by Lavada Dee
Ginger pulled off her coat and headed for the coffeepot. “Brrr, it must be a minus out there. Too cold to snow.” She turned around and cradled the cup between her hands. Nodding toward the front, she said, “Not many are going to venture out in this. Not even with the tantalizing smell of those rolls drifting down the street.”
Galynn laughed. “Tantalizing smell? You’ve been reading books to increase your vocabulary again.”
Ginger had confided to Galynn that she hadn’t had much schooling. The oldest of nine kids, she was needed at home to help out. Her limited English embarrassed her. Galynn had suggested that Ginger might enjoy reading to increase her vocabulary. Since then, the two women had enjoyed discussing the romance stories they both loved. Ginger dug in her purse, producing a paperback. “Yep, and the book I’ve got now not only has some big words, it’s a juicy—” She stopped short as Galynn covered her mouth and took off for the bathroom.
Galynn rinsed her mouth in the sink. She had felt this way for the last few days. She’d be fine one minute and nauseated the next, and it was getting worse. Today had been the first time she’d thrown up, but so far this morning she’d done it three times. The first time, all she’d had was water. Thinking she might need to put something in her stomach, she’d made cereal, hoping the milk in it would coat her stomach. Nope, that hadn’t worked. This time, there wasn’t anything to come up, and the dry heaves and vile were awful.
A glance out front told Galynn that there weren’t any customers. Thank heavens. She wasn’t sure she would be able to fry an egg, and just the thought of bacon had her almost ready to turn around to head back for the bathroom.
She sat back down at the table and faced Ginger. “I’m sorry. I haven’t got a fever, just this upset stomach stuff. I’m sure it’ll pass in a few hours.”
Ginger laughed. “Oh, honey, it’ll pass okay. Like in about nine months.”
At her words, Galynn swallowed. It felt like her heart had leaped into her throat. She couldn’t be pregnant. It was impossible. She never forgot her birth control pills. She had a case with the days on it, so she’d know if she had forgotten to take them, and it hadn’t happened. She felt tears well up and blinked, trying to keep them in.
“It’s okay, honey.” Ginger drew herself up. All humor had left her face. She covered Galynn’s hand with her own. “You must have picked a really bad one. But he won’t find you here. If he does, the guys around here will put him straight the first time he looks cross-eyed at you.”
When Galynn didn’t say anything, Ginger continued. “Like I told you that first day, I don’t ever butt in. I believe in letting people have their secrets, but it’s been hard seeing you come down day after day with the look of someone who’s spent a lot of the night crying. A man who mistreats a woman isn’t worth spit…”
“No, it’s not like that. Cooper…the baby’s father.” Galynn stopped. Speaking the words out loud made them real, and she couldn’t afford that. She didn’t want to tell Ginger how much Cooper loved her. It made staying away from him and all that he offered her that much harder.
The tinkle of the bell over the front sounded. Ginger got up and gave Galynn’s shoulder a pat. “Let me get them some coffee. We’ll talk about this later, and in the meantime, if you need to go up and lie down, just let me know.”
The rest of the morning passed in a blur of panic. She couldn’t be pregnant. She had mentally gone over and over how long it’d been since her last period and knew, as impossible as it seemed, the impossible had happened.
It turned out Ginger was wrong about no one venturing out, and a steady stream of customers kept them busy until close to noon, and then it seemed the floodgates opened and all the booths filled. She couldn’t leave them shorthanded, so she stayed until almost two. Even as busy as the café kept her, she couldn’t stop thinking about being pregnant. She fought down panic. How could she have a baby? How could she risk Mick finding the baby with her?
By the time she got back up to the apartment, she was exhausted. She always enjoyed the alone time. Cooper was always with her, but in a safe place, tucked away in her heart. She would shut off the world and try not to think beyond the minute. The sameness of the days was comforting, and she let herself drift in a state of just existing. With the realization that she was carrying a baby, Cooper’s baby, it seemed like her mind was waking up. She rubbed her fingers across her temples. Her head hurt.
She hadn’t stopped to eat anything. Her stomach still felt upset, but she knew she had to eat. Why hadn’t she thought to bring up something from downstairs? She knew there wasn’t much of anything in her cabinets or fridge. She walked over to the window and gazed out at the street below. Ice hung from the eaves of the stores. The sidewalks were empty. She envisioned what it would look like in the summer when tourists flocked in. Ginger told her it was a favorite tourist spot for people visiting Yellowstone.
Thoughts of Cooper filled her mind. It was Saturday night. Would he be down at The Barn with Grant? He’d wanted to take her down there and do some western dancing, but they’d never made it. He’d had so many plans, so many things he wanted to show her and teach her.
She was unaware of the time passing until she felt a wave of dizziness. Glancing at the clock, she couldn’t believe how late it was. Her face glistened with tears, and she wiped her hand across it. She needed to get something to eat. And she needed to make some plans. She couldn’t have this baby.
She finished washing her face and put on some makeup to hide the ravages of the morning sickness that had ended up lasting half the day. Her eyes were still swollen from crying, but there wasn’t much more she could do. Hopefully Ginger would be off shift and home by this time, and she could just order something to go. If Ginger saw her looking like this, she would want to talk again, and that conversation wasn’t one Galynn wanted to have.
