by Sky Winters
“Don’t turn your eyes from me lass,” Lord McNeil said as he reached for her chin and pushed it up to meet his face. “It is an unpleasant thing… but…”
He trailed off, leaving Kareena feeling worse than before. “What… exactly is an unpleasant thing?” Kareena asked once she had processed her father’s words. “My presence at the feast tonight or my presence in general?”
Lord McNeil looked taken back. “That is not –
“Tis true then,” Kareena interrupted him as she stood abruptly. “You are ashamed of me.”
“No of course not, I –
“I was a fool to think a Lord could love his bastard child,” Kareena said as she walked to the door. She felt her father rise but he did not move to follow her. She turned at the threshold of the door and curtsied formally. “Thank you for the audience my Lord,” she said weakly before she turned and walked out.
Chapter Three
There were always people milling about the stables but horses were always being taken out to ride. No one took any notice of Kareena as she slipped in and found Frazier in his stall munching on a bale of hay. The feast was only a few hours away and Kareena did not wish to be anywhere near the castle when it took place.
“Come on boy,” she whispered into his ear as she stroked his chestnut brown muzzle. “Let’s run.”
Minutes later, she and Frazier were flying under the castle’s keep, through the gates and out into the open air of the highlands. The moment they had cleared the castle’s shadow, Kareena breathing came easier and her chest felt considerably lighter. She slowed Frazier to an easy gallop as she steered him towards the forests that clan McNeil shared with clan Maclver. It was a large, wild expanse of forest that hugged the Elsick Mounth.
“Let’s ride through,” Kareena whispered to Frazier. He whinnied as though he was answering back and a moment later they sped into the forests.
Once they were surrounded by trees and nothing else, Kareena slowed Frazier down to a trot. They moved through the forest in calm as she took in the earthy breeze that ruffled through her hair.
“Things are so much easier here Frazier,” Kareena said softly looking up towards the large cracks in the forest’s canopy. The light streaming in was warm; it touched her face gently so that she didn’t need to shield her eyes from the brightness. “I wish we could stay here forever.”
She dismounted and let Frazier graze around at his leisure. She picked up her skirts and explored the little clearing they found themselves in. She recognized many of the herbs that Meghan used in her remedies and unconsciously she started plucking off fresh stems and dropping them into the tired sack that hung down Frazier’s side.
She immersed herself in the forest, so much so that she didn’t even realize that the sun was slowly setting and darkness was settling over the highlands. Her thoughts became abstract until she was no longer thinking of her father or the feast taking place at the castle that very minute. Even after night had finally come in, Kareena refused to go back to the castle. A small part of her wondered if anyone would even notice. Suddenly she heard the sharp crack of a tree branch a few feet away. Kareena jumped back with a gasp caught in her throat. Frazier raised his large head for a moment and then went back to grazing.
Kareena looked around searchingly and her eyes caught a flurry of movement not far from where she stood. She rushed forward not even considering the possibility that the animal might be a dangerous one. She ran forward and immediately the animal camouflaged behind the thicket of trees took off in the opposite direction. Kareena felt a beat of shock as she realized that it was a dragon. Even in darkness she could tell it looked eerily like the dragon in her dreams. Dragons were increasingly rare in the Kinross lands. She rushed towards Frazier and mounted him in one swift move. They raced through the forest after the dragon.
The dragon darted right, down a steep slope of earth, fallen branches and dried leaves leaving streaks of motion in its wake. Kareena urged Frazier downwards but the horse seemed reluctant. “It’s ok,” Kareena said, rubbing Frazier’s neck comfortingly. “Come on boy, you can do it.”
After some coaxing, Frazier managed to sidle down the slope, landing with a quick finish onto flat surface again. Kareena spurred him forward with a gentle nudge, afraid that she had lost the dragon for good. The animal had become something of a recent legend in the territory of Kinross. It was a large beast and her father and his clan had spent nigh on seven years since it was first spotted, trying to hunt it. The scales of the dragon were said to give a king luck, and its meat would provide strength for any army. The dragon had displayed both intellect and resilience, evading capture at every turn.
This was not the reason that Kareena pursued the animal however. What propelled her forward were her murky dreams that stayed with her even after she had woken. She dismounted and walked down. Hearing a rustle of noise, Kareena took care to move carefully and quietly. She stepped between two trees and caught sight of a thin stream just ahead of her. The dragon was standing on the opposite side of the stream, drinking water. Kareena felt as though she had experienced the same moment before.
Without thinking, she stepped between the two trees and out into the open. The dragon raised its majestic head and its large fiery eyes fell on her. The moon hung, full and bright in the sky above them. It illuminated everything it touched with its sparse silver rays. Kareena held her breath as the dragon stared at her with intense concentration. A shiver ran down her back as realized that its gaze was almost… human. Kareena stepped forward cautiously but the dragon did not fly away as she had expected. The creature stood there, proud and tall, as though it were waiting for her.
“What are you?” Kareena asked under her breath as she continued to edge closer.
