by Todd, Ian
She lit up a fag. She’d managed tae get aw her presents sorted oot fur Jimmy, the lassies and the weans, wae the help ae Craigie Shaw, her Provi-cheque man, even though she hidnae really gied Christmas itsel too much thought until then. Jimmy wis still bumping his gums aboot Issie and Tam coming roond, bit hid agreed that as long as it wisnae fur the meal itsel, he’d go alang wae it. He’d probably be annoyed if he knew that she’d invited them roond fur the meal itsel, bit Issie hid refused. She’d said that despite Joe no being there, she still wanted tae go aheid and make a Christmas dinner fur Tam and Wee Mary, bit they’d join them wae Betty and Stan at aboot five o’clock fur a wee drink.
She took a puff ae her fag, scowling at her good ceiling. Despite scrubbing the walls, she still couldnae shift the soot stains. Jimmy said that because ae the cauld, the paint hid probably still been wet when the ceiling came doon.
“Helen, Christmas is aw aboot family, so it is,” Jimmy hid repeatedly stated tae her like a stuck record.
“Jimmy, Issie, Tam and Wee Mary ur family. When ur ye gonnae get that in tae yer thick heid? Ah spend mair time wae Issie than Ah dae wae you, so shut yer arse,” she’d retorted.
“It’s no ma fault Ah’m a lorry driver. That’s whit lorry drivers dae. They drive aw o’er the country, which means they’re no at hame hauf the time. Ah kin always try and get a job as a scaffy, emptying the manky midden bins, if ye want?”
Apart fae the fact that Johnboy and Charlie widnae be at hame, Helen wis determined tae enjoy the occasion and relax a wee bit, spend time wae the lassies and the grandweans, hiv a drama-free day and hopefully watch a wee bit ae the telly. Jimmy hid turned up wae a scraggly looking Christmas tree and the baith ae them hid spent the night before setting it up in the corner ae the living room. Jimmy widnae let her go through tae Johnboy’s bedroom tae get the decorations doon fae the tap ae the wardrobe because he didnae want her tae see the presents he’d goat her. She hoped he’d like the two shirts and the Brut gift pack she’d goat fur him. Sometimes, when he came hame efter driving doon tae England fur a few days, she’d swear that she could smell him before she saw him. He wis always gaun oan aboot how he couldnae get rid ae the smell ae cat’s pish fae his cabin efter wan ae the boys at his work hid slung in an auld tom cat wan night fur a laugh. He said it wisnae that bad in winter, bit at the first sign ae spring, the cab reeked ae ammonia. He’d said that he wisnae sure whit time he’d get up the road fae his work, bit she wid need tae remember tae switch oan the immersion heater before she heided up tae the Co-op.
It hid been a busy year. There hid been good times alang wae the bad. Her maw hid died and her da hid finally been moved oot ae the multi-storeys across in Sighthill and shifted tae a bottom flat up in Provanmill. Another bummer hid been Johnboy being put away tae borstal, bit her and the lassies seemed tae be getting oan fine. Although Charlie noo lived in Jersey and wis working as a brickie in Germany, he’d sent a parcel wae presents in it tae be opened oan Christmas day. Isabelle wis married, nearly divorced and living wae Malcolm, who worked fur the AA. He seemed a nice boy and didnae seem tae mind that Isabelle hid two weans tae somewan else. The last time Helen hid spoken tae Isabelle, she’d said that she’d put in fur the divorce because her and Malcolm wanted tae get married. Anne wis living in sin up in Nitsdale Road wae Tommy, another wan who’d a good trade...as a pipe-lagger, whitever that wis. Norma hid left hame and wis living wae two pals across in Woodside. She wis working as an apprentice precognition officer wae wan ae the big lawyer firms in the toon.
“Basically, Ah go aboot taking statements aff ae witnesses, Ma,” she’d said tae Helen in explanation.
Helen worried aboot Norma. When she’d first left hame, Helen hid stayed in bed fur a week. She hidnae slept. Every time she’d heard a noise at night, she’d thought it wis the polis arriving tae tell her and Jimmy that Norma hid been found strangled.
“Bit why dae ye want tae leave hame, hen?” Helen hid demanded, the day Norma telt her she wis moving oot.
“Because I’m nearly nineteen.”
“Why wid anywan want tae leave hame when they’re eighteen? Why kin we no leave it until yer da gets hame, eh? We kin talk aboot it then.”
“Because Ah don’t want tae dae that. Aw ye’ll dae is get him tae take sides and the baith ae youse will jist gang up oan me and persuade me tae change ma mind.”
