by M C Beaton
“You have never met anyone like me before, heh?” she barked at last, fixing her protruding eyes on Ginny.
“No,” said Ginny calmly.
“You are supposed to say ‘no, my lady,’” pointed out Lady Rochester. “But I suppose we must make allowances. Your sort, of course, can’t be expected to know what’s what.”
The snub went unnoticed. Ginny appeared to be childishly absorbed by the spectacle of a blackbird pulling a large worm out of the lawn. “Isn’t it marvelous the way they can hear them… worms, I mean,” exclaimed Ginny. “I am so sorry, Lady Rochester, what were you saying?”
“I said,” repeated Lady Rochester loudly, “your sort can’t be expected to know what’s what.”
“I don’t understand you,” said Ginny patiently. “’What’s what?’ Is that something risqué like ‘having It’? Why, Lady Rochester, you naughty old thing. You’ve gone quite red. I am not as prim and proper as you might imagine. But you might be shocking poor Alicia. Foreigners do not quite have our free and easy ways, dear Lady Rochester.”
“I-I-I…” stuttered Alicia.
“There!” said Ginny. “You have shocked her.” And then raising her well-modulated voice in the accepted manner for speaking to the foreign, the retarded, or the deaf, she said, “You must forgive her, Alicia. She’s just being playful.”
“If I could just explain something…” began Tansy in tones heavy with irony, but she was interrupted by Ginny, who turned a blue indulgent gaze on her.
“Courtney,” said Ginny slowly and firmly. “Courtney in Kent,” and then added in a perfectly audible undertone to the rest of company, “Poor thing! She often forgets where she is.”
Cyril felt things had gone far enough. Tansy and Alicia were spluttering, and Lady Rochester looked on the verge of an apoplexy.
“Look,” he said in exasperation. “I have a proposal to make—”
“Oh, no, Cyril!” cried Ginny, and to everyone’s amazement she actually blushed, deeply and painfully. “I have already refused you, dear,” she said in a stage whisper, “and you must be a good boy and not embarrass me in front of my guests by proposing marriage. What on earth will Lady Rochester say?”
Alicia, who had been about to shriek that she was not a foreigner, Tansy, who had been about to scream that she was not soft in the head, and Cyril, who had been about to yell that he had only been going to propose a game of croquet, all fell gleefully silent and all eyes turned to Lady Rochester. Ginny Bloggs, they knew, was just about to receive the dressing down of her life. And they were glad.
Even Ginny, who had been stuffing Lady Rochester’s pug with marzipan cakes, stopped and stared at Lady Rochester, round-eyed.
Lady Rochester cast off her wraps and glared at Ginny, every starched lace pelmet on her bosom quivering with suppressed rage. “You…” she began, “I will tell you what you are. You…”
But that was as far as she got, for her pug suddenly got violently sick right in her lap. Lady Rochester burst into noisy tears of sheer rage and frustration while Ginny sat and smiled in a pretty and puzzled way and Tansy and Barbara and Alicia clustered around to try to give aid to the overwrought lady.
But no, Lady Rochester would not go into the house and change. Chesham should take her home immediately.
Ginny continued to watch in bewildered amazement until her victoria bowled away down the drive.
Then Ginny picked up the teapot and poured herself another cup of tea. “I think it must be the sun,” she said in a kindly voice. “I had an aunt rather like that. Sweetness and light during the winter, I can assure you, but most strange whenever the sun shone. I am quite relieved to find my aunt is not unique. To be unique is very uncomfortable, you know. Now, of course many people, I believe, are affected by the full moon. However…”
She broke off and raised her pretty eyebrows in surprise, for Lord Gerald de Fremney was laughing helplessly. He roared and laughed and chortled as he could not remember doing since he was at school. He tried to control himself but found he could not. With a choked apology, he rose to his feet and ran across the lawn, still bellowing with laughter.
“There you are!” cried Ginny. “What did I tell you? Another of them. I declare, next time I have a tea party it shall be in the sitting room and with all the blinds drawn, I assure you. More tea, anyone?”
Shaking their heads and looking at Ginny as if she were a rattlesnake, the party edged away across the lawn.
