Feels Like Family

by Sherryl Woods

  Daisy scrambled off the sofa and ran to the table where the phone rested in its base.

  “Talk,” Mack commanded.

  “In a minute,” Daisy said to him, then added proudly to Helen. “I know my phone number.”

  “Then you can punch it in,” Helen said.

  A moment later, Karen obviously answered because a smile broke across Daisy’s face.

  “Mommy! It’s me.”

  “I talk to Mommy, too!” Max wailed.

  Helen gave Daisy an imploring look that had her handing over the phone. Mack babbled happily for a minute, then Daisy yanked the phone back.

  “Mommy, can you come over?”

  Whatever Karen said caused Daisy to frown and hold the phone out to Helen.

  “She wants to talk to you,” she said, sounding betrayed.

  Helen took the phone. “Hi, Karen.”

  “Is everything okay?” Karen asked worriedly. “Daisy seems upset. Is she crying?”

  “Yes, but everything’s fine, really. Daisy was just missing you a lot. I thought maybe you’d like to join us for breakfast if you have time.”

  “Really?”

  The surprised note in Karen’s voice puzzled her. “Of course. I told you you’d be welcome here anytime.”

  “I know,” Karen said. “But the last time I was over, I had the feeling I was disrupting their new routine. Since you’ve been so great about keeping them, I didn’t want to make things more difficult for you.”

  “Oh, Karen, I’m sorry,” Helen said, chagrined. “I had no idea I’d made you feel that way. Though no one’s a bigger fan of routine than I am, I’ve discovered that sometimes the best things in life happen unexpectedly. Please come over. They need to see their mom.”

  “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes,” Karen promised, sounding as eager as Daisy. “And don’t cook. Let me do it. The least I can do is fix breakfast for all of you.”

  “That would be wonderful,” Helen admitted. Her repertoire of cereal or scrambled eggs had worn thin days ago. “See you soon.”

  “She’s coming?” Daisy asked the instant Helen clicked off the phone.

  “In a few minutes,” Helen confirmed, picking up Mack. “Why don’t you wash your face and brush your teeth while I get dressed? I’ll braid your hair for you, if there’s time.”

  “All right!” Daisy enthused, taking off.

  But rather than going back to her room to change, Helen patted Mack’s back, loving the feel of his warm little body in her arms. For now he was perfectly content to have her hold him, something she knew wouldn’t last once he spotted his mother. It was getting harder and harder for her to accept that these two amazing children were merely on loan to her for a few more weeks at most. They already had a mom, one who was doing everything possible to be able to care for them again.

  Helen couldn’t help admiring how hard Karen was working to get her life in order, but a tiny part of her—one she wouldn’t acknowledge to another breathing soul—hoped it would take a long, long time. Despite her initial bouts of uncertainty and periods of utter and complete exhaustion, motherhood—albeit temporary motherhood—was turning out to be more rewarding than she’d ever imagined.

  Helen seemed to have vanished off the radar. Erik hadn’t seen her for several weeks. He’d finally risked asking Dana Sue if the kids had locked her in a closet or something.

  “No, but she’s definitely in way over her head, though she’d never admit it,” Dana Sue told him. “Annie’s been going over there practically every evening to help out. She says Helen’s in her pj’s and ready for bed five seconds after they get the kids to sleep. For a night owl like Helen, that’s very telling.”

  “Does she regret taking the kids in?” he asked.

  Dana Sue regarded him curiously. “Why so interested, Erik?”

  He feigned indifference. “It’s just unusual not to have her around here at all.”

  “You could always call to check on her,” Dana Sue suggested.

  “Don’t start with me,” he said. “I asked about her. No big deal.”

  Dana Sue grinned. “I think it is. I think you’ve missed her.”

  He rolled his eyes and headed toward the storeroom. Dana Sue called after him.

  “No, she doesn’t regret taking the kids. She says it’s the best thing she ever did.”

  Erik wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Sure, he was glad she was enjoying the motherhood experience, but if it had solidified her desire to have a child of her own, it meant there was no future for the two of them. That bothered him more than he wanted to admit. What bothered him even more was the realization that Dana Sue was right. He did miss Helen.

  A few days after his conversation with Dana Sue, Erik was still stewing over the discovery that Helen’s absence was getting to him when he ran into her at Wharton’s. She was staring despondently into a cup of coffee she’d barely touched. He slid into the booth opposite her. Given her apparent mood, he was surprised there wasn’t an empty sundae dish in front of her.

  “Tough court case today?” he asked.

  She shook her head.

  “Kids acting up?”

  She sighed heavily. “No, they’re great.”

  “Then why do you look as if you’ve just lost your best friend?”

  “I spoke with Dr. McDaniels today about Karen.”

  He stiffened. Was there more trouble on that front he hadn’t heard about? Dana Sue might keep it from him, since she knew he was still maintaining a wait-and-see attitude about Karen.

  “Oh?” he said casually. “What’s going on with her?”

  “Dr. McDaniels says Karen’s doing great, better than expected, in fact. She says the kids can go back home to live with their mom in another week or two. She’s convinced Karen’s back on track.”

