by Webb, Peggy
He poured himself some wine, then held the glass to the sun and watched the colors. The deep burgundy reminded him of Catherine’s lips. The way the sun sparkled in the depths of the wine reminded him of the way it sometimes highlighted her hair. The dark blue wineglass stem reminded him of her eyes.
He ended up sitting in the sunshine for an hour, nursing one glass of wine and remembering Catherine. His muse came to him unbidden.
“Go away,” he said. “I don’t want to bother with you right now.”
But she wouldn’t go away. In fact, she didn’t even simmer down. She got louder and louder until he could no longer ignore her.
Tyler went back to his office and started to type. He was too busy for lunch, and he didn’t remember dinner. By the time he quit typing he was bleary-eyed and weak from hunger. He reached into his desk drawer and took out a bag of corn curls, two weeks old and getting soft.
He stuffed six into his mouth, and didn’t take a breath until he had eaten six more.
“Ah, the glamorous life of a writer.” He staggered into the kitchen and attacked his refrigerator, jerking the door open so hard he figured he had churned his milk, which was sitting on the second shelf, going rank. He grabbed an armful of food that wasn’t growing mold and carried it to the table. He ate with single-minded concentration, ate the half-can of beans and three raw carrots and six chocolate bars and the end of the banana that wasn’t rotten.
It would serve Catherine right if he died of malnutrition. That thought pleased him so much, he decided to get really maudlin. Heck, it would serve her right if she changed her mind and came rushing back to his bed and found him bloated from so much chocolate that he took up his half of the bed and hers, too.
He stood up and dumped the empty can and the candy wrappers and the banana peel into the garbage can. Then he went upstairs to his lonely bed. Tyler West, ex-hero.
o0o
From: Catherine
To: Janet, Belinda, Joanna, Molly, Bea, Clemmie
Re: Missing Tyler
I’m so glad to be back with all three of my elephants, and the circus people are incredibly nice, but something’s missing. I’ve been back only a week, but it seems longer. Every day is lonelier than the one before.
I miss Tyler. I miss the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he laughs and the way the glint in his eye gives him away when he’s planning some kind of devilment. I miss the way he tries to sing and can’t, the way he wears his white hat tipped back just enough to show his dark hair. I even miss the empty junk food wrappers littering his office and the ways he accuses his muse of taking a vacation while he puts in slave labor.
Still, I don’t quite know what to do about it. When I left, he didn’t say a thing about seeing me again, and he hasn’t even called. Maybe I just imagined the sparks between us.
Maybe I should call him. After all, I wasn’t the most inviting person in the world when he was around. He probably doesn’t have a clue I’m the least bit interested.
Cat
From: Bea
To: Catherine, Belinda, Clemmie, Janet, Joanna, Molly
Re: Sit tight
Do not call him! Remember Mother’s advice: let a man chase you till you catch him! This would be doubly true with a writer. From what I’ve read, their egos often match their talent, and Tyler West’s talent is prodigious! Sit tight, you hear me now? If this man is worth a hoot he’ll realize you’re a pure jewel, and he’ll come to you!
By the way, you were fabulous on CNN and Fox News! That dramatic rescue of Angel was top news for days!
Bea
From: Joanna
To: Catherine, Clemmie, Belinda, Janet, Bea, Molly
Re: My Two Cents
Ditto what Bea said. You were STUNNING, Cat, especially in those segments they filmed at the circus after you got Angel back. Where did you get those cute silver shoes? If you tell me the circus, I’m GOING TO SIGN UP!
Just kidding, of course! I could NEVER leave Kirk! Still no luck getting him to forget about protection and make a baby. SIGH!
I saw a documentary on Tyler West Sunday night, and believe me, that man in a swim suit is TO DIE FOR!!! From the looks of things, his talent is not all that’s prodigious! OH MY! Your Virginia’s going to be SO HAPPY!!! Still, Bea’s right. Let Tyler CHASE YOU!
