by Kailin Gow
“But the scars…”
She put her fingers gently on my lips, quieting me down. “No,” and then she leaned in and gave me a soft, tender kiss that felt closer to genuine love than any kiss I’d ever received. Afterward, she said, “You are so beautiful, Callum. The scars, they’re barely visible. If you only look, you’d see that, and even if they were, it’s the man inside that I’m most drawn to.”
“You are?” I asked, feeling my empty insides filling up with hope.
She softly said, “Yes.” Then she rested her head into the crook of my arm and we were silent. I felt connected to her in a magical way, wanting to take advantage of this moment of silence, because in the unspoken words, a volume about the potential of our love was being expressed.
Chapter 20
Callum
I stood there, exhilarated and scared, not knowing how to process the intensity of this woman who made me feel like I’d never felt before. She was so good and kind, unlike any woman my age I’d ever met. She’d had a wonderful example through her mother, but she was a rare gift—equally as beautiful on the inside as she was on the out.
Watching her closely and breathing in, I noticed her compassionate face turn into one with an eager smile on it. “Come,” she said, grabbing my hand and turning around to walk back into the house.
I followed, eager to do whatever it was she wanted me to do. I trusted her implicitly and she gave me hope, something I needed desperately.
A few seconds later, we were standing in front of an ornate full length mirror in the foyer of the house, a pedestal with fresh cut flowers next to it, and she turned on a lamp that was nearby, making light instantly flood into the room. Then she stood behind me, her hands on my arms and her head peeking around my left side so she could watch me through the mirror. I looked at her and smiled, nervous to look at anything else. I’d once worshipped a mirror, but after the accident I avoided them as much as I could.
“Look at yourself,” she gently said, encouraging me with her tender voice.
I was hesitant, but I did. She didn’t say a word, but her touch gave me courage. I glanced into the mirror and gave a long, slow blink. I didn’t want to see what I’d become.
“Callum, just look,” Charisma said in an even softer voice.
I wanted to, but I couldn’t. “No,” I said, feeling such anxiety inside of me that I shuttered involuntarily from it.
“It’s okay, Callum. You are beautiful. Look and tell me what you see—actually what you do not see,” she whispered.
I could only nod my head and then I leaned forward and forced myself to be strong and look at me. Maybe I’d be able to see what Charisma did. With a critical and assessing eye, I stared at myself. The lighting must have been poor because I could barely see the scars on my face. It was a bit of the old me, only with wiser eyes. I leaned in closer and looked again, this time tilting my head and pressing my hands where the scars were. I could barely feel them, either.
“You see, they’re almost gone. They’re healed,” Charisma said, a large infectious smile spreading across her face.
“Gone,” I replied, a question clearly in my voice, along with disbelief.
“Yes, gone,” she said, rubbing her soft long hands along my arms, filling me up with her kindness and love.
So much had changed inside of me since that accident, as well as externally. It was overwhelming and I was so appreciative, realizing how fortunate I was to have encountered both Helen and Charisma. Without them, this wouldn’t be. And furthermore, without the Helen Chu Cosmetics Miracle Cream this wouldn’t have happened. Everything that I’d so willingly snickered at and slammed on that one fateful night had been what had saved me in the end. But somehow, the universe had forgiven me when I couldn’t forgive myself, and my karma had led me to a miraculous spot—the place where I was with who I wanted to be with and feeling this internal harmony that I would have thought was more mythological than anything.
“Don’t you see, you’re amazing, whole on the outside and inside, too,” Charisma said. Her voice was so affectionate that I felt the sting of tears in my eyes. She’d affected me so intensely that I couldn’t even explain it. Did other people feel these same thing? I had no idea, but it was a beautiful feeling—a gateway into a new and improved world where people treated each other lovingly and really cared.
“So what do you think of Helen Chu Cosmetics now?” I turned around and saw Helen walking over to the mirror, a gentle and wise smile on her face.
“I think you’re a miracle maker,” I said, laughing. It felt so good to genuinely laugh at that moment and celebrate that I’d been given a second chance, both as a man and with a different appreciation for physical beauty.
“I look at you and see a young and confident man, but a smarter man. You are so different than the Callum Beast I first met,” Helen said.
“Thank goodness, because that man was not good. I want to be good,” I acknowledged.
“Oh Callum, you’ve changed so much, right before our very eyes. I meet both men and women all the time, that feel a need to connect with their inner beauty just as much as their outward appearance. In only a few short months, you’ve managed to transform in an incredible way and now you’re ready for the next step,” Helen said.
I looked at her in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“It’s time you re-entered the world and went back to your family to make things right. That’s what you promised your father and I know that you will want to honor that,” Helen said.
