by Beth Wiseman
“Becky . . .”
She held on, waiting. Waiting for him to say I love you too. Waiting for him to lean down and kiss her.
“I’m seeing Mary Stoltzfus, and I have been for a while.”
Chapter Thirteen
Becky dressed for Marie and John’s wedding and wished more than ever that she didn’t have to go. She wasn’t sure what was going to be worse—having to face Matt or having to see Elam with Mary.
“Time to go!” Lena burst through Becky’s bedroom door. Why couldn’t anyone ever knock?
“I’m coming. I’ll be there in a minute.” She waved an arm toward Lena. “Go. I just have to get my kapp on.”
Lena had decided she wanted to be Amish again. Becky was happy about that, of course. Sometimes she wished she could be young and carefree like Lena. Waking up in a new world every day, as Mamm put it, free to make decisions based on a whim. But reality had knocked on Becky’s door, and there was no going back.
As Lena scurried out, Becky pulled her hair into a tight bun and put on her prayer kapp. She’d missed breakfast this morning, and her stomach growled. Well, let it. Ever since the breakup with Matt and Elam’s rejection, she had been using food as a crutch. She had let everyone down. Matt. Elam. Even God.
Regret settled over her like a thick fog. She should have held on to Elam, and now she’d lost him to Mary. And Matt was so handsome and so kind, yet she couldn’t return his love the way he deserved.
Ach, Elam. I messed everything up.
“Becky.” Mamm walked into the room and put her hands on her hips. “What are you doing? We need to leave. Didn’t Lena tell you?”
Becky hung her head and fought the tears building in the corners of her eyes. Her mother sat down on the bed beside her. “What is it, dear? What’s wrong?”
She gazed up at her mother for a while before she spoke. “I asked God for a miracle, Mamm. I asked Him to make me pretty and thin.” She paused, swallowed hard. “And He did.” She swiped at her eyes. “Then He put Matt in my life, and everything should have been perfect.”
“And it’s not?”
Becky shook her head. “Nee. I’ve made a mess of things.”
Mamm reached for Becky’s hand and clutched it in her own. “Maybe the miracle you’re referring to has nothing to do with dieting or food or weight. Sometimes when we pray, the Lord sees fit to answer our prayers in a way we can’t foresee.”
“I don’t care about being thin anymore. I worked so hard to lose weight, to be pretty . . . and now I’ve lost the one person I’ve always loved. I pushed Elam aside because I thought I wanted Matt. And now Elam is no longer available.” She pulled her hand from her mother’s and covered her face.
“Now, now.” Mamm put an arm around her shoulders. “There’s your miracle, Becky. God answered your prayer, just not the way you expected Him to. He’s given you the wisdom to know that it’s what’s inside that counts.”
Becky raised her head and blinked her eyes a few times. “But now I have no one.”
“It’s a hard lesson to learn, I’m sure. Most of the really important lessons are. But there is someone for you. You’ll see.”
There is no one for me but Elam. How could I have not seen that?
Matt helped his father and the other men set up chairs in the living room. Since before daybreak there had been a bustle of activity in preparation for the wedding. The aroma of roast turkey filled the air. Propane heaters were warming the house, and late yesterday afternoon Matt and his father had moved the living room furniture to the barn to make room for benches and chairs. They were fortunate to have a large living room, but there were still chairs set up in the dining room, downstairs bedroom, and mud room.
Matt kept his mind occupied and tried not to think about Becky. Surprisingly, it didn’t take as much effort as he’d thought it would. His ego was more bruised than his heart, he supposed. But it was the first time anyone had ever rejected him, and it stung.
They’d just finished getting everything set up when a line of buggies began coming up the road and turning into the driveway. Marie was still upstairs getting ready; she and John would be staying the night here, as was expected of the newly married couple. Tomorrow they would help with cleanup before going to their new home. In some cases the bride and groom stayed with the bride’s family for weeks, but John had already built them a fine home not far from here.
