How could he not want to be surrounded by this place of faith, where he’d been baptized, confirmed and married, with so many people he’d known all his life?
His long-standing bitterness only poisoned him further, but after all these years there seemed to be no hope that he’d ever change.
She looped her arm through Connor’s as they walked back to her dad’s home after the service. “Thanks so much for coming.”
“I’m glad I went.” He glanced down at her. “Like I said, it’s been a long time. I tried a prison Bible-study class for a while, trying to find answers about my life, but maybe I just wasn’t ready to listen then. But I did challenge myself to read the Bible clear through.”
Surprised, she looked up at him and gave his arm a squeeze. “Not many people accomplish that. Good for you.”
He grinned. “Guess I had some years without much else to do.”
“Did you discover anything surprising?”
“Some things have taken a long while to think through and I can’t pretend to understand it all, not by a long shot. But I’m working on it.” He glanced up at the robin’s-egg-blue sky and fluffy clouds. “I was angry at God for a long while, thinking He didn’t care enough to listen to my prayers. It sure seemed like He wasn’t listening when my marriage failed or when I stayed in prison all that time for something I didn’t do.”
“And now?”
“His answers aren’t always what I want to hear and don’t always come right when I want them. But I realize now that He has answered me all along. I was just too stubborn to see it.”
Keeley nodded. “Sometimes I’m in awe at how my prayers are answered—often in perfect ways I hadn’t even considered. And I don’t know how I could have survived the loss of my mom without knowing that I will be with her again, and that fills me with hope and joy. It gives me such comfort. But I still miss her, every single day.”
At the next street corner they stopped to let a car pass before crossing, and he dropped an unexpected, light kiss on her temple that sent a shiver of pleasure straight through her.
“Right now, I’m thankful for ending up here,” he said. “I was upset when my truck broke down on the highway, but if it hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here in Aspen Creek, and I wouldn’t have met you.”
His words wrapped around her heart. Even though he planned to leave, she would never regret the time she’d been able to spend with him...and she would never forget this moment.
“I’m thankful, too,” she murmured. More than you’ll ever know.
* * *
Connor couldn’t turn down an invitation to supper with Keeley and her dad—not when she was planning to grill hamburgers out on the patio at the back of the house, practically in front of his cabin. The enticing aroma would have drawn him out of his cabin anyway. And after a long and busy Sunday afternoon working at the store, it would be nice to just sit and relax.
So Connor took over the grill, while Keeley prepared fresh mixed fruit, sautéed whole green beans and made a spinach salad with mandarin oranges and strawberries.
As he looked at the basket of warm blueberry muffins and the serving bowls she’d set out on the picnic table covered with a yellow tablecloth, it hit him all over again. I’m free.
At the sheer joy of it all—his freedom, a quiet Sunday evening, and this a meal under the trees on someone’s patio, without cement walls or bars surrounding him—he nearly dropped to his knees in thanksgiving.
This warm family moment, with Keeley and her father and the wonderful aromas of the meal they would be eating together, made him realize something else.
He longed for this. Family. Shared meals and holidays and all the rest. It was time to reach out to his own family and try to make amends. Only by ending the years of hurt and anger could he finally feel whole. And more than that—Lord willing—Joshua deserved to know the rest of his family.
“You look awfully happy about hamburgers,” Paul grumbled at Connor as he settled into a chair at the table. “I’d rather have rib eye.”
“Grilling outside makes everything taste better, Dad,” Keeley said with a roll of her eyes. She bowed her head and led them in a simple table prayer then passed Paul a pitcher of pink lemonade. “You like this lemonade, and these are your favorite summer salads. Right?”
He eyed the spinach salad with marked distaste and passed the bowl on to Connor. “I don’t eat that stuff. Never have.”
“But it’s your fav—” She bit back the rest of the sentence and shot a glance at Connor, mouthing the words bad day. “You’re right, Dad. I forgot.”
“Well, don’t serve that again.”
Connor shifted in his seat, sensing the hint of frustration beneath Keeley’s carefully tactful response.
He’d already come to see that there wasn’t much consistency between Paul’s opinions from one day to the next, and his brief bouts of confusion were often followed by flashes of irritability. Keeley tried to calm and placate him whenever possible but it didn’t always work—sometimes Paul saw through her effort and was affronted by what he claimed was condescension.
It wasn’t an easy road, and Connor admired her for her grace and patience. “So, what do you want me to do this evening?”
“Goodness. You should just relax,” she said, passing the colorful bowl of mixed fruit to her dad. “Go for a walk or read. There’s plenty of time to take care of things around here.”
“I think I’ll start on the second cabin, if it’s all the same to you. I have around two gallons of the paint left before I need to go after some more.”
“But you don’t need to do that today. Really.”
“I’d rather work than sit still, and I’d rather get things done for you while I can, before I leave.”
She froze for a moment. “It isn’t going to be soon, though, right? You have lots of time?”