It was a cautionary statement, but also meant to encourage me. “Are you saying it’s time for me to go?”
Helen walked up to me and grabbed my hand in hers and said, “I’m saying it’s time you go back to your own house, own family, and step into the shoes you were supposed to fill, Callum.”
“So, I’ve overstayed my welcome,” I said. I felt so sad by it, never having put any thought into this day, because I’d loved being here so much, but I knew that Helen was right.
“Not overstayed, but I would be doing you a great disservice if I didn’t encourage you to go do what you’re meant to do, Callum.”
I looked at Charisma and feigned cheeriness. Despite being happy about the scars just seconds ago, I felt scared and a bit of a void inside of me at the thought of not seeing these two amazing women every day. “Help me pack, Charisma?”
“Of course,” she said softly. When our eyes connected I saw sadness in her eyes that seemed to match what I was feeling. Did she not want me to go? The thought gave me hope that I could claim a woman like Charisma’s heart when all was said and done.
***
As soon as we got to my temporary room I had to speak my mind. “I guess your mom doesn’t want anything happening between us, huh.”
“Why do you say that?” Charisma asked. I knew that she was smart enough to know.
“It seems obvious. At the festival she saw how connected we were and it’s just a few days later, and now it’s time for me to go.”
“No, I don’t think that’s it; it can’t be,” Charisma said.
“You’re being kind, but you can be honest with me. And really, whatever it is that your mother is thinking, I will respect her wishes. I admire her greatly and would never defy her, especially after all the help she’s given—help that you’ve given, too.”
Then I went and grabbed my two suitcases. It didn’t take me long to pack and the entire time I was there I kept glancing at Charisma, who was sitting on the edge of the bed and watching me with keen eyes. But, when our eyes met she’d glance down, averting her gaze and protecting herself from exposing what she was really thinking. Was she relieved? Or was she sad? My heart longed for her to feel the same void I did at the thought of me leaving, but I didn’t dare be so presumptuous.
One hour later, I was getting ready to leave.
“Callum, I’m going to miss you,” she said softly, looking at her fingernails and then to me.
She stood up from the
edge of the bed and I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her, hugging her tightly. I had to tell her what was on my mind, less I never get the chance again. “I love you, Charisma. Even if your mom doesn’t want some kind of romance between us, I still care for you. I don’t think that could ever stop, the journey has been too incredible. Being here with your mother and you have taught me so much, things that are a part of me now, that I’ll never take away.”
“Oh Callum,” Charisma lamented.
I smiled and put my finger under her chin and continued. “Because of you two, I’ve learned to open my eyes and heart to people. You were instrumental in that and I owe you so much because of it, Charisma. You have no idea how you and your mom have given me a new lease on life.”
Her arms wrapped around me tightly and she pressed her head into my chest. My arms went around her slim frame and I pulled her tighter into my chest. It brought me such comfort and I wanted to be a source of security for her, too. I longed for her to ask me to stay, because I wanted to, but I also realized that in order to hopefully become the man she deserved, that I’d have to enter this world and not be fearful of being Callum Beast. I’d have to prove that I’d changed and while it would be a tough battle, it would be a worthwhile battle, especially with her as the prize at the end of it all.
I needed to feel her again, to cement my passion for her on her in some way and I leaned in and kissed her fiercely and unabashedly, pressing my lips against hers and forcing my tongue into her mouth, wanting to taste her and experience her.
“So damn beautiful,” I whispered.
She groaned and I felt my arousal growing. No! I had to stop. If my last moment with her was one where our bodies clashed together in the heat of passion it would distract me forever, making me an addict to her love, always longing for more and dreaming of that moment instead of living my life to its fullest potential.
It wasn’t easy, but I pulled away and in a barely audible voice, I said, “Goodbye Charisma.”
Then I turned around and walked away, not willing to look back and see what expression she might have.
Chapter 21
Charisma
Why did a part of me feel like it was being ripped out of me as I watched Callum leave? I wanted to chase him, but I didn’t. I remained frozen in place, confused and startled by the situation I was in. It was so unfair and I didn’t even know how to process my feelings.
Eventually, I did walk out of the empty guest room and over to my room. It was strange, when Callum had first arrived at our house I felt like our rooms were so close, but now, I felt like he was too far away when he was even out of eyesight. No one was more shocked than me at how quickly I’d gotten used to his presence—even longing for it and feeling better with it now.
You should have gone after him, I thought. But really, what would I say? I wasn’t ready to say that I chose him and wanted him to stay, that I couldn’t live without him. I felt like I loved him, but was I in love with him? I didn’t know. And I didn’t know those answers any better regarding Mason, either. But Mason and I, we were so alike. It was more logical, for certain, but equally certain was the awareness that logic was defying me at that moment. Damn it, I despised confusion and a lack of clarity, just as much in my business prowess as my personal life.
