“He’s not like that purely out of obligation to your mom.”
“I guess not, but I know that has something to do with why he’s up my ass about everything. Duke worries about me. So does Austin.”
“Theo and Tucker do, too. They talk about you all the time. For the last few weeks, they have been worried about you. They swore that I was the reason you weren’t around and that I did something to hurt you. We even got into it one night when we had too much to drink.”
“Sorry about that.” She squeezes my hand. “I needed time to think things through.”
“I figured as much. That’s why I gave you some space. But I missed you like crazy the entire time.”
“Same here. Now that we’re graduating tomorrow and going back home, I wish I hadn’t created this divide between us. We should have spent our last few weeks together, not apart.”
“I promise to come out to Chicago and stay with you after the NHL Draft, even if it’s only for a few days or a week. My mom needs my help around the house. I don’t want to leave her by herself for too long when I had to do it all year for school.”
“There’s nothing more important than family,” she says. “I completely understand.”
“I hope I get picked up by a team,” I admit.
“You’re one of the best centers the NHL will ever find. It’s not a matter of getting a spot on a team; it’s where you will end up.”
“I’d like to be as close to you as possible.”
“You hate the Blackhawks. Could you play for my home team?” She laughs and leans back enough to dig her ass into my thigh, reminding me of our night together.
It’s hard not to think about Kat in that way after being inside her. I miss that part of our relationship, too. But what we had wasn’t just sex. It was so much more. At least it was to me.
“I would play for any team that wants me. My professional career has nothing to do with my personal feelings.”
“If you could choose any team in the league, we both know you would go with Tampa Bay.”
“That’s my home team. Of course, I would.”
She sighs. “Florida feels so far away from Chicago.”
“It’s only a plane ride away,” I tell her, stroking her hair. “No matter where I go or which team picks me up, I will still be here for you.”
“I know, Dean.” She lets out an exaggerated sigh. “I have to tell you something before we leave campus tomorrow.”
“What is it?” Her words cause my stomach to turn from the anxiety that brews from within.
“I…” She hesitates, choking on her words a few more times, before she says, “I—”
“It’s okay, Kitten. You don’t have to be nervous with me.”
“I’m not sure how to say this,” she mutters. “I’m…” She stops herself again, but this time, she begins to cry.
Her sobs are low, and as I clutch Kat tighter, her body trembles from how hard she cries. I close my eyes and say a silent prayer that the Blackhawks select me in the NHL Draft. Kat needs me just as much as I need her.
I scraped together enough money from working at the pizza shop off campus to fly my mom to Philadelphia for my graduation. The smile on her face as I held the fake diploma in my hand made the last four years worth it. Everything she sacrificed to get me to this point has finally come full circle.
After I find Kat, who was seated a few rows in front of me, we make our way onto the lawn out front of the event center at Strickland University. The guests shuffle out in waves, the sheer number of people making it impossible to see through the crowd.
Kat had sent my mom the light pink sundress she’s wearing, which makes it easier for us to spot her. My mom has the graduation program in her hand and the camera around her wrist. I call out to her to get her attention, and she holds her hand up to her forehead to block the sun from her eyes. She smiles once she spots us, and I move forward to fill the distance between us.
“Dean,” she says, wrapping her arms around my middle. “I am so proud of you, baby.” She leans her head on my chest for a few seconds, before I release my hold on her.
“None of this would have been possible without you, Mom.” I kiss her on the cheek. “Thank you. For everything.”
She cups the side of my face with her hand. “No need to thank me. It was all part of my job.”
“You did an amazing job.” I wink and give my mom one more kiss before I release her from my grip.
A few loud voices block out my mother’s next words, drawing my attention to the men behind us. I glance over my shoulder, about to tell them to shut up, when I spot Duke and Austin lifting Kat up off the ground. They hoist her onto their shoulders.
Kat covers her face with her hands when they start to parade her around the lawn, chanting something I can’t even make out over Kat yelling at them. The Baldwins have the strangest traditions. This must be another one of them. Her dad joins in on their victory dance, accompanied by Theo and Tucker.
“We should go save Kat,” I tell my mom.
She smiles up at me. “Go ahead, baby. I’ll be right behind you.”
“I’m not leaving you behind to get trampled on.” I thread my fingers through hers and drag my mom alongside me to catch up with Kat and her family.
Once Nick notices my mom and me, he tells the boys to stop bothering Kat and comes over to us. “Emma,” he says, touching my mother on the shoulder with a smile. “How are you?” She leans in to hug Kat’s dad.
I saw Nick before the ceremony, so I walk away from them, as they exchange pleasantries, to say my goodbye to Kat. My stomach knots as I walk toward her. I have been dreading this moment all week. What will happen once Kat goes home? We both have to work, even though Kat doesn’t need the money.
When we lock eyes, Kat steps away from her brothers and strolls over to me, throwing herself into my arms. “I am going to miss you.” She whispers the words against my neck.
“I doubt as much as I will miss you, Kitten.”
Kat peels her face from my neck and looks up at me with a smile. “I hate goodbyes.”