Ginny sat and watched them go. Then she signaled Harvey to clear the table.
“People are sometimes very strange, are they not, Harvey?” asked Ginny Bloggs.
“Indeed they are,” said the ever-correct Harvey, “indeed they are, madam.”
CHAPTER SIX
The four relatives sent Alicia off to find Gerald and then huddled together in the library.
“Did you ever?” said Tansy.
“Pon my Sam, I never heard the like,” replied Jeffrey.
“T-to m-make a deliberate fool of me…” Cyril stammered.
“Well, if she hadn’t behaved the way she did, Lady Rochester would have given her a very unpleasant time. I think Lady Rochester’s an old cat. So there,” said Barbara.
Three pairs of baleful eyes stared at her. Tansy said sweetly, “It appears, dear Barbara, as if that lace Ginny gave you has not only gone to your neck”—here she gazed at Barbara’s pretty lace collar—“but to your fat head as well.”
“I don’t care,” said Barbara, beginning to cry. “I just don’t want to have anything to do with this business tonight!”
“You wouldn’t tell her about it?” asked Jeffrey, horrified.
“No,” sobbed Barbara, “I won’t tell, but I’m fed up with the whole thing. I think she’s sweet.” And with those appalling words, Barbara ran from the room, every roll of fat jiggling in distress.
“Now, let’s get one thing clear,” said Tansy grimly. “Do the three of us stick together or not?”
Both Cyril and Jeffrey gave a shaken “yes.” Both were still shocked over Barbara’s treachery.
“I’ll enjoy messing her up,” said Jeffrey grimly. “And in every which way you can think of.”
“I’d better go along and have a jaw with her about duties to her tenants and all that rot,” said Tansy, getting to her feet. “Lay the ground for tonight.”
“As l-long as sh-she doesn’t think y-you’re retarded,” said Cyril maliciously.
“Don’t worry,” said Tansy grimly. “I’ll get some sense into her stupid head if it takes the rest of the afternoon.”
Everyone, with the exception of Alicia and Ginny, sat very tensely at dinner that night, waiting for the telephone to ring. Tansy was praying that Cyril, who had gone to The Green Man, would not stammer, and Jeffrey was strung up with nerves.
When the telephone which, as in most country houses, was placed in the darkest, draftiest, and most inconvenient part of the hall, did ring, Tansy dropped her spoon into her soup with a clatter and Jeffrey jumped about three feet in the air.
A few seconds later Harvey came into the dining room. “There is a person on the telephone for you, madam. A low person,” he added. “I will deal with him if you wish.”
“A low person,” repeated Ginny, putting down her napkin. “How clairvoyant of you, Harvey. No, I will take the call myself.”
Tansy heaved a sigh of relief. It was up to Cyril now.
Ginny picked up the telephone and eyed it doubtfully. She had never used one before but she had seen photographs of people using it. So, after some hesitation, she picked up the heavy stand, which seemed to weigh a ton, and put the earpiece to her ear.
“Be that Miss Bloggs?” asked a deep voice.
Ginny was enchanted. She stared in delight at the instrument until the voice repeated the question in an impatient tone.
“Yes, it is,” said Ginny breathlessly. “Isn’t it exciting? There are you there, and here am I here, and—”
“That’s as may be,” said the
voice. “Badger over at five acre’s been took bad, mum. You’d best go immediately. Doctor’s on his w-way.”
There was a heavy click and silence. Ginny looked at the telephone in disappointment. Her first call had certainly been a short one. Badger over at five acre. Now, there was something about that name that rang a bell. Ginny stood staring stupidly at the telephone for quite a few minutes and then slowly picked it up and made a local call.
“What on earth can she be up to?” wailed Tansy.
Alicia looked at her in surprise. “Why are you so concerned about Ginny all of a sudden?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” said Tansy hurriedly. “I just hope she hasn’t received bad news, that’s all.”
But the door opened, and Ginny came in wearing a lacy wool shawl and carrying a large bottle.
“I’m sorry I must leave you,” she said, “but someone called Badger over at the five acre is ill and I must go to him.”
Tansy leapt to her feet. “I’ll take you over myself in the governess cart, Ginny,” she said. “I know the road. It’s only a little way away.”