Joanna
From: Molly
To: Catherine, Clemmie, Belinda, Janet, Bea, Joanna
Re: The Chase
Bea and Joanna are right! Even when he comes, let him think you’re not available. Show him you can do perfectly well without him. And wear something cute every day! You don’t want to get caught in some tacky old sweatshirt when he shows up!
Hang in there, Cat! I’m so certain he’s going to show up and propose, I’ve already got Robin looking for cute bridesmaid dresses in Paris! You remember him, don’t you? He was my roommate, and he’s the sweetest thing ever! He has good taste, too! I know you want pink. You’ve always said so.
Molly
From: Janet
To: Catherine, Clemmie, Belinda, Bea, Molly, Joanna
Re: HOLD ON
Molly, you’re jumping the gun! Cat, hasn’t even said she’s in love! And besides, a traveling circus doesn’t hold much future.
Sorry about that, Cat, but it’s true! You’re far too smart to bury yourself there, especially now that Billy Joe is in jail where he belongs. Now you can really start thinking about your future! Have you considered opening your own animal clinic? The market in Tupelo is wide open, especially for a large breed animal clinic. After all the TV coverage you got with Angel, you’d be booked solid from day one!
Janet
From: Belinda
To: Catherine, Molly, Joanna, Clemmie, Bea, Janet
Re: Bridesmaid dresses
Oh, this is so exciting! Cat, I know you’re in love! I can hear it in your emails. I even saw it in the way you looked at him when the two of you were doing that news conference with the FBI after Angel’s rescue!
Molly, tell Robin to find size BARREL for me. If I get any bigger I’ll have to be wheeled down the aisle for Cat’s wedding. Oh, I have a wonderful idea! If you don’t want to have the wedding in New Orleans because of your bossy mother, you can use my house and grounds! That way I’ll be close to my doctor in case baby Lawrence makes her appearance before the I do’s!
Did I tell you? The ultra sound confirmed a girl! Reeve is beside himself! He treats me as if I’m breakable!
Belinda
From: Clemmie
To: Catherine, Joanna, Belinda, Molly, Bea, Janet
Re: Good news!
I’m pregnant! The EPT proved it, and the doctor confirmed it! Molly, tell Robin to look for a bridesmaid dress for me with an expandable waistline! You won’t believe how much I’m showing already! It’s too early to tell, but I’ll bet anything I’m going to have twins. They run in the family, and that increases my odds. Isn’t that right, Janet?
Michael is beside himself. You’d think he was the only man who ever fathered a child!
By the way, Cat, both of us followed every minute of TV coverage on you and that sweet baby elephant! Michael was so fascinated, he’s even thinking of doing a documentary on the traveling circus, which seems to be a dying form of entertainment. Janet’s right about that.
Hang in there, Cat! Just be your smart, sassy self and I know everything’s going to work out just fine!
Clemmie
Cat shut down her laptop, got into her costume and hurried off the elephant enclosure.
“Afternoon, Catherine.” Mickey stood outside the elephant enclosure, already wearing his clown makeup and carrying his red wig in one hand and a letter in the other. “I would have saved this for after the show, but I saw the postmark. It’s from the prison.”
“Thanks, Mickey.” She ripped it open and read it rapidly. When she had finished she folded the letter and tucked it inside the top of her costume.
“It’s none of my business, I guess,” Mickey said.
“Billy Joe is getting help from the psychiatrist assigned to his case. He asks for my forgiveness, and he promises never to bother me again.”
“And you believe him?”
“Yes. I can always tell when Billy Joe is lying. He’s not lying this time, Mickey.” She squeezed his hand. “I needed this letter. Forgiveness is a part of healing.”
“You’re a fine woman, and I’m privileged to know you.” Mickey hugged her and patted her shoulder, then leaned back to look into her face. “You want me to get Bret to help you?”
“No. I’ll be finished here in a minute.”
“Been thinking about that West fellow again, haven’t you?”