She picked up her purse, but left her coat. She only had to go down the stairs and a few steps to the café’s door. The cold air would feel good against her heated skin.
Wishing for the hundredth time that she’d gotten something before she left that afternoon, she pushed open the door. Shivering, she welcomed the rush of warm air. She was surprised to find the café almost empty. She leaned against the counter and picked up a menu. Nothing looked good. Finally taking the easy way out, she decided on a cheeseburger and fries. She started to call out when Ginger came around the corner, wiping her hands. When she saw Galynn, a smile lit up her face. “A few more minutes, and I would have ran up to the apartment to make sure you were okay. Did you catch a nap?”
“I rested.” The lie slid easily off Galynn’s tongue.
Ginger pulled the ever-present pencil from above her ear and picked up a pad. She could have called the order out, but she used the notes to keep track of inventory and insisted all the waitresses use them. “So what are you going to have?”
At Galynn’s order, she frowned. “That’s what you’re having for dinner?”
“Nothing looked good, and it will be filling.” When Ginger didn’t say anything and didn’t write it down, Galynn held up her hand. “Okay, I know it’s fried, but my stomach feels great, normal, and besides, it’s all I can handle right now and it’s easy to get it to go.”
Ginger’s frown deepened. “Oh no you don’t. You haven’t even gotten a TV, and you’re not going back up and eat all by yourself.”
“So if I had a TV, that would make it okay?”
Ginger grabbed the coffeepot and motioned her over to a booth. “I guess that does sound funny.” She poured one cup and then hesitated. “You want coffee, or maybe a milkshake, or cup of decaf or herbal tea?”
Galynn had never thought about caffeine and being pregnant. When her friend Nancy’s sister had been pregnant, she had limited herself to a couple of cups of decaf and no alcohol. The alcohol wouldn’t be a problem, but coffee? She hesitated. Would a fetus in this stage feel the effects of coffee? Silly thought, what did it matter? “Coffee’s okay. One cup can’t
hurt, and besides, I might not be pregnant. Even if I am, it won’t have long-term consequences because I’m not going to—”
“What? You think you can’t have a baby by yourself?”
Galynn tore at her broken nail. Her hands had taken a beating since she’d started work in the kitchen. She didn’t have to wash dishes, but she did a fair share. “You don’t understand.”
Ginger smacked Galynn’s hand. “Stop that. You’re going to have them nails down to nothing. Now what do you mean you can’t? I’ve seen how you’ve handled being on your own, and you’re one tough lady.”
“You don’t understand.” Almost spitting out the words, Galynn said, “I’m scared. If Mick finds me, he’ll kill the baby for sure and then me.”
Silence hung in the air as Ginger seemed to absorb what Galynn had just said. The cook called the order up, but neither moved. Finally Ginger slid out of the booth and got the food. “Here, try to eat.”
The food went untouched as time seemed to stand still. It was so quiet that the hands on the clock could be heard. Finally Ginger broke the silence. “Whew, you’re not just scared. You’re terrified. This Mick must be a real piece of work. Are you married to him?”
Galynn shook her head.
Ginger reached over and patted Galynn’s hand. “That’s good, so who is this Mick? And how is it he has you running scared? Because you strike me as one lady that isn’t a scared rabbit, more like a lioness who would fight back.”
“Lioness, hardly! You don’t want to hear this story, believe me.”
“Oh, you’re wrong about that, and I think you need to tell it. Maybe having someone that isn’t going to judge will help you see it more clearly. Besides, waitresses in joints like these are like bartenders. Silent ears, we hear, but we don’t repeat.”
An hour later Galynn sat back and sipped her cooled coffee. Ginger, true to her word, hadn’t said more than a few words to encourage her when she faltered. Galynn told the whole story, starting when her mother had first been diagnosed and ending with Cooper taking her home that first night.
With a sigh, Ginger said, “This could be a fairy-tale story if you would go back to Cooper.”
“I don’t think he’d want me. The way I left had to have broken his heart. You didn’t see his face, Ginger. By now at best he’s over me. At worst, he hates me.”
“What about his baby? Are you going to abort it without telling him?”
Galynn felt tears well up in her eyes again. What else could she do? He couldn’t be hurt from what he’d never know. She looked over at Ginger, who still looked stunned. “Thank you for listening. I don’t know about telling the story clearing my thinking, but I do know I’m ready to sleep. I can’t believe how tired I am all of a sudden.”
“And thank you for trusting me enough to confide in me. You run on upstairs, take a nice bath, and get into bed. Things always look better in the morning.” Galynn nodded and picked up her plate, but Ginger took it from her. “Oh, tomorrow when you get off shift, why don’t you run over to mall with me. Maybe look at TVs. I need to find some shoes before I’m barefoot.” She cleared her throat and added, “Honey, remember you’re not alone.”
Galynn blinked back tears. She even felt a spark of anticipation of the shopping trip. Maybe talking had been a good idea, and maybe she would start feeling alive again. Never like with Cooper, but at least more than just existing. She hated to think about how she would feel when there would no longer be a baby. Instinctively, her hand covered her stomach.
