by J. M. Walker
“I’m on my way there next. But there’s something else you should know.” Officer Charles sighed. “Claire is the one that killed your mom. Apparently she snapped. Couldn’t deal with what your mom was putting her through and lost it. She turned herself in and admitted to everything. She also plead insanity.”
“What about the baby?”
“She gave birth two weeks ago to a boy and her mom is going to raise him.”
I nodded. My head was reeling over what he was telling me. I couldn’t believe it but I was happy to know that that baby wouldn’t have to be raised by Claire. I didn’t know how she was with children, but just knowing her briefly as a person, I wouldn’t put it past her to raise that child with a hate in her eye. The children always got blamed, even when they had nothing to do with it. “I knew Claire was unstable but I had no idea.”
“And do you know,” he took out his notepad before looking back at me. “Stefan Price?”
“We met him in Mexico. Said that Claire owed him money and was trying to get a million dollars from me.”
Officer Charles nodded. “He was brought in as well. Claire gave him up. Said that he threatened her. The story isn’t adding up but you won’t have to worry about either of them. Stefan is being put away for other charges that have nothing to do with this. Looks like he has been handling some fraudulent accounts.”
“So…it’s over? All of it?” I asked, putting the papers in my suit jacket.
“Yes. It’s over. Now you and your wife can move on. Be happy. Have lots of kids.”
I thanked him for his time and walked him out. Leaning against the door, I turned to Kane.
He brushed a hand over his bald head and whistled. “Wow. I never expected any of that.”
“Neither did I.”
Evvie would be happy that neither Ethan nor I were the father of Claire’s baby. Something was finally turning around. Now I just needed her home with me and Miracle and everything would be perfect.
This is the last journal entry that I’m going to write before I give you this book. I haven’t seen you yet since being told that I am not the father of Claire’s baby but I wanted to write this down before I forgot. I love you. I hope you honestly know that.
If I would have been the father of Claire’s baby, I know that you would raise that baby like it’s your own. And I love you even more because of that. But I am very thankful that this is not the case and that we never have to deal with her again. I’ll explain more when I see you.
This journal or this book rather, bares all of me to you. I hope you can understand why I needed to write all of this down. All the stuff we have been through in the past couple of months.
When I first met you, your fiery spirit is what drew me in. No one had ever called me an asshole before. Not to my face anyways. You showed me that although I was hurt in the past, I could move on and find that special someone to share my life with. I now know that although I was hurt and left for some other guy, that wasn’t the true reason I was a dick and used women. Matteo showed me that the abuse my mother inflicted on me, I took out on other women. You included. I’m so sorry for that. I know words will never make up for the pain I have caused you. The pain that I have caused myself.
The first night I saw you standing behind the bar and when you hugged Kane, a jealous rage erupted through me. It took my breath away, it was so strong. I couldn’t explain it. And then when I propositioned you…that whole scene was because I had no idea how to make you be with me. I’ll be the first to admit it, I was scared. Terrified even, that if I asked you out on a normal date, you would say no. And then when you asked me out? I knew I had met my match.
I don’t know why it took me so long to approach you. From the moment you called me an “asshole,” I knew that we were destined to be together. I needed to have you like a druggie needing their fix.
I remember our first kiss. The way your body writhed under me as I made love to your mouth. God, Evvie. That kiss…it was all about that one moment. You kissed me first. I have to admit that I was a little shocked but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
FOURTEEN
“You have no idea what you do to me. The things you make me feel. The reaction my body has to your touch, the sound of your voice, the scent of your skin.” I read on from the journal that I had finally finished for my wife. Lying in bed for weeks with nothing to do, I read to her every day. I felt weird at first doing it but then as I opened it the first time, the words flowed from my lips, reading out loud what I had poured onto paper. For her.
“I love listening to you read to me,” she said, her voice soft.
I closed the leather bound book and placed it on the table beside her hospital bed. “There’s more where that came from, my sweet Evvie.”
She smiled. “Anna came to see me the other day. Apparently she and my brother are now talking, at least. I’m not really sure what’s going on there though.”
I nodded. I was glad. Anna deserved a guy that loved her back. Being in love with me since high school didn’t get her anywhere, as I only looked to her as a friend. But something had happened between her and Evan. I just hoped they could work out their shit.
“That’s good. Evan’s a good guy.”
“He is. I’m glad that all of you are getting along now.”
I agreed.
I opened the journal back up to a random spot. We had read the book together over and over but she never asked me to stop. “From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I knew that you were the one.”
“Even when I called you an asshole?” she teased.
“Especially then.”
Our eyes locked. If only I could give her what she needed to get better. A transplant of some sort. I kissed her often, forcing my strength into her but it never seemed to work. As each day passed, I worried that she wouldn’t wake up from her night of sleep.
“I’m sorry.”
My throat closed up. Every damn day she had said that she was sorry. Like it was her fault for getting cancer. It was no one’s fault. Shit happened. I learned that the hard way. Yes, we were both mad at God at first, but we soon realized that it wasn’t his fault. After much cursing and yelling and screaming on my end, I manned up, and made a promise with myself that I would be strong for her. I would be better. For her. I had to be.