Did she feel the same as he did—already feeling a pang of regret over the day when he would continue on to Detroit? There was nothing he wanted more than to see his son, but leaving this place and this woman would bring its own kind of loss and sadness.
His feelings for Keeley had been growing with every passing day, even though he knew it couldn’t last.
He came with too much baggage—a wounded heart, a vengeful ex-wife and a son who might never forgive him for being gone. By the time he sorted out his life, she undoubtedly would have found a great guy without such a checkered past.
“I won’t be leaving soon. I have until Red finishes the truck and I’ve earned the cash to pay him. But until then, I want to keep busy.” He nodded toward the cabin he’d been staying in. “That place really beats sleeping on the ground in a pup tent, so I need to earn my keep.”
“Honestly, just having someone here on the property is worth a great deal. But if you really do want to start painting again, I’ll help you tonight.”
“Thanks. I just need to make a phone call and then we can clear the supper dishes and get started.”
Connor walked over to the front porch of his cabin, hooked a boot on the front step and tapped Marsha’s number in the phone book of his cell. She’d been hostile the last time, so he’d backed off and hadn’t called for the past seven days.
The last thing he wanted was to spook her into making good on her threat. If she grew edgy about him coming to Detroit, she could take off for parts unknown with Joshua in tow. How would he find her then?
She answered on the fifth ring. “It’s just me, Connor,” he drawled, laying on the down-home Texas charm. “How’s everything going?”
She sucked in a deep breath. He heard the sound of her muffled voice, as if she’d put her hand over the phone to talk to someone in the background, and then a deeper voice rose with impatience.
She came back to the phone. “There’s no point in calling. If you keep this
up, I’m changing phone numbers.”
Connor took a slow, calming breath. “It’s been an entire week since I last called,” he said mildly. “Believe me, I’m not trying to bother you. I’m happy to hear you have a new boyfriend and wish you all the best. But it’s been five years since I’ve seen Joshua and I just want to see him again. I’d rather work this out between us than have to take legal measures. Don’t you agree?”
“You want to see him—or is it that you want to take him away? I won’t let that happen.”
“Marsha—”
Her short laugh sounded bitter. “You plan on coming here soon? Good luck. I can promise you that we’ll be long gone.”
* * *
“She said what? How can she do that?” Incredulous, Keeley plopped down on the top step next to Connor and hugged her upraised knees.
“It’s Marsha, so she figures she can do anything she wants. Our life together was a battleground—one-upmanship as an art form. I’m not sure if she’s suddenly turned into a supermom and thinks she’s protecting her child from a big bad wolf, or this is sheer vindictiveness.”
“I’m so sorry, Connor. That seems so unfair.”
“Either way, if she’s truly planning to disappear somewhere along the East Coast, my chances of finding her there are slim to none. Apparently she’s no longer concerned about waiting for the end of the school year.”
“So you need to get to Detroit fast.” She turned to look at him. “Still figure flying isn’t the answer?”
“I did check prices and flight times, but with the hour-plus drive to the Twin Cities airport, the hours you need to be there before flights, flight time and car-rental hassles, I’d just as soon get in a vehicle here and make the ten-hour drive.”
“Have you talked to Red about your truck?”
“I’ll call first thing in the morning. But unless there’s been some amazing progress, it won’t be done soon enough. Maybe I can get a loaner car from Red.”
“Red?” She laughed out loud. “Good luck with that. His loaners are wrecks and can barely top fifty with a tailwind. I had one for a week last winter and it drove me insane. The whole town avoids those junkers, believe me.”
His elbows propped on his thighs, he folded his hands in defeat.
Sitting next to him on the narrow cabin steps, she could feel the tension radiating from his body and knew he must be torn up inside over this latest barrier to reaching Joshua.
She didn’t want Connor to leave.
It would mark the end of her time with him here, this chance to get to know an enigmatic man who had been through so much yet had remained such a kind and thoughtful person. A man who had dominated her thoughts since the day he arrived.
But she could not stand in his way when he had so much to lose.
“I can loan you my SUV,” she said quietly.
He rubbed his face with his hands and stared out at the lawn. “But this trip could take a week, or much more, if things don’t go well. I have no idea. You need your car back before then.”
“You’re forgetting the infamous black New Yorker. The one Dad used to leave me stranded on the store roof.” She laughed softly. “I’d give you that one but doubt it would make it across the state line without needing major surgery. If it stays in this county, at least it’s close to its mechanic.”
“That’s awfully nice of you, but—”
“No arguments. The important thing is for you to leave town and find that boy of yours in time. Now, how are you going to find him? Detroit is a big city.”
“I’ve already called Marsha’s friend Lonnie and begged for the address. All she knows is that Marsha’s somewhere in the suburbs east of Detroit, but she says she has friends who might know more. She promised to call me if she hears anything. I’m also going to track down Marsha’s sister and ask her.”