“Why?”
“Because you’re not halfway through with feeding the elephants and the matinee is about ready to start.”
“Tell the clowns to stall. I’m going to be a little late.”
“This is the third time this week you’ve been late, Catherine. I know you’ve got things on your mind, but I don’t want you to get into hot water with the boss.”
“You’re sweet, Mickey. And I’m sorry about being such a slowpoke.”
“Don’t be, sweetheart. The size of the crowds we’re been having, nobody could show up and it wouldn’t matter. I think the old traveling circus is about as dead as the dinosaur. I’m about ready to retire anyhow, but I sure would hate to see all my friends out of work.”
Mickey left, and Catherine dressed her elephants in their spangled harnesses and led them into the Big Top. The canvas tent was practically empty.
She went to the center ring, determined to do a good job anyway.
“Elmer, lift me UP!”
The huge bull elephant lifted Cat with his trunk. She sat atop Elmer, giving commands. She had done the show so many times she could do it in her sleep.
Her mind wandered from the act. What was she going to do about the circus? She didn’t have to make a decision right this very minute, but she would have to make one soon.
Angel did her tambourine act and the audience rose to applaud. One tall man stood out. He had dark hair. Catherine’s heart flip-flopped. She directed Elmer close enough to the bleachers to get a good look, but it wasn’t Tyler.
Her disappointment was so sharp she was stunned. Was this love, then, this emptiness that ached through her simply because she couldn’t see his face?
She ended the elephant act, but her heart wasn’t in it. As she paraded out of the Big Top she that something had to give, and soon.
o0o
“Tyler, she’s pining for you.”
Tyler stood in his office, watching the fireflies dance through the summer darkness outside his window and listening to Mickey’s daily report via speaker phone.
“How can you tell?”
“It’s been two weeks now, and she gets worse every day, forgetful, moody, dreamy-eyed, sometimes teary-eyed...”
“Catherine cries!” Tyler almost shouted. His heart felt as if somebody had taken a sledgehammer to it. “I don’t want Cat crying over me.”
“Well, I’m not exactly saying it’s over you. It could be the news about the circus.”
“What news?”
“Larry’s going to have to sell. Real soon. There’s not enough business to keep a flea alive, let alone a whole circus. He’s already started selling off some of the property. Sold the big cats yesterday.”
Tyler let that news sink in. If Larry sold the circus, Cat would lose her precious elephants.
“Can you give me Larry’s number.”
Mickey gave him the number and told him exactly where the circus was located now. They were just outside New Orleans, trying to draw a crowd from that tourist city.
“Thanks, Mickey,” Tyler said after he had written the information down. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You want me to tell Catherine you’re coming?”
“No, thanks. I want to surprise her.”
Chapter Thirteen
Cat’s world was falling apart. As she stood in Larry’s office, listening to his explanations, she could almost hear chunks of her safe circus world hitting the floor at her feet.
“You’ve sold the elephants?” She pressed her hands against her chest, afraid that her heart might pound itself to death if she didn’t do something to prevent it. “All of them?”
“I’m sorry, Catherine. I know how you feel about them.”
“You have no idea how I feel about them,” she said, then was immediately contrite. “I’m sorry, Larry. This must be very hard for you, and I’m being terribly selfish.”
“Selling my circus piece by piece has been hard. But I had to have the cash to operate until this season is over.” Larry pulled out his handkerchief and blew his nose. “Life goes on.”
“What will you do? What will all of us do?”
“My brother has a little potato farm in Idaho. I’m thinking about going there. Mickey says he’s going to retire. Some of the other clowns have already found jobs with the big indoor shows. The cat trainer left this morning to go with Henderson’s Carnival of Wonders.”
“Bill Henderson?” Catherine had a vision of Bill casting a possessive eye on her elephants not so very long ago. “Is that why he paid us a visit in Ocean Springs? Did he know you were in financial trouble?”
