by Baker, Apryl
“More than I should. He makes me so mad sometimes, but then he says or does something that just makes me melt.”
“I think you’re starting to fall in love, CJ,” Kay whispered.
“I think maybe I am,” I sighed.
“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know, Kay. It just seems too soon, too sudden. I thought love was supposed to take longer.”
“Nope,” she said. “I knew I loved Billy after three dates.”
“How?” I asked, curious.
“Well, the way I felt when he kissed me was a huge sign. When I think about him, I get all…gooey on the inside. I need to hear his voice when I wake up or before I go to sleep. He makes me feel special and loved. No one else ever has. Usually guys just want to go out with me because they think I’m hot or because my dad’s the Coven leader. Not Billy. He likes me, CJ, for me. He sees past the drinking and the smartass attitude. He sees me.”
“Damn.”
“Ethan makes you feel the same way?” she grinned down at me as we approached the boys from behind. We’d made a full circle of the clearing as we talked and were back to where we started.
“Yup.”
“I can’t believe you did it, man,” Billy told Ethan. “I didn’t think anyone would ever manage to get her to come anywhere near the Coven.”
I saw Ethan shrug. “I told you I’d get her here and I did. You guys went about it the wrong way. You have to know how to handle Cassie.”
Handle Cassie? What the hell?
“You can’t push her. You have to let her make the decision on her own. All I did was just point out a few things to make her think about it.”
Jeff looked up and saw us standing behind Ethan and Billy. “Well, you did promise to get CJ here. Was it hard to do?”
“No,” Ethan shook his head. “I just kept her distracted like Billy suggested and asked the right questions.”
Billy reached out and slapped him on the back. “Welcome to the Coven, man. You did the impossible and earned your place.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Kay shouted, outraged.
Billy and Ethan turned around to see us standing there. They both looked alarmed, but Jeff stood with a vindictive smile on his face. Wait. Had he known what Ethan and Billy were up to? My eyes narrowed as they focused on Neighbor Boy. His smile faded and he too began to look alarmed, realizing how much trouble he was in.
Had this entire week been about getting me to a stupid Coven meeting so he could prove something to the two jerks standing beside him? Had everything he said just an hour earlier been a lie? It hurt to think that, but it also pissed me off. Anger was easier to deal with at the moment, so I let it out.
“So, let me get this straight,” I snarled and the wind started to howl. It ripped through the trees and whipped around us. “You were manipulating me to get me to come to a damn meeting? Is that right?”
“Cassie, let me explain…”
“Shut it!” I tried to keep from yelling, everyone was already staring at us. The wind tore through the trees and lashed out at us all. “At least you got what you wanted. I’m here.”
“Cassie…”
“Don’t,” I told him. “Just don’t.”
“It was Billy’s idea!” Ethan pointed a finger at him.
“Billy’s idea?” Kay rounded on her boyfriend. “You put him up to this? How could you do that? She’s my best friend. How could you hurt her like that?”
“Kay…”
“Oh no, Billy, don’t even try it. I’m so mad I might just break up with you right now if you say another word to me.”
“Kay, I’m sorry. It was stupid.”
“No, it was more than stupid, you assholes!” She glared at all three of them.
“Cassie, please…”
“No,” Kay cut Ethan off. “Leave her alone. You’ve done enough. Come on, CJ, let’s get you home.”
“I’ll drive you,” Billy offered, his voice desperate.
“I don’t think so,” Kay told him, her own voice as cold as a winter’s frost. “I have my own car. What you did was horrible and I can’t stand to look at you right now, William James Howe, so fuck off.”
She turned us away from them and I didn’t start to cry until we were in the car.
Chapter Ten
I ran straight past my dad and up the stairs to the bathroom. I jerked off the dress and the shoes – well, I was a bit more careful with the shoes. After scrubbing my face and pulling on my pjs, I crawled into bed. So I’d been just a way for him to prove himself? How could he do that to me? Why would he do it? I thought he’d felt the same way I did, but I’d been wrong. All he’d managed to do was rip another hole into my already tattered heart. Those beautiful gray eyes rose up to taunt me when I closed mine and I cursed. Why did it hurt so much? I barely knew him.