“How very kind of you,” murmured Ginny. “Please go on with your dinner, the rest of you, I should not be very long.”
“I’ll get the cart round,” said Jeffrey, almost running from the room.
The sky was fading to pale-green outside, and the night air was very still and sweet. Jeffrey walked quickly around to the stables and ordered a groom to harness up the governess cart.
“Tell Miss Bloggs I’m riding down to the village to get extra help,” he cried as he clumsily heaved himself up on his powerful hunter, which he had previously ordered to be saddled and ready waiting for him.
He judged that if he rode hard by way of the fields, he would be at Badger’s cottage long before the governess cart arrived by the longer way of the road.
Tansy chattered on nervously, driving the cart as slowly as she could. Now that the great moment had finally arrived, the whole evening seemed to have taken on an air of unreality. Sweet smells of grass and flowers drifted by them from the dew-soaked fields. A clump of Canterbury bells stood motionless as sentinels among masses of meadowsweet in a deep ditch by the road. The world was very peaceful outside and very turbulent inside Tansy’s guilty heart. She found herself wishing that Ginny would come out with one of her stupid and inane remarks so that the whole miserable plot would seem right somehow. But Ginny sat silently beside her, clutching a large bottle of medicine that she had assured Tansy would cure anything.
The first thing Tansy noticed as they approached the cottage was that for some odd reason, Jeffrey had left his horse tethered outside. He was supposed to have given it a smack across the rear and sent it back to the stables. She could only hope that Ginny would not know enough to realize that a cottager could not possibly own such an expensive hunter.
“As I said, Ginny,” declared Tansy in what she hoped was a firm, confident tone, “I will leave you at the cottage and wait for you outside. It’s better that only one of us goes in.”
Ginny nodded amiably, and then hearing a gasp from her companion, asked solicitously what the matter was.
Tansy pointed a shaking finger. “Lord Gerald!” she exclaimed. “What’s he doing here?”
“Oh, good,” said Ginny. “I telephoned him before I left. Much better to have a man along, don’t you think?”
The carriage rolled to a halt, and Lord Gerald moved forward and helped Ginny down. “Tansy wants to wait outside,” said Ginny. “You had better let me go first, Lord Gerald.”
Tansy watched them go into the cottage and swore something very unladylike under her breath. She would need to go. She did not wish to be around when awkward explanations were demanded. No sooner had Ginny and Lord Gerald disappeared inside the cottage than she whipped up the horse and clattered hell for leather back along the road.
“Isn’t there a light in this place?” demanded Lord Gerald as Ginny felt her way toward the bulk lying on the bed in the corner.
Jeffrey felt the sweat beginning to trickle down his face. How on earth had Gerald got there? The game was up if they could find a light. He could only pray that they would not and hope he might be taken for the late Mr. Badger in the gloom.
“Don’t worry,” came Ginny’s gentle voice, very close by. “Perhaps the light will hurt his eyes. Is that so, Mr. Badger.”
“Yes, mum,” said Jeffrey, adopting a gruff voice.
“Please wait over there, Lord Gerald,” said Ginny in a sharper voice that neither of the two men had heard her use before. “We don’t want to frighten Mr. Badger.”
“No, mum,” gasped Jeffrey gratefully.
“I wonder why the doctor has not arrived?” said Ginny. “But never mind, Mr. Badger, I have brought you some nice medicine and you are going to drink it all up.”
“But you don’t know what’s up with me,” wailed the fake Mr. Badger in a voice remarkably like that of Jeffrey Beardington-Smythe. “I’ve got a pain in my stomach.”
“Then this is the very thing. No, don’t try to rise, Mr. Badger. I have brought this nice little funnel. Now open your mouth.”
“Don’t you think you had better wait for the doctor?” said Gerald from the doorway. “We need a bit of light in here anyway.”
“No, no!” shouted the fake Badger. “I’ll take it.”
One gentle hand searched across his face and found his mouth. He felt the cold stem of a metal funnel and then what seemed to be a gallon of liquid paraffin was poured into his mouth.
