But nothing.
No words.
She hadn’t said she loved him back.
And now there they were, on a seven-mile hike from Fira to Oia. They had started out at 8 a.m., intent on taking their time as they trekked through the cobblestone streets, hiked up some trails and climbed a few hills.
Jacob and Riley walked in front of them, chattering happily about their ferry ride to the port of Athinios. That Tessa had invited her brother to join them was a monumental achievement. Case in point.
He should stop insisting she become someone she wasn’t. He loved her, her words were hers. She could keep them to herself if she so wanted to.
Their first stop was a gyros place along the road lined with shops and restaurants and villas. Both couples sat on the ground along the narrow sidewalk and feasted on souvlaki.
“What kind of sauce is this?” Riley asked, wiping off the pink gravy dripping from her mouth.
“Something like thousand island—ketchup and mayo,” Jacob answered.
Everyone was casually dressed. The women wore their bathing suits under floor length caftans. Simon noticed how many heads they turned—European men could spot American girls a mile away. They exuded an openness often missing from European women.
“Are we going the right way?” Tessa took Simon’s hand as they followed her brother and his girlfriend. “We’re heading towards… uhm, that village that starts with an I, right?”
Simon nodded his head, desperate to show apt attention. He’d become a little short of breath. It happened sometimes, when he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs. Besides that, he wanted to snap out of his reverie. She was quiet too and he was happy to hear her break out of hers.
“We’re supposed to follow along the caldera to Prophet Ilias.”
“Jake!” Tessa called out to him. “Can we please have the map?”
The couple slowed down to allow them to catch up. They walked in tandem, the four of them, catching the ire of the tourists going the opposite way along the narrow road.
“Yup, we’re going the right way,” Simon assured them as they continued their walk.
Slowly the clusters thinned out. The farther along they went, the less and less tourists there were.
“This must be it.” Simon paused to view the map. “Yes, this is Imerovigli.”
To their left was the most picturesque view of the Aegean Sea.
Two hours slipped by quickly. Tessa and Riley paired up for most of that time. They spoke animatedly about everything under the sun. Simon noticed how close Tessa was with Jacob and Riley. He noticed Jacob consciously taking a step back to allow Simon to take charge - whether it be reading the map, ordering their food, carrying Tessa’s stuff. What Jacob would normally do, he deferred to Simon. And often, Tessa would include Simon by looking back at him, taking his hand, reaching out to touch him, making contact.
He felt her affection.
I just wish I could hear those words.
As they continued their trek along the caldera, they stopped to take pictures against the backdrop of the iridescent view.
“Hey, babe!” Riley called to Jacob, who walked alongside Simon. “Didn’t someone say we have to climb the Skaros peak to see the view? There it is right there!” She pointed. Jake scurried over to her side.
“Are you guys heading over?” Tessa asked, wrapping her arms around Simon’s waist. He kissed the top of her head in response. “We want to get in the water as soon as possible, so we’ll keep going. We’ll meet you at the dive point.”
“Sounds good,” Jake responded, leading Riley toward an uphill trail. “We’ll see you there.”
“See you lovebirds later!” Riley teased, before challenging Jacob to a race up the hill.
Tessa and Simon soldiered on. Hand in hand, they strode in silence, except for the crunching sound of their shoes on the uneven rocks and pebbles. The majestic view had simply taken their words away.
“Have they come up with a wedding date yet?” Simon asked, wanting to hear her voice. He expected this—their mood somber once again, one day before having to say goodbye. It was getting difficult for him to keep up with their traveling. His new position was going to keep him local; there were no longer any travel plans in the near future. Lately, the effects of the time in the air and the harried schedules had been taking a toll on him physically too. He was due to see his doctor in Essex, but the waiting time for an appointment was a few weeks away.
“Yeah, I think next October. One year from today,” she answered, lost in her own thoughts. He had hoped she would follow up with a statement alluding to him being at the wedding. But nothing.
“Did she say where she wanted to have it?”
“They want a destination wedding. Just a few friends and family. Riley wants to go to Paris next month to check out some places over there.”
Stomp. Crunch. Stomp. Crunch. More small talk. About work and her upcoming schedule. About his new position. How he was getting a new office and how he would be able to work from home a few days a week. She teased him about working from his weekend cottage in South Woodham. He agreed he should probably make those arrangements.
“I wish I could visit your home someday soon.” There, she’d said it. It made his heart skip a beat.
“What’s stopping you?” he asked. They reached a downhill trail with a torn up wooden sign saying Amoudi Beach. They arrived in Oia after only three hours. There was a single path to Amoudi Bay, a narrow, stony trail along the water. They walked all the way to the edge of the island, past an outdoor restaurant called Sunset, until their passage became nothing but a bed of crusted lava. Simon spotted the diving cliff to the right, aware that they would have to swim to it.
“Let’s sit here first and wait for Riley and Jacob,” Tessa suggested.
Simon placed his backpack on the ground and helped her climb a boulder.
“Tess, let’s not change the subject. Fly back to London with me instead of going back to the States.”
