"PJ almost died. And it's all because of you. The social worker came and asked me and Lindsey all kinds of questions. Do you know—" A hiccup of a sob, a release of some emotion, interrupted the boy, but not for long. "Do you know what she asked me? She asked me if I wanted to stay with Jilly or go to a group home."
That must've scared Casey. Probably the social worker had hoped to scare him straight. To keep him from running away again if things got tough. Obviously, it had backfired.
"And now—and now Jilly walks around all quiet and sad. She's watching us all the time."
Noah wanted to ask the boy whose fault that was, but he knew that wouldn't be received well.
"And PJ's turned against me. Lindsey always goes along with whatever her brother says." Now Casey's voice turned almost into a growl, betraying just how deep his emotion ran.
They were getting to the crux of the problem. Up until now, Casey'd had the support of his cousins. But Jilly had won. Jilly had gotten through to Lindsey and PJ if they were steering clear of Casey's schemes.
"All of this is your fault."
Noah could almost feel the boy’s anger. He worried for Honey. And for Casey. He needed to calm him down.
"Do you know why Jilly watches you?" He spoke the words very quietly.
He could hear Casey's hiccupping breaths from across the room.
"It's not because she thinks you're going to do something bad."
He took the boy's silence, the fact that he wasn't shouting at Noah to shut up again, as permission to continue.
"It's because she loves you. "
He could almost feel the waves of disbelief rolling off Casey.
"It's true. She wants to adopt you. All three of you." Maybe he was speaking out of turn. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything at all. He didn't know if Jilly had changed her mind or if the violent behavior Casey was threatening now would change it for her.
"You're lying." But Casey's denial held a hint of tentativeness, enough to show Noah that he'd gotten him to listen.
* * *
"Did you know that your mom won't stop loving you, even when you make stupid mistakes?"
Jilly held her breath. She hovered in Noah's living room, her heart pounding so loudly that it threatened to drown out the soft voices from the other room.
She wants to adopt you. How had Noah found out? She hadn't told him yet.
She was out of sight of the doorway, and Noah had no way of knowing she was there. She'd gotten Aiden's frantic phone call and rushed over here. The front door had been jimmied open, the lock obviously tampered with.
She didn't know what to do. Aiden told her that he could barely hear but that Casey was threatening Noah's kitten with a knife. If she revealed herself, was she going to make everything worse? Would Casey do something that he couldn't take back?
"It's true," Noah went on. "When I was twelve, I made a big mistake. I was fighting with my best friend and... he died."
Oh, Noah. She'd seen what it had cost him to reveal his past to her. She could hear the emotion in his voice now as he shared with Casey.
"I was really messed up for a long time. But my mom stuck with me. The whole time, she never gave up on me. Just like I know Jilly's not going to give up on you."
She teared up as quickly as she registered the conviction in his voice. Noah believed in her. He knew that she didn't just want to be a mom to the kids, she was their mom. Maybe not on paper yet, but in every way that mattered.
Was this why he'd pushed her away with that confusing phone call? Why he hadn't answered her calls in a week? Because he believed, deep down, that he didn't deserve to be with them? With her?
"Jilly's gonna keep on loving you no matter what,” Noah said. “She loves you even though you made a mistake. She still loves you. And I know she wouldn't want you to make an even bigger mistake. Why don't you put the knife down?"
It was almost as if Noah's question released Casey. She heard a metallic clatter on the counter. Seconds later, the tortoiseshell kitten raced out of the room, complaining with a plaintive meow.
Jilly ran to the doorway and saw Casey in a ball, sobbing on the floor. Noah had crawled across the floor to him and was already putting an arm around the boy's shoulder before she broke the threshold.
Casey's noisy sobs must've obscured her footsteps, but Noah raised his head at her approach. The naked emotion in his expression grabbed her by the heart.
"It's me," she murmured as she joined them on the floor.
She dragged Casey into her lap as if he was a tiny child and held him as he cried.
When Noah tried to move away, she threw her arm out, managing to wrap it around his back. She grabbed a fistful of his shirt for good measure. Maybe it had taken breaking into his house again to reach him, but, this time, she wasn't letting him go. Not without a fight.
He held his shoulders stiffly, still putting inches between them. And her heart sank.
"I'm sorry," Casey said through his noisy sobs. "I'm sorry. I'm a bad kid."
"No, you're not." She held him tighter, and Noah too. She didn't know who had told Casey that. If it was a real voice from his past or his own voice speaking his deepest fears. She determined to speak louder. "You're not a bad kid. I love you."
She felt Noah’s shuddering breath. And she suddenly knew what she had to do. Whether it would break down his walls or not, she didn't know. If he pushed her away today, she would go back home and regroup. Grab some figurative climbing gear and try again.