Jeffrey gagged and choked and desperately tried not to be sick. He must fight down the terrible queasy nausea and pretend to go to sleep.
“Sleepy… ver’ sleepy,” he managed to choke out. “Leave me. Ver’ kind.”
“Ginny!” exclaimed Lord Gerald, using her christian name in the heat of the moment. “What—”
“Now, now,” said Ginny coyly. “No raised voices in the sick room, my lord.”
A strangled snore came from the bed.
“There, you see. He’s sleeping like a lamb. We will just tippy-toe outside and leave him.”
Lord Gerald slammed the cottage door and looked down at Ginny in the pale moonlight.
“Miss Bloggs,” he said firmly. “You have almost been the victim of a practical joke and you know it. That was Jeffrey Beardington-Smythe in there, posing as old Badger, or I’m very much mistaken.”
Ginny’s eyes were round with surprise. Then she said, “I simply don’t believe you. I shall call in the morning and take that poor old man some nourishing food. I’m very glad, however, that you answered my call and came along on this errand of mercy. Now, where has Tansy gone with the cart?”
“Fled, I should imagine,” said Lord Gerald. “Look—I’m going back in there.”
“It is my tenant, my lord, and I want you to leave him to sleep,” said Ginny, sounding quite angry.
Lord Gerald looked down at her with irritation. “Very well, then,” he said. “I’ll play your game this time, but next time do not include me in your senseless practical jokes. Now, we may as well walk back. It is not far and I can lead my horse.”
He looped the reins of his horse over one arm and tried to take Ginny’s arm but she shrugged him aside and strode off down the road. He found he had to walk very quickly to catch up with her.
“Look here, Miss Bloggs…” he was beginning when a small sob escaped from Ginny. He stopped and swung her around to face him.
Large tears were rolling slowly down her cheeks as she gazed up at him reproachfully. Lord Gerald was not used to crying women and he found himself at a loss. Had she really believed that was old Badger back there? No one could possibly be so naive. But looking at the beautiful, tear-drenched face he came to the reluctant conclusion that Ginny had really believed she had been ministering to the sick.
“Look, I’m sorry,” he said, giving her shoulder an awkward pat. “But I really do think it was Jeffrey back there. In fact, I think you’ll find old Badger di
ed some time ago. I’m sure I heard something to that effect. Come now. Please don’t cry.”
“Oh, you’re hopeless,” sobbed Ginny, crying harder than ever.
“I have done my best to explain,” said Lord Gerald in great exasperation.
“But we are walking,” wailed Ginny.
Lord Gerald stared at her in amazement. “What on earth has that to do with it? Do your feet hurt?”
“N-no,” sobbed Ginny. “But you have your horse, and it would have been so romantic if you could have lifted me up into the saddle in front of you and then we could have ridden off through the night.” Her tears miraculously dried at the thought of this glorious picture and a faint smile curved her lips.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” snapped Gerald. “My horse is tired and we are very near home and I assure you, both you and the horse would have found it a very uncomfortable experience.”
“I am never in the right place with the right man,” said Ginny, walking on and shaking her head sadly.
“You have been reading too many novels,” said Lord Gerald severely. “A man and a woman should be quite capable of walking along an ordinary country road on a very ordinary night and carrying on a straightforward and sensible conversation.”
Silence.
“After all, dear girl,” he went on, “what on earth was supposed to happen if we had both climbed on my poor horse and ridden through the night?”
“You would have put your arms around me,” said Ginny dreamily, “and then when we reached Courtney, you would have dismounted first and held up your arms to help me down and I would have slid into them, and then you would have kissed me passionately.”
“Dear God!” said Gerald in high disdain. But an insidious little picture of holding Ginny in his arms and kissing her passionately seemed to be creeping into his brain.
He looked at her in irritation as she glided along. Yes, that was it… glided. He wished she had the reassuringly mannish steps of, say, Alicia. Also, that waist of hers was ridiculously small. Why, he could span it with both hands. But her hair did look jolly pretty in the moonlight, and her gray silk dress with its pattern of tiny white spots floated around her legs in the most becoming way. He was beginning to feel quite warm toward her when her next remark mark put an end to all that. She stopped and looked up at him.
