“Well, I was thinking of trying some relaxation treatments, but there’s not a lot of time for that. Maybe next time. For the rest of the time we have, I’d like you to paint me a picture of what it was like waking up in that hospital room in New Zealand. Just close your eyes, and think back. It might be painful, but I want you to imagine you were back there and tell me what you feel, the more detail you can remember, the better”.
David’s voice droned on gently for a while, and I found myself almost in a dream state, and cast my mind back, drawing on old, painful memories that I hadn’t thought about since Michelle was born.
Auckland, New Zealand, two and a half years ago.
My head is sore. My body hurts too. What have I been doing that I could hurt so much? Why is it so dark? Why can’t I open my eyes?
I put my hands up to my face, and my mouth opens in shock as I feel bandages over my face. I start making a shrieking sound as I realise I can’t see. What has happened? Am I blind? I feel a hand pat my arm, and a soothing voice begins to seep through my panic. I stop wailing so I can listen to the voice. Someone is holding my hand, and squeezing gently as the voice speaks.
“Mrs Whittaker. Helen. Don’t panic. There’s nothing wrong with your eyes, the bandages are only to cover up the sutures to keep them clean. Tomorrow when we change the bandages, you can try opening your eyes just to satisfy yourself that you can still see. It’s good that you’re awake again, I was starting to worry about you a little bit. I just want to go to tell the doctor that you’re awake, if he’s still in the hospital he will probably want to look in on you”.
The hand gently laid my hand down on my chest, and with a last, reassuring pat, let go, and I heard soft footsteps scurrying off. As the door opened, I heard noises, gentle murmurings, footsteps and a squeak that sounded like a trolley going past my door. I sniffed, smelling that weird, antiseptic smell, and the odour of food. I’m in a hospital, and it must be meal time. I patted my hands over my face and body, satisfying myself that I seemed to still have the right number of bits and pieces. While patting along my arm, I found an IV line. Was I in an accident? Is anything broken? OH MY GOD – I started to panic again – did they x-ray me? Is my baby ok? I didn’t get to tell him, he wouldn’t have known to tell them not to x-ray me. Panicking while running my hands over my abdomen, I started to breathe deeply, and between hyperventilating, and the pain of whatever injuries I still had, I must have blacked out again.
Melbourne, Australia, current day.
I opened my eyes, starting forward in my seat. My hands were still clutched over my abdomen, and I ran them over my clothes, searching frantically for my baby. I realized that I could see, and looked up, to see David watching me intently. Realising where I was, I put a hand over my chest to still my breathing, and sat back in my chair, trying to relax again.
“Well, that was enlightening”, David said quietly. “Do you remember what you said?”
“Did I say anything? I thought I was just dreaming”.
“No, I asked you to tell me what you felt, and you did. So you knew you were pregnant, but we thought that might be the case. You had a doctor’s appointment the day you went missing, the day you were unwell, remember? So you probably had your pregnancy confirmed then. That’s not the interesting part though. Remember that thought – you didn’t get to tell him, and he wouldn’t have known to tell them not to x-ray you – what do you think that meant?”
Staring at David in shock, I blinked a few times.
“Mitch. I was thinking about Mitch. But why couldn’t I remember him then?”
“That’s something we need to work on next time. You’ve had a breakthrough already, but you look pretty traumatized. I don’t want to push you too hard straight away. I’d like you to come back tomorrow, same time, is that still good for you?”
My head was spinning as I let myself back in to the apartment. Although I still felt quite trembly and shaky, I smiled as I heard Michelle’s little squeal. It was quite late, so she would have eaten and should have had her bath by now, I thought, but then the smile slipped from my face as I heard a male voice that wasn’t Mitch. I steeled myself as I moved through the apartment, sure that I was about to meet someone else who would make my life miserable. I paused in the doorway as I took in the chaos that reigned in the lounge room. Michelle was running around in a nappy only, with Mitch trying to catch her, a singlet held in his hands, and pyjamas haphazardly dropped on a chair. In the doorway leading to the kitchen was a man who was wearing a very expensive looking suit, wearing a smile as he watch Mitch unsuccessfully try to coax Michelle out from under the coffee table, where she had just wedged herself. I cleared my throat, and all three of them looked at me. Michelle wriggled out from under the coffee table and launched herself at me.