“I can’t tomorrow, but I can see you in a few weeks after I wrap up some things at home.”
“How about acting on impulse? Does it only apply when I’m the one following you around the world?”
“That’s not fair. Here you go again. I can’t just drop everything and move with you!” she said “Don’t you think I hate saying goodbye as much as you do?”
“Then why do we keep having to do it?” he asked, searching her eyes for answers. She looked sad, about to cry. Only he knew her well enough. She was going to suck those tears back into her eyeballs if it was the last thing she did.
“It isn’t any easier for me. I’ve never done this before, Simon. Never had to reorganize my life for somebody else. Please, please give me time to ease into this. I’m getting there!”
Off in the distance, he saw Riley and Jacob approaching. Simon had two minutes at the most to settle this. He pulled her close to him and stroked her hair. “I’m sorry. You must know, more and more, I die with every goodbye. It used to be okay. It used to be easy to separate you, keep you in a different section from the rest of my life. Now, all I want is for you to be in it.”
Tessa clutched his collar and pulled him in for a kiss. “I want that too.”
“The view was amazing!” Riley ran toward them with Jacob at her heels. “We took a lot of pictures. If I didn’t like Paris so much, this place would be it!”
Jacob took her hand and kissed it. Simon watched Tessa cast a forced smile and fake enthusiasm.
“Let’s go!” Tessa said, swinging her arms.
“Sis! Isn’t this the place where Mom and Dad met?”
“You mean in Santorini. At a resort,” she corrected him.
“Well, wherever it was, their story is still the most beautiful love story I’ve ever heard,” Riley piped in.
“Yeah, Simon, do you know that my mom was e—”
Tessa waved her hand. “I want to be the one to tell Si
mon about them,” she said, caressing his arm and smiling lovingly at him.
He was touched by her gesture. She had really come a long way. Slowly, she was beginning to share the most important people in her life with him.
“Mom was engaged to be married to some guy she was dating in med school. My grandparents had taken her to Greece for the summer. My dad had some commitments related to his fellowship at Mayo and so he rented an apartment and stayed for three months. She met my dad at our same resort in Santorini one weekend, only it was named something else. They spent time together and fell in love. They eloped and got married three days before she was supposed to go back home to Chicago. And the rest, as everyone says, is history.” She spoke with familiar longing in her voice. He heard it every time she mentioned them.
“That was the Cliff Notes version,” Jacob said with a chuckle. “There was more drama in between that, all the way to the day Tessa was born.”
“I have all the time in the world to tell him about the drama,” Tessa answered. And for some reason he felt comforted by those words.
What he was about to do was even more shocking. He was going to show her he was open to the challenge. That he was willing to live on the edge, be more like her.
She removed her cover up and carefully skidded down the walkway. “I’m so excited to get in the water! Let’s go!”
“You’re actually going to do it?” Tessa asked in disbelief. There they were, sprawled out on deck chairs under a tiki umbrella on Kamari Beach. She’d found old pictures of her parents on this black sand beach but never imagined how emotional it would be for her to finally be there. Everything was just as they’d described it. It was a place for falling in love—and she realized there and then she was in love with him. Somehow, she knew then there would be a connection between her parents’ past and her future.
She watched as Jacob and Riley frolicked by the shore a few feet away.
“At sunset, remember? We talked about it.” Simon turned on his side to face her and rested his head on his elbow. She did the same.
“Yeah, but you never told me why.”
“Just so if anything happened to me—if I died while doing it—I would have already spent the day with you,” he teased, his smile turning into an impish grin. “I don’t lose my whole day.”
“Stop it!” she said, giggling.
So far, so good. The angst of their earlier conversation had been washed away by the rush of the waves. When Tessa told Simon about the fifth item on her bucket list the other day, all he had done was shake his head. She wondered what changed his mind. There had been many moments of silence between them that afternoon, but there was never a minute spent apart. Whether it was standing in the middle of the sea or sitting by the shore, there was a need to hold on desperately to each other. A kiss, a touch, a loving embrace. It didn’t matter that Jacob was there. It didn’t matter that their interaction confused her brother, made him constantly furrow his brows at her. She loved that he had the biggest smile on his face as he watched them, his eyes warm with love and consent.
“Tess,” he’d hissed at one point when Simon left to order them a drink at the bar. “Since when have you been serious with this guy?”
Riley intentionally excused herself to the ladies’ room.
“It’s still new,” she answered.
“It’s serious. Stop patronizing. The only time you’ve mentioned him was during your trip to the Philippines. And it wasn’t even you who told me. I found out through Nana.”
Tessa shrugged and rolled her eyes at her brother.
“Look,” Jake said, sticking his hands into his back pocket and taking out his wallet.
“Jake, you’re going in the water, what are you doing with your wallet in your shorts?”
“Don’t change the subject,” he said, pulling out a photograph. It was of her as a teenager, with a group of friends including Riley. “Look at them. They’re all wearing your clothes.”
“We traded all the time. What’s your point?”