The next morning Galynn woke up to snow. She’d done what Ginger had suggested and taken a bath and gone straight to bed. She thought she’d be awake most of the night, but instead had slept straight through and felt better than she had since she’d gotten on the bus in Blackhawk. At least until the morning sickness hit. This time, she was ready with a little pouch of soda crackers that Ginger had given her. Looking out the window, she thought back to that first morning at Cooper’s. She felt stronger this morning. And even at only a few weeks, she felt the need to protect this little life. She again put her hand over her stomach where she knew life was beginning. All of a sudden she knew she couldn’t do anything to end the pregnancy. Instead, she’d fight. It might be too late for her and Cooper. She knew that Cooper wouldn’t want her after how she’d left, but she didn’t have a doubt that he’d want his baby. She couldn’t bear to have him be with her just for the sake of the baby. Then again, did she have a choice? Cooper deserved to know about the baby, and it deserved to know its father and his family.
Chapter 16
Five months later
Cooper wiped his face with his forearm. It was after ten o’clock, the night way too warm for April. But then, they’d had an early winter, too. He didn’t have to work at remembering that snow storm. The night he first saw Galynn had changed his life.
He slammed his fist down on the truck. Damn! He felt the familiar surge of anger. At her, at him. Why hadn’t he fought harder, insisted on confronting Mick sooner? Waiting until she had her suitcase packed had been a stupid move on his part.
He sighed. Most of the time he had his emotions firmly shut down. He went through the motions of living with no enjoyment. Food tasted like sawdust. He felt bone tired but never sleepy. When exhaustion finally claimed him and he fell asleep, he would wake up feeling only slightly better than before succumbing. Ball games didn’t hold his interest. He hadn’t laughed in what? Five months? It seemed more like a lifetime. He hoped he was putting up enough of a front to get by with his family and friends. He doubted it. The guys on his work crew gave him a wide berth. They used to come in the office and have a beer after a long day. Now when they got back to the shop, they just piled in their rigs and took off for home
Cooper grabbed another beam from the old building and tossed it in the truck. They’d finished tearing out the old walls in the school in Missoula. As soon as they removed the debris, they could begin construction on the apartments. He was ready to start the next phase of the project, though with his mood, it had been good to have something to tear apart.
Grant’s truck pulled up to the curb, and he swung out of the door. “For cripe’s sake, Coop. What in the heck do you think you’re doing? Even if you’ve turned into Superman and don’t need sleep, the neighbors do. By the time we get these apartments done, they’re going to hate us.”
Cooper didn’t have an argument. He grabbed his coat and slung it over his shoulder. “You’re right. Let’s get the hell out of here. It’s a sad state when you have to come all the way over here to haul my butt home. I have a beer waiting for us, or do you have work tomorrow?”
Grant followed him out the door. “No, in fact, I’m taking off for a few days. And you need to think about doing the same.”
“Yeah, sure, and do what?”
“Do what I came over here for. I need to talk to you, but it can wait until we get back to your place.”
* * * *
The two trucks turned into Cooper’s drive, their lights hitting the lake. The scene before him looked beautiful, and for a few brief seconds, Cooper felt a stirring in his chest. Then, like a heavy door, he shut all emotions down again.
Grant parked and followed his brother inside. Cooper already had the fridge door open. He called over his shoulder. “You hungry?”
“No, just hand me a beer for now. And you need to think about eating before midnight. It looks like you’ve lost a good thirty pounds.”
Cooper pulled his head out of the fridge, two beers in his hand. The effort to warm up something didn’t seem worth it, and he wasn’t hungry. Grant was right, though. He needed to get on a regular schedule and eat, hungry or not. He’d do better tomorrow.
The two brothers took their drinks into the living room, and Cooper clicked on the TV to forestall any conversation. He loved his family and appreciated that they’d all been there for him, but it had been over five months now and they needed to move on. And he needed to get used to being alone, really alone. As it
was, one of them was over here every day. They’d leave food or a case of beer if he wasn’t there. If they did find him home, they made time to sit and talk. He’d had more conversations on the weather these past months than a man could be expected to have in a lifetime.
Grant cleared his throat. “I have something I want to talk to you about.”
Cooper stifled a groan. Not tonight. He could feel himself letting go. He didn’t know when he’d felt rested. It seemed more like he dragged himself through the days and nights, and when his body couldn’t take it anymore, it just gave out. He mumbled, “Sorry, later.”
* * * *
The smell of coffee greeted Cooper the next morning. Sometime in the wee hours he’d woken up and could sense someone in the house with him. The last thing he’d remembered was sitting down on the sofa, but instead of waking up cold and stiff, he had his pillow, a blanket, and his boots were off. He must have drifted off into a normal sleep because he felt more rested than he had in months, so much so that he barely opened his eyes, willing himself to go back to sleep.
Grant came in carrying two steaming cups of coffee and balancing a full plate of heavily buttered toast. “Hey, bro, breakfast. Come on. It’s time to rise and shine.”
