It wasn't the pussy though. If it was just the pussy he would be alright, but it wasn't. It was something else. Something way down deep. He didn't like deep. Deep sucked. Deep was never fun. He was still falling off that ledge, so it looked like he better get acquainted with deep.
Last night, he played pool and failed miserably to laugh it off. He brought no one home with him, though he had several offers. They weren't Annie. If they weren't Annie, then they weren't going to fill up the hole in his chest. So what if they gave him an orgasm? Annie gave him something much more than that. Something he couldn't even name right now.
The look in her eyes, when he hesitated, was the killer. The rawness of it. The utter yearning for him to say what he needed to say. What he wanted to say. Why didn't he just say it?
Her eyes were the killer. He let her down. Somehow. He wasn't sure how. Probably, he would never know. She needed something from him, at that moment. It didn't have a damn thing to do with the sex.
Manny’s instincts told him that what she needed was very close to the same thing he needed from her. The difference was that she felt he wasn't going to give it to her. She believed she was just a booty call to him. She knew the score. She was a big girl. So, she left. She didn't cause a scene or beg him to call.
She was wrong.
He had the chance to tell her that. She gave it to him. He let her down.
The rum wasn't working worth shit. His mind went over the same thing, again and again. His mind flashed up images of those eyes of hers, begging him to talk to her. Begging him to make it real.
Real?
That word resonated. He leaned back and tasted it for a moment. It was something he wanted, too. At least it was what he wanted with Annie. No more fantasy Friday nights. He wanted something real. Something that lasted all week long. All year long. Something that was going to be there when he woke up and when he got home.
But real, wasn't going to happen without Annie. Real. Experiencing it with her changed everything.
He knew this from previous experience, sort of. A parallel experience anyway with the club and his biker brothers. The Fire Devils were real. He had rode around a long time, hanging with this guy, that guy, and various groups. Moving from place to place, but never really belonging anywhere. He got along, sure, but he didn't belong. Not until he found the Fire Devils. They got him, understood him. He got them as well. He fit in. He belonged with them. It was a damn good feeling. He's clung to that feeling since then.
Annie belonged with him, too. That was real.
CHAPTER FIVE
Annie woke at four o'clock in the morning the following Friday. For a moment, she was in Manny's arms. The profound feeling of belonging to him wrapped her in bliss.Then, it was gone.
The sudden chill of being alone swept through her. She shuddered, as a whimper escaped her lips. Steeling herself against another sobbing fit, she curled into herself. She squeezed her arms around her body and begged it not to happen again.
The moment passed, like it always did. She could get through this, she told herself. She was tough. She had too much weight on her to stumble now. Her father was getting worse. The business was ready to crumble. She couldn't stumble now.
She got out of bed and went into her shower. She set it as hot as she could stand. Then, she stepped into the steam. She scrubbed herself hard, until her skin was pink.
Maybe she could go to his house. That look in his eyes, on the lawn? Maybe it was more for him, too. Maybe he would just hold her for a while. Would he do that?
She shook her head, it didn't matter if he would or not. He could fuck her silly again and it wouldn't help. It would feel great, but it wouldn't fill the hole.
Fantasy or not, she needed to belong to him. That wasn't going to happen. Not with him, not with anyone. But that's what she needed. She didn't know if that meant love or not. Annie wasn't sure she had ever been in love.
The work week was hell. Thank God, it was Friday. Every time the damn door opened to her shop, hope spiked through her. She prayed it might be Manny. When it wasn't him, her mood got worse. Her poor employees were walking around like she was a ticking bomb. Kari, her secretary, was ready to burst into tears from the way Annie stomped around and bit people's heads off.
Christ.
It had to stop. It wasn't fair to them. She had good people working for her. That's why she fought so hard to keep the business on its feet. They were depending on her. They didn't deserve to be treated like she treated them for the last few days.
She looked at herself in the mirror and nodded her head, as she said, "Buck up, bitch. You did this to yourself."
After dressing she went to check on her dad. She hoped he would have a good day today. His last few had been bad ones.