“Me, too, but this isn’t goodbye.”
She nods. “Right, I will see you in two months.”
“The Draft will be here in no time.”
“And we’ll all be there to cheer you on.” Kat motions to her family, who will be present for the NHL Draft.
Moving her hand up to my face, she leans in, as if she’s about to kiss me on the lips. My entire body stills because of the people watching around us. But she moves to the left of my mouth and kisses me on the cheek. “Take care of yourself, Dean. I’ll see you soon.” Her words come out muffled as if she’s trying to hide her tears.
For the past few years, we have repeated the same goodbye on the front lawn. But this one feels different. This goodbye has a palpable finality to it. Our college lives are over now that we are one step closer to moving on with our careers.
I brush the hair from her face and plant a kiss on her forehead. “Call me when you get home. Okay?”
Her eyes are glassy, but the tears have yet to spill down her face. Maybe it was best that we did this in public because we would both be a mess right now if we were alone. I wouldn’t have the strength to let her go if we did this in one of our bedrooms. Kat has been my world for so long that not having her part of my daily life will be hard.
“I’ll call you as soon as my plane lands,” she says.
“How about tonight instead? I promised my mom I would take her to dinner when we get home. She hasn’t had anything good to eat, other than food from the diner, in a long time.”
“Of course. Have fun with your mom. We can talk before bed.”
The thought of Kat in bed makes me think of how she looked in mine. We will never be able to erase what we did in the past. Some part of me will always think of Kat romantically, especially after sharing that part of myself with her. It wasn’t just sex for me, even though I led Kat to believe that it was for a long time. Maybe
that was my mistake, one I will have to live with forever.
“Text me when you land, and I’ll do the same.”
She forces a smile to hide the pain, mirroring my expression.
“This isn’t goodbye, Kitten, remember that.”
While my words say one thing, her face says another. For Kat, this is goodbye. I have to show her that our story is not over. Everything will change for the better if the NHL drafts me. Having enough money to take care of my mom and move around the country will allow me to see Kat more often. It will also give us a chance to become more than friends.
Chapter 16
Summer after graduation
Kat
With the entire Baldwin clan home for the summer, we have been living by the pool, drinking and partying, except I had to swap out mojitos for flavored water. Too busy getting tan and drunk, my brothers still haven’t caught on to the fact that I haven’t had any alcohol. And I still haven't dared to tell Dean about the baby.
Sitting in a lounge chair by the pool, I read a book, ignoring my brothers, who are playing a water game together.
Duke swims over to me and splashes my feet. “Hey, Kit-Kat, get your ass in here. We need another player.”
I look up from my book and flash Duke a wicked grin. “You guys don’t need me. The teams are even.”
“Theo is a cheater. I need you on my team. Now, get in here before I have to come up there and throw you in.”
“It’s too hot, and I like the shade.” I point at the umbrella over my head.
“Whatever. You’re no fun anymore,” Duke grunts.
For the past few weeks, the heat has made my stomach turn like crazy. Even sitting outside and watching my brothers has been somewhat of a chore. But I don’t want them to suspect anything is wrong. At least not until I have to admit the truth about my condition.
I hate myself for referring to the child that is growing inside me as my condition. I still haven’t come to terms with everything. I was the one who was too drunk to tell Dean to use a condom. He was so used to me being on birth control that it wasn’t even a thought. But I had stopped my pills a few months before we had sex, all because they were giving me wicked migraines the doctor could only attribute to the pills.
It’s not like I had sex with Dean every week or even every month. The few times after he took my virginity were drunken make out sessions that turned into more. I hadn’t planned for it to happen again.
Either way, I made a mistake, and with his family’s financial stress, I didn’t want to add another complication. Ever since he moved back to Florida with his mom, Dean has done nothing but work. He delivers pizzas at night and does manual labor for a plumbing company in the day. I respect the hell out of him for his work ethic.
When it comes to family, I know first-hand that Dean would be an amazing father and provider. But I feel guilty, not wanting to add this to his plate. The NHL is supposed to be his fresh start, his chance to make something of himself. I can’t be the one to ruin his life. After he gets some good news, I will tell him about our child.
“Don’t go easy on her,” Austin says, coming up from behind Duke. “Get in here, Kat.”
Of all my brothers, Austin is the one I connect with most. While Duke was more of a father figure in my life, with all his rules and structure, Austin was the fun brother who helped me with my homework and took me out for ice cream. We also have less of an age difference between us.
Austin knows I would never say no to him. Damn him.
I move my hand to the side of my stomach and get up from the chair. Ever since my belly started to grow, I have been doing this. Is it a habit, or maybe a motherly instinct? I don’t know, but I have to stop. If one of my brothers notices this when I get bigger, they will give me hell for not telling them. They would also treat me differently than they do now, and I don’t want more special treatment than I already get from them.
No one can know about the baby. Well, at some point, I won’t be able to hide it. Until then, I want to keep this to myself. I read online that you should wait twelve weeks before you tell anyone, just to be sure. I’m almost that far along, which means I have to tell Dean soon. But I don’t want to ruin his big moment. He deserves to celebrate one of the best days of his life without me bringing him down.
