“Yes, I’ve made coffee before but I wanted one last moment with you before everyone else shows up and ruins it.” His lips are right next to mine. All I have to do is close the distance between us. I hesitate. I really want to kiss him but I’m scared. “Don’t be afraid of me, please. I can handle anything but that.” The pain in his voice is my undoing.
“I’m not afraid of you, Stryker. There’s so much about me no one knows. Give me time, please. I swear I’ll tell you. Right now, I can’t. Not with what you went through last night.” His lips gently brush mine.
“OK, I’ll give you that. But we will get through it, just the two of us, deal?”
“Deal.” I lightly settle my lips against his and a groan rumbles up Stryker’s chest sending heat to my core. I will need a new change of panties if he keeps this up. His arm around my shoulders pulls me against his hard body and his hardness pokes into my stomach.
He runs his tongue along the seam of my lips, asking for permission. It’s a heady experience having someone ask this way instead of taking what they want. I open my lips allowing his tongue inside, trusting he won’t abuse the privilege. His tongue slips past my lips and battles with my own. His taste floods my senses. His hot breath makes me crave more. More of his taste. More of him.
Stryker breaks our first real kiss, resting his forehead against mine, breathing harshly through his nose. “Thank you, I’ll take that any time you want to give it to me.”
“Hmm…” my brain is mush. I can’t talk or even form words in my head. Stryker laughs. A melody that makes my heart flutter.
“Better get changed and cooking before everyone comes in,” Stryker says against my lips.
“Why do I have to change?” I’m extremely confused.
“Because if any of my brothers see this hot little thing you’re wearing, I’ll flip my shit and undoubtedly kill them. Murder isn’t on my mind right now.” He runs his fingers over my exposed skin making my nipples hard. “And they can see how turned on you are. That’s for my eyes only.” He traces my nipple through the soft fabric and my breath catches in my throat. “Please? I don’t want to kill anyone this morning.”
“Oh, Ok. I’ll go change, but I’m doing it because you asked, not because you told me to.” I give him a light kiss on his stubbled, bruised cheek and slip out from under his arms.
As I enter my bedroom, a light and heady feeling floats around in my brain. This might work. Stryker might be the man I’ve been waiting for to help me forget everything. To help me escape my past and let me emerge into the woman I’ve always wanted to be but was beat down any time I tried. He might be the answer to my prayers. All I have to do is trust him enough to open up to him. That’s the part that scares me the worst. Opening up to him and sharing all the dark and dirty details of the shit I went through. But in order for this to work, for us to work, he needs to know what he’s dealing with and everything I went through.
Chapter 4
Stryker
Everyone’s waking up as the morning pushes on. Holly has a huge spread of food for all the guys set up buffet style along the island. She cooked her little heart out and it’s the first time she was relaxed and flirting with me in a long time.
Holly’s leaning against the counter next to the sink, sipping on a cup of coffee watching everything around her. Her curly brown hair is piled on top of her head in a weird bun thingy. She changed into a tiny pair of jean shorts and a tank top. Sadly, she put a bra on so I can’t see her nipples peeking through her shirt, but I’ve watched her body for other signs of desire. The shortness of breath, the rise and fall of her chest, the way her cheeks turn pink when I say something inappropriate. The way she shudders when I trail a finger down her exposed skin.
She hasn’t eaten anything she cooked. I fix a plate and take it over to her.
“What’s this for?” She questions raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.
“You haven’t eaten yet, so I’m making you eat.” I lean in so only she can hear me. “Besides, if I have my way, you’ll need the energy later.” A shiver rolls down her body and the blush remains on her cheeks.
Holly carefully sets her cup down and takes the plate of food from my hands. Our fingers lightly brush against each other creating a spark to fly up my arm and straight to my cock. Holly’s eyes widen in surprise so I know she felt it too.
“Thanks?” It comes out as a question and not an answer. She slowly picks away at her plate.
