She thought about going and getting Dusk, or about heading back into the woods where William had taken her this morning, but she knew she would have to deal with servants in the stable or the guard at the gatehouse to get to either of those places, and she couldn’t do that in her current state. So instead, she retreated to the farthest corner of the castle gardens, well past the gazebo and the flower beds, and she found a small stone bench near a wall.
Though she’d been crying already, as soon as she collapsed onto the bench, the sobbing began in earnest. Past rational already, her thoughts became a soundless, incoherent blur, as she cried and cried until she ran out of tears. Or at least she thought she had, because when she’d finally stopped, she pulled the handkerchief out of her pocket, and when she saw William’s initials embroidered in the corner, a fresh stream started.
Eventually, though, she really did cry herself out, and she sat there on the bench, feeling too drained to think anymore, too numb to move, and she just stared at the neatly-trimmed bushes a few feet away from her.
She almost jumped out of her skin when one of them moved.
Quinn stared at the bush, trying to figure out what she had seen. It had only barely quivered, and she’d almost decided that it had just been a small animal stirring inside, when she suddenly saw a small pair of brown-leather mary jane shoes poking out at the bottom.
She sighed, wondering how long Alice had been sitting over there. Wiping her eyes one more time, and blowing her nose before stuffing the handkerchief back into her pocket, Quinn stood and walked around the large bush.
The little girl was sitting there on a tree stump ringed with flowers, a large notebook in her lap, and a pouch of colored pencils open beside her. She didn’t look up until Quinn was standing directly in front of her.
“Hi Quinn,” she said, before looking down again to exchange a blue colored pencil for a green one.
Quinn raised an eyebrow. “How long have you been out here, Alice?”
“I don’t know,” Alice answered, beginning to fill in some of the leaves she’d traced. Quinn recognized the bush in her drawing. “I can’t tell time yet.”
Her answer made Quinn chuckle. Alice’s eyes met Quinn’s. “Are you all right?”
“Yes, sweetheart. I’m fine.”
“Why were you crying?”
Quinn swallowed. “You saw that?”
Alice nodded. “I saw you were crying when you were going outside.”
“You’ve been out here the whole time?” She was startled.
“Yes.” Now the green pencil went carefully back into the pouch and a pink one came out. Apparently undisturbed, Alice began sketching out the pink flowers that dotted the base of the bush.
“Isn’t somebody going to be wondering where you are?”
Alice looked up at her again. “I told Emma I was going outside with you. I’m sure she told someone.”
Quinn closed her eyes. If she’d told Emma, then surely everyone in the castle knew the little girl was with her by now. “How old are you now, Alice? Four?”
“Five,” the little girl said, without looking up from her drawing. “I had my birthday when you were gone.”
“I’m sorry I missed it.”
Alice looked up at her, all wide gray eyes behind her glasses. “Maybe you can come to the next one.”
Quinn smiled, lowering herself down onto her knees in front of the tree stump. “Maybe I will, Alice. I would like that very much.”
“You’re going to William’s birthday party, aren’t you?”
“Sure I am.”
Alice’s eyes penetrated hers now, with a depth that surprised her. “William really missed you when you were gone, you know.”
“I know. I missed him, too.”
“He was scared you might not come back.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“No, he just looked worried when he talked about it. But I told him you would come back and go to his birthday. And you did.” A tiny smile appeared on her serious little face.
“You were right.” Quinn had to swallow down the hot sensation that rose in her throat at the image of William looking worried as he talked to his little sister.
“Emma says he loves you.”
Heat flooded her cheeks.
“But I told Emma it’s none of her business.”
“Emma thinks everything is her business,” Quinn chuckled thinking of spunky little Emma, who reminded her of a boisterous combination of Thomas and Linnea.
There was a little twinkle in Alice’s eye. “So does Linnea.”
Quinn couldn’t help giggling. “You’re right, she does.”
The pink pencil went back to work, meticulously shading the petals of the flowers. “I think you love William, too, Quinn.”
Quinn swallowed hard, her eyes sweeping over the little girl, so intense, sitting with her legs curled up beside her, the skirt to her blue dress smoothed neatly over them. “I definitely love you, Alice,” she said, kissing her on the top of her head.
“I love you, too, Quinn.”
* * *
After her conversation with Alice, Quinn took the little girl back upstairs in the castle. She was calmer now, but needed time to process what had just happened. She sincerely hoped that her bedroom was empty – as much as she loved both Thomas and Linnea, she wasn’t prepared to deal with them again right now. What she wanted was a hot bath with lavender and vanilla oil.
But, although there was no sign of Thomas or Linnea in the upstairs wing, when she reached her room, it wasn’t empty.
“Is everything all right, Lady Quinn?” Mia looked up from where she was putting neatly folded clothes into the armoire.
“I’m okay, Mia,” she answered, knowing that her blotchy face gave her away. “How are you?” she asked, trying to shift the conversation.
“I’m well. I’m just trying to catch up on some tasks I’ve gotten behind on.”
“You’ve been a little busy lately, haven’t you?” she asked wryly. Mia had been spending a lot of time with Thomas.
