by Sky Winters
What was it I wanted to feel? Some kind of life-long commitment?
My anguished thoughts were cut short by the feeling of Alex’s hands pressed against my shoulders.
“You’re holding back,” he said, frowning deeply at me. “I can feel it.”
I pulled away from him growling and continued on my way.
“You’re better than this, Decker!” Alex exclaimed. He had to sprint to catch up to me. “You’re strong because of the way you feel and nothing else. Don’t hide from who you are!”
He put his hand on my shoulder and tugged, as if to stop me from walking. My anger got the better of me then and I whipped around to face him, snarling. He flinched away, but he didn’t let go.
“That’s more like it,” he said. “If you’re angry, just be angry! If there’s something else you feel, just be it. It’s over faster that way.”
“I already told you that I want you to just leave me alone, Alex,” I growled. He was walking a thin line, and I was growing impatient.
“You’re not making this easy,” he said. “All I want you to do is fuck me. You don’t have to love me. You don’t have to replace your ex with your me or something. I get that you’re hurting and I don’t mind waiting until you’re ready. What I do mind is this shit you’re putting yourself through. You think I don’t know what you’re thinking? You’re denying yourself. And why?”
I glowered, but didn’t answer.
“You’re just down on yourself! You have no idea how impressive you are. You don’t think you’ve earned your place as an alpha. Am I right? Am I close?”
All I wanted was for Alex to shut the hell up. So what if I didn’t feel like an alpha? I wasn’t anymore. There was nothing that would convince me that I had earned that title. It had just been a mistake, that’s all. A mistake that was rectified by Jake and Walker. If I couldn’t hold my own against my own pack, what right did I have to call myself an alpha?
“Just stop talking!” I growled, whipping around to face Alex. He stared me down, and an infuriating satisfaction lit his eyes. Did he like pushing me to the point where I lost my temper? Didn’t he know it was dangerous to pick on somebody bigger than you were?
“Why should I, Decker? You’re going to lose yourself if you just hide from all of this. You were wronged, man! You were wronged and you didn’t deserve that. It doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be an alpha!”
“Just STOP!”
I lunged at Alex and he grunted as his back hit the ground. I barely had enough time to feel bad about it before his lips were against my own. I don’t know if I was the one who had kissed him or if he had kissed me, but once it started, nothing could have kept us apart.
I gripped Alex by his thick blonde hair and growled into his ear as I allowed my hands to finally roam his body. I could feel him shiver pleasantly under my touch. His muscles were hard, and tense from the fight we had just had, and his clear eyes had lost the infuriating quality that had made me want to rip him apart. Now, they were almost gentle, if I could ignore that compelling steely quality in them.
In truth, I was used to people being afraid of me. Although Jake had betrayed me and tried to assert himself with me, there was no denying that he was afraid of me. Any time I would get annoyed about anything and express it, his eyes would grow wide and he would avoid me. I had more power than I realized back then, but that was all gone now. How could I have been so stupid?
“You’re beating yourself up again!” Alex exclaimed, pulling away from my lips. “You get so dark.”
“So what?” I murmured. “Did I ask you to keep tabs on my feelings? Fuck off.”
“Seriously,” Alex said, sitting me up and pushing me back so that he could look me in the eye. “I think you’re great. You should too.”
“You don’t know anything about me,” I said, standing up. Alex stood too.
“I know enough. Your energy says it all. No wonder people took advantage of you. If you feel worthless you become worthless!”
“That’s enough!” I roared, shoving Alex as hard as I could. He flew back and hit a tree hard. I hated what I was doing to him. Why couldn’t I stop?
“You’re angry because the truth hurts,” Alex panted, struggling to regain his balance. “You’re mad at me for telling you things you don’t want to hear. Things you don’t believe. But you should, Decker. You’re the alpha.”
“Stop saying that!”