Hope Bowman emerged from the crowded kitchen. “Your mamm said she’d like you to carry more firewood inside.” Matt nodded and went to carry in more logs.
When he got back, he saw Becky across the room. She’d gained some weight back. He thought of how she was before and wondered if it was likely she’d get that fat again. He had always found her intriguing, but that might have been because she paid so little attention to him. Now that he had dated her, she didn’t seem quite so interesting. Or at least that was what he kept telling himself, so that her rejection wouldn’t bother him so much.
“Wie bischt?” Mary Stoltzfus strolled by with her parents, smiling. “It smells gut in here.”
Matt had never been out with Mary, which now seemed odd, since most of the community seemed to think they were a perfect match. She’d flirted with him plenty over the years, and she was beautiful—on the outside. But what about on the inside? Too late for him to find out now. He’d been told just yesterday that Mary was seeing Elam Miller.
Becky had confessed that she loved Elam, but apparently the feeling wasn’t mutual. Although he wasn’t proud of it, he had to admit that the idea pleased him a little. At least she couldn’t just reject him and then run into Elam’s waiting arms.
As the wedding came to a close, Elam realized that he’d missed much of what the bishop had said, and he’d barely been tuned in for Marie and John’s vows. He kept thinking about Becky, and he found himself glancing back and forth between Becky and Mary throughout the ceremony.
He hated the way weddings affected him. He always felt like he was going to cry, so maybe it was best that he hadn’t been one hundred percent focused on the exchange of vows. The last thing he needed at the moment was to draw attention to himself with an emotional outburst.
The women were cleaning up after the meal when he finally found Becky sitting by herself on a bench near the garden. Even from a distance he could see that she was shivering. He pulled off his jacket and walked over to her. “Here.” Elam draped his coat around her shoulders and sat down beside her.
“Danki,” she said in a shaky voice.
“It was a nice ceremony.”
Becky nodded. “Ya, it was very nice.”
She still wouldn’t look at him. “And you look very nice,” he said.
“I guess you and Mary will be the next ones to get published.”
Elam took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “Nee.”
Becky nodded. “I guess maybe it is still too soon.” She paused. “Rosa and Adam’s wedding is in a couple of weeks. I’m so happy for Rosa.” Then she finally looked up at him. “Elam. Your eyes.”
He smiled and focused both eyes on her beautiful face. “I had the surgery Tuesday.”
She leaned closer and looked into his face. “I’m so happy for you. I know how much your eyes bothered you.”
Elam glanced around. Everyone had moved inside or gathered in the barn where it was warmer. “Becky—”
“Ya?”
“I love you with all my heart. I always have. I always will. There is no one else for me either.”
Becky couldn’t speak. She could barely believe what she had just heard. “But—but what about Mary?”
“I broke up with her. She always would have been second to you, and I think that deep down she knew that.”
“She’s so pretty. And nice.” Becky couldn’t believe that Elam would break up with someone like Mary to be with her. “And thin.”
She glanced down. She had been trying hard to eat healthy and not obsess about it, but she had put some of the weight back on. Sh
e would never be as naturally thin and beautiful as someone like Mary Stoltzfus.
The left side of Elam’s mouth curved up slightly. “Ya. Mary is all of those things.”
Becky hung her head.
“But she isn’t you. And you are the one I want to be with.” Elam pushed his new glasses up on his nose. “I’m not as good-looking as Matt, but no one could love you any more than I do.”
Becky gazed into Elam’s beautiful, sincere eyes, and she didn’t think she’d ever seen a handsomer man. “I told you that you have always been the one for me.” She paused as a tear rolled down her cheek. “I messed everything up.”
“Then let’s fix it.” Elam reached for her hand, pulled it to his lips, and kissed it. “I love you, Becky Byler.”
“I love you too.”