“He knew. I guess everybody in this business knew except my own people. I tried to protect all of you.”
“He’s not the one who bought the elephants, is he? I don’t think I can stand it if he is.”
“No. I wouldn’t sell Bill Henderson a piece of sawdust from my circus. But I can’t stop any of you from going with him.”
Catherine knew she was being selfish again. The elephants didn’t belong to her. All she was losing were animals she loved. Larry was losing his livelihood. She put her arms around him.
“I’m sorry, Larry. Everything is going to work out just fine. I know it will.”
“Thank you, Catherine.”
“How long do I have with my... the elephants?”
“The new owner will be here today.”
“So soon?”
“If it makes you feel any better, I think the elephants will be in good hands.”
She gave Larry a hug, then hurried off to be with her elephants.
It was only after she was back with her elephants that she remembered she hadn’t asked Larry who had bought them. Maybe it was best she didn’t know. They were sold, and there was nothing she could do about it.
She leaned her head against Angel’s side and listened to the baby elephant purr her satisfaction.
“I’m going to miss you, baby. You’ll be all right, I know you will. Mind your new trainer. Do whatever he says. That way you won’t get into trouble.”
The baby elephant caressed Catherine’s arm with her trunk. She seemed to sense her trainer’s distress.
“Enough.” Catherine straightened her shoulders. “We have a show to do this afternoon. I’m not going to let my own silliness spoil our last performance.”
o0o
When Tyler arrived at the circus he thought of going directly to Cat’s quarters. He could hardly wait to see her, to touch her, to make love to her. But what if she didn’t feel the same way about him?
As incredible as it seemed, there was always the possibility that Catherine DeChello had decided that not only did she no longer need Tyler, but she no longer even wanted to see him.
Though Mickey had said that she seemed to be missing him, that could be an old clown’s way of seeing things he wished instead of things as they were.
He sat in his car in the parking lot of a failing circus, afraid to approach the woman he loved. A first for him.
By the time his mind got through playing all the tricks a writer’s imagination can think up, he was in such a state of doubt, he bought a ticket like any other ordinary tourist and found himself a front-row seat in order to get a glimpse of the Cat. He would decide how to approach her after he saw her. If she looked happy t
o see him, he would take the bold approach; and if she looked mad or the least bit upset, well... he’d think of what approach to take then. No use borrowing trouble.
Time inched by. Tyler barely noticed the show until Cat rode into the center ring. She looked magnificent. Her eyes sparkled; her face shone. She didn’t look as if she had suffered a bit. He didn’t want her to be mourning or anything as drastic as that, but it seemed the least Catherine could do was look a little peaked. He couldn’t even tell if she’d missed him.
Tyler watched as she put the elephants through their paces. It was almost like seeing her for the first time. He fell in love all over again.
Elmer lifted her onto his back, and suddenly she saw him. Tyler could tell. Her face froze. For a moment he panicked. She wasn’t glad to see him. She hated the idea. She was going to ride out of the center ring and never come down off that huge bull elephant until he got out of the circus and out of her life. Forever. Tyler began to sweat.
Then Catherine smiled. The glow started in her eyes and spread until her entire face was shining.
Tyler felt reborn. He stood up and shouted, “Catherine!”
She didn’t even do the last part of her act. Tyler had seen the show enough times to know. Instead she gave her elephants a command and led them from the Big Top.
Tyler bounded down from the bleachers and met her just outside the striped tent.
“Don’t come too close.” She was laughing.
“Isn’t that what you said the first time we met?” He kept his distance, but at a price. He felt as if he were a toy that had been wound too tight.
“The rule still applies.”
“Always?”
“Only when the elephants are near.” Her color got high. He considered that a very good sign.
“Then why don’t we get rid of the elephants?”
She didn’t say a thing, but the look she gave him made him want to gift wrap Mount McKinley and lay it at her feet. With another smile she led the elephants toward their compound. Tyler followed at a suitable distance.