But I did know him. My heart knew him. It loved him, traitorous fool that it was. All I had been to Ethan was a means to an end – he’d managed the one thing no one else had ever been able to do. So what if he was a great kisser and told me things that made me feel special and even understood the depth of the pain I felt for Emily. So what? Who’s to say it wasn’t all an act?
Tears blurred my vision. Please, please don’t have been an act.
“Here, move over.” Kay pulled back the covers and piled junk food on the bed. She grabbed the remote and handed me a spoon. “I think I covered all the basics – chips, pop, ice cream, and chocolate.”
I blinked at the mountain of junk food she’d brought up. I also saw that she had pulled on one of my longer nightshirts. It barely covered her. I smiled at how idiotic she looked.
“Do you want butter pecan or cookies and cream?” she asked, diving into the bed.
“Butter pecan,” I told her through a hiccup.
“Good, cause you would have to fight me to the death for the cookies and cream.” She smiled and flipped on the TV. “O-h-h, look, it’s John Carpenter’s Halloween.” She knew I was a sucker for horror movies.
“What did you tell Dad?” He’d seen us come in together. He must have put two and two together.
“That your date was an ass and you called me to come get you.”
“He believed you?” I asked. “I didn’t leave the house in a dress, MJ.”
“Don’t worry,” she soothed. “We’ll come up with something. Let’s not worry about that right now, okay? Let’s just eat ourselves to death on ice cream and chocolate.”
“I can’t believe I was so stupid.” I shoveled a large spoonful of ice cream into my mouth.
“You weren’t stupid,” she said quietly. “I know you’re pretty mad and you’re hurt, but I honestly think Ethan cares about you. No matter what happened, I believe that.”
“WHAT?” I exclaimed. “How can you say that, Makayla Joyce? Did you not hear the same thing I did? It was all about getting me to a stupid Coven meeting! He lied to me and he tricked me and…”
“Okay,” she held up a hand to stop my tirade. “I agree, what he did was beyond sleazy, but still, CJ, you’re all he ever talks about. That first meeting he came to, he didn’t even ask a single question about the Coven. All he wanted to know about was you.”
“Only because he wanted to find out how to get me to go to a meeting and who knows me better than you?”
“Maybe,” Kay agreed grudgingly, “but that doesn’t explain the way he looks at you.”
I groaned. She had to remind me of that didn’t she? Ethan looked at me like I was the center of his world. His eyes saw only my face and then they would darken to molten steel that blazed with a heat and intensity that set my entire body flaming scarlet. He could make my toes curl with just a glance.
“Look, I’m not saying forgive him or anything, at least not right now,” she sighed. “Just hear him out when you’re ready to talk, okay?”
Talk? I wanted to hit him until he hurt as much as I did right now. It felt like my insides had been put through a meat g
rinder. My skin felt raw and bloody, like I’d been dragged over asphalt. Talking was out of the question for a good long while.
“Sure,” I nodded. “Let’s just watch the movie, alright?”
“So how long are we going to be mad at them for?” she asked me through a mouthful of ice cream.
“Them?” I asked, confused.
“What, you think I’m going to talk to Billy as long as you’re not talking to Ethan?” She looked affronted I’d even need to ask such a question. “No way. The assholes can suffer together.”
I smiled. Bless the Fates, but I loved her. She would stay mad at Billy for as long as I wanted her to.
“Oh, look, there goes Little Miss Stupid Ass to see what’s in the laundry room,” Kay muttered. “Really, why would you go out there? We’d never do anything so stupid.”
“No, but we’ve watched way too many horror movies,” I remarked dryly as we settled down to watch the John Carpenter Halloween marathon and gain about six pounds on ice cream and chocolate. Kay’s rambling shouts at the stupidity of the people in the movie faded as I thought back to another Saturday night.