“Whit’s wrang wae that? That’s whit parents ur supposed tae dae. Whit’s wrang wae staying here, eh? Ye’ve goat yer ain room, ye kin come and go as ye please, which ye dae, withoot as much as a ‘by yer leave.’ Christ, ye kin even bring a boyfriend hame, so ye kin, as long as we work oot a strategy oan dealing wae yer da first,” Helen hid pleaded.
“Ye jist don’t get it, dae ye, Ma?”
“Get whit?”
“And the worst thing aboot it is, ye’re no stupid either,” Norma hid sobbed, tears welling up in they eyes ae hers.
“Christ’s sake, Norma, whit ur ye oan aboot? Ye’re nae pregnant, ur ye?” Helen hid made the mistake ae asking.
“Fur Christ’s sake! That’s whit Ah mean...ye genuinely don’t see whit the problem is,” Norma hid howled, stomping through tae her bedroom, followed by Helen.
“Ye’re no making any sense, Norma. Tell me...tell me the truth...whit’s the matter, hen?”
“Ah don’t believe this. Right, ye want tae know? Ye really want tae know the truth? You’re the problem!”
“Me? Whit hiv Ah done?”
“Look aboot ye. Look at us...yer family. Everywan his left hame except fur me. Ye’re never here, and when ye ur, ye’re planning the next great campaign against The Corporation, the Sheriff officers, the local NAB office, the polis. Christ, ye even hid the bloody cheek tae join strikers ootside the loaf factory and ye don’t even work there!”
“Naw, bit Ah know maist ae the lassies who dae,” Helen hid shot back.
“See? That’s whit Ah mean. Kin ye imagine whit it feels like tae be passed o’er by a bloody slice ae breid? While ye wur doon there, prancing up and doon wae aw yer pals, where wur we in the great scheme ae things, eh? Ah’ll tell ye. We wur aw sitting back here wondering when ye wur coming back, or if ye ever wur. Dae ye know that aw us weans, when we wur growing up, wur never sure whether it wis you that wis gonnae walk through that door or some social worker coming tae take us intae care.”
“Ach, Norma, don’t exaggerate. Ye knew Ah wis always gonnae be back here, waiting fur ye when ye came hame fae school.”
“Look, Ah’ve made up ma mind. Ah don’t want tae get intae this. Ah’m leaving, whether ye want me tae or no.”
“Norma, come oan, don’t be like that. We kin talk this o’er, so we kin.”
“Am done wae talking. Leopards never change their spots, and neither will you. Ma bags ur packed and Ah’m oot ae here. Me and ma pals hiv signed a lease oan a flat.”
“Bit whit am Ah gonnae tell yer da? He’ll be really upset...so will Ah,” she’d wailed in panic.
“Fur Christ’s sake! Gie ma da a bit ae credit fur wance, will ye. He’ll know exactly how Ah’m feeling. At least Ah kin get oot ae this madhoose...he’s in here fur life!”
And wae that, Norma hid humphed her shoulder bag and two suitcases oot ae her bedroom and disappeared doon the stairs tae the street. Helen hid been too stunned tae chase efter her. Later oan that same night, Helen hid nose-dived intae a state ae panic because she hidnae goat an address as tae where Norma wis gaun. Jimmy hid been nae help tae her either. His attitude hid been that he wis surprised it hidnae happened earlier.
“Listen, aw weans flee the nest sooner or later. Some take longer than others, bit it’s jist a fact ae life. Ye’re jist gonnae hiv tae get used tae it,” he’d said.
“So, ye’re no concerned where she might be or whit might happen tae her then?” she’d spat accusingly.
“That’s no ma words...that’s you that’s speaking. The mair ye hiv a go at her, the worse it’ll get. She’s made up her mind and we hiv tae respect her fur hivving
the courage tae take that decision. Christ, Ah remember when we first moved in thegither. Ah wis back at ma maw’s howling fur days efter it, so Ah wis. The only problem wis, she couldnae wait tae get rid ae me and kept slinging ma arse back oot the door, telling me Ah’d made ma bed and that Ah should get oan wae it.”
“Did ye? Ah never knew that. Ye never telt me ye did that.”
“Aye, well there wis a lot ae things Ah never telt ye at the time.”