I keep my lips next to her ear so no one can hear our conversation and I love the way her body shudders when I’m this close. “I’m not leaving your side until you give me the pleasure of watching you wrap your plump lips around that fork.”
She chokes on the piece of toast she was chewing, causing the gazes of my brothers to swing our way. I gently pat her on the back. “You’re such an asshole,” she grumbles once she stops choking.
“That’s not all you can be choking on,” I whisper against the side of her head.
“Stop, Stryker. That isn’t fair.” The smile on her face is contradicting what her words are saying. She enjoys it as much as I do. I run a finger down her bare arm and place a gentle kiss on the top of her head.
“Didn’t say I’d play fair. Just know I want you. In more ways than one.”
Kayne and Blayde come strolling into the kitchen talking in hushed whispers. I can’t hear what they’re saying but if the fury in Kayne’s blue eyes is any indication, it’s not good. They stop talking and look at me. The shocked look on their faces is confusing me.
Kayne approaches first, “How are you doing?” I catch the concern in his voice.
“Sore, but fine,” I answer.
“What do you remember?” Blayde asks, stepping next to Kayne.
“Nothing.” I shrug my shoulders. They both look at Holly like they want her to leave, but I tighten my grip around her shoulders keeping her next to me. “She knows I don’t remember anything either. And she doesn’t have to leave.”
“Do you want to remember?” Kayne asks.
I hesitate to answer. Do I want to know who did this to me? Do I want to know anything? “Yes. I need to know what happened.”
Kayne speaks first. “Karl Maverick.” Two words. That’s all it takes is a name to send me spiraling out of control. Red clouds my vision and my arm around Holly’s shoulders tremble with rage.
“Holly, move,” I growl. I’m aware of her near me and need her to leave before I snap and she gets in the crosshairs. The warmth of her body leaves me and I lose it. I drift into a time and place I keep buried in the deep recess of my mind.
***
“You worthless piece of shit,” she screams at me the moment I walk into the depleted apartment and throw my backpack down onto the dirty carpet. I had a bad day at school and just wanted to come home and get away from everything. I’m suspended again for fighting this rich preppy fucker who thought he was better than me. One more time, the principal told me, and they will expel me for the rest of the year. I won’t graduate. I walk past her, try to ignore the woman who gave birth to me but she won’t let up. “I ruined my body to have you and this is the thanks I get?”
That stops me dead in my tracks. I never asked to be here. I never wanted her to be my mother. “What are you talking about?” I turn to face her and disgust at her appearance rolls through my stomach. She is wearing a pair of short booty shorts and a pink thin strapped tank top made for a teenage girl looking to get laid not a mother. Her once vibrant blonde hair is greasy and her teeth are stained yellow from smoking. She hasn’t showered in several days because she was on a binge. Now she’s coming off the high she’s been on for the last week and there’s a maniacal look in her pale blue eyes.
“You ruined me. Just like he did.” She spits out and stomps her feet. She’s lost so much weight in the past few years, a single breeze could blow her away. Sometimes I wish she’d OD and I wouldn’t have to deal with her, but every time she disappears, she comes back with a vengeance and if t
he bruising on her arms and the jittering movements are any indication, this will not be easy. She’s going to trash me with her words because she can’t hit me anymore like she used too.
“You’re worthless.” She seethes. “You’ll never amount to anything.” She spits out. I wait for the rest. It’s always the same. Never changes. It’s the same song and dance she does every day since I was a little boy to tear me down.
“You’re just like your father.” She sneers and comes at me. She tries to scratch and claw at my face, but I’m so much stronger than I used to be, I hold her back.
“Get your fucking hands off her.” The man who’s haunted me since I was a little boy steps from the bedroom. His steel-gray eyes are pinning me to my spot. “Get the fuck out now, you worthless piece of shit.” He steps up to me and delivers a painful blow to the side of my head. Just like he used to do when I was a little boy, knocking my balance off. “You’re nothing more than a coward. Just like your father.”