A splash of pink colored the girl’s cheeks, but she met Quinn’s gaze. “As have you, Lady Quinn. How are things with William?”
Touché. The fact that the sweet maid seemed to have caught Thomas’ eye should have alerted Quinn to the likelihood that there was more spunk hidden under Mia’s quiet demeanor than she had guessed.
It had always been almost too easy to talk to Mia, though. “I don’t know,” she found herself saying. “Things have been really wonderful – until I think I messed them up today.”
Mia raised an eyebrow. “This is about William asking if the two of you could make your courtship official?”
Quinn swallowed hard, but nodded. “Except he didn’t ask.”
“Do you really think he didn’t ask because he’d changed his mind about it?”
She blinked. That possibility sounded a lot more absurd coming out of Mia’s mouth than it had swirling around inside her mind, all muddled up with her insecurities. “No. He probably didn’t ask because he was afraid I’d be upset or that I’d think he was pushing me.”
Mia’s bright green eyes were gentle and sympathetic. “I don’t think you’ve ‘messed things up,’ Lady Quinn. I think that you and Master William are both doing the best you can in a complicated situation.”
Something in Mia’s voice caught Quinn off-guard. She frowned, scrutinizing Mia’s expression, suddenly realizing that Mia knew more than she should have. Possibly far more, but Quinn decided to start with the most simple issue first. “How do you know what happened with William and I this afternoon already? Thomas and Linnea haven’t come back up yet.”
When Mia’s eyes fell to the floor almost instantly, Quinn’s intuition flashed. “What do you know, Mia?”
Trembling, Mia moved the basket of clothes and sank down onto the ottoman. “I’ve known some things for a while, Lady Quinn – had suspicions about others. But today …” She looked up for a brief second, apprehen
sion in her eyes before she looked down again, pulling her thick, black braid over her shoulder and fidgeting nervously with the end. “I was trying to get some chores finished earlier, and visiting with Thomas and Linnea at the same time. I’d just gone back into your bathroom to put away towels and tidy up when you came upstairs.”
She frowned, trying to understand, and then dread froze her muscles as she realized what Mia meant. “Earlier? You were in there earlier? The whole time?”
Mia’s nod was almost imperceptible. “I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop. I just … I didn’t want to barge in on you …”
Nausea twisted her gut. Mia had heard everything. Not just about William and the birds. There hadn’t been time for her to escape once Stephen was in the room.
“Before …” Mia’s voice shook. “Before you get overly worried, may I show you something?”
Quinn was too deeply in shock to do anything but nod.
Mia straightened, and then reached for the collar of her navy-blue work dress. Quinn stared, stunned, knowing what she was about to see before Mia had managed to pull her dress far enough to the side to reveal her tattoo.
“What?” she breathed. “Why? How long have you …”
“As soon as I turned sixteen, I joined. My family has worked in the castle for three generations.”
“Really?” she realized that she’d never asked about Mia’s past or her family.
“Oh, yes. My mother attends personally to Charlotte and Stephen. Before that, she attended the children, as I do now. My father is a guard, but his mother had this job before my mother or I did. Both my grandmother and my mother attended your father when he lived here, in the castle.”
Quinn’s eyes were wide. “It’s supposed to be a secret, Mia! I haven’t even told William yet. Or Thomas or Linnea. Are there more people who know?”
“I know it’s a secret, my Lady. Until today – I knew about Samuel, that he hadn’t died in Philotheum as most believe. I didn’t know that his heir really existed, and of course I had no idea it was you. Although I’ll tell you now that Thomas has at least some idea that there’s more going on than you’ve shared. He’s not certain if you even know what, but he has begun to believe that Samuel and Nathaniel were from Philotheum. He knows that I’m a Friend of Philip, and that I know a lot about the resistance, or else he wouldn’t have shared with me as much as he knows … but he has no idea about many of the things I know. I’ve known about Samuel – and Nathaniel, too, of course – for a long time, but until today I never really believed …”
“Do you know anything about Eldon Hardridge?”
Mia closed her eyes, her features taking on a grayish hue. “Yes. Most of us in the Friends of Philip here in the castle believe he was persecuted and followed because he knows about Samuel and Nathaniel. It is what he believed, as well. He had no idea anyone had followed him into Eirentheos this far, though. He would never have put Jacob and Essie in danger like that.”
It was hard to breathe. Quinn sank down onto the couch and put her head in her hands.
Mia came over and sat beside her. “I won’t say a word, Lady Quinn. Not to anyone, I promise.”
Quinn looked up into Mia’s eyes, which seemed to be filled with sympathy even more than knowledge, and she knew, somehow that she could trust the girl. “So you heard what Stephen did? The position he put both William and me in?”
Mia nodded. “I did. And I don’t agree with it, but it seems to have worked out all right in the end.”
“Really?” Her anger flashed again. “You think this is all right?”
Mia shrugged, seemingly unconcerned with the sarcasm in Quinn’s voice. “Do you regret meeting William?”
That stopped her cold. The answer came without thinking; even the idea of not knowing William now was like a knife in her chest. “No. But that doesn’t make what Stephen did okay.”