I leaped forward, pinning Alex to the tree. He didn’t fight me off or struggle. He just looked calmly into my eyes. The stability I saw in him immediately extinguished the rage I felt. I don’t know how he did it, but it was impressive.
“I say what I believe,” Alex said again. “I do what I think is right. No matter what happens to me. I’m already the omega. I have nothing to lose from being myself. And neither do you. You know why?”
I didn’t answer.
“Because you’re on top.”
I wanted to apologize to him, repent for being so hurtful and cruel. For using his body and clothes and generosity the way Jake had used me. But the words wouldn’t come.
“It’s all right,” Alex said, touching my face. “There’s nothing to apologize for if you’re being authentic.”
I kissed him then, a kiss more tender and true than any I had ever had in my life. It felt better than any kiss I’d shared with Jake. Better, in fact, than any of the many memories we had made together.
What was different this time?
It suddenly dawned on me. I was in control.
Chapter 16
The impressive muscles of Alex’s abdomen rippled with resistance when I pulled him closer to me. It wasn’t that he was resisting; he just hadn’t expected the movement. I was faster than he was, I noted. I was a lot stronger too. It was a strength I had always been wary of; a strength I felt safe hiding when I was with Jake. Maybe part of the reason Jake had been able to manipulate me was because I had never been comfortable with my own power. Others envied it, and I knew I could use it for either good or evil. But it never felt real; it never felt mine.
All of that changed with Alex. He pushed and prodded me, encouraged me to embrace the truth of my power. I was still uncomfortable, but it was liberating to know that he wasn’t afraid of what I was. He wasn’t even jealous. He was aroused by it.
I reached between us until my fingers grazed his shaft. It was hard and warm against my skin, and I gripped him with a gentle firmness that made his knees buckle. I gave his cock a long, sensual tug and was filled with desire when a soft gasp escaped Alex’s lips.
Without thinking twice, I whipped Alex around against the tree. He braced himself, and I took a moment to admire the perfection of his athletic body. He was lithe and powerful in his own right, as all bear shifters were, but it was clear that I was the alpha here.
Urgent desire pulsed through me, and I released my cock from its confines. Alex shuddered when he felt me press it against his inner thigh, and thrills of anticipation electrified me. I glanced up at Alex’s hands, and saw his long fingers gripping the bark of the tree in an effort to brace himself. He had already had a taste of my power, and he was ready for more.
The time for hesitation was over. I hissed as tendrils of ecstasy coursed from the head of my cock all the way through my body as I slowly began to push inside of him. His body relaxed against me, letting me do all the work. I reached around and gripped his cock, squeezing it hard. Alex cried out softly, his shaft swelling in my hand. It was more than I could bear.
In one, languid movement, I thrust my hips and with earth-shattering power, I began unleashing the power of my longing on Alex. I could feel him tighten around my cock, and the friction of our bodies created the most blissful sensation I had ever experienced. There was no guilt or reluctance this time; we both knew exactly what we were doing. All I wanted was to claim Alex. He would be mine, now, and for all of time. And I had a feeling that he had known it all along; right from the moment he had seen me.
The
bond between us was unmistakable. Because of their separation, I had always thought my mother had been exaggerating about the strength of the force between two shifters who were meant to be mated for life. I certainly hadn’t felt any such power with Jake. I could never read his moods or thoughts the way my mother claimed she could with my father, and I would too, once I found the right person for me.
But now, I could feel Alex’s pleasure almost as acutely as my own. I knew just how to move to make a small grunt turn into a deep moan. His shaft was throbbing in my hand and I knew exactly what to do to make it weep for me. And, whether he liked it or not, I could delay his climax until I was ready to join him.
