by Liz Davis
Yet did any of that really matter? As she asked herself the question, she realized that what it really all meant was he’d only seen her as a one-night stand. They’d shared their night of passion, and now he was gone. He was the first man she’d had sex with in over a year, and just as quickly as it began, it had already ended. Releasing a sigh, she placed her palms against the tile walls and let the water spray against her back. Things were screwed up now and there was no undoing it, no matter how badly she wanted to.
* * * *
There was no going back now, no matter how hard Takoda tried or how much he struggled to forget it. The truth was that it already happened. Takoda hadn’t set out to mark her. He had been pulled into it. He’d gotten so caught up in the passion and sight of her beautiful body that he’d lost control. He hadn’t been able to resist marking her. The pull he felt had been too strong. Her body had been so tight and wet and full of sexual heat. Disappointingly, he’d lost control of that feral side of himself. His hands had been on her neck, stroking along that delicate softness there, and before he knew it, it had been done.
After they finished their third session for the night, she’d slept so soundly that she didn’t even stir as he’d left her bedroom. He hadn’t wanted to leave her like that, stealing away in the middle of the night. It made him feel like a jerk, but he didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. He found himself unable to control the change. If he hadn’t left then, he would have been exposed, and he couldn’t let her know who he really was. He didn’t know how or when he would tell her, but if he’d allowed himself to be exposed last night, then she surely would have freaked out.
He’d managed to open the window before it happened, sensing the oncoming metamorphosis. Then he’d leaned in to kiss her once more, admiring the way her face looked beneath the soft moonlight. And then he had transformed, shape-shifting into the animal which had grown to become a normal part of himself. He’d taken one last look back at her before he left and then gave a mighty spring up and out of the window. Once he cleared the window, he tried to transform back into a human form, but it hadn’t worked.
It had taken awhile, but finally he was able to change back, and as he drove back home in the middle of the night he couldn’t stop thinking of how he’d left his mark on her.
She wasn’t ready for his mark yet, so why had he done it? He didn’t know what had gotten into him, but now that it was done, there was no turning back. They were linked together now, meaning a part of himself would always belong with her and vice versa. No matter how hard he tried to deny it, it was the truth. It wasn’t that he didn’t want her, because he did. It was just that he was afraid of losing her. The pain and loss of a love he’d had before was still in his heart. He’d never managed to fully heal and struggled with it nearly every day. The memory of it was what kept him afraid of growing close to another. And this girl was fully human. He hadn’t experienced love with someone like that before. Takoda ran his fingers through his hair, exhaling a deep breath as his mind was flooded with thoughts and emotions.
He hadn’t meant to do this, to bring another woman into his life and his heart and his mind. He didn’t think it was fair of him to do that to her, but what did he expect? He knew what he was getting himself into, so why hadn’t he stopped? Since when had a human woman become a serious consideration for him? Had he really grown so weak? The answer was no, he hadn’t. He’d felt a strong draw to her, a magnetic pull that neither could resist.
Of course she would want to know how and why the mark was there, wondering where it had come from. He could pretend to know nothing about it, but he didn’t want to do that. He couldn’t lie to her. That wasn’t the type of man he was. So how would he explain it? He knew that once he told her what he really was, she would undoubtedly be afraid. Which meant that once he came out with the truth, things would never again be the same. So all he could do was just have hope that she would understand and that she wouldn’t run away from him.
Takoda stood up from the chair he was sitting in and walked over to the window.
He hunched his shoulders as he walked so that his head wouldn’t bump against the attic roof, which pitched in above him. There was a small, circular window in the room, allowing him a nice view of the woodsy area which spread out in the back of his house. He could see the town in the distance, with clusters of trees lining the streets.
As he looked out there, all he could think of was her. He could feel her heart aching for him, and it made him feel terrible. The last thing he wanted her to think was that he was a hititandrun type of guy because nothing could be further from the truth. Yet if he didn’t tell her, he would be hiding a part of himself from her, and if they were to become one, then he would have to come clean. Letting his forehead rest against the dusty windowpane, Takoda closed his eyes and let the sun warm his face.