Helen took another drag ae her fag, looked at her shoapping list again and added sultanas tae it. Jimmy hid asked her if she’d make a clootie dumpling o’er the Christmas break. Her thoughts turned tae the events earlier in the day. Although her and Issie hid been late fur the start ae the warrant sale, everything hid panned oot okay. The fact that the minister hid turned up wae some ae his congregation hid been a bonus. It hid also saved her and Issie the hassle ae trooping aw o’er Springburn tae search oot The Reverend Flaw’s church, tae see if he’d dae Joe’s service the following Wednesday.
“Of course I’ll do it, Mrs Taylor,” he’d said withoot hesitation, when Helen hid asked him oan behauf ae Issie.
“So, it’s nae a problem that ma boy wis baptised a Catholic then, Reverend,” Issie hid asked him.
“If you would prefer a priest, I’m sure I could arrange that for you,” he’d replied.
“Naw, naw, you daeing it wid be pure dead brilliant, so it wid.”
“Why don’t you come up to the church on Monday and we can discuss the service, Mrs McManus.”
“Oh, er, Ah’m sorry, Reverend, bit Ah widnae want Joe tae be carted oot ae a church, him being a Catholic and aw that.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that, Mrs McManus. It wouldn’t be a problem...at least, not for me.”
“Naw, bit it wid be fur me and his da. Ah’m no prepared tae be disrespectful tae yer church and congregation. It’s no right. If it’s okay wae yersel, Ah’ll see if Ah kin get a hall or something tae hire fur an hour or so. He’s getting buried across in the cemetery oan Keppochhill Road at ten o’clock this coming Wednesday, so he is.”
“I see. Well, why don’t you leave the arrangements to me. I’m sure I could get the use of the small hall beside the Springburn Public Halls in Millarbank Street, which is only a short distance from the cemetery. It would mean that any mourners would only have a short walk to make and I could arrange tea for afterwards. How does that sound?”
“Oh, er, Ah widnae want tae take up yer precious time, Reverend. Ye’ve done enough as it is, so ye hiv.”
“No, you’ve been through enough, so I insist. Right, that’s settled then. If it’s alright with you, I’ll come up to your house and speak with you and Mr McManus about the arrangements. I never knew your son, Joe, so it would give me an opportunity for you both to tell me a little about him. I’ve always found that those closest to the person who have passed away feel much better when they’ve had an opportunity to discuss and reflect on the life of their loved one to the person who will be conducting the service.”
“Thank ye, Father, er, Ah mean, Reverend,” Issie hid sobbed, efter saying cheerio tae The Reverend and his flock in Endricks Street.
Wance the minister and aw the auld wans he’d brought wae him hid gone, the lassies hid hung aboot in the closemooth where the sale hid been taking place. They’d aw sworn tae Helen that it hidnae been wan ae them that hid assaulted The Stalker.
“Naw, he goat that second prize oan that mooth ae his fae somewan else. Mind you, if him and that Biscuit wan hid come any closer, he wid’ve been walking away wae a cracked skull tae go wae his bloody mooth,” Sharon hid declared, waving her banner aboot tae the sound ae cackling laughter.
Helen and Betty hid walked Issie hame. When they’d gone up fur a cup ae tea, Tam hid been staggering aboot in his underpants and string vest, pished as a fart. He’d telt Issie that Father John hid turned up tae discuss Joe’s absolution and funeral arrangements. Tam hid slammed the door in the priest’s face, efter telling him that they’d awready made arrangements and fur him tae piss aff and no come back.
“And another thing, Holy Wullie...don’t expect tae see Issie or any ae the other wummin at midnight mass the night,” hid been Tam’s parting shot.
“Christ, Ah’m right glad the minister his agreed tae dae the funeral. Who knows whit we wid’ve done if he’d said naw,” Issie hid said, efter telling Tam tae go away and put some clothes oan as he wis scaring Betty and Helen.
“Whit ur we gonnae dae aboot the midnight mass doon in St Teresa’s the night then?” Betty hid asked, inadvertently looking heavenwards when she asked the question.
“Ye heard Tam...none ae us ur gaun near the place. Ah’m sure God’ll understaun oor position. If he disnae, then he’s no the God we’ve always been telt tae believe that he is,” Helen hid declared.
Helen checked her list again and added a hauf bottle ae Bells whisky tae it before staunin up, switching the immersion heater oan and grabbing her two shoapping bags and coat as she heided fur the door.