I stormed up the stairs and threw myself on Emily’s bed. I wanted to die. Steven Jones had just asked me if I could get him a date with Kay. He’d been flirting with me for over two weeks and it had all been to get me to talk to Kay for him. I liked him. A lot. Why did this always happen to me? Why couldn’t the hot boy ever like me? Why did it always have to be about Makayla?
“Hey, little sis, what’s wrong?” Emily asked me when she came in a bit later. “Mom said you came home crying.”
“I hate her!” I raged into the tear sodden pillow.
“Who?” She stroked my hair with gentle hands.
“Makayla.”
“Why do you hate your best friend?”
“Because every boy we know likes her and none of them like me.”
“That’s not true, CJ,” she denied. “Plenty of boys like you. What about Steven? He’s been flirting with you for weeks.”
“So he could get me to talk to Kay for him!” I burst into tears again.
“Oh,” she murmured. “Well, that just sucks.”
“Ya think?”
“But it’s not Kay’s fault, CJ. She can’t help it.”
“I know, Em, but it’s just not fair! Why can’t the cute boy ever like me?”
“What about Allen Pike or Jeff Parker?” she asked. “They are both extremely cute and seem to worship the ground you walk on.”
“Allen’s boring and Jeff is…Jeff.” I sat up and dried my eyes.
“Oh, so Neighbor Boy’s not good enough?” she teased.
“No, that’s not it. Jeff is just not boyfriend material. He’s inconsiderate and thinks he’s the hottest thing on the market. Plus he has wet, slobbery lips.”
“And how do you know that?” Emily wiggled her eyebrows.
I squirmed. “I kissed him.”
“You kissed Neighbor Boy?” she squealed. “When?”
“Right before school started, at the Labor Day bonfire by the lake.”
“And why were you kissing Neighbor Boy if he’s not boyfriend material?”
“I don’t know, curiosity I guess. It is not something I will repeat again.”
“That bad?” she laughed.
“No, I guess not, but his lips were just too…wet,” I grimaced.
She wet her lips and smacked them together. “So not too bad a smoocher, just too slippery when wet and wild?”
“Emily!” I laughed at her lewd expression.
“There, see, you’re laughing. The world’s not over because of some idiot boy.”
“What would I do without you?” I grinned and threw a pillow at her.
We’d ended up in a pillow fight that had us both in tears from laughing so hard. She’d been right, though. The world wouldn’t end because of an idiot boy. It’d just hurt like hell. It was also the last time I’d ever let a boy make me cry. I became the person who always got the boy’s attention I wanted. I never thought I’d be in that position again. Ems had been right then and she was still right now. The world didn’t end because of a jerk.
When I glanced at the TV I was surprised to see that we had progressed to Halloween II and Michael was chasing Lori down the hospital corridor. Kay was sound asleep. I collected the empty ice cream containers and went to throw them in the garbage. Everyone had already gone to bed so I didn’t have to deal with the parents tonight.
Emily’s door called to me on the way back up. I found myself in there instead of my own bed. I missed her so much. Kay was great, but she wasn’t my sister. I needed Emily, but since she wasn’t here, her room would have to do. No one had been in here in a long time. A coat of dust covered the furniture and her clothes still lay on the floor where she’d thrown them. None of us had been able to pack up her room. I suspected it would stay just as it was forever.
I opened her closet and took a deep breath. Even now, three years later, a hint of her favorite jasmine perfume still clung to the clothes inside. I ran my hands over them, relishing the feel of the soft cottons, cashmeres, and knits. I spotted a box in the back corner. My mouth opened in surprise. Her Jimmy Choos! Her six hundred dollar Jimmy Choos. Emily had saved every penny to buy those shoes. She’d wanted to wear them to the winter solstice ball.
The box came out easily and I opened it. The shoes weren’t in the box.
But her diary was.
This could hold the answers I was looking for.
I opened the leather bound journal.