When it came time for me to notice the building of my orgasm, something about it felt different. I had climaxed before, many times, but something about this one felt as if all of the energy in the universe was being channeled right through my body and into Alex. Pleasure electrified every atom in my body, and Alex began to tremble beneath me as my wild thrusting became harder and more concentrated. He was on the brink of a powerful climax, but I would hold it off, until…
Alex glanced over his shoulder at me and our eyes locked. In that one, tiny moment, I felt eternity in my hands. I understood the significance of our roles as shifters and the truth in Alex’s words. I had to embrace my destiny. I had to be myself. And when I was, my perfect mate would be waiting.
A deep roar began to rumble from deep within my breast, and Alex cried out loudly as I unleashed a roar more powerful than any I had ever done, even in my bear form. It echoed in the forest as my hot climax spilled out of me, filling Alex completely with my seed. He shuddered beneath me, and I was gratified by the hot sensation of his orgasm spilling into my hand. I could feel every drop of life in it, in him, and I closed my eyes to relish the moment. It was the first time I had understood sex as a spiritual act; and myself as a man with a place in the world.
Alex slowly lowered his hands from the trunk of the tree and stood with his back to me for a few seconds. His breathing was heavy, and he was looking down, as if something on the ground had transfixed him. When he turned to face me, his clear eyes were shining with tears.
“See,” he said, gesturing down to his stomach. “I knew you could do it.”
What I saw made my heart jump to my throat. Alex had a light purple rash spreading across his stomach, and beneath his bellybutton was a tiny mound. I had to blink hard and look again before it began to make any sense in my mind. Alex was pregnant. And Alex’s pregnancy could only mean one thing. I was the true alpha.
Chapter 17
When we arrived back at the boarding house, Miss Abby was sitting on the porch in her rocking chair, chatting with her daughter Penelope.
“Glory be…” she muttered, adjusting her glasses to stare as Alex walked toward her. “Penelope, get this boy the Concoction.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Penelope said, leaving her post by the mailbox to hustle inside.
“Well,” Miss Abby said, eyeing us both closely. “Looks like you two have some courting to do.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, and Alex pursed his lips.
“What’s going to happen?” he asked, touching the tiny mound of his belly gently. He already seemed attached to the baby, and I felt a small surge of pride.
“I reckon you’ll give birth in two to three weeks,” Miss Abby said, rocking slowly. “You two will have to get a place of your own. This is no place to raise a child.”
“I’ve already got a place,” I said darkly. There was no way that Jake and Walker were going to get away with stealing my home. It was more than that to me. It was my birthright. If I was going to have a child, I was going to raise it in the same place where I was raised. Walker and Jake be damned.
“Well that’s one botheration out of the way,” Miss Abby said, the ghost of a smile on her lips. She looked hard at me as if trying to measure me up and determine what I might be capable of. Fortunately, she seemed to approve of what she saw. “But there’s the matter of tending to this pregnancy. Things are all right for now, but this time next week, Alex here’s not going to be allowed to walk or move anywhere.”
“What? Why?” Alex didn’t like the sound of being bedridden, and I couldn’t rightly blame him for it.
“Honey, you’ll know why when it happens.”
Alex frowned down at the ground and Miss Abby laughed.
“It’s just the facts of life, that’s all. There’s going to be a lot of aches and pains and swelling, you know. And you’ll need the Concoction every day to make sure that baby of yours comes out healthy and happy,” she said. “It’s good for the father to be, too. Helps numb some of the pain. Bear babies grow fast in a human womb; I reckon it’s a comfortable place to stay. You have a long road ahead of you, boy. But we’ll help you along the way.”
Alex glanced at me, and then looked back at Miss Abby.
“That depends on what Decker is going to do,” he said. It was as if he could read my mind. I was already plotting my revenge on Walker and Jake. Our baby would be born in the house I grew up in. And Alex was going to help me.
“What do you think, Mr. Decker?”
“You said Alex will still have his strength on his side for the rest of the week, right?”
Miss Abby nodded, but said nothing. The same inquisitive look was on her face; as if she was waiting for me to say just the right thing.
“You and I both know I don’t belong here,” I said carefully. “Not permanently. Or else I would have been raised here by my father.”