Chapter Eighteen
Christmas Day 1971
Helen sat at the kitchen table and puffed oan her fifth fag ae the day. She could hear Jimmy through in the living room, cackling away, watching Aspel’s Christmas Crackers oan the telly, while he cleaned oot the grate tae get the fire gaun. He’d brought a steaming, milky cup ae coffee alang wae a fry-up through tae her in bed earlier. The coffee hid been a pleasant surprise. He’d turned up the night before wae a big jar ae it that he’d goat through somewan at his work. It wis something she never bought because ae the price ae it. They’d sat, as they always did oan Christmas Eve, peeling the totties, carrots and Brussels sprouts in preparation fur their Christmas dinner the next day, while watching a shite film called Carrington VC. Jimmy hid liked it, bit she could tell that she’d pissed him aff when she’d sat bubbling through it.
“Look, Ah know how upsetting this must be fur ye at this time ae year, bit yer maw hidnae been well fur ages. Dae ye no think that it wis maybe fur the best?” he’d asked her, wan eye oan her and wan oan the film.
“Aye, Ah know, bit Ah jist cannae help feeling terrible fur her. Throughoot her entire life, she wis never ever mair than a whisker away fae the breid-line. The pair ae them hid tae scrape aw their days, and fur whit?”
“Aye, well, Ah know how they must’ve felt,” Jimmy hid replied sarcastically.
“Kin ye imagine? They lived through two World Wars, my da fighting in baith ae them, losing a couple ae toes intae the bargain and fur whit?”
“Aye, well, there’s a lot ae them aboot.”
“So aw these rich wans kin go aboot their business, making even mair money aff ae the sweat ae the poor and doontrodden. Whit’s changed, eh?”
“Fur Christ’s sake, Helen…it’s Christmas. Whit’s happened tae good-will tae aw men...and aw that kind ae thing?”
“Aye, ye’re right, Jimmy. You jist watch yer film and Ah’ll go through and stuff the arse oot ae they good Rob Roy chickens through there,” she’d sighed, staunin up and leaving him tae it.
She knew he’d been right. He worked hard and when he came hame, aw he wanted tae dae wis tae relax, withoot hivving tae listen tae her rants. She wis looking forward tae the rest ae the day. Everything wis in order. Jimmy wis wandering aboot wae a spring in his step efter getting mair than a long lie-in earlier and the lassies and the weans wur due roond aboot twelvish. Malcolm wis drapping Isabelle aff wae the weans, before nipping back tae pick up Anne, Tommy and Norma in his wee AA van, seeing as there wisnae any buses oan the go. Isabelle said they’d nip in by Granda wae his presents first. Helen and Jimmy hid decided tae leave the opening ae any presents until everywan hid arrived. Helen looked aboot the kitchen. There wisnae much tae be done other than tae dae the breakfast dishes. She started tae get a wee tingle in her stomach. It wid be great tae be thegither as a family again, plus she wis excited aboot finding oot whit Jimmy hid goat her. It hid taken her aw her strength no tae hiv a wee peep intae Johnboy’s room
, ever since Jimmy’d telt her no tae go in there, as he didnae want tae miss the surprise oan her coupon when she opened her pressies oan Christmas day.
“Here we go, hen,” Jimmy shouted, as the letterbox started clattering.
Helen stubbed oot her fag and goat up and went tae open the door.
“Granny, Granny, that Santa Claus wan came tae ma hoose last night when Ah wis sleeping, so he did,” Morag screamed, gieing her granny a cuddle.
“Oh, ma word, did he really? And whit did he leave fur ye, hen?”
“A dark broon dolly wae white eyes and red lips,” Morag exclaimed, haudin it oot in front ae her.
“Oh, well, ye better run and show yer granda then. Ah’m sure he’ll be dying tae see it, darling,” Helen said, smiling, as she goat a hug and a kiss fae Malcolm.
“Ah’ve goat a Johnny Seven gun, Granny,” wee Ian said breathlessly fae behind Malcolm.
He wis dressed up in an Action Man ootfit and shot Helen wae a plastic missile.
“Aye, Ah could be daeing wae wan ae them masel, Ian,” she said, getting a kiss and a cuddle.
“Ye kin hiv a shot ae it, if ye promise no tae lose aw the parts. There’s seven ae them,” he shouted, running alang the corridor tae show his granda.
“A gun?”
“Aye, and a Merry Christmas tae you tae, Ma,” Isabelle said, gieing her ma a kiss.
“That’s nothing, ye should see the arsenal we left back at the hoose. Right, Ah’m aff tae collect Anne and Norma. Ah won’t be long,” Malcolm said, before disappearing back oot the door.
“Granny, when ur we getting tae open the presents Santa left,” Morag shouted wae excitement as Isabelle accepted a glass ae Babycham fae Helen.