“Mummy, mummy, mummy”, she giggled, burying her face in my shoulder, then turning her head to survey Mitch, who looked decidedly worse for wear. His suit pants were splashed with water, and his formerly white shirt had splodges of some unwanted food on the front. My lips twitched, and I broke into a smile as Mitch’s frown deepened.
“How on earth do you get clothes on her after her bath? She’s slippery and fast, does she do this every night?”
“Mitch, she’s just testing you because you haven’t done this before. She knows better with me. What on earth is that on your shirt?”
Mitch looked down at himself in disgust.
“Mashed vegetables. Michelle didn’t want them and I tried the whole airplane with the spoon thing. It didn’t work”.
I laughed as I took the singlet from Mitch and put it on Michelle after sitting her on a chair. As I quietly scooped up the pyjamas and put them on Michelle, I heard the man clear his throat.
“Oh, I forgot you were there Steven. Helen, you probably don’t remember Steven, my lawyer?”
I looked up as I did up the buttons on the pyjama jacket.
“Sorry, no, I don’t remember. Don’t take it personally though, I don’t remember anyone from before”.
“Really?” asked Steven as he stepped closer. “No-one at all? Mitch said so, but it seemed so unreal. How does that work, anyway? No fragments of memories or anything?”
I stood up, placing Michelle on my hip and swaying gently from side to side out of habit.
“Well, up until tonight it was a complete blank, but I’m working with a therapist that Mitch found, and I have hopes that one day I’ll get my memories back. I had a hint tonight of something, but nothing concrete”.
“Helen, that’s wonderful. Steven, if you don’t mind, we’ll finish up tomorrow, I’d rather talk to Helen about this if you don’t mind?”
“No worries, Mitch. I understand. Nice to meet you again, Helen”.
I watched Steven leave, after he gave me a little wave, a little unsure about him. It seemed that I had found another person who worked with Mitch who didn’t hate me, but we hadn’t talked enough to be sure, and I wasn’t ready to trust him yet. I was still wearing the smile when Mitch returned to the room after closing the door to find me righting the room again, while Michelle sat yawning on the couch.
“It looks like the little demon tired herself out with her antics tonight. Would you mind if I took a shower while you put her down? If you don’t need a hand, I’d much rather get changed, and I think I have some mashed vegies in my hair too”.
I laughed as I watched Mitch run his fingers through the back of his hair, shaking my head a little.
“You go. I can manage bedtime. I don’t think it’s going to take long for Michelle to pass out tonight”.
I was just leaving Michelle’s room when Mitch came out of what I thought must be the master bedroom, towel drying his hair. My eyes widened as I took in his form, clad in more casual clothes than I had ever seen him in before. On seeing my scrutiny, he paused.
“What? Did I miss something?” Mitch asked, toweling his hair more vigorously.
“No, I just didn’t think you owned clothes as casual as jeans
or t-shirts. I’ve only ever seen you in a suit”.
Mitch grimaced.
“Really? I know I’ve been a bit behind, with everything that’s gone on, but on the weekends too? That’s terrible. That explains why my staff have been getting a bit edgy lately, I’ve obviously been driving them too hard too. I think it’s time to draw a line around weekends, for everyone’s sake. But enough about me, I want to hear about what happened today, did you remember anything?”
Mitch started heading into the lounge room, and I followed him, watching his bum as he walked. I had never seen it in jeans, and I followed him, mesmerized by the play of muscles under the denim. I had to shake my head as I started wondering how those muscles might feel under my hands, both if I was to pinch him as he walked, but more mouth wateringly, how they would feel if I cupped them as he made love to me. When Mitch spun around and plopped onto the couch, patting the cushion beside him as he folded up his towel and dropped it on the coffee table, I had to take a deep breath and remind myself to put one foot in front of the other to propel myself across the room. I sat down heavily and stared straight ahead for a moment.