***
Friday night, Manny watched his fellow Fire Devils playing pool in the bar where he met Annie. His mind wasn't on the game, the jokes, or the laughter. He was hoping Annie would come back tonight. He wasn't sure what he was going to say or do; but, if she was here, at least he would have a shot at doing or saying something.
He wouldn't hesitate this time. The ledge was already crossed. There was no fear to face greater than the one he faced all week -- a life without Annie.
It was just about nine o'clock when a young, blond vixen walked up to him and looked him over. She was mainly interested in his chest, the left side of his chest in fact. He glanced down and saw the patch that was sewn onto his leather vest that said, Manny.
"You're Manny?" she asked. Her voice was even, but interested.
He nodded. She was good looking. Before Annie, she would have been just the type he would have gone for.
The flash of fire in her eyes told him what was coming, but he didn't have the will to stop it. He watched as her hand flashed out and slapped him across the face with surprising force, "That's for Annie, you son of a bitch!" she snarled and began walking away.
"Holy shit!" Bob laughed. He dropped the pool stick he was holding.
The other guys were looking to Manny. Amused surprise mixed with confusion on their faces. They waited for some sign as to what he wanted them to do. Whatever it was, they were down, as he knew they would be. If that was a guy who sucker punched him, the asshole would already be on the floor. But since it was a woman, they waited.
Manny lifted a hand and eased them back. He hurried up to the blond who was nearly at the front door. He caught her by the arm and spun her around, "Annie? Did you say Annie?"
"Let go of me!" she snapped, as she yanked back from him.
He let go. "Please, what are you talking about? What happened to Annie?" he pressed.
"What happened? You gutted her, you fucking pig!"
"Gutted?" His brain staggered. Images of the worse possible kind flashed through his mind, "Is she hurt? Where is she?"
"Hurt?! You really are a fucking pig! Of course she's hurt! What the fuck? You just slap them around? Think it’s fun? You should be locked up!"
"Slapped?!" he growled. His full focus blistered on that word. "Who slapped Annie? I'll fucking kill 'em!" he snarled. His ferocity sent the little blond back a few steps.
A hand grabbed his shoulder, "What the hell is going..."
Manny whirled. He grabbed the intruder by the throat and lifted him off the ground. "This ain't yours! Back off!" Then, he dropped the man, whose feet collapsed under him, landing him on his ass. Manny turned back. The intruder was already forgotten, but the blond was gone. Running outside, he reached the parking lot and saw a car pulling out. Then, it caught up to speed with traffic. "Fuck!"
CHAPTER SIX
"You did what?" Annie cried in disbelief.
"I know!" Rosie wailed back, horrified by what she had done at the bar to Manny. "I know you said he didn't hurt you, but the way you looked. I just knew you were lying. I thought you didn't want to tell me, so I ..."
"You went to the bar and slapped him? Jesus-fucking-Christ, Rosie!"
"I know!" she wailed again. "I knew
I was wrong as soon as he thought someone hurt you. I've never seen anyone so pissed off before! He said he would kill 'em and I believed him. He's ready to take someone’s head and dance on the grave."
"Ah, shit Rosie. He didn't deserve that. Fuck."
"I was going to apologize, but this guy shows up, probably thinking Manny was bothering me. He grabs Manny, you know, by the shoulder. But then, Manny grabbed him by the throat! Lifted him right off the ground! His feet were jerking around in the air and everything! Fucking scared the crap out of me." she said, as she shivered. "So, I ran. I just ran."
"Oh no," Annie whimpered, her face turning white. "Did he hurt the guy? Shit, if Manny hurt him he could be in trouble. God damn it, Rosie. This could be bad. Did he hurt him?"
"I don't know! I ran! I'm sorry."
"Shit, you’ve got to stay here and watch my dad. Chad's out, again. I have to check on Manny. He doesn't deserve to be in jail over this," Annie said, as she grabbed her purse and keys.
"Alright, I'll stay here," Rosie nodded. "I'm really sorry."