I tug at the seam of the oversized shirt covering my bathing suit, turning away from my brothers. Even though they haven’t noticed, I swear my bump is more visible each day. Maybe I am just paranoid that someone will discover my secret before I have the chance to tell them.
Before I pull the shirt over my head to get in the pool, my cell phone rings. I lean forward to see the name on the Caller ID and pick it up from the table with a smile. I press the phone to my ear and cradle it with my neck. “Hey, Dean.”
“Hey, Kitten. I wanted to call you on my lunch break to give you my flight info.”
“Get off the phone, Kit-Kat,” Duke yells behind from me.
“Who’s she talking to?” Theo says to Duke.
“Who do you think? Her boyfriend,” Duke deadpans.
I spin around to give Duke me best resting bitch face.
“Dean,” Theo says, confused. The twins have never seen the connection I have with Dean as anything more than friendship, which is weird, considering they are so close. “Let me talk to him.”
Dean is rambling off his flight information to me, all of which I miss because of my brothers yelling things in my direction.
I cover the receiver with my hand. “Will you be quiet? All of you. I’m on the phone.” Then, I remove my hand to apologize to Dean.
“If you need to deal with them,” Dean says, “I can call you later.”
“No, that’s okay. They have me all day and can wait.”
“Gee, thanks,” Theo says, pretending to be mad at me.
“Tell Theo I’ll call him later,” Dean says.
“Dean will call you later. Now, all of you go away so that I can hear him.” I throw my hand out in front of me to shoo them away.
Surprisingly, they listen to me and swim back to the deep end of the pool. I sit down on the chair and back under the umbrella, the sweat dripping down my face. “Sorry about that,” I tell Dean. “They are so annoying sometimes.”
“They care about you, Kitten. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
I sigh. “Nope. So, tell me what you have been up to this week. I haven’t had much time. The boys are always up my ass, and you’ve been working insane hours.”
“The foreman asked me to work overtime. We had to dig ditches all morning to lay sewer pipes this afternoon, and it’s about a million degrees down here.”
“Florida is too humid for me. I don’t know how you can do all that work in the sun.”
“Easy,” he says, laughing, “they pay me. I have to suck it up and do whatever they ask. The overtime money is good, and my mom could use it.”
“I hate that you have to work so much while I lay by the pool and get a tan. This is so unfair.”
“Life isn’t fair, but you have to do what you gotta do.” His deep voice puts me at ease, forcing my eyes shut.
“You should be at a barbecue, not sweating your ass off.”
“It is what it is,” he says. “They pay overtime, which is hard to get around here. I’ll take what I can get.”
His words cause my heart to ache. Dean is exactly the kind of man I should be with, yet I pulled away from him when we were still on campus. A man who would kill himself to make money to feed his family is also the father our baby needs. So, why is it so hard to tell him? I open my mouth to try for the millionth time, and nothing comes out. Not even a squeak.
A beat passes between us before he says, “Things will change soon enough.”
“One more week,” I tell him, smiling like a fool. “You won’t have to work so hard anymore.”
He laughs. “No, I’ll have to work harder. Even if I get a spot on an NHL team, that doesn’t mean my life will be easy. I have to ear
n the right to stay on the team.”
“Yeah, that’s true, but things will get better once you’re drafted. Look at what it did for my dad and brothers.”
“Coming,” Dean yells, holding the phone away from his mouth. “Hey, Kitten. I have to go. Lunch is over, and I have to get back to work.”
“Take care of yourself, Dean.”
“Always.”
Then, the line goes dead, leaving me with the same regret and shame I feel every time we talk. I have to tell Dean about the baby when he comes here for his visit. He needs to know the truth.
Since the NHL Draft was at the United Center, I only had a short drive to Chicago to watch as Dean walked up onto the stage and claimed his place with the Philadelphia Flyers. My heart swelled with pride over his accomplishment. But it also sunk into my stomach when I realized we would be so far apart.
For a while, the news coverage made it look as though the Blackhawks would select Dean in the first round, which is why I told him to wait and see how the Draft turned out before we made any plans. Fate is not our friend. I thought fate would bring us together, only for it to tear us apart.
After my dad and brothers congratulate Dean, welcoming him into the league, he struts toward me with the Flyers hat in his hand. He wraps his arms around me, lifting me up in the process.
“I’m so proud of you, Dean.” I hook my arms around his neck and lean forward to kiss him on the cheek. “I knew you would make it this round. Are you excited about going back to Philly?”
He shrugs. “Yeah, I guess. At least I know the city and Theo and Tucker will be there to fuck off with when I’m home.”
“It sounds weird to hear you say home when talking about Philly.”
“It was both of our homes for the last four years.”
“Speaking of home, are you ready for your week with the Baldwins? Tucker and Theo have been planning your visit all week.”
He raises his eyebrows in curiosity. “Is that a good or bad thing?”
“I guess it depends if you like their surprises.”
More than Friends: (A Friends to Lovers Standalone Romance) Page 10
