It was only then she realized what it meant to love someone: when the other person’s happiness becomes more important than your own. Those thoughts were like a sucker punch to her heart. She finally realized what it was like to truly, deeply love someone. And he is so broken he can’t return that love. The knowledge was bittersweet. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. What a horrible saying. What about you can’t miss what you never had? So much easier on the heart.
Casey knew she made the right decision, but now she needed to make another one, equally as hard. I’m leaving now. I can’t stay in this house, not another minute. My broken heart won’t heal here.
She could call Mark, but what would she say? I need to go home and lick my wounds? No. She needed to keep him out of it as much as possible. She thought about calling Sissie, but that was worse than calling Mark.
No, she needed to do this on her own. Grabbing her cell phone and laptop from the table, she headed out the door. Most of her things were still in McLean’s old pickup. Taking the F350 would be a wiser move on her part, but they probably needed that vehicle. As she hopped inside and started the truck, it backfired and stalled. Turning the key again it started and continued running. She shook her head and laughed softly to herself. No one is going to miss this old thing. Putting it in drive, she pulled away and thought of the long drive ahead of her.
Looking into the rearview mirror, the house faded away. Never before had she felt such emptiness. It was so hard to close this chapter in her life, especially when she just started it. Doing the right thing was far from the easy thing.
Time to go home.
“Where the hell is she, McLean?” Derrick barked, his fist ready to pound on him. One thing he’d asked of him, just one: to keep an eye on her.
“Derrick, she’s a grown woman. What exactly did you want me to do? Tie her down and make her stay?”
He glared at him. His anger was misguided, and he knew it. McLean had no idea what was going on. Honestly, he didn’t either. All he had was what Ryan told him. For all they knew, Donna had blown this all way out of proportion. But it wasn’t a risk he was willing to take.
Leaving McLean alone in the bunkhouse, he hopped in the truck and headed to the main house. There had to be a note or something he missed.
Why didn’t I call her to let her know I was coming back? Damn it. I should’ve never left. If anything happens to her it’s my fucking fault.
Derrick flew back into the house and called out for her. “Casey! Casey!”
An unknown man came around the corner and said sternly, “She’s not here.”
“Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my house?” The only thing holding him back from slamming the guy into the wall was this man obviously had been looking for Casey as well.
“Her brother sent me to keep an eye on her. Looks like she hightailed it out before I got here.”
Why would her construction worker brother send one of his buddies to watch her? Something wasn’t adding up. He’d already had a strange feeling about Mark; now he was sure something wasn’t as it appeared. Derrick looked the guy over. He was hard-looking, and if he was right, that bulge under his jacket meant he was packing.
“Collins was under the impression you were here watching over her. Where the hell have you been?”
He didn’t like anybody questioning him about his whereabouts, especially in his own home. Apparently this guy didn’t know where Casey was anymore than he did. “If Mark has any questions, tell him to get his ass here and ask me himself. Now if you don’t mind, get the fuck off my property before I throw you out.”
The man glared at him, but before he said anything, the beep of his phone stopped him. He pulled it out and put it to his ear listening. After a minute, he said, “Want me to bring him with me?”
Derrick realized right then and there that this shit just got real. Ryan had given him a warning that things could get bad, but he’d never envisioned walking into his house to find someone there, looking for Casey. She could be in serious danger. Don’t let me lose another that I lo . . . Oh. My. God. I have fallen in love with her . . . shit, shit, shit. How did I let this happen? Now she is in danger because of me.
He wasn’t about to go anywhere with him. All he wanted to do was find Casey, bring her back home, and protect her. And tell you how much I love you, sweetness. Why the hell didn’t I realize this before? Maybe if I had you would’ve stayed. Now it’s too late.
“Let’s go.”
“What makes you think I’ll go anywhere with you?”
“The look on your face. If you don’t want to see her again, stay behind.”
The guy turned and headed back out the door. Everyone fucking talks in riddles. There’s no way these guys are contractors. At least, not in construction.
Derrick wasn’t going to leave the house without being on a level playing field. Right now he wasn’t even sure Mark had sent this guy. He needed to get his pistol from his office. Nothing added up, and Derrick liked to be prepared for anything. I’ve had enough surprises this week; I don’t need any more.
He threw open the door, went to the gun rack, and unlocked it. Grabbing the gun, he tucked it in his back waistband of his dress pants. He looked so out of place still dressed in his suit, but comfort was the least of his worries at the moment.
When he went to leave, something on the desk caught his eye. Penny. Kim. He knew he hadn’t left that picture out. It had been years since it sat on the desk like that. Walking over to the desk, he picked the picture up. My girls. God, I miss you both so damn much. When he put it back down, he saw the book which had his poem he’d written for Kim in it. He remembered writing it when she was a newborn baby, and he had needed to leave her on his first of many business trips. Each time he told himself it was going to be the last one. But instead, the trips became more frequent. What a fool I was. I thought I could make up for lost time later. If only I’d known later would never come.