“Brett?”
I looked up at Evvie’s soft voice. Her eyes were dark, cloudy as they tried to focus on my face. A hard lump formed in my throat.
“I’m ready,” she whispered.
“No,” I yelled, jumping up off the chair, knocking it over at my abrupt movement. I was vaguely aware that we were now not alone as her brothers and father entered the small hospital room.
“Brett, please,” she said, her voice firm but hoarse. “I can’t keep doing this. We can’t keep doing this.”
I shook my head, gripping the collar of my shirt. I didn’t care who was now there in the room with us. There was no way that I was going to roll over and let my wife give up. “You’re not leaving me. I won’t let you.”
She let out a deep sigh. “Baby, I’m tired.”
Several shocked gasps erupted through the room, Eddie going to her side. “Sweet pea.” His voice cracked.
Evvie shook her head and placed her hand on top of her father’s. “I love all of you. I do. You’re my rock. But I—”
“No fucking way. No. I’m standing here watching you die like mom did. There is no fucking way at all,” Everett yelled. He was usually the calm collected one but his rage surprised us all. Except for me. I knew he had it in him because I felt the same way.
Evan sat at her other side and grabbed her other hand. “Evvie, we need you. All of us need you.”
My chest constricted, my heart heavy as her words and what they meant washed over me. No. Please, God, no. I would do anything. I was trying. Trying to be a better man. Trying to do things the right way instead of acting first and asking questions later.
“Brett,” she w
hispered.
I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. I couldn’t deal. I couldn’t lose her. I lost my father and step-mother already. I couldn’t lose someone else that I loved.
“Please come here,” she pleaded.
Ethan sat at the foot of the bed and placed his head in his hands. “You are the only one that’s even worth me staying out of jail for. I don’t have a fucking woman. I don’t have anything except for you guys. You, Evvie.” His voice grew thick and he coughed, clearing his throat.
“You guys are stronger than this,” she added. “You will be fine without—”
“No. You can’t leave me. You can’t.” My voice cracked as tears burned my eyes. As much as I hated crying and I hated when people saw me break down, at that point, I didn’t fucking care. I would cry like a pussy over and over again if it meant that my wife would be okay. That she would live to turn old and gray with me. That she would just…live.
“I need you to hold me.” Her soft plea made a sob escape my lips. She wanted me to hold her while she died in my arms? I couldn’t. What kind of man was I? I couldn’t hold my wife, comfort her in her last moment because I was too fucking selfish.
“I refuse to let you leave me,” I mumbled, my voice thick.
“We all refuse to let you leave us,” Ethan stated, his voice firm.
“Come here, please,” she demanded.
I looked at her but didn’t move any closer. I couldn’t. If she passed while I was holding her, it would kill me.
Her blue eyes were filled with tears.
My heart sank as pain flashed in them. I wasn’t trying to be a monster. I wasn’t trying to be cruel. “You’re giving up.”
She shook her head, soft cries leaving her lips. “I’m tired. I’m done. I can’t keep going through this. I can’t keep putting you guys through this. Look at all of you. Big strong men broken and hurting because of me. It’s not fair. You need to move on.”
“So that means dying on us?” I yelled, clenching my fists at my sides.
“I don’t want that. I don’t.” Evvie covered her pale ashen face in her hands, her small body shaking.
My stomach clenched. Go to her. Ease her pain. But I couldn’t. I was a selfish prick who wanted my wife to stop giving up. On her. On us. On our family.
“I’m worried for you,” she said softly. “For all of you.” She looked up at me not bothering to wipe the tears that were rolling down her sunken cheeks. Her gaze passed between all of us. “Evan, you have finally started working out your issues with Anna. Ethan, you’re out of jail and for good this time. Daddy, you’re strong. So strong.”
“I can’t go through this again. The only two women I have loved in my life…” Eddie grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles, sobs wracking his shoulders.
“Everett,” she whispered.
He shook his head and scrubbed a hand down his face. “No. You are the only person who understands me. If you leave, I have nothing.”
She took a breath. “You’ll find that special someone someday.”
I frowned. “Don’t worry about us. You need to save your strength and get better. For you.”
“Look at you, Brett. You’ve lost so much weight. Your clothes are practically falling off of you,” she said, waving her hand in front of her.
I had lost weight but what did it matter when I had nothing to live for if I lost my wife? “I’m fine,” I grumbled.
“Like hell you are. Brett,” she huffed. “We can’t both end up in here.”
“Without you, I’m nothing. I don’t exist.”
“And you’re disappearing right before my very eyes,” she screamed. “Look at you. Look at all of you. Look in the mirror. When was the last time you guys ate a full meal?”
My jaw clenched but I didn’t answer. My heart was full, heavy that although Evvie was the one in the hospital, she worried about us.
She slammed her fist against the bed. “Tell me. When did you eat last?”
I shrugged. I had no idea. My stomach twisted, past the point of being hungry, now it just clenched, miserable just like the rest of me. “I won’t let you leave me.”