“You can’t ever allow yourself to love another.”
As the words reverberated through his head, he thought back to how he used to be, and all the blockades he’d constructed as a result of fear and pain. He thought about those words he’d promised himself years ago, and realized that he had to remain faithful to them. He couldn’t allow himself to feel any love for her. No matter how badly he wanted to have her as his own, it just wouldn’t work out. Focusing his eyes on the trees beyond his window, Takoda made a firm decision to expel her from both his mind and his heart. The anguish in his heart, however, told him he was headed down a path that he wasn’t quite prepared for.
* * * *
Lynn’s work day dragged by so slowly she thought it would never end. She managed to work steadily on the stack of paperwork which had piled up on her desk, but her mind wasn’t really into it. She couldn’t stop thinking of him, no matter how much she tried. Her cell phone rang several times throughout the day, but she was too busy working, so she hadn’t been able to answer it. Finally she had time for a break, so she dialed into her voice mail to find out who called.
“Hey, it’s me,” came his voice, so deep and sexy. She felt her chest tighten just from the sound of it. “Please call me back. I didn’t mean to leave you alone like that this morning. I feel terrible about it. I stopped by your house earlier, but I guess you already took off for work by the time I got there. I need to see you so I can explain what happened. Call me back, baby. Please.”
She thought of calling him back but decided to erase the message instead. She still felt upset and embarrassed and didn’t feel like talking to him. What could have been so damn important for him to abandon her like that? He must be seeing another woman. That had to be it, of course. She felt like such a fool.
Lynn expelled a heavy breath and buried her head in her hands. Suddenly, there came the sound of a familiar voice from the side of her cubicle. Lynn lifted her head to see her workmate, Gina. She was leaning over the partition which separated her and Lynn’s desk.
“Hey, girl, looks like you have a lot on your mind. What’s wrong?”
“Oh nothing, I just have a little headache, that’s all.” She gave a dismissive wave of her hand.
“Well it seems like there’s more to it than that. You sure you’re okay? You seem so sad.”
“Well, actually I’m having a bit of a rough time. Guess you could say I’m dealing with a broken heart.”
“Oh damn, guy troubles, huh? If you need to talk about it, I’m here. Matter of fact, why don’t we go and get a cup of coffee and some pie? My treat.”
Gina smiled at her, her dimples growing even deeper. If there was a famous person whom Gina resembled, it would have to be Rosie Perez. She shared quite a few similarities with the famous actress, but the deep dimples were what reminded Lynn of her the most.
Lynn really didn’t feel much like talking, but she knew that Gina would continue to press her for information if she refused.
“Okay, sure.” Lynn grabbed her purse from beneath her desk and followed Gina out of the cubicle.
They made small talk as they walked to the cafe
teria, and once they were there, they settled into more serious conversation.
“So, tell me about this new guy of yours.” Gina bit into a piece of her pie.
“He’s not mine, never really was. I made a big mistake, Gina. I slept with him too soon.”
“One-night stand, huh? Oh, honey, I’ve been there. Try not to feel so bad about it. Guys come and go. You’ll meet another. You remember how long it took me to find Steven? Sometimes you just gotta be patient. Eventually the right one will come along. Good guys are still out there, you’ll see.”
“That’s the thing. It really felt like he was one of those guys. I mean, I know it probably sounds stupid, but the first day we met, it was like I just knew. He was the one I had been waiting for. I mean, he was literally a dream come true.”
“How long have you known this guy? I thought it was just a one- night fling?”
Lynn took a sip of her coffee, grimacing from the bitter taste. “Well, it was, I guess. But I’ve only known him for like four days.”
“Four days? Oh, sweetie, be happy you haven’t known him for longer. It hurts a lot less this way.”