I sneak a glance at my mother and she’s on her knees sobbing into the dirty carpet. “You want me to leave?” I ask her. She sniffles and nods her head. “Fine. I’m gone. But don’t try to find me when you need cash and need me to do your dirty work.” I shoulder past the two people who’ve tormented me my entire life and start throwing shit in my backpack. I grab as much as I can before he comes in and physically forces me to leave. He’s done it before when I was a little boy. I grab the wad of cash I have stashed in the bathroom and heft my backpack on my shoulders.
I walk past the dirty living room with quick strides. My hand grips the doorknob when Karl comes up behind me. I sense his presence before he’s within reach. I duck from the incoming blow and spin around. His fist lands on the door, vibrating it. Before he can react, I hit him with a quick jab to his kidneys. Rage pumps through my veins as I deliver blow after blow onto his body. Tiny hands wrap around my neck pulling hard. I shove my worthless mother off me and she hits the wall with a thud.
“Get out. Get the fuck out now.” She’s sobbing, sitting on the floor. She crawls over to Karl and throws herself over his unconscious, bloody body. “Don’t ever come back.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t. You’ll never see me again. What kind of mother would throw her teenage son on the streets? You’re a worthless washed-up whore. And I hope you get everything you deserve.” I spin on my heels and throw the front door open, slamming it against the wall with a hard bang. I don’t bother closing it and I make my way down the depleted hallway in quick strides. Fuck her. Fuck Karl. Fuck them all. I’m out of here.
I take the metal stairs two at a time until I reach the lobby. Shouldering the door open, I step into the bright sun. The warm rays release me from this place. A sense of peace washes over me. I feel free. Free for the first time in my life. Free to do whatever I need to survive and out from under the torture and terror of my mother and her asshole boyfriend.
***
“Stryker? Can you hear me?” A woman’s soft voice penetrates the awful memories. Not just any woman, the only woman who can quiet the voices in my head. Holly.
Opening my eyes, I groan. “What happened?” I ask rubbing my hands down my face. I press my back against something cold and hard. My vision adjusts and Holly is leaning over me, looking at me with concern etched in honey-colored eyes.
She runs her hands through my hair and sniffs, “You freaked out. Kayne and Blayde had to subdue you.”
I shift slightly, trying to sit up. “Did they hit me or something? My body feels like it’s on fire.”
Holly helps me lean against a wall. “No, you did that to yourself.” She casts her eyes down, not looking at me anymore.
I nudge her leg with mine. The move hurts, but I need her attention back on me, not avoiding me. “Can you fill me in, please?”
She drifts her vision back up until she’s looking into my eyes. She moves so she’s sitting beside me leaning against the wall. “You lost it, Stryker. I mean really lost it. Your eyes glazed over and your body started vibrating with rage. You lost touch with reality for a moment. Then you grabbed your hair yanking hard, screaming at yourself.” Holly pauses to take a deep breath. She exhales and continues. “You started hitting yourself. Something triggered that rage. Someone triggered something you’ve been keeping in the back of your mind.” Holly shifts her body so she’s facing me. “I know what it’s like to hide something from everyone. When you’re ready to talk, I’m here to listen.”
I look around to figure out where we are. We’re sitting between the living room and kitchen. The noises of my brothers fill the empty silence. I close my eyes and lean my head against the wall. Should I tell her? Should I fill her in on what triggered my episode? Does Holly need to know the dirty, dark secrets I’ve been hiding from everyone? Will she still want me if I do tell her?
There’s only one way to find out. I turn my head and study every shape and crease of her face. From her scrunched eyebrows and long dark lashes to her petite nose sprinkled with freckles, down to her pouty lips made perfectly for kissing. Holly has been my salvation these past few years and she never knew it. She needs to know it now. She needs to know how much I need her. Want her.
I grab her slender hand in mine. Her small, tanned fingers fit perfectly with my big, rough ones. She’s everything to me and now’s my chance to tell her. I open my mouth to say something when a pair of boots come into view.