“That’s an interesting point,” Miss Abby said. “But just what are you getting at?”
“I appreciate all your help. I truly do. But I would like to take Alex and my child back to New Orleans. I have a home there. I never should have left in the first place.”
Miss Abby’s face broke out into a knowing smile, and she gave me a low nod. “Sounds like a good plan to me.”
I looked over at Alex, and saw that his face was shining with pride. He had helped me to embrace who I really was. And now, with his help, I would be able to reclaim my place among my pack.
Chapter 18
The next two days went by in a frenzy. I didn’t have much packing to do, but everybody was talking our ears off, giving us advice about what to do during a pregnancy. Roger had given birth long ago, before he had been kicked out of his pack for trying too hard to help his alpha son grow into a responsible leader, and he had the best advice for Alex.
They talked frequently in the lounge as Miss Abby and Penelope put me to work in the kitchen so that I would learn the formula for “the Concoction” like the back of my hand. I didn’t mind though. I would do anything to make sure Alex and the baby were safe. But we wouldn’t be able to settle down; not until my plan went into action.
“You don’t mind living in New Orleans, do you?” I asked Alex the night before we were scheduled to leave. Alex grinned and shook his head.
“You know I prefer the city life,” he said. “There are a lot of things I love about the Bayou, but it’s not where I would want to raise my family.”
I grinned at him and his eyes sparkled. We kissed and then settled in to bed. I couldn’t sleep knowing that so much was about to change. There was a slight possibility that my plan wouldn’t work; that I would come back to the Bayou with Alex, both of us humiliated and ashamed by the fact that we had failed at our mission. But there was no doubt in my mind about what we had to do, and I was going to do it, no matter what.
***
Once I fell asleep, the night went by too quickly. Before I knew it, it was morning, and Penelope was summoning me for breakfast one last time.
“We’ll be sad to see you go, Mr. Decker,” Miss Abby said, once the time came for us to leave, despite her face being bright and reassuring. “But we know that you and your omega will always have the advantage together. That’s just the way it is.”
“Thank you for everything,” I said, kissing her cheek. “You’ve been very kin
d.”
“Nonsense,” she said, waving her hand. “But you boys and that baby of yours had better come to visit if you know what’s good for you.”
“Yes, ma’am!” Alex said, moving past me to give her a hug. He was such a gentle soul. What kind of lottery had I won to deserve him?
“Y’all take care, now,” Miss Abby said, smiling brightly. “And mind yourselves on that motorcycle of yours!”
I smiled. “I’ll behave.”
Everybody from the boarding house gathered on the porch to see us off; even Eustis. Paul and old Mrs. Allestar had come over to see us off as well, and we said our good byes. It was going to be a long ride back to New Orleans, and frankly we had a lot of planning to do.
“Can we pull over, Decker? I have to pee.”
“Again?” I exclaimed.
“These bear babies grow fast, you know,” Alex said, fixing me with a pout through the rearview mirror of the bike. I sighed and pulled over, letting Alex relieve himself before getting back on the road.
“I have an idea,” I said to him. I had been thinking long and hard about how to get my revenge on Walker and Jake. “But I really need you to help me out.”
“Like I said,” Alex said, smiling broadly at me. “Revenge is my specialty.”
I smiled, shocked by this man’s willingness to throw everything away for me. He was the most vulnerable he was ever going to be, and letting me drag him into a fight that he had nothing to do with. But whether I deserved that kind of devotion or not, he was ready and willing to protect and serve me at all costs, and I planned on returning the favor.
“You’re going to love it in New Orleans,” I promised him. The closer we got to my home, the more excited I became. I fully believed that we were going to come out on top. “Maybe we could even get married.”
Alex was quiet for a moment, and at first I worried that I had brought up marriage too soon. But when I looked at him in the mirror, his beautiful eyes were filled with tears.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I have a feeling that’s going to be happening a lot.”