“But I can’t stop thinking of him. He was so perfect.”
“What’s he look like?” asked Gina.
“He’s tall with waist-length black hair, dark brown eyes, high cheekbones, beautiful smile…” Her voice trailed off as she thought of him.
“Well damn, he definitely sounds like he has it going on.” Gina’s eyebrows moved upward in appreciation. Then she remembered how heartbroken Lynn was and said, “Sorry, you just painted such a nice picture of him.”
“No, it’s okay. He is really gorgeous.” Lynn played with the pie on her saucer, sticking it full of holes with her fork. Then she wistfully continued, “I should have known it was too good to be true.”
“Oh, don’t be so hard on yourself, hun.” Gina poured some cream into her coffee and then stirred in a sugar. “Besides, you’re a good- looking woman. Plenty of guys here at work are interested in you. I always hear them talking about how pretty you are.”
“Yeah, but I’m really not interested in starting up an office romance. Those never turn out well.”
“You have a point there,” Gina agreed.
Lynn’s cell phone began to vibrate, followed by a melodic ring which filled the air. She dug through her purse to find it, retrieving it from out of her bag. She recognized the number which displayed on the screen of her phone. It was Takoda calling again. Her finger hovered over the answer button, but it stopped ringing before she could push it.
“Was that him?” asked Gina.
Lynn nodded her head. “Yeah. I was about to answer, but I guess he hung up.”
“Just as well, he doesn’t deserve your time anyway. So, when was the last time you saw him, anyway? Excuse me if I’m getting too personal, but when did you guys have sex? Was it over the weekend?” Gina leaned in, preparing herself for the juicy details.
Lynn couldn’t help but find a bit of amusement in her coworker’s body language.
Gina had always been a busybody, and the expression on her face was full of curiosity and the utmost interest.
The corners of Lynn’s mouth turned upward, and Gina returned it with a wide grin of her own.
“Ohhhh, the sex must have been pretty major for you to crack a smile like that. So maybe it wasn’t a complete waste of time, huh?”
“Okay, so he was pretty amazing in bed. The best I ever had, actually.” Peering down into her coffee cup, Lynn avoided making eye contact with Gina’s. As memories of the previous evening swept through her mind, Lynn felt a strong wave of arousal. She allowed herself a few short moments to indulge in the tingling sensation between her legs and then she pushed the carnal thoughts out of her head. Now wasn’t the time or place for this and besides, the man had left her heartbroken so what was she fantasizing about him for?
“We met on Saturday but had sex last night. Well, it started yesterday afternoon and went into late last night, but whatever.”
Gina nearly choked on her coffee, setting it down onto a saucer.
“Wow, he sounds like the marathon man. Go on.” Wearing a look of great interest, Gina leaned slightly forward, intently awaiting further details.
“Not much else to tell, just that I woke up this morning all alone. He didn’t leave me a note or anything. I woke up, and he was just gone. I wouldn’t have cared so much, but it just seemed like we were connecting on a different level. I mean, the first day we met, something special happened between us.” She indulged herself in the memory of his intense eyes for a moment, then pushed the image out of her mind. “Silly me, thinking we could turn into a regular thing.” Her jaw tightened, and her lips went into a straight line.
As Gina grabbed her hand, Lynn offered a weak smile. She felt silly and pathetic feeling this way over a man, and the look in Gina’s eyes silently expressed that she was being pitied.
With a look of concern, Gina said, “Oh, honey, you really are hurting, aren’t you? I’m so sorry.”
Releasing a small sigh, Gina continued. “So he’s just calling you now? It’s already two in the afternoon.”
“Yeah, I know. He left me a message earlier, saying he’d stopped by my house and that he wanted to explain. Haven’t called him back yet, though. Guess I can’t really be all that mad at him, though. I mean, there wasn’t any guarantee that we were ever going to become an item. I shouldn’t have slept with him so quickly. That was a big mistake. A guy who looks like that has no trouble finding women to sleep with him. I don’t know why I did it. What I was thinking?” She shook her head in disappointment.