“It doesn’t. But he can’t change it now, Lady Quinn. And it’s your own reaction to the situation that will determine the outcome now. In the end, he didn’t force either of you to do anything. I’ll be honest. I love seeing you and Prince William together. The two of you … what’s there is not there because of what Stephen did. You can’t let someone else’s bad decision change what’s growing between you.”
Quinn nodded, although she still had no idea what to think or how to respond. Now she really needed some time to herself.
“It has been a challenging day so far, Lady Quinn. Can I draw you a bath?”
Even in the hot water, with the comforting scents filling the air around her, it took a long time for her muscles to loosen, and her thoughts to begin to unsnarl. She thought about the things that Stephen had told her. It still angered her that he had so deliberately put William in the position he had, but slowly she realized that Mia was right. That didn’t have to get in the way of how things were now between her and William.
And, in a way, so what if Stephen and Charlotte had always hoped that she and William would end up together? It wasn’t as if they’d forced it to happen. The relationship had bloomed all on its own. It wasn’t really any different than her mom and Maggie hoping she’d choose Zander.
Even as she calmed, and some of her anger dissipated, she ached inside for William. The sacrifices he had made to spend all those years in Bristlecone had been enormous and difficult. It had hurt him to spend so much time away from his family and to feel so isolated.
And he’d made the sacrifices without even knowing all of the reasons. And it might have never paid off in the end for him at all. It still might not.
This morning she had hurt him again, and she resolved now that she wasn’t going to do that anymore. So there were a lot of questions that she didn’t have the answers to right now. How she felt about him wasn’t one of them. And neither was the way he felt about her. As soon as he got back from Mistle Village, she was going to tell him that she was ready to make their courtship official.
And now that she was truly aware of just how fragile the secret about her father was, she knew it was time – she had to tell William.
21. Trust
Relief flowed through William as the castle gate appeared before their small caravan. He and Nathaniel huddled around little Clara Halpern in the back of the wagon, and she wasn’t doing well. They needed to get her into the clinic and get the surgery started now.
As they drove on to the main bridge leading to the castle, Nathaniel stood and climbed up onto the wagon seat next to Clara’s father, Josiah, who had been driving. Taking the reins from the man, Nathaniel slowed only slightly when they reached the guard stand. “We’re going to the clinic,” he called to the guards inside. “Please help everyone else with the horses, and then bring them down to meet us.”
William looked up in time to see Ben, a guard whom he’d recently gotten to know rather well when they’d traveled together, nod and step outside to assist the rest of the family and some friends of theirs from Mistle Village who’d agreed to ride the horses back and accompany them on the journey.
“Let my mother know there are additional guests for dinner,” he yelled, hoping Ben could still hear him.
“I’m sure someone will take care of that,” Nathaniel said, driving the wagon down to the clinic at the far corner of the castle.
As soon as they’d reached the small building, Nathaniel and Josiah hopped down, and rushed to lower the gate at the back of the wagon.
“William, please go on inside and start getting things set up. We’ll get her inside, and I will talk to her parents.” Nathaniel said.
He nodded and hopped over the side of the wagon, running up the stairs into the clinic, and making his way to the small operatory in the back. They didn’t need to use it very often, but kept it ready just in case. William flipped on the lights and began scrubbing the small table in the middle of the room.
“Is there anything I can help with?” He jumped, startled. He hadn’t heard anyone come into the clinic yet.
“Quinn!” he said, tur
ning around. “What are you doing out here already? We just got back.”
She nodded. “I was waiting for you to come back. I saw you rushing around and I came to help if you needed it. So what can I do?”
“Grab one of those sheets over there and help me get this table covered.”
“What’s going on?” she asked, as she helped him shake out the sheet.
“We’ve got a little girl with appendicitis. We should have operated in Mistle Village, but without the clinic it’s so dangerous...”
At that moment, they heard Nathaniel’s voice in the clinic. William glanced through the door and saw him carrying Clara as gently as he could. Her parents followed him, both looking white and shaken. Tears streamed down Mara’s face. A second later, Jacob appeared in the doorway.
“Will,” Nathaniel’s expression was pleading as he carried the little girl into the operatory. “Let Jacob and I take care of Clara, and you handle Mr. and Mrs. Halpern and the children, please?”
He felt Quinn’s eyes on him.
“They don’t trust me, Nathaniel.”
“They do now – after you took care of Darren. And the boys know you and trust you. They’ll let you get them into the castle and cleaned up and fed.”
William sighed, but he nodded. The idea of performing surgery on a child still made him anxious anyway. He had only assisted in a few similar procedures so far.
Quinn followed him out into the main room of the clinic while Jacob walked around them and into the operating room.
Mara and Josiah Halpern were standing in the middle of the room, looking lost and helpless. Through the window, he could see their other children wandering around near the wagon. Although Wesley still hovered over him protectively, Darren looked almost completely recovered from his earlier trauma, although his dirt-caked face was streaked from the tears he’d shed earlier, and sticky, too, from the copious amounts of candy William had rewarded him with once the stitches were in.
Thorns of Decision (Dusk Gate Chronicles) Page 23