“If you need me to do any research on the internet for you while you’re driving, just call me.”
“One thing—I have a feeling Marsha is going to be hostile when I appear, so I need to be prepared. Could you ask your sister if she found any names of good family-law attorneys in Detroit?”
“No problem. I’ll call her right away and one of us will text you.” Keeley thought for a moment. “Maybe you’d better bring a tape recorder, just to document what’s said. I have one in my office.”
“I can never repay you for all you’ve done, Keeley.”
“Believe me, the pleasure has been all mine.”
She studied his rugged face, already missing him. He would need to come back here to return her SUV, but would he then need to leave right away? Would she ever again have moments like this, when she could simply enjoy his company?
“Oh—and if you do leave tomorrow, don’t forget,” she added, forcing a smile. “Tomorrow your sutures need to come out. You could probably stop at a walk-in clinic somewhere en route.”
He chuckled. “I’ve lost count of how many cow and horse lacerations I sutured before leaving the ranch. I can handle a few of my own.”
She ran to her car for the keys and then handed them over. “It has a full tank of gas and gets around 28 mpg, so that’ll take you almost five hundred miles. I’ll leave a paycheck on the seat that you can cash at the bank in the morning, on your way out of town, and I’ll add a little more. If you want to leave tonight, we can figure out a way to wire you that money.”
He stood slowly. He rested his hands on her shoulders, and they stared at each other silently for a long moment until he finally looked away and broke the spell.
“I don’t know what to say, except...thanks. I promise you’ll get your SUV back soon as I can. And I’ll repay every last cent I owe you.”
“I’m not worried. Just take it easy and be safe, so you get there. I’ll be praying that everything goes all right.”
He reached up and traced her cheek with his hand, and then he kissed her. Gently. Just a whisper of a touch, but then he kissed her again, longer this time, until she felt her toes tingle and her heart skip a beat.
But once he left for Detroit, he would be starting the next step of his new life—one that would center on his son and his life out West.
And she knew that long after this moment, when she savored the memory of that wonderful kiss, she would wonder how it could have felt so sweet, so romantic...
And still feel like a forever goodbye.
Chapter Nineteen
Connor switched his cell to speakerphone, settled it on the dashboard and listened to the ranch phone ring six then seven times.
He’d tried to call at different times of the day during his trip to Detroit, his heart racing and his palms damp, but no one ever picked up the phone and he couldn’t bring himself to leave a message. He had to say this directly, or not at all.
He moved his thumb over the buttons to disconnect the call, but just then a deep, raspy voice answered.
“Dad?”
Silence. Each second seemed like an hour while he waited for his father to acknowledge him after all these years.
Finally he heard Ben Rafferty clear his throat. “Connor?”
Connor offered up a silent prayer for the right words that might finally heal the painful crevasse of anger that stretched out between them. “I’ve missed hearing your voice, Dad. I want—no, I need—to tell you that I’m sorry.”
Silence.
“I’m not calling because I want anything from you. I just want a chance to make amends. I miss you, Dad. I miss all of you.”
He listened to the lengthening stretch of dead silence, surprised and relieved that Dad hadn’t yet slammed down the phone.
When that didn’t happen, he plowed on. “You probably didn’t hear about it, but I was exonerated. Maybe you won’t believe me, but Chris or Dan can look it up on the internet for you. D
NA tests proved I had nothing to do with that murder. It was all a terrible mistake.”
“Figured.”
Connor glanced down at his cell in disbelief. If that was true, Dad certainly hadn’t ever shared it. He’d never made any effort at contacting Connor. Ever. “You thought I was innocent?”
Dad mumbled something he couldn’t quite hear.
“So now I’m starting my life over, but first I’m on my way to Detroit to try to get my son back—at least partial custody.”
“You...” Dad’s voice trembled and he cleared his throat again. “You never brought him out here.”
Stunned, Connor swallowed hard at the hurt in his father’s voice.
Ben had been beyond disgusted at the news of his most wayward son’s shotgun marriage and subsequent divorce, and he’d never said a word about the baby. Connor had expected no softening of the old man’s heart now. Was it even possible?
“You said we weren’t welcome.”
“Maybe...maybe it’s time to put the past to rest.”
Connor heard the muffled sound of him calling his other sons to the phone. Then Chris and Dan picked up receivers in other parts of the rambling ranch house.
The first awkward, tentative efforts at conversation stumbled along for several long minutes...then dissolved in a raucous melee of voices vying to be heard. He’d expected rancor, but they actually seemed happy to hear from him. Happy.
Listening to them, Connor glanced heavenward. Forgiveness—could he have imagined it could feel so wonderful, like a healing balm to his soul? Thank You, Lord. Thank You.
When the call finally ended, with promises to keep in close touch and that he’d come to the ranch as soon as possible, Connor settled back against the seat. Any fellow drivers on the road who could see him grinning ear to ear probably thought him crazy. But that didn’t matter. Not one bit.
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