“I wouldn’t bother calling him back. If you’re feeling this lousy about it, maybe it’s just as well you don’t see him again. Although, I do wonder what excuse he has for leaving you to wake up alone like that. Must be pretty damn good.”
Shrugging her shoulders, Lynn replied, “I guess. I really don’t care to hear it, though. Doesn’t matter to me anymore.”
But she was lying. It did matter, and she did want to know. She figured it would be a lie, but she still wanted to hear it anyway. She wanted to see what he was going to come up with. Glancing at her watch, Lynn saw that it was half past two.
“Break’s over, guess we better get back to work.” Lynn took a few more sips of coffee, then they both stood up from the table.
As they walked out of the cafeteria, Gina linked her arm though Lynn’s and said, “Cheer up, honey. I have the feeling a great surprise is in store for you.”
Lynn managed a weak smile, not really believing what Gina had just told her. But little did she know that truer words had never been spoken.
* * * *
Two days had gone by since Takoda first called her, but Lynn still hadn’t returned any of his messages. Ever since then, he’d been calling her every day, leaving messages on her voice mail and asking if he could stop by. But she just ignored him, trying her best to push him out of her mind. It was Thursday evening now, and she was just winding down from a long day at work. She kicked off her shoes and poured a glass of juice, settling in front of the TV. As she was channel surfing, there came a knock at the door, so she got up from the couch and went over to answer it, pausing to look through the peephole. As she recognized the tall, imposing figure, she stepped away from the door. She tried to be quiet, but the wooden floorboards gave her away, creaking loudly in protest.
“Lynn, I know you’re in there. Open up, I can hear you,” he called out to her.
She remained quiet, not moving an inch.
“Please Lynn, open the door. Come on, let me explain.”
“Just go away, Takoda. I want to be left alone.”
But that wasn’t true. What she really wanted was to open the door and rush into his arms, but she couldn’t do that. It would make her seem so weak. And there was a part of her that enjoyed hearing him like this, begging outside of her door.
“Lynn, baby, please. Let me inside.”
; She took a few steps to the door, placing her hand on the doorknob.
“Sweetie?” There was hope in his voice. He knew she was right there.
But for some reason she couldn’t open it. She didn’t know why, but her hand was frozen on the doorknob, unable to turn it. Her cheek was placed against the doorjamb, and her breath came out loud and heavy. Her heartbeat pounded so loudly she was sure he could hear it. And strangely enough, the mark beneath her shirt had begun to grow very warm. A few more moments went by, and then she heard him leave, his work boots descending the stairs and then crunching across the gravel driveway.
She stood there for awhile, listening for any signs of his return, but there were none.
So she walked away from the door and sat back down. She took a sip of juice, then another, trying to calm herself down. She felt a little shaky, and her heart was beating very rapidly. Her throat was so dry and her chest ached. She loved him. There was no doubt about that. So why wouldn’t she give him another chance? Maybe there was a good reason why he had left her that night.
But she shook that thought away. He’d ditched her, that was all there was to it. And still, despite all of that, she had still wanted to let him in. But a part of her was afraid to.
She was afraid of melting into his arms and accepting any excuse he gave her. She was afraid that she would believe him, no matter what he had to say, and once that happened, she was in for a whole lot more heartache. No, it was better to just end things here, before any more damage could be done. She couldn’t take any more games of the heart.
A loud, rapping sound at the door startled her, making her jolt upward. She walked over to the door and opened it, but the person who stood in front of her was not who she wanted to see.
“David, hi. What a surprise it is to see you here. What’s up?”
David was one of her coworkers at the advertising agency she worked at. They worked on quite a few projects together, and they’d built up a nice rapport at work, but never had they become so close that she would have expected him to show up on her doorstep.