She lifted her head from where she had her jaw pressed against the top of Casey's head. She looked directly at Noah, who had his face turned away from her. He stared at the wall. "I love you, Noah."
He stilled.
She gripped the handful of his shirt even tighter. This wasn't a moment for a long, drawn out confession of her feelings. This moment had to be about Casey.
Just when she thought that Noah was going to shake off her hold and stand, he turned his body into hers instead. He wrapped himself around her from behind, bracing her back and giving her physical support. His arms enveloped her, letting her know he was here to weather Casey's storm. They’d do it together.
* * *
When she came back downstairs after making sure the kids were settled in bed for the night, she found Noah standing over the sink with his hands braced on the counter. After they'd brought Casey home, he'd spent most of the day with them.
Casey had been quiet all day, but introspective, not angry.
Jilly knew that Casey’s troubles weren’t over. She already made an appointment with a trauma therapist. They would go in together and see what the woman had to say. Casey had a long way to go. Farther than PJ and Lindsey, but she was determined that they would travel this road together as a family.
Noah turned his head toward her but remained in the same position as she approached. She saw that he had washed the hot chocolate mugs the family had used after dinner and set them to dry on a towel.
They hadn't had a chance to talk about anything between them since her declaration this morning. Until now. Butterflies were going crazy in her stomach.
"What are you thinking about?" She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek against his shoulder blade.
"I don't—" His shoulders rose and fell on a breath. "I don't know exactly. I am... stunned. I guess that's the best word for what I feel. I keep replaying what you said to me earlier. And there's a part of me that still can't believe it."
She squeezed his waist. "Believe it."
His voice was hoarse when he spoke again "How can I? The last time I wanted something this badly..."
She knew.
"Do you love me?" It was a dare, a challenge. One that made the butterflies in her stomach go even more bananas. She hadn't been this vulnerable with someone since Eddie. She’d asked him the same thing just before he'd rejected her and walked away for good.
She felt his short breaths. Like he couldn't draw a full one
. His muscles rippled beneath her touch as he gently disengaged himself and turned to embrace her fully. He cupped the back of her head. "More than anything. Jilly, you are the light and color in my life." She felt the hiccup of breath just before he spoke the next words, the most important ones. "I love you."
Joy lit her up from the inside out. She felt as if she could fly.
She slid her hand over his dear jaw, stretched on her tiptoes to kiss him. She was ready to fall into the kiss, like she always did. But she could feel the tension in his muscles bunched beneath her fingertips.
She inched back. "What is it?"
He turned his face to the side, gave her his cheek. "What if... what if being with me means you lose custody of the kids?"
Oh.
She pressed her hands into his shoulders, shook him a little. "You got through to Casey this morning. Not me. You were the first one Lindsey spoke to with real words. You're great with the kids."
He closed his eyes in one slow blink. "But my past..." He swallowed audibly. "You want to be their family more than anything."
She did. But she wanted Noah, too.
"As things get more serious, we can talk with the kids' social worker. It might not be an issue at all."
"And if it is...?"
"Then we'll cross that hurdle when we need to. We'll find some character witnesses. Cord and Callum can write glowing reports about you."
He snorted a tiny laugh. Some of the light had returned to his eyes.
She nibbled beneath his jaw, and he tensed in the most delicious way. His hands tightened at her waist.
"Better now?" she murmured.
He lowered his head to rest his forehead on her shoulder. "It's hard not to be scared. To want so much..."
He exhaled a shaky breath.
"I've got you," she whispered. "We can be scared together. And when you need me to be sure for us, I will. And if there comes a day that I have some doubt, you can take a turn to be the steady one."
She felt him relax. "Yes. That. I want that."
She squeezed him. "I love you. I'm not gonna stop."
He straightened and pulled her closer. "I love you, Jilly. Thanks for not giving up on me."
"Never."
Epilogue
Noah could still smell the sugary sweet frosting. Earlier, he and Lindsey had teamed up to create a gingerbread house while Casey and PJ and Jilly had each created their own. It'd been a sugar-overload, and either he'd missed a spot while washing up or there was frosting ground into his clothes somewhere.
Jilly had claimed making gingerbread houses was their new Christmas tradition, but to him everything today had been a new tradition.
Coming over first thing in the morning to open gifts with the kids. Their wide-eyed delight at each gift had made his heart hurt.
A kiss under the mistletoe with the woman he loved. Okay, maybe he'd snuck more than one.
And in a few minutes, he’d have Christmas lunch with Iris and Callum and their kids. Cord and his family were coming too. It would be the first time Noah had spoken to his old friend. The air needed to be cleared between them. For once, he was looking forward to it.
Mom had called earlier. She hadn't been surprised enough to find him at Jilly's house on Christmas morning. She was already planning a visit after the new year.
Jilly had sent the kids upstairs to put away their new toys, and she was in the kitchen taking rolls out of the oven. Her baking had scented the entire house with yeasty goodness.
