a crowded room.”
Lincoln did more than flinch this time. His entire body tensed. “That’s crazy.” Right?
“Is it?” Carter lifted a brow.
Was she into him? If so, this situation was way worse than he suspected. Forget his personal concerns with training her. He’d spent the better part of the week worrying about how hard his dick was. What about her motives?
Lincoln stared at Carter for long moments. Fuck. He knew Carter spoke the truth. He’d seen it with his own eyes—countless times. She would jerk her gaze away when he caught her looking at him in a crowded room. He could count the times they had been in the same place. It didn’t happen often. He hadn’t allowed it to happen often, but when it did, she took his breath away.
Last year at her college graduation party, he’d seen her devotion in her eyes. He’d felt her trembling when he set his hand on her lower back, watched her face flush as she struggled with the words to thank him for the flowers.
But that wasn’t the only poignant example of Sasha wearing her feelings on her sleeve. One night, about six months ago, he’d witnessed her totally lose her ability to rein in her emotions. Every time he thought about that night, he winced. It had been innocent enough, but the look on her face haunted him to this day.
He’d done a scene with a masochist whom he’d played with many times. That night Bethany had propositioned him afterward. And he’d taken her up on the offer. As they were leaving the club, Sasha was entering.
Bethany had been wearing high heels, fishnet stockings, and a tight spandex dress that hid nothing. She was holding Lincoln’s elbow and leaning into him, laughing at something he’d said. Fun. Playful.
As Lincoln opened the door to Zodiac, Sasha nearly collided with them.
It was late. Rowen’s car had been in the shop. Sasha had come to pick him up. When she saw Lincoln in the entryway with Bethany, she’d been unable to hide her shock. She gasped, eyes wide, bit her lower lip, ducked her gaze, and raced past them.
Lincoln might have been able to pretend he was mistaken about her reaction if it hadn’t been for Bethany. “That was awkward.” She gripped his arm tighter. “You want to go to her?”
Lincoln had jerked his gaze from where Sasha disappeared to look back at Bethany. “Sasha? No. Of course not. She’s fine. I don’t know what’s up with her tonight, but Rowen will handle it.”
Bethany had lifted her brows. “Lincoln Walsh, are you that dumb?”
Apparently so. Instead of taking Bethany home, they’d gone to a diner and gotten coffee. They hadn’t discussed Sasha again that night, but the mood had been ruined.
Yep. Lincoln was an idiot.
He’d simply been in denial. And he was concerned about how many other people noticed. “Does Rowen know?”
Carter shook his head. “Don’t think so. Never discussed it with him. He’s probably in as deep denial as you are. But I bet half the rest of the staff knows and they’re picking out china patterns as we speak.”
That was going too far. Lincoln shoved to standing and paced away from his friend and business partner. “Come on. That’s insane. Sasha is… Sasha. Rowen’s sister. Maybe she had a childhood crush on me at one time, but surely she doesn’t anymore. Hell, she spent most of the time we were together at Breeze last week yelling at me.” Please tell me it was just a crush.
“So you’re saying she’s a brat?”
Lincoln stopped pacing to lower his head and shoot daggers at his friend. “No. I’m saying she’s not into me like you think. She just needs someone knowledgeable to train her and help her realize if submission is right for her. That’s all. I was there. I offered,” he continued to lie.
“And now you regret the decision.”
“Right.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not into this sort of thing.” Lincoln’s voice rose. He threw his hands in the air again. “I’m a sadist. I don’t do sexual submissives. And I certainly don’t do bratty ones.” Oh Lord. Did I say that out loud?
Carter fought hard not to smirk or possibly grin, but his eyes gave him away.
“Stop being such an ass. I don’t need your kind of help right now. I need to get out of this and pair her up with someone more qualified to train her to be what she needs.” He stomped over to his desk and flipped through the ledger on top as if he might spot the perfect Dom among the pages.
“What are you so afraid of?”
“Me?” He jerked his gaze up again. “I’m not afraid. I just don’t want to do her a disservice.”
“Uh-huh. You realize anyone in this club would hands-down say you were the most qualified to train any sub, no matter what they needed or how much experience they had.”
Lincoln cocked his head. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“What are you afraid of, man?” Carter repeated.
Lincoln knew the answer. Deep down he’d pushed it to the back of his mind all week. He was afraid of falling for a woman who couldn’t fulfill him in every way he needed. He was afraid to let himself be vulnerable to that kind of hurt. Because if he let Sasha’s sweet self get under his skin, he would be destroyed when she eventually left him. And so would she.
In the end, no matter how attracted to her he was, he was still a sadist. And she was still not a masochist.
“I think you have your answers,” Carter whispered. “How about if you take it one day at a time and see what happens? Cut yourself some slack. Maybe things aren’t as fucked-up as they seem.” With those parting words, Carter left the room, shutting the door with a soft snick.
Was he right?
Did it even matter?
Lincoln was still screwed. He could no more get out of training Sasha than he could take a rocket to the moon. So, he was just going to have to lock his emotions up tight and hope to convince her she was totally wrong for the lifestyle. Failing that, he would have no choice but to train her to be the best submissive she could be and let her go when she was ready.
That second possibility made him cringe, but he needed to face the possibility. After all, he certainly couldn’t keep her for himself. Carter might think the idea was obvious and simple, but Carter was wrong.
Chapter 10
Sasha was a ball of nerves threatening to explode Saturday morning.
Lincoln was picking her up at nine, and she couldn’t concentrate on any one thing to get ready. She hadn’t slept much in days. There were bags under her eyes. And she was a nervous wreck.
She’d spent an hour in her apartment’s one small bathroom putting on makeup she didn’t ordinarily wear to cover the purple evidence of her lack of sleep and ensure she looked her best. Why she wanted to impress Lincoln she had no idea. The man had made it clear repeatedly this week that their arrangement was strictly professional. Dom training sub. Nothing else.
Except for that one text. She shivered every time she remembered his words.
Sasha, if we get to the point that I need a spreader bar to keep your legs open wide enough, whether it’s attached at your ankles or your thighs is going to be the least of your concerns. Do I have your attention now?
No matter how many times she read those words, she couldn’t come up with a single explanation that didn’t include sexual innuendo. It gave her hope.
She secretly prayed he was full of shit with the rest of his cold, precise answers and she could convince him otherwise as soon as they were alone together. The only other evidence he might be feeding her line after line of crap had been last Friday night. She’d felt his hard-on pressed against her thigh when she’d been on his lap. That had to mean something, didn’t it?
Training Sasha (Club Zodiac Book 1) Page 8