Flopped on my bed and feeling like a fish out of water, I stared up at the ceiling, watching the blades of my ceiling fan slowly spin around and around and around. It was hypnotic, but didn’t bring answers. My cautious nature had always led to me avoiding situations that might bring me discomfort, agony, or heartache; partly because I saw how much Mom had been hurt from being abandoned by my father. That was why I never took my father’s surname but used my mom’s name instead. She’d never married again and only dated occasionally. So devoted to me and her work, she never tried to find love again. I didn’t want to be that person, yet there I was, looking like I was playing two brothers, loving each of them clearly in different ways. Was it the type of love that meant a permanent commitment? I had no idea nor experience to have an inkling, and my friends who were always quite casual about sex, friends with benefits, and all those different modern notions didn’t rattle easily.
There was a knock on the door and I barely turned my head to look at my mom standing there, her shoulder resting against the door frame. “Mind if I come in?” she asked.
“Sure,” I said and then my eyes went back to the ceiling like it was interesting subject matter.
“Want to talk about it?” she asked.
Did I want to talk about it? Hmph…what was there to say? I was a mess of emotions and had no intellectual intelligence to process them. Finally, I asked the only question that I could think of. “Why did you ask Callum to leave?”
“Why do you think I did?” she asked.
“I don’t’ know, maybe to keep me from him,” I offered. It wasn’t my thought or belief, but Callum had thought that might be the case.
“You know that I’d never sabotage your happiness, Charisma, so no, if you’re implying that I had him leave because you two were getting too close, you’d be wrong. But somehow, I don’t think that’s your idea, or thought.”
“You know me well,” I said, giving a weak smile.
“Yes, I do, but right now I’m looking at a young woman who understands life in business terms, not emotional ones.”
“It’s so hard. I can see why you never bothered after Dad abandoned us,” I said.
“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, but I got so wrapped up in everything. Finding success, taking care of you, raising you, and building a future that would ensure you had more security than I ever had. Maybe it was the wrong way—to some, anyway—but I don’t regret it. I’ve actually found a life that suits me quite well.”
“Do you think that you’ll ever experience a loving relationship again?” I asked.
“I do, actually. Has it been my priority? No, but I firmly believe and have seen that love always arrives when it’s least expected. I think you’re perhaps experiencing that.”
“Do you mean with Callum?” I asked.
“Maybe, or maybe with Mason. I don’t know what’s in your heart, Charisma.”
“How do I figure it out?” I asked, feeling so vulnerable.
“Time will help, it always does, but there is one thing that I do know, regardless of which brother—if either—you decide is the one you’re meant to be with.”
“What’s that?” I asked, sitting up now and positioning my body so I was looking at her.
“I don’t want to have to take care of him and you for the rest of my life. You kids need to grow up, go out and live your lives, and eventually start a family; not stay with me, constantly working and hiding and resisting the experiences that make life amazing. I love having you here, of course, but I also love the idea of having grandkids, seeing you marry a man who loves you wildly and takes great care of you, both emotionally and financially. The thought of me having a son-in-law that I have to take care of doesn’t sit well with me, at all. And if Callum can’t step up to become a man who can run Beast Companies; then he won’t be the man who can handle you.”
“Mom!” I exclaimed. “We are nowhere close to anything like that. We haven’t even dated.”
“But I see how you two are, it’s not dates that make a connection, it’s the way people interact with each other that does. There is something fascinating there, to be certain, but I also see fascination elsewhere.” I looked at Mom and her eyes twinkled. “And Mason, he’s a gentleman and he’s already up and running, doing a very good job from what others tell me, including you. I look at him and I know with absolute certainty that he’s a man who can take care of you.”
“So you think I should date him and forget about Callum?” I asked. I’ll admit, I hoped that she’d give me an answer and I could just listen to her like an obedient small child and make it all work out.
“I would never answer that question for you, even if I had a strong opini
on,” Mom said. She put her hand on my knee. “But you have to be confident to answer it. Chu women don’t shy or back away from large tasks.”
“It seems larger than the universe itself,” I said, laughing a bit.
“That’s because love fills the universe just as the debris in it seems to gravitate toward our minds, Charisma.”
“That’s very poetic,” I said.
“Poetic words from my wise grandmother, a woman who’d never had a day of formal education in her life,” Mom said. “I guess I want you to have an education that makes you as smart with your heart as you are with your head.”
“I would give anything for that,” I said.
“I know, and it will all work out in due time—maybe not your time, but in the right time, Charisma.”