Elam leaned over and kissed her on the mouth. The kiss was tender, gentle, and loving, nothing like the way Matt had kissed her. No hesitation. No anxiety. No awkwardness.
As she eased away from the kiss, she nodded toward the porch, where Matt and Mary stood, both laughing and smiling. “I think maybe everyone will be okay,” she said.
“God has a way of working things out.” Elam tucked an errant strand of hair back into Becky’s kapp, then kissed her on the lips again. “Becky, my sweet Becky. I love you so much. You have always been beautiful to me, inside and out.” He cupped her cheek in the palm of his hand. “You are my miracle.”
Becky closed her eyes and silently thanked God. “And you,” she whispered, “are mine as well.”
Reading Group Guide
Always in My Heart
1. Why does Hope still harbor resentment for her father? What kind of difficulties does this create for her mother?
2. James is initially reluctant to feel a part of Hope’s family on any level. What are some of the contributing factors to his emotional isolation?
3. Stephen Bowman would consider himself a happy man. Why would he so readily welcome a fifteen-year-old Englischer into his life?
4. This story is about forgiveness as much as it is about God working miracles in our lives. Describe the four types of forgiveness illustrated in Always in My Heart.
Always His Provision
1. Rosa prays about her finances but continues to fret about what might happen. How is this taking it out of God’s hands? Has there been a time when you’ve continued to stress over a situation you’ve already prayed about?
2. How did the neighbor’s attitude about Rosa’s chickens influence her actions? Have you ever thought God might be waiting for your heart to change over a matter so that He can pour out His blessing on you?
3. Even though Rosa had given throughout the years to her district’s widows’ fund, she didn’t want to ask for help when she was in a time of need. Why do you think her pride stood in her way?
Always Beautiful
1. Becky asks God for a miracle, to make her thin and beautiful. So often God answers our prayers, but not in a way that we could have foreseen. Becky got her wish, but what is the real miracle in the story?
2. Elam and Matt are both great guys. Who were you rooting for to win Becky’s heart? Did you change your mind throughout the story? What was the turning point for Becky when she finally realized that Elam was the one for her?
3. Exactly how big do you think Becky was—a little overweight, quite heavy, or obese? How did the different characters see Becky? How did she see herself?
4. Do you believe in miracles? If so, have you ever personally experienced one?
Amish Recipes
SNICKERDOODLES
1 cup butter, softened (do not use margarine)
2 cups sugar
2 eggs
¼ cup milk
1 tsp. vanilla
3¾ cups flour
¾ tsp. baking powder
Cinnamon sugar
Cream together butter and sugar. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Stir in milk and vanilla. Sift together flour and baking powder; then add to creamed mixture.
Roll dough into one-inch balls and roll in cinnamon sugar mixture. Place on ungreased cookie sheet and flatten slightly. Bake at 375 degrees for 10–12 minutes.
WALNUT CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES
2 cups butter
2 cups sugar
2 cups brown sugar
4 eggs
4 cups flour
5 cups oatmeal
1 tsp. salt
2 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. baking soda
Approx. 40 ounces chocolate chips (Can use 2 different varieties, such as milk, dark, mint, or white.)
3 cups chopped walnuts
In mixing bowl, cream together butter, sugar, and brown sugar. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well. In separate bowl, combine flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and baking soda. Mix flour mixture into sugar mixture. Add chocolate chips and nuts.
Roll into one-inch balls. Place on ungreased cookie sheets 2 inches apart. Bake at 375 degrees for 10 minutes.
Makes approximately 9 dozen cookies.
CHICKEN PIE SUPPER
2 cups coarsely chopped cooked chicken
¼ cup mushrooms
¼ cup peas
3 medium carrots peeled, chopped, and cooked
3 cups thickened chicken stock (or) cream of chicken soup
½ tsp. salt
Pepper to taste
Mix ingredients together and pour into greased 1½-quart casserole dish. Place biscuits on top and bake at 450 degrees for 15–20 minutes.