“That is not your choice to make.”
Anger clouded my vision. At that point, Evvie’s brothers and father made their way out of the room, leaving us alone. It was probably smart since I didn’t need four big men ripping me apart after I yelled and screamed at my wife for giving up.
Once the door shut behind them, leaving us in silence, I closed the distance between us and wrapped a hand around her throat.
She swallowed hard and glared up at me as I tilted her head back.
My hold on her neck was gentle as I stared into her deep blue gaze. I wanted to yell. Scream for her to not give up. Demand for her to get better. Beg for God to let me keep my wife. But all I could do at that point was break. My body crumbled as my knees gave out and I fell onto the bed.
Hard sobs wracked through my core, shaking through my bones as I held onto Evvie for dear life. Wrapping my arms around her middle, all I could was cry.
She grazed her fingers through the hair at my nape, reaching her other hand into my shirt. Touching me. Owning me. Letting me know that I would always be hers and she would always be mine. But it wasn’t enough. Just the idea of her leaving, threatened to destroy me. As a boy, I was broken but as a man, I was destroyed. Destroyed by a love so deep, it controlled me.
“Brett.”
Before I could stop myself, I crashed my mouth to hers. Shoving my tongue between her lips, I devoured her. The salt from our tears mingled with the sweet taste of her breath. It flowed into my lungs, giving me an ounce of strength. It wasn’t much but it was something. It would do.
“Don’t leave me,” I whispered against her lips. “I’m not ready.”
“But I am,” she said, cupping my cheeks in her hands.
“I’m not strong enough.” My vision blurred and I gripped her wrists, running my hands up her arms.
She placed a soft kiss on my mouth. “You are strong. You’re the strongest man I know. Look at what you’ve been through.”
I shook my head. “It almost destroyed me. Us.”
“But it didn’t.”
“That’s because I had you.” I shoved my head out of her grip and paced back and forth in the small room.
“I promise, you will see me again.”
I stopped at her words. Since becoming sick, Evvie had dove into her mom’s religion head first. It gave her a sense of peace and if it made her happy, there was no way that I would tell her different. Not like I knew any better anyways.
“You know it’s true. You know what I’ve been teaching you.”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to hear anymore. If God felt the need to take away my wife, then I refused to be a part of his religion. “If you leave me, it will destroy me.”
“Pray.”
“No,” I snapped and spun on her. “Praying isn’t going to do shit without you here by my side.”
Evvie sighed. “Brett.”
“I can’t do this without you. I’m broken. Destroyed. You keep me grounded. You are my path to be a better man. You’re the light in my darkness.” The words tumbled from my lips of their own accord, my voice going raw as time wore on. “My one.”
“My only,” she whispered.
At that moment, I shattered. Falling to my knees, I let out a wail of anguish. My battered emotions so strong and heavy, they knocked the breath out of me.
Please. Please.
I repeated that word over and over in my mind until small hands wrapped around my wrists.
Pulling Evvie into my arms, I held her tight against me. We rocked back and forth, crying and pulling strength from each other.
I ran my hands up under her hospital gown, needing to feel her skin against mine. “Please. Don’t give up on us. Miracle needs you. I need you.”
“I’m trying. I am. I’m just…I’m so damn tired.”
I cupped her face and crashed my m
outh to hers. Pouring everything that I felt in that kiss, I licked my way between her lips. Our tongues danced, dueled, fighting for control. Anger, frustration and pure heartbreak seeped into that kiss. Furious at the world for letting Evvie get sick. Pain over not being able to hold her in my arms in our own bed, in our own home with our daughter. Our daughter. Our baby girl. If Evvie couldn’t be strong for me, she had to be strong for Miracle.
A throat cleared making us break apart.
Evvie’s cheeks were flushed, her eyes dark with desire. For the first time in weeks, a small smile splayed on her lips.
My back straightened. I put that smile there. I made her happy. I would kiss every inch of her over and over again if that smile would stay permanently on her face.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I have the results from your latest blood work, Evvie,” the doctor stated.
I rose to my feet, pulling her with me.
Evvie sighed and sat on the bed, tugging me down beside her. “What’s the bad news?” she asked, squeezing my hand.
The doctor smiled. “Actually, the good news is, treatment is working. We caught the cancer in time. Although you only have one ovary left, you still have a chance of having more children. A couple more days and you’ll be able to go home.”
A gasp escaped Evvie’s lips. “I’m…am I cancer-free?”
“The cancer is in remission. You’ll have to come back for monthly follow-up appointments but yes, right now, the cancer is gone. You’re feeling tired and sick because of the previous chemo but that will pass in time. Just like a flu. You will get stronger as well as long as you take it easy. Sooner than later, you’ll start to feel like your old self again.”
Tears stung my eyes and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. “Thank you, doctor,” I croaked out.
“Want me to tell your family to come in?”
“Yes, please.” Evvie laughed.
He nodded and left the room.
“Brett, I’m fine. I’m going to be fine,” Evvie whispered, crying softly against me.