  She looked at him with an expression he couldn’t quite read. It was almost as if she didn’t want to believe that the psychologist had gotten it right.

  “What do you think?” she asked.

  The question confirmed his suspicion, but he knew his reply wasn’t going to be what she wanted to hear. “I know she’s been showing up at work when she’s supposed to. She’s working harder than ever and her mood’s vastly improved. I’d have to agree with the doctor. It’s about time for her to be reunited with the kids.”

  Helen sighed. “That’s the way it looks to me, too. I think at first they may only stay with her on her days off, but it won’t be long before they go home for good.”

  “I would have thought you’d be thrilled to be getting your life and your house back,” he said.

  “I’d have thought the same thing a month ago,” she admitted. “I had no idea I’d start to care about them so much. Letting go is going to be harder than I expected.”

  “They belong with their mom,” he reminded her.

  “Believe me, I know that,” she said. “That doesn’t make it any easier.”

  “No, I don’t imagine it does, but what you’ve done for all of them has been incredible. That should leave you with a tremendous sense of satisfaction.”

  “Oh, I’m a real saint,” she said with an edge of bitterness that surprised him.

  He stared at her. “Okay, what’s going on? Is this about the whole baby thing?”

  To his shock, when she lifted her gaze to meet his, her eyes were swimming with tears. She nodded.

  Erik told himself he shouldn’t let her get to him, but how could he help it? She looked totally miserable. Instinctively, he reached across the table and took her hand in his. “Helen, you can do something about that if it’s what you really want. Mack and Daisy aren’t the only kids out there who need a temporary home or a permanent one, for that matter. Become a foster mother. Or adopt. Do whatever it takes to fulfill that need if it’s that important to you.”

  “You don’t think I’m being selfish?”

  “No, I think adopting kids or becoming a foster parent is tremendously generous. You do realize it will change your life,
though, right? From the beginning you’ve known that Daisy and Mack would eventually go home again, but adopting a child of your own will be forever. It won’t always be a lark.”

  She gave him a wobbly grin. “I’ve been digging Cheerios out of the sofa cushions for a month now. The guest bathroom is usually under water and littered with rubber ducks. I know every song in half a dozen children’s movies by heart. I think I’m starting to grasp the impact of having a child in my life.”

  “You’ve been lucky. They haven’t gotten sick. Your schedule hasn’t been turned upside down. Kids are unpredictable and you like to lead a very predictable life. The past couple of months have been an adventure for you, but there’s been an end in sight.”

  She frowned at his caution. “I know that. I get that I can’t just turn a kid in if he gets to be too much trouble. I get that it’s a lifelong commitment.”

  “Do you really?”

  “Why are you so supportive one second and so negative the next?”

  “Because I’ve been around you enough to know that you like order, not chaos. And by your own admission, you’ve never made a commitment to a relationship that’s lasted for more than a few dates.”

  “Are you saying you don’t think I’m cut out to be a mother?” she asked.

  “I would never presume to say that. I’m just saying that you’re anticipating Mack and Daisy leaving and feeling the loss right now. It’s natural to want to grab on to a replacement to fill that empty spot in your life. Just be sure you’re doing it because it’s the right thing for you for the long haul and not as some temporary fix because you’re going to be a little lonely without Mack and Daisy underfoot.”

  Her scowl suggested that his comment had hit a little too close to home.

  “I need to get to work,” she said stiffly, starting to edge out of the booth.

  He reached for her hand. “Hold on,” he commanded. “I didn’t say any of that to be mean.”

  “I know you didn’t. You just think I’m too selfish and self-absorbed to be a mother.”

  He stared at her incredulously. “I did not say that. I think you’re an amazingly competent woman and capable of doing anything you set out to do. You can multitask with the best of them. I was just playing devil’s advocate. If you’re going to jump into parenting, you need to know exactly what you’re in for. Kids need a parent who’s totally committed to giving them what they need and what they deserve.”

  “I know that, probably even better than you do,” she told him. “I’ve been weighing the pros and cons for this for so long I’m practically dizzy from it.”

  Suddenly her feisty attitude faded and she gave him a resigned look. “But that was all theory, you know what I mean? Having Mack and Daisy was real. Taking them in was kind of an experiment, to see if I could handle it. I didn’t expect to get so attached. I didn’t expect them to turn my life upside down, to make me want so much more than what I already have. It scares me how much I want children. I’ve always been so independent. I liked it that way. Now it feels as if I’ve spent the last twenty years just going through the motions, not really living at all.”

  Erik could understand that. Real life always tended to be a whole lot messier than you expected. He saw that all the time with the wedding receptions that were planned with such attention to detail, only to have a supplier fail to deliver something they’d been counting on, or the bride suddenly have a change of heart about the menu one week ahead of the date.

  People with kids or in the restaurant-and-catering business pretty much needed to have a go-with-the-flow attitude or they’d wind up with ulcers or an early heart attack. Embracing change and unpredictability wasn’t easy, though. Helen, with her previously well-ordered existence, had just bumped up against that truth and discovered she could cope, after all. She seemed as surprised as he was.