Why was all this out? Had Casey decided he needed to be reminded of what he’d lost? Not one day had gone by that he’d forgotten. Never will.
He noticed a paper sticking out from the book. A goodbye note from Casey wasn’t really what he wanted to read at the moment. Whatever she wanted to say to him, he was going to make her say it to his face. Oh the irony. I never gave her that opportunity. Now I’m demanding it. I’m such an asshole.
Putting the small book in his breast pocket, he left the office and headed toward the front door. Before he left his house, he heard the sound of a chopper flying low overhead. Once he was outside, he saw Mark hop out, dressed in black from head to toe, no different than the man he saw earlier. Mark, on the other hand, wasn’t hiding the fact he was carrying. His weapons were strapped in two shoulder holsters. Who the hell are you?
Derrick jogged toward the chopper. Mark stood there waiting. The look on his face was all business, but his eyes burned with fury. If Mark thought he could intimidate Derrick, he was wrong. He didn’t care who or what they were; no one was going to stop him from being with Casey. But he understood where he was coming from. She had been on his ranch, under his protection, and she was missing. I wouldn’t be too happy to see me either.
Mark reached into the chopper and pulled out a vest, tossing it to him. Derrick caught the bullet-proof vest but didn’t put it on.
“You get in under one condition.”
“What’s that?” Derrick asked, meeting Mark’s glare.
“You stay the hell out of the way of my men. We don’t know if she’s alone, and I don’t want her getting hurt because you can’t keep your head down. Understood?”
Derrick took orders from no one. He’d agree for now, but if push came to shove, he would lay his life down for Casey, and neither Mark nor his men would be able to stop him.
Once he nodded, Mark got out of the way, and Derrick climbed into the chopper. Only then realization hit him: Casey was in trouble because she’d been trying to help him. If s
he hadn’t asked for the report to get him the answers he’d been searching for, she would be safe. Is this what loving someone does? Cost them everything? He couldn’t let that happen to another person. He needed to find her, make sure she was safe, and then let her go. In just the short amount of time they’d known each other, he’d caused enough turmoil. She was better off without him. By the look of disdain on her brother’s face, even he saw that.
Chapter Seventeen
She knew taking that old truck was risky, but she’d been driving for hours without an issue. There was plenty of gas, and it wasn’t overheating. A few miles back it appeared that the headlights were dimming. When she pulled over and got out to check them, the truck wouldn’t restart. Looking under the hood was going to be a waste of her time. You would think growing up in a house full of men, I would know something about cars. But all I can do is pump my own gas.
The night air was cool and refreshing. As soon as daylight came, it would heat up mighty fast. Every time she looked at her cell phone it said the same thing: no service. Leaving in the evening sounded great when she thought about the lack of air conditioning, but now it wasn’t just a poor choice but outright stupid. Maybe she’d watched too many missing-person shows lately, but there was no way she was leaving this truck. At least, not willingly.
Service in the area had gone in and out so she wasn’t sure she was still on the right road. What is it with me and GPS? I can’t be the only one who Siri tells to take a right and ends up directing me into the woods or to some lake. Maybe she’s trying to tell me I need a vacation.
Picking up her iPhone from the passenger seat, she crossed her fingers, but once again it said no service. Figures. I’ve got a truckful of technology that is absolutely useless.
It was pitch black. Not a street light or house light anywhere nearby. She debated if she wanted to get out and start walking. It was possible there was a house farther up the road, but she’d traveled several miles earlier without seeing any sign of life. Texas is big and beautiful, but nothing is close.
She sat back in the seat, frustrated with herself. None of this would’ve happened if I’d just listened to Mark and stayed put on the ranch. But no, I have to try to be Miss Independent and do things my way. Show everyone I don’t need anyone to take care of me. Well, look at me now. Sitting in a truck scared to death and all alone. Much like I’d been on the ranch. Scared. Alone.
It wasn’t like her to get all emotional over something as simple as a vehicle breakdown. But she knew that was just the icing on the cake. Everything had been building up to this moment, causing her to fall apart. Tears began to fall, one then two, and before she could stop it, she was bawling her eyes out.
Mom. Dad. Why can’t you be here? Why do you need to be so far away so I can’t take care of you guys and you can’t take care of me? I need you right now. And instead you’re all the way on the other side of the world, not here to tell me everything is going to be okay, that my heart will heal, and I’ll forget all about Derrick. Instead, you left Mark here to look after me, but really, sometimes a girl just needs a hug, not a bodyguard.
Her brother meant well, and she knew that. His way of showing his love sometimes came across as overbearing and controlling. He was used to being in charge, and she gave up or gave in long ago, knowing he’d never sit back and let her live her own life. I don’t know what you’d do, Mark, if you had a wife and daughter. I can just picture what type of freedom they’d have. None.