“Helen? Is anything wrong?”
“No, I was just trying to collect my thoughts. I don’t really know what happened, I think that David made me relax until I was almost in a trance, but he got me to remember the first few minutes after I woke up in the hospital. I never remembered it that way before, but I’m sure that I was thinking about you, about how you didn’t know about me being pregnant, then I blacked out again”.
“Really?” Mitch sat forward excitedly, “You remembered me? But I thought you forgot me?”
“I think I remembered you that first time, but not when I woke up the second time, I don’t know why. David and I are going to keep working on it tomorrow. I’m looking forward to it. I want to remember, you do know that, don’t you?”
Without a word, Mitch leaned over and put his arms around me, pulling me to him. I stiffened up at first, this was the most we had touched each other since that first night in Auckland, when he had grabbed my arm, and I hadn’t been expecting it, but he felt so solid and warm, and so familiar, that I relaxed into his embrace. Mitch started speaking, and with each word, I felt his breath ruffling my hair.
“I know you do. I know things have been tough for you, and you’ve been amazing. You’ve had a lot to deal with over the last couple of years, and you’ve just kept going. I admire you Helen, even when I was angry with you, I still admired what you were doing. I’ve been thinking for a while that I owe you an apology. I was wrong to ever think that you could be dishonest with me. I don’t know what happened, but I know that the Helen I fell in love with and married was the real you. The Helen that I was afraid you were, was not real, and I never should have doubted you. I hope you can forgive me in time”.
I scrambled to put some distance between us, and sat so that I could look at Mitch. For the first time, I could see the raw hurt in his eyes, and I hated it. I grabbed his hands.
“I already do, Mitch. I can’t understand what you went through when I went missing, and then you were suspected of murdering me, that must have been awful, and then to find out that I was alive the whole time? I can understand how you must have felt betrayed, I really can. There’s really nothing to forgive, because I know you’ve must know that I wouldn’t have done that to you, and I know you’re trying to do the best you can dealing with a wife who doesn’t remember you. I wish I knew why I can’t remember, but I can’t. I just hope that David helps me remember before too much longer, I hate not being able to remember what things were like between us. It must have been good for you to want to work so hard to have it back”.
Mitch’s eyes had dropped to my lips as I spoke, and when he raised them to my eyes again, I knew that I wasn’t seeing hurt any more, I could see desire in his eyes. Without being able to remember, I knew that I had seen that look before, and before I thought about what I was doing, I crawled over to him so that I was kneeling on the couch next to him, and leaned down my head to his, meaning to brush my lips softly over his. Our kiss started out gentle, but when my tongue poked out to brush against Mitch’s lips, his lips opened and my tongue slipped into his mouth. Before long our tongues were dueling, exploring each others’ mouths and lips, and Mitch broke off to kiss and nip his way down my cheek, neck and along my collar bone. My hands were busy, and made their way under his t-shirt to run over his chest and back, skimming the warm skin as I kissed whatever part of his face I could reach as he nuzzled my neck. Suddenly Mitch’s warmth was gone, and I found myself looking up at him. My face was almost on a level with his groin, and I could see the bulge straining against his jeans. I looked up to Mitch’s face, to see him looking down at me, his eyes glittering darkly. Mitch held out his hand.
“It’s been too long Helen. I know we should wait until you remember, but I don’t want to wait anymore. It’s up to you. If you come with me now, there’s no turning back”.