She got to the edge of the stream. There was only the thin trickle of water that stood between them. If Kareena reached out, she would be able to touch the dragon. It’s scales were the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. They were illuminating gleams of glassy silve. Its eyes were still trained on her as though it recognized her somehow.
“Am I dreaming?” Kareena wondered aloud.
The dragon moved its head infinitesimally as though it was answering her question. Kareena gave a start of surprise but she didn’t back away. “No wonder no one’s been able to catch you yet,” she said softly. The dragon continued to look at her with eyes that were aware and keenly observant. Consumed by the magic of the moment, Kareena felt herself grow brave. She reached up, moving her hand slowly towards the dragon’s crown. Again she wondered if the animal would bolt suddenly, but it remained stationary. She sucked in her breath as she touched the dragon’s gleaming coat. It was tough but there was also a sinewy softness there.
Suddenly, the dragon transformed before her eyes, and a naked human man emerged. Kareena stood in shock as the most beautiful man she had ever seen stepped toward her. His muscles gleamed like the dragon’s and his eyes continued to look at her with fire. As if in a trance, Kareena stepped toward him feeling his magnetic pull.
He reached towards her and began stroking her face.
“Is it really you?” he asked.
The commanding sound of his voice caused Kareena’s insides to stir. She was about to speak when Frazier’s frantic whinny startled her out of her reverie. She jumped back, breaking contact with the man. He leapt back as well and with one last look in her direction, he transformed into a dragon and flew off into the forest. It took only a few short seconds for Kareena to lose his image in the darkness.
She stood there by the tiny stream trying to process the strange moment, but it did not seem to matter how long she stood there. It didn’t feel any less strange. Finally she turned away and walked back to where Frazier waited patiently for her. She mounted him distractedly and rode back to the castle, with her thoughts running in chaotic circles.
Kareena could hear the music before she entered the castle. It rang through the castle’s stonewalls, echoing down its lon
g hallways. Kareena knew the castle well, she slipped in through one of the lesser-known corridors and within moments she was in the main hall where most of the clan’s banquets and feasts were held. She stood behind one of the large stone pillars that circled the hall.
Her father sat on the raised dais, behind a long table filled with several large cuts of meat. He was dressed in his finest red tartan and grey furs. To his left sat Lady McNeil. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders, fastened by Scottish pearls that seemed to catch the light with every turn of her head. She was dressed in crimson silks and white furs. Next to her sat Lady Saraid, Kareena’s older half sister. She had her mother’s coloring without any of the beauty. Kareena had admired her once, before Saraid’s disdain for her had pushed them apart.
Kareena watched as her father took a great gulp of wine and turned to the man sitting on his right. Royce McDougal was younger and shorter than Kareena had expected. He did not look like a clan chief’s son, but he seemed to have a knack for making people smile. He bowed graciously as he asked Saraid to dance, making her glow with pleasure while their father beamed in satisfaction. As Saraid and Royce McDougal joined the other dancers in the centre of the hall, Kareena watched as her father and stepmother put their heads together, conversing in intimate whispers.
Standing there in the shadows, Kareena realized that that she would never be on the other side. She would never sit with the people she considered her family and share hushed conversations. She would never be invited to dance by a noble lord and she certainly would never be encouraged to do so. Her father had cast her into the shadows, making sure she would never truly be apart of his family.
“Is this what I want?” Kareena asked herself. “To stand on the edge, wishing to be included like a dog waiting for scraps?”
She stared at her father’s face, wondering if his love for her had always been an illusion, or if it was a fickle thing that existed only in the privacy of his own chamber. If that was the case, Kareena wanted no part of it. She turned from the scene and walked out of the hall. She didn’t stop until she had reached her bedchamber. When she walked in, she found that Meghan was there, waiting for her.
“Where have you been lass?” Meghan asked with concern.
“I was out riding,” Kareena replied. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to make sure… you weren’t too lonely,” Meghan said simply.
Kareena appreciated the sentiment but she hated the pity. “I’m fine Meghan,” she assured the older woman. “Truly.”
“Then what is that look in your eye?”
Kareena dropped her gaze, but she knew that little got past Meghan. “Tis nothing,” Kareena replied. “I have only made a decision this night.”
“Aye and pray what is it?”
Kareena looked up. “I’m leaving Northwick castle and Kinross territory. But most importantly, I am leaving clan McNeil.”
Chapter Four
Meghan tried to convince her to stay but Kareena could not be moved. There was a clarity attached to her decision and that gave her the confidence she needed to go through with it. The night of the feast had opened Kareena’s eyes to the reality of her life. She was the eternal outsider; whatever affection her father held for her was not strong enough to withstand her stepmother’s dislike.
“This is drastic,” Meghan fretted as she bustled about the apothecary throwing things into a large brown bag. “I shouldn’t be encouraging you.”
“And you haven’t,” Kareena said. “I’m leaving no matter what anyone says or does.”
“Does that include your father?”
“Aye,” Kareena nodded fervently.
“He’s not going to allow you to leave,” Meghan pointed out. “You are may be illegitimate, but you are still his daughter.”
“I am his daughter in private,” Kareena replied. “Tis not enough for me.”