Biscuits
2 cup flour
3 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
4 Tbsp. shortening
¾ cup milk
Stir flour, baking powder, and salt together. Cut in shortening. Add milk. Turn dough lightly on floured board and knead gently 30 seconds. Cut dough with knife or biscuit cutter. Place on chicken mix.
AFTERNOON CHILI MAC
1 cup ground beef
½ cup onion, finely chopped
1½ cups cooked tomatoes (small jar of home canned tomatoes)
1 cup cooked kidney beans
2 Tbsp. sugar
1½ tsp. salt
1 tsp. chili powder
1½ Tbsp. vinegar
½ cup water
4 ounces macaroni
In large skillet, brown beef and onions. Add tomatoes and kidney beans. Mix in sugar, salt, and chili powder. Add vinegar and water and stir into meat mixture until smooth. Cover and simmer 20 minutes. Stir in macaroni, then cover and simmer 20 minutes.
SARAH’S MEAT PIE
2½ pounds potatoes peeled and cut in half-inch squares
2 pounds boneless chuck roast
Salt
Pepper
2 uncooked piecrusts. (Recipe below or can use frozen)
Place chuck roast in Dutch oven or similar size pot. Add water to cover. Bring to a boil. Continue simmering until tender (2 to 3 hours).
Boil potatoes until soft (about 20 minutes). Drain.
Cut cooked roast in cubes and mix with potatoes. Salt and pepper to taste.
Fill uncooked piecrust and cover with top crust. Score top of crust to vent.
Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. Serve with brown gravy.
Pie Crust (makes two)
3 cups all-purpose flour
4 tsp. white sugar
2 tsp. salt
1 cup vegetable oil
4 Tbsp. milk
Combine all ingredients in large mixing bowl. Divide in half. Chill for 1 hour. Roll each crust out on wax paper. (Sprinkle flour on top before rolling.)
ROSA’S PINEAPPLE PECAN CAKE
¾ cup sugar
¼ cup shortening
1 egg
½ cup milk
1 ½ cup sifted flour
½ tsp. salt
2 tsp. baking powder
PINEAPPLE TOPPING
2 Tbsp. softened butter
½ cup well-drained crushed pineapple
2 Tbsp. ho
ney
⅓ cup chopped pecans
Mix sugar, shortening, and egg thoroughly. Stir in milk. Sift together dry ingredients and stir into shortening mixture. Spread batter in greased and floured 9×9×2-inch square pan. Mix topping ingredients and spread over batter. Bake at 375 degrees for 25–35 minutes or until done. Serve warm.
Acknowledgments
Mary Ellis
Thanks to Natalie Hanemann and Becky Philpott at HarperCollins Christian Publishing for helping to bring my story to life. Thanks to my proofreader, Joycelyn Sullivan; my agent, Mary Sue Seymour, for her faith in me; and my husband for his continued patience with very late dinners.
Ruth Reid
I praise God for His provisions! God has blessed me with a wonderful supportive family. Dan, Lexie, Danny, and Sarah, I love you all so very much. God has also blessed me with many prayer warriors who lift me up in prayer and with trustful friends who help critique my books. I especially appreciate Kathy Droste, who bravely reads and red-inks my first drafts. I’ll forever be thankful for my outstanding editorial team: Becky Philpott, Natalie Hanemann, and line editor, Penny Stokes.
May God bless the reader in miraculous ways!
Beth Wiseman
It was an honor to be able to work with Ruth Reid and Mary Ellis on this collaboration. You girls rock!
Special thanks to my editors, Natalie Hanemann and Penny Stokes, and to all the great folks at Thomas Nelson.
To my agent, Natasha Kern . . . you continue to amaze me! Glad to have you on board.
Barbie Beiler, I hope to see you soon. Thank you for always being available to answer my questions at a moment’s notice.
Thanks to my fabulous assistant, Janet Murphy. I know I can be a handful sometimes, lol.