A knock sounded on the front door.
"We're here!" Iris called out.
There was a flurry of voices, and the kids tramped down the stairs. Noah accepted a back-slapping hug from Callum as the twins brushed past his legs. Iris unobtrusively slipped a package into Noah's hand.
"I'll bring in the rest of the grub," Callum said.
"I'll help," Casey said.
While they went back outside, Noah pulled Jilly into the little alcove between the Christmas tree and the big picture window at the front of the house.
"Your Christmas gift arrived." He pressed the square box into her hand. He was shaking with restless energy coursing through him. He'd wracked his brain for weeks trying to figure out the perfect gift. He only hoped this was it.
He heard the sound of ripping paper and then the soft catch of her breath. "It's the angel ornament. Mama's ornament. Oh, Noah."
He heard the emotion in her voice. Was she upset?
"Iris found it in the attic."
Jilly pressed her hand to his chest and reached up to kiss him. Softly, just a brush of her lips against his.
"Mmm." She huffed a tiny giggle against his lips. "How much of that frosting did you test?"
He grinned. "Enough."
"I love my present. I can't believe you remembered. Thank you."
She liked it. Relief flowed.
"I have something for you, too." She shifted, her arm bumping him. Like she was reaching into the pocket of her jeans. "It's not wrapped."
She pressed something small and metal into his hand. A cool, smooth line of metal hung over the edge of his palm. He fingered the item, trying to figure it out.
"It's my class ring," she said softly. "I strung it on a silver chain. I thought... maybe since we knew each other back then, it could be a memento so you could remember the good times."
He found himself choked up. "Help me put it on?" he murmured.
Her hands at his neck sent sparks down his spine.
"There." She smoothed his shirt across his shoulders.
He rested his hands at her waist. "This is the best Christmas I've had in a long time."
"Me too. Merry Christmas." She kissed the point of his chin, then his jaw.
He bent his head and kissed her properly. They only broke apart when PJ wolf-whistled at them from across the room.
"Break it up, kids," Callum teased.
"I thought we were gonna eat," one of the twins said.
And outside, a car door slammed. Cord and Molly.
Noah chuckled, hugging Jilly tighter before he let her go.
He'd never imagined he would get to have a Christmas like this. Or a woman like Jilly to spend his life with.
Merry Christmas, indeed.
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Author’s Note
Dear reader, thank you for your trust. I hope I’ve earned it with this novel. Writing Noah stretched me. I researched and learned things I never knew before—like how so many things are built for sighted people. Did you know that social media sites and many websites are difficult for blind people to navigate? I didn’t.
And so much more.
In this book, Noah plays flag football with Jilly and her kids. This scene was partly inspired by beep baseball, a game developed for blind players. I was also inspired by stories and videos of children with low vision learning to ride bikes.
While I did spend hours researching background for this book, and a sensitivity reader went through the text meticulously, it’s entirely possible that mistakes still exist. They are entirely my responsibility.
* * *
-Lacy
Also by Lacy Williams
Sutter’s Hollow series (contemporary romance)
His Small-Town Girl
Secondhand Cowboy
The Cowgirl Next Door
Looking Back, Texas series (contemporary romance)
10 Dates
Next Door Santa
Always a Bridesmaid
Love Lessons
Wyoming Legacy series (historical romance)
The Homesteader’s Sweetheart
Roping the Wrangler
Return of the Cowboy Doctor
The Wrangler’s Inconvenient Wife
A Cowboy for Christmas
Her Convenient Cowboy
Her Cowboy Deputy
Catching the Cowgirl
The Sawyer Creek series (contemporary romance)
Soldier Under the Mistletoe
The Nanny’s Christmas Wish
The Rancher’s Unexpected Gift
Someone Old
Someone New
Someone Borrowed
Someone Blue (newsletter subscribers only)
The Bull Rider
The Brother
The Prodigal
Wild Wyoming Heart series (historical romance)
Marrying Miss Marshal
Counterfeit Cowboy
Cowboy Pride
Courted by a Cowboy
Cowboy Fairytales series (contemporary romance)
Once Upon a Cowboy
Cowboy Charming
The Toad Prince
The Beastly Princess
The Lost Princess
Kissing Kelsey
Courting Carrie
Stealing Sarah
Keeping Kayla
Melting Megan
Heart of Oklahoma series (contemporary romance)
Kissed by a Cowboy
Love Letters from Cowboy
Mistletoe Cowboy
Cowgirl for Keeps
Jingle Bell Cowgirl
Heart of a Cowgirl
3 Days with a Cowboy
Prodigal Cowgirl
Not in a Series
Wagon Train Sweetheart (historical romance)
Cowgirl Next Door (Sutter's Hollow Book 3) Page 17