She couldn’t help but think of Derrick. He’d had both and lost them tragically. He’ll never recover from that. How could he? Casey rested her head on the steering wheel as her body shook with sobs. There was so much in her life she’d lost control over: her father’s illness, Derrick’s loss, and now her own feelings. When did her plain and ordinary life go astray? If only she could turn back the clock six months and wipe this slate clean. Maybe then she wouldn’t be in this situation. In love with someone who can’t love me back. Derrick, why couldn’t I stop myself? You told me you couldn’t be what I wanted, and yet I ignored you. This is what I get for listening to my heart and not my head. You were right, not feeling any emotions is so much easier than what I feel right now.
Still, she was going to fight to find the answers, even if it meant being indebted to Mark for life. I just have to live long enough to pay him back for his help.
A chill ran through her as she thought back to his words. “Stay on the ranch with Derrick. Don’t be alone.” Oh, if he finds out, I’m going to get an earful. So I better make it back to Buffalo in one piece.
Casey saw headlights approaching from behind. Thank God. Maybe I can hitch a ride. Then, as quickly as she thought it, she remembered there are worse things than being alone, and that would be getting in a vehicle with the wrong person. Ducking down so it wouldn’t look as though anyone was in the truck, she lay on the seat. When the car passed by without stopping she thought about getting back up, but the truth was she was exhausted, both mentally and physically.
Stretching out across the entire front seat, she folded her arms and closed her eyes. But rest didn’t come. All she could picture was Derrick’s face as they were making love the night before, hear him calling her sweetness. She remembered the moment he’d said, “Trust me.” She’d never felt so vulnerable in her life. The way he looked into her eyes and spoke so softly to her felt like it went straight to her soul. I saw so much emotion and passion in his eyes as we’d made love, there is no way it could have been just a fling for him. But am I just wishing and hoping he felt the connection as well? Is it possible he truly is incapable of anything more? Could the scars of his past be so deep that he’s running scared, afraid of any emotions? Maybe I’m a fool for not being able to treat something so freaking sweet and tender as a fling, but I’m not that type of person. Damn, this hurts so much. How am I supposed to forget? The tears started all over again. He can’t live without Penny and Kim. I don’t know how I’m going to move forward without him, and we’d only been together one night. Oh, Derrick, I love you so much. I don’t want to, but I do.
Forcing herself to close her eyes, she slowly fell into a restless sleep. Her dreams were haunted by thoughts of every touch they’d shared. If all she had was her memories, then she’d hold on to them as long as she could. I love you, Derrick. I love you too, my sweetness.
“Collins, the signal stopped.”
“What do you mean, stopped?” Mark shouted to the pilot over the noise of the chopper.
“It was strong then nothing. Maybe in a dead zone.”
Derrick sat listening, but his gut was churning. What if it wasn’t as simple as losing the signal? What if something had happened to her, and that’s why the signal had been lost? His entire body was tense. If he knew how to fly the chopper, he’d have thrown them all out and searched for her himself.
“Bring this bird down where you had her last coordinates,” Mark instructed.
The chopper immediately took a sharp tilt to the left and downward. Looking out the opened chopper doors he couldn’t see a damn thing. He was strapped in with his back to the cockpit and wished he could see what was going on, but he wasn’t about to unlatch his buckle and fall out with the doors open. The other guys sat there as though they did this every day of their life. Maybe they do. What exactly is it these jokers do for a living? I’ll ask after I have Casey home and safe with me.
“A truck appears to be stopped on the side of the road up ahead. Want me to take her down?”
“Not too close. We don’t know if she’s alone,” Mark informed the pilot.
God. I wasn’t thinking she might not have left on her own. Maybe she was taken. “We’ve got to get to her now.”
Mark turned to him. “No we. You’re staying in the chopper. You’re only going to be a liability if you come. Let us do our job.”
This was no time for a pissing match, but if Mark thought for one second he gave a shit what he thought, he was mistaken. Casey was in trouble because of him
. There was no way he was going to sit back and wait to find out if she was okay.
The chopper landed ahead of where they said the truck was stopped. Derrick remained seated as Mark and two other guys hopped out. The pilot stayed inside. This is bullshit. He unbuckled and climbed out, keeping a good distance behind the men. It scared him, watching them approach the truck with M16s locked and loaded.
Mark turned back and saw him. He knew better than to send him back. He put his fingers to his lips to tell him to be quiet, then down. Derrick might work in an office, but he was no fool. No way he’d do anything to jeopardize the rescue effort.
They hung close by the brush and trees, as far off the road as possible to go unnoticed. As the men came upon the truck, Mark pointed, sending one to the back and one to the right; he took the driver’s side.
Mark swung his rifle down to his side and pulled his sidearm out of its holster. With his hand on the door handle, he opened it quickly with his gun ready to shoot whoever he needed to.
A high-pitched scream rang through the night air. Fuck, no. Derrick bolted to the truck. Before he even got there, Casey had been pulled out by her brother. Weapons still drawn, the men were on high alert of their surroundings.
Southern Spice (Southern Desires Series Book 1) Page 18