Chapter Eleven
I stared at it, almost afraid to read it. Emily had been the one who convinced me to start keeping a journal. It would come in handy later if I learned to write things down, she’d said. My writing kept me sane, even if I hadn’t done it in a while. I owed her so much.
This one must have been one she’d just started. The pages weren’t full and the first entry was dated in September. These were her last thoughts in the weeks before she died. I took a deep breath and started to read.
September 09, 2007
Well, old friend, Dad gave me my own Book of Shadows today. He says anything I write about the Coven needs to go in it from now on. It’s beautiful, bound in velvety soft black leather with my name etched in gold along the top. He had it handmade. It doesn’t look that big, but he says when I need more pages, they’ll be there. Who am I to judge after some of the things I’ve seen? If he says they’ll be there, well, then I guess they will. He also told me to hide it in a very secure place, that it’s for my eyes only. A witch’s BOS is sacred and personal. It’s also very powerful. If you let others see your innermost thoughts and how you work your magic, you hand them a weapon to use against you. Yup, that’s what he said, a weapon. So, I guess I’ll have to find a good hiding spot for it.
I will share it with CJ, though. She’s my sister and I trust her more than anyone else in the world. She would never use it against me. Besides, how can I not share it with her since she’s practically written over half of my spells the last couple of years? She’s much better at spelling than I am and she doesn’t even realize it. It’s only fair that I give her my spells in return for all the help she’s given me.
Dad says that I’m not supposed to write anything else about the Coven in my journals, that all my insane ramblings go in the BOS, but I have kept a journal for so long, it’s going to be a hard habit to break. How can I not confess everything to you? You’re my secret keeper. Don’t worry, I’ll keep telling you my secrets for a while longer.
September 12, 2007
I’ll kill him. How dare he? Who does he think he is? Cheat on me and think I won’t find out about it? So dead.
September 15, 2007
Thank the Fates, CJ is a whiz with spells. I have tried for three days straight to get my truth spell to work on Adam. CJ came into my room while I was ranting about my last failed attempt and I asked her what she thought about it. She frowned and rambled off the perfect tru
th spell. It worked the FIRST time. Why can my spells never work the first time around? Jealous? You betcha.
Bastard was cheating with my best friend. Damn them both. The look of horror on Nora’s face when Adam confessed in front of everyone was well worth it. You do not MESS with the JCL and expect to get off scot free. No one is speaking to either of them right now because I’m not speaking to them right now. Thank you, little sister.
September 21, 2007
I know I’m not supposed to write about Coven business in here, but I don’t have time to dig out my BOS and I need to sort through this. So, old friend, help me to figure it out.
The Council keeps pressing me to name a successor, but I keep putting it off. I have to make a decision soon, though. Even Dad told me to get a move on. Who should I name as the next Junior Coven Leader? I’ve thought long and hard, looked at all the candidates and still, I’m hesitant.
Everyone is pushing for Kay to take over. She’s a born leader and can command a crowd better than anyone I know, maybe even better than Mr. Martin, her father. Everyone adores her and pretty much follows her lead now, so it wouldn’t be too much of a leap for me to chose her. But there’s something there in her face that makes me uncomfortable. It’s a look she gets, the same look her dad gets, that says she’s out for herself and everyone else be damned. Then I feel bad for even thinking it. I know Kay – she’s CJ’s best friend. Kay is not her father, but I can’t shake the feeling that she only lets us see what she wants us to, including CJ. Growing up with the asshole she did must have left scars – hell she gets drunker than sin every weekend. That’s her way of coping. CJ tries to keep her out of trouble, but sometimes she looks for it, especially when she’s drunk. What kind of trouble could she cause if I gave her the JC?
Mom even agrees that Kay is the best choice. Am I being too paranoid? It’s my baby and I don’t want to give it to someone who will use it for gain instead of the foundation of trust and service I’ve built. I want it to rest in the hands of someone who will treat it like the sacred trust of learning it is, someone who will foster the traditions of our people and guide those who seek its shelter and knowledge.