“You were so generous. You gave everything off your back to everyone you met. I think it was because you just wanted to be loved. Remember how you’d give all your things away at school and Riley and I would take them back when you weren’t looking?”
“You did?” she asked, her hands flying to her cheeks. “I just wanted to fit in. I had so much stuff. I didn’t need them. I wanted people to know I didn’t need them.”
“You are no longer that girl in the picture. You’re an accomplished woman. You’ve weathered through so much, but you don’t have to be afraid. He loves you for you. He’s here for the long haul.”
“Sorry,” she said with a sheepish grin. “I swear, Jake, this wasn’t planned. I thought I could keep him separate, leave him outside the fray, but he keeps wanting in.”
“Do you want him in? It’s you. It’s what you want that matters, Tess. But let me tell you—from a dude’s POV, there are so many sharks in the ocean these days, a guy like that will get snatched up in no time. Believe me, this looks serious.”
She shook her head. “I just need time to digest it all. I’m afraid.”
“Time?” His eyes were dark, despite being in the sunshine. “As a doctor, that’s something life can never have enough of. You think you have it one day, and the next, you’re on an operating table fighting for time.” He took her hand. “Is he in your heart, sis? If he is, the first step towards acceptance is admission. Admit it to yourself. And if he isn’t, admit that to yourself too.”
Simon’s voice strayed into her thoughts. “Babe?” He gently stroked her arm.
“Sorry?” she asked, a bit lightheaded from the heat.
“Your brother asked me what was going on with us,” he said.
“When?”
“When you and Riley went to get towels,” he said. “He pulled me aside and asked me what my intentions were.”
“Oh my god!” Tessa gasped. “He had no right to do that, I’m so sorry. Let me—”
“Tess,” he interjected, lightly grazing her arm. “It’s okay. He’s your brother, and he cares about you. I told him what I told you this week.”
Tessa didn’t dare ask for clarification. She just nodded as a warning for him not to dabble in this any further. Over and over again, he had told her he loved her. And she tried her best to show him how she felt, not in words but by action.
It wasn’t enough. His eyes begged her, pleaded with her to return his words. But she couldn’t.
She lived in a world where those words made a difference. She wrote those words on every page, made up stories for all the women out there who might never get a chance to hear those words.
Her heart was protected. Guarded.
Once she said them, she knew it meant she had allowed it to take over her life. And allowing it to take over her life would mean what exactly? The loss of her freedom? The loss of her mobility?
“You should see yourself,” he began. “The way you stiffened up and pulled away.”
“Come on, Simon. My back was kinking, I had to sit up straight.”
“Uh-huh,” he said, not sounding the least bit convinced. He paused before she detected a shift in his tone. “Tessa, I’m not going to come in between anything you’ve worked so hard for. I myself, have my goals, my dreams. I have my focus. But it doesn’t mean I can’t open my heart up to you. You know how I feel. Tomorrow, we get to say goodbye again. Until when? Next month? Your next book event? In between your public appearances with Andrew? When?”
“Amsterdam? Next week?”
This time it was his turn to sit up. Suddenly, she felt a wall between them. “You don’t get it,” he said with clenched teeth. He dropped his legs on both sides of the chair and tapped his foot on the sand.
She stood, circled the hut and squeezed herself next to him. “I was kidding.” She leaned her head on his shoulder, her right knee folded over his hips, her arms wrapped tightly around him. “Simon
, tell me what you want. Please just tell me.” Then, more than ever, she didn’t want to leave the next day without giving him what he wanted.
“No more goodbyes,” he whispered, voice weak, weary.
She lifted her head, touched his lips. “Give me this time away from you, please. Give me a few weeks to wrap up my life. The next time I see you, there won’t be any more goodbyes.”
His eyes grew wide. She scooted herself up to kiss him. He kissed her back with a vengeance, grabbing her head and tugging at her lips with his teeth. “Promise me,” he said. “Make that your one truth.”
“One truth.” She placed her lips on the side of his ear. “I promise.”
He was actually going to do it! Tessa almost couldn’t believe it. She beamed as she sat at the edge of the cliff, hanging her legs in the air. Riley and Jacob were long gone, leaving them in their hesitation and cruising across the water on their backs. It was a short swim from the shores of the main beach to the jumping point, a cliff formed from volcanic crusts on the right side of the island. Its colored strata, a sight in itself—various shades of brown, red, yellow, orange and white filled the layers of the ashes that burned and cooled and compacted to form this massive rock. To climb to the top, the four friends had discovered a steep and bending path that eventually led to the landing.
“Oh, wow,” Simon said, his excitement showing in the glimmer of his eyes and the stretch of his smile. They arrived at the top to catch the emergence of dusk. The view of the sunset was magnificent. They watched in awe as purple streaks began to fill the sky, followed by a transition from yellow, to orange to red. As it skated across the water, its reflection burst into tiny images that illuminated the sea and all the little islands around it.
It warmed Tessa’s heart to see him so happy, so content. I am like the sunset, she thought. I skim and fleet and glide away only to wish I’d stayed instead.
The dusk began to settle in.
Eight Goodbyes Page 15
