by Rae, Nikki
“Does it get hard?” Myles asks. “I mean, outside forces will always make it harder, but...” he seems to be searching for the right way to word things. “Is just being alive hard? Harder than being undead?” He laughs a little, noting the absurdity of the question.
“Yeah,” I say. “All the time.” I bury my head against his chest, listening to that cold, out of tune sound. I think I’m really going to miss it but I know that even this isn’t him. It’s just a part, one small piece that can be made new again. “But nothing has to be hard,” I say, because it took dying twice to finally figure all of that out. “It’s easy when you don’t worry about trying to be anything.”
Myles’ hand trails up and down my spine before placing it on the side of my head. It starts to tingle there and the bittersweet realization occurs to me: he won’t ever touch me this way again. He won’t see me the way he sees me in the painting ever again.
From now on when he touches me, he’ll be warm all the time without having to drink blood. When he touches me once he’s human, it’ll be different. But it’ll still be him. He’ll still be here, no matter what form he takes.
My monsters will always be with me, no matter how many years I’m alive or how many times I try to cover them up, push them out, or destroy them. Myles will have his too, hanging in the back of his mind and waiting to come out when he least expects. That’s how monsters work. They always hide in the places you’ve already checked.
But together, we can beat them.
“Sophie?” Myles whispers into my ear, just as I’ve become lost.
“Hmm?” I can’t even keep my eyes open now.
What I expect him to say is that he’s afraid. That maybe he’s changed his mind. What he does tell me surprises me even though it probably shouldn’t anymore. “I love you.”
From the tone of his voice, I can tell he’s trying to hold back tears. I’m too distracted to see if they’re because he’s happy or terrified, but I think it’s probably both.
“I love you too, Myles.” For some reason, it’s hard to keep my own tears from struggling their way out from beneath my closed eyelids.
We kiss, cool lips against cold skin, and Myles sinks his teeth into my chest.
The world around us may be complicated, scary, and even evil sometimes. But when we’re locked together, it all fades away into one mass of color. I float into a sea of timelessness, looking for the waves that took me under when he turned me the first time, knowing that when I return from swimming, I’ll be here with Myles on the shore and we’ll anchor each other.
The End