Kayne is standing above us his deep blue eyes are assessing me carefully. “Need you in Church. We have some Club business to discuss.” With that, he turns on his heels and heads back into the kitchen.
“I’ve got to go. Club business,” I squeeze her hand gently and Holly squeezes back.
“I know. I’m here when you’re ready, Stryker.” My name rolling off her lips sends desire straight to my cock.
“I’ll hold you to that.” I lean in and rest my forehead against hers, breathing in her sweet scent. Our mouths are inches apart. Holly closes the distance between us and places a light kiss to my lips. Before I can take more, she pulls away.
“You need to get in there. Find me when you’re done.” Holly rises to her feet with grace, stretching her back. I can’t help but drool over the move. She holds out her hand to help me up. I take it and lift myself off the floor. My head spins a little so I lean against the wall until the wave passes.
“Damn, it feels like I have a concussion.” I shake my head and wait for the nausea to appear like it has in the past when I was hit too hard in the head. Nothing happens so I push off the wall. “I’ll find you when we’re done. I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Holly whispers against my side. She walks away leaving me with more questions than answers.
Who made her promises and lied? Who hurt her so badly she can’t trust? Who do I have to kill for hurting my woman? Hurting my sunshine? There’s only one way to find out and once this meeting is done and we handle Club business, I will find out. If it’s the only thing I accomplish today, I will find out.
Chapter 5
Holly
Walking away is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I need a breather. I need a break. If I stayed with Stryker, he never would have gone to Church, been in trouble with Kayne and I would have spilled everything I’m hiding. I’ve been in his shoes I’ve walked in his path. I know what’s going on in his head more than he realizes. I fight every day to keep myself in check. I battle with demons and the darkness trying to pull me under every day of my life. For as long as I can remember. I’ve never lost it like that and inflicted pain on myself while I was out of touch with reality. But I have inflicted pain on myself, just so I could feel again.
My fingers lightly brush against the scars on the top of my thighs once I’m in the safety of my room. With no one else around to see me do it. They’re a reminder that even though I spiraled at one point in my life, I can overcome and beat anything. I had to have the will to stop. I had to have the confidence in myself to stop. Once I sta
rted, I found a new outlet for the pain inflicted on me. Something I could control on my own. Pain I could control. Not the fists flying at my face or my stomach. Not my bones crushing under the harsh blows. These scars remind me of my own pain. I needed the control back.
I sink down onto my bed and release a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. A soft knock echoes through my room. If I ignore it, maybe they’ll go away. Another knock. This one is a little louder than the last.
“Holly?” Poison’s voice filters through the other side. Damn, with as much as I want to ignore it, I can’t. She always checks up on me when shit goes sideways with Stryker. The last time was when a Prospect touched my ass right in front of Stryker. He lost his shit and almost killed the kid. But he didn’t know the Prospect knew what he was doing and did it to get Stryker off his ass and claim me the way he always wanted.
With a heavy sigh, I get up from the bed and open my door. Poison’s long blond hair is up in her signature messy bun. She’s wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, a tank top and her cut over it. I gesture with a sweep of my hand to let her in. Poison comes in and takes a seat on the chair in the corner of my room. Which she has done countless times.
“Kayne let me skip Church to come check on you,” her hazel eyes are shining with pity. I don’t want or need anyone’s pity. I’m tired of everyone thinking I’m some fragile piece of glass that will break at any given time.
“You shouldn’t have. I’m fine. Stryker and I are fine. There’s no reason you need to be here.” Yeah I know, I sound bitchy.
“Look, I know getting involved with the Club deeper than you have been is a big step for you. I just want to help you navigate your way through it all.” Poison’s soft voice rings through my room. Damn it. Now I really am a bitch.
“Sorry. I know more about Club life than anyone understands. I wish all of you would stop treating me like I’m fragile.” I pace back and forth along the plush carpet. “I have lived it, breathed it for so long, it’s ingrained in my mind.”
Stryker's Salvation (A Savage Saints MC Book 3) Page 3