Mitch held out his hand, and as I took it, he hoisted me up until I was in the circle of his arms. We kissed again, this time it was Mitch’s hands running freely over me, mine were trapped against his chest. Finally with a muffled groan, Mitch put his hands under my bum and lifted me higher, so that my feet left the ground. I lifted my legs, wrapping them around his back, and Mitch turned and started walking down the hallway, kissing me deeply as he walked. His tongue thrust in and out of my mouth, making me think about what we were about to do, and I felt a pool of heat gather in my groin as with each step, the bulge in Mitch’s jeans rubbed against me. When we reached whatever room Mitch was headed to, he slowly lowered me to my feet, and with barely a pause, his hands went to the waistband of my skirt, and then he was lowering it and my panties to the floor, kissing his way down my abdomen as he crouched, and then nuzzling my mound, humming as he placed his hands on my cheeks, pulling me in to him. Not having anything else to do with my hands, I whipped off my top and my bra, so that after a pause, as Mitch worked his way back up my body, he was able to nuzzle on my breasts. Due to our height difference, Mitch had to bend to put his mouth around my breasts, and with a frustrated groan, he picked me up and laid me on the bed so that he had better access. While Mitch suckled on my breasts, one of his hands moved lower down, and he began gently rubbing on my clitoris while I moaned and writhed under the double attack of his mouth and hand. My hands clutched at his shirt, and I kept trying to pluck and pull it from him, until finally Mitch let my breast fall from his mouth and looked up at me.
“Get it all off”, I softly implored, “I want to feel your skin against mine”.
With a smile, Mitch moved off me and stood by the side of the bed, swiftly disposing of his t-shirt, then pausing with his hands on the button of his jeans, watching me as I watched him greedily. With a low chuckle, he stepped out of his jeans and underpants and stood over me for a moment, letting me admire the sight of his erection, jutting out proudly from his body, with a little bead of moisture already at the tip. I looked into his eyes and held out my arms, and he moved onto the bed, moving over me but keeping his hips slightly elevated while he worked a hand down between us.
“Mitch, don’t make me wait any longer, believe me, I’m more than ready for you”. I gasped.
With a smile, Mitch moved over me and I could feel his erection butting against my entrance. I worked my legs open wider and tilted my hips so that I could feel the tip just breaching my core.
“I’ve missed you so much Helen”, Mitched groaned as he gently pushed all the way into me, waiting while I adjusted to him before pulling almost all the way out again.
“I’ve missed you too, Mitch”, I groaned as I lifted my legs and put my heels against the cheeks of his bum, pulling him into me.
Mitch gasped as I moved my heels, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his back, not able to get enough of the feel of him inside me. He started flexing his hips, moving slowly at first, and then more urgently as my pants and gasps spurred hi
m on, and we watched each other as we made love, not taking our eyes from each other. I felt Mitch’s rhythm change, and somehow knew he was getting close, then felt his hand work between us again, and had trouble keeping my eyes open as he began to exert pressure on my clitoris. Finally I had to unwrap my legs from around Mitch’s waist and plant my feet on the bed so that I could thrust upwards as I came, moaning his name as I felt myself grip his erection and squeeze it, all the while I felt the contractions run through my insides, lifting me up on wave after wave of ecstasy. Finally Mitch gave a little grunt, and whispered my name as he pushed deep inside me, and then held himself there as he came, giving tiny little thrusts, before collapsing on top of me, breathing deeply. We lay there for a while, before Mitch rolled off and to the side, an arm slipping under me and pulling me to his chest, squeezing me tightly.
“Any regrets?” came Mitch’s voice quietly from above my head.
I tilted my head back so that I could see him.
“No, should I? Do you?”
Mitch’s arm squeezed me tight.
“No, not at all. I know I wanted to wait until you could remember me, but I guess I got carried away with the excitement of you having some memories there after all. I suppose it’s too much to hope for that you remembered any of that?”
I turned slightly and rested my arm on Mitch’s chest, and my chin on my arm, so that I could see him better.
“I wish I could say yes. I don’t remember anything specific, but I knew that it would be good. Does that count?”
Mitch smiled a little wistfully.
“Not really, but it’s the best we’ve got at the moment. It’s wonderful to have you back in my arms though, if I’m honest, part of the reason I’ve been so frustrated lately is because I can remember you, you were right here in front of me, but you were looking at me like a stranger”.
Forgotten Husband Page 8