“And you’re answer is to flee in the night?”
Kareena shook her head. “There is a party leaving the castle soon. They’re heading towards Aberdeenshire with a delivery of horses for Lord Maclver. I intend to be among them when they head out on the morrow.”
Meghan raised her eyebrows incredulously. “And how do you plan to escape notice?”
“I’ll be dressed as one of the stable boys,” Kareena replied with a confidence she did not feel.
“Tis a risky plan lass,” Meghan said with a shake of her head.
“Aye,” Kareena agreed. “But it’s my only way out.”
“And what do you intend to do once you’ve set off with the delivery party?”
“I’ll travel with them as far as the Elsick mounth. Just before they enter Aberdeenshire, I’ll slip off into the forests with Frasier, then I’ll ride South to one of the seaside villages and find work there as a healer.”
Meghan sighed deeply. “I don’t like it.”
“Aye I know,” Kareena said with a smile. “But I know I’m doing the right thing. I can feel it in my gut.”
“I wish I could say the same,” Meghan replied as the continued to bustle around the apothecary.
“What are you doing?” Kareena asked impatiently.
“If you really are going to do this you will need a few things,” Meghan said quickly as though she knew she was running out of time. “You are a talented healer, you will know what to do with the ingredients I have given you.” She handed Kareena the bag with a resigned air. “You will be able to collect a few things on your journey, especially if you’re travelling into the forests. But still, I will feel better knowing you have these with you.”
Kareena leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Meghan. “Thank you so much Meghan,” she said. “I’m going to miss you the most.”
Meghan laughed awkwardly and pulled away. She had never been good with open sentiment. “Just be safe.”
Kareena nodded. She picked up the bag and turned to leave.
“Wait,” Meghan called. “I have one more thing for you.”
“You’ve given me enough Meghan,” Kareena pointed out gratefully.
“Aye, but this one is the most important thing,” Meghan replied as she went to the cupboard and pulled out an old book whose covers looked worn and overly used.
“This book is for… whenever you need some drastic help,” Meghan said softly.
“Is it a book of remedies?” Kareena asked.
“It is,” Meghan nodded. “Tis a special book. Look to it for guidance but use your own knowledge and your instincts. You understand me?”
Kareena took the book gingerly and nodded. “Aye, I will. Thank you,” she said before leaving the apothecary for good.
Kareena was up before the sun the next day. It took her only a few hours to gather all her belongings. She wanted to travel as light as possible and that turned out to be easier than she had anticipated. Kareena stared down at her brown rucksack, amazed that nineteen years could be boiled down to a few measly possessions. Her mother had left her nothing in the way of a keepsake and she did not wish to take anything that belonged of her father. The only thing that she had that was precious to her was the book Meghan had given her.
In the privacy of her room, Kareena leafed through its yellowed pages. There were several recipes for remedies, many of which she recognized, but others were foreign to her. She didn’t have time to dwell on them however. She wrapped the book in one of underskirts and packed it away with the rest of her things. She had managed to bribe one of the younger stable boys into giving her his britches and shirt. She put them on and stared at herself in the grainy mirror in front of her.
Once she had thrown a coat over herself, she didn’t look quite like a girl, but she didn’t look like a man either. Her hair fell straight over her shoulders, a fiery red that was hard to hide. She found a thick piece of string, gathered her hair into a tight knot and tied it firmly. Then she added a lopsided hat that hid her bun and turned back to her reflection. Except for her sharp nose, her features were soft and dec
idedly feminine. She stepped towards her dead fireplace and grabbed a small handful of ash, which she proceeded to smear across her face in small strokes. She was subtle in her approach and by the time she was finished, she looked much less like herself.
With a sigh, she slung the bag over her shoulder and slipped out of her room without a backward glance. As she moved through the castle’s stonewalls, Kareena felt a small beat of sadness. She did have affection for the castle, it had served her imagination well and she was sad to leave it. Still, it was not her home, and now that she had become so painfully aware of it, Kareena knew that she could not stay.
The party was getting ready to move out when Kareena slipped into the stables. She waited till they had mounted their horses and started for the gates before she saddled Frazier and joined them. She stayed at the back with the horses, keeping her head down and eyes sharp for anything that might give her away. Earnan Baird was leading the small group and Kareena prayed that he was not an observant man. Just to be safe she had a dagger hidden in the waistband of her britches.
As they passed through the keep, she could feel the castle’s shadow looming over her in farewell. Just as they were passing through the gates Kareena looked up and caught Meghan’s eyes fastened on her. She gave her a small smile of farewell.
“Be safe,” Meghan mouthed.
Kareena nodded as she passed through the castle’s gates, leaving it behind forever.
Chapter Five
They made excellent progress. By twilight, the party had travelled well into the forests and they were only a day away from reaching Elsick castle. Kareena did not wish to disengage herself from the group until they had cleared the forests. She was impatient to be away from them but common sense told her that to separate now would put her at risk. The forests were quiet but they were dangerous. Wild animals prowled the land, especially at night and Kareena did not wish to be alone if she happened upon one of them.