  “I know you didn’t ask me what you should do, but I’ll tell you anyway,” he said. “I know all too well how short life can be and how unexpectedly things can change. If you really want something, you need to grab it. Don’t wait until it’s too late and wind up living with regrets.”

  “The way you have?” she asked.

  Erik nodded. “The way I have.”

  He would regret to his dying day that he hadn’t agreed to having children when Samantha had first broached the subject right after their marriage. They’d been in their twenties then, just starting out, struggling to make ends meet. He’d wanted to get their marriage and their finances on a solid footing before having a baby. Samantha had reluctantly agreed to wait.

  Maybe if they’d tried sooner, when they were both a little younger, things would have turned out differently and he’d have both his wife and a family.

  The sad truth was, though, that he couldn’t go back and change that and he’d never know if it would have made a difference or not. He’d go to his grave wondering about that, about the night Sam and his child had died, about so many things.

  He met Helen’s troubled gaze. “If you want a child, if you’ve considered it from every angle, then do it, Helen. You’ve got a terrific support system. You won’t be in it alone. And you’ve got the financial resources to hire all the help you need. Don’t let your life be ruled by doubts and uncertainty. That’s not who you are.”

  The smile that broke across her face was startlingly radiant. It reminded him of the smile on Sam’s face when he’d finally agreed to start trying for a baby of their own.

  “Thank you,” Helen said quietly. “You have no idea how you’ve helped me crystallize everything I’ve been thinking.”

  She stood up and this time he let her go. When she bent down and pressed a kiss to his cheek, he felt a surprising burst of longing. It was more than the sexual desire he’d felt before around Helen. It was partly a need to be included in this new life she was planning for herself, and partly regret that it would never happen. She was heading in a direction he would never again dare to go. He’d accepted that he would never have a family of his own. He’d convinced himself he didn’t deserve it.

  Even knowing that, though, he couldn’t seem to stop himself from making an outrageous suggestion just to see how she’d react. It would be a test of just how flexible and daring she’d become.

  “I have an idea,” he began innocently before she could walk away.

  “Yes?”

  “Why don’t I come by later tonight and bring some camping gear?”

  She stared at him. “Camping gear?” She sounded as if she were testing very unfamiliar words.

  “Sure, a tent, a grill to cook some burgers or roast marshmallows. The weather’s perfect for camping out in the backyard. The kids will love it.” He had to fight a smile at the horrified expression she was trying hard to mask. “You game?”

  He could tell from her expression that she’d never been camping in her life, that the idea held no appeal now.

  “You really think it would be good for the kids?” she asked doubtfully.

  He nodded. “Mack and Daisy will be fine. What about you?”

  She seemed to be waging a debate with herself, but finally she smiled. “I think you’ve lost your mind, but sure, why not?” she said gamely. “It’ll be another adventure.”

  Erik admired her bravado. “Great. I’ll stop by after lunch and put the tent up in your backyard. You guys can start enjoying the campout before I get there. It’s Friday, so I could be late.”

  “I’ll manage ’til you get there. The kids can take naps—that way they can stay up later.” She gave him a warning glance. “But just so there’s no misunderstanding, I draw the line at ghost stories.”

  “I figured as much,” he said. “How do you feel about bugs?”

  “I try to avoid them at all costs,” she said with a little shiver.

  Erik swallowed a laugh. “I’ll bring spray.”

  “What was I thinking?” she murmured as she walked away.

  “It’s going to be fun,” he called after her.

  She
turned back, her expression doubtful. “If it’s not, I’ll be in my silk pj’s and tucked into my own comfy bed five seconds after you get there.”

  Erik very nearly groaned. That image was not what he’d needed to have planted in his head just hours before he intended to spend a friendly, totally platonic night with her. Then again, from the moment he’d uttered the suggestion, he’d pretty much known the night was going to be torture.

  Helen gathered up her briefcase and a stack of legal papers at four-thirty that afternoon and headed out of her office. Barb glanced up from the computer on her desk, her expression startled.

  “You’re leaving?” she asked incredulously.

  “No more appointments,” Helen said. “Check your calendar.”

  “But even so, you never leave here before six.”

  “I never had two kids at home before, either. I’m adapting to that. And Frances needs to leave early because she’s going to visit her son and his family. I said I’d take over no later than five.”

  Barb regarded her with curiosity. “How’s the whole instant family thing? Everything still okay? You haven’t said much the past couple of weeks, so I assumed everything was going smoothly.”

  Helen sat down beside the desk. “It’s been going surprisingly well. Mack and Daisy are so curious about everything. They’re smart and energetic. I’m worn out by bedtime, but it’s the good kind of exhaustion, you know?”

  “Oh, I know,” Barb said. “To be honest, I never thought you’d last this long.”

  “What choice did I have?” Helen replied. “I had to adapt.”

  “No, you didn’t have to. You chose to. There’s a huge difference. You actually volunteered to give those kids a home while their mother got the help she needed.” A worried frown creased her brow. “What’s going to happen when they go back home to their mother? Are you going to be okay?”

  “Of course,” Helen said. “That’s been the plan all along.”

  “Plans are one thing,” her secretary told her. “Emotions tend to be less tidy. These kids have managed to sneak into your heart, haven’t they?”