"Yeah, I know you are. I love you for it, too. I have to check on him, just stay here, alright?" Annie said and gave her a hug.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Annie pulled up to Manny's house. His bike was in the driveway. Her hands started to tremble. "Alright, he's not in jail. So, he's fine. I don't have to go up there," she told herself. Her trembling hands turned off the engine anyway and she got out of the car.
"Fine, I'm just going to check on him. I’ll apologize for Rosie. That's all."
And this time she hoped she was listening to herself.
She knocked on the door and waited. Then, she could hear him getting closer. Her whole body quavered with anxiety. She had no idea what she wanted, but she knew she couldn't take another trip into fantasyland. She couldn't believe the lie again. It would break her. The pain was already unbearable. Then, the door was open and there he was, looking down at her. "Manny?"
"Annie, are you alright?" he breathed. Then, he was looking at her, all over, examining her. "Did someone hurt you?" His hands were on her shoulders, turning her. Then, they moved to her face, as he looked into her eyes.
"No, no, I'm fine. Rosie..."
"That was Rosie? Come in, please," he said. She followed him inside. His hand was still on her shoulder. Her body was exhilarated by his gentle grip.
"Yes, that was Rosie, she's..."
"She's got a mean slap," he smiled.
Annie looked at his face and there was just the hint of redness on his cheek. Without thinking, she reached out to soothe him. Her hand caressed the injury. "Ah, damn. I'm so sorry..."
"I could kiss her for it right now," he said, as he brought her into the kitchen.
"You, what?" she asked, confused, her voice soft.
He took two beers out of the fridge, opened them, and handed one to her. She took it. Then, she took a long drink.
"I fucked up, Annie. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I don't know what is going on, but I swear it won't happen again," he said.
"You fucked up? When? What are you talking about?"
He looked deep into her eyes. She knew exactly what he was talking about. She almost caved in right there. She could see that the Friday night with her was much more than a night of pussy for him. It was so blatant in his eyes that she wanted to jump into his arms, but she pulled herself together. She couldn't afford another ride. "No, no, you were fine. You didn't hurt me. It was me, alright? It was...I don't know. It was a long time, alright? I told you it had been a long time...I just..."
He shook his head. He didn’t buy it at all. She felt him look straight through her. He saw everything. Now, it even sounded like bullshit to her. "Manny," she pleaded. At that moment, she looked at her life and all of the problems in it. She decided to set him straight. "Manny, I got a lot of issues. You know? Serious stuff. Real serious."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," she nodded. She was on firmer ground. "My dad has Alzheimer's, alright? He lives with me. It's not pretty. In fact, it's fucking horrible."
"I'm sorry," he said. He was genuine.
"Yeah," she nodded, as she pressed on. She tried not to let his sincerity slow her down. "My kid brother, he's a mess and a jerk. He’s really immature, but he's still my kid brother. He lives with me. He sleeps on the couch and keeps an eye on our dad while I'm at the shop. He's been on the couch for almost two years now. His life is getting worse, not better."
"Sounds tough," Manny agreed.
"It is. It's real tough. And my business is crumbling. Seriously. I probably won't make it past the first of the year, if I can't find a way to turn it within a few months. When it goes, I'm fucked. I don't know how I'm going to make it with Dad and Chad."
"That's a lot of stuff," he nodded.
"Yeah, it is. So, like, I'm damaged goods, Manny. You aren't looking to get hooked up with me. I really liked what happened between us. I really did, but it's not real."
"Yes, it is," he told her. The level of certainty in his voice astounded her.
"Are you listening to me at all?" she said, her voice getting sharp.
"I have no interest in anything else," he assured her.
"Well, then your head has gone as thick as your arms, big guy," she said. Her tongue cut through the words like a serrated knife. "What? You think that because I'm a good lay, you're going to fix all of this for me? Save the day? Ride in on your Harley and make it all right?"
His eyes bore into her, pausing her tirade. "Annie, yes. You're a good lay," he started. "No, I can't cure Alzheimer's. I'm not even sure I fully understand what you are going through with that, but I can see that it hurts. It hurts a lot."
He set his beer down and turned back to her. "Although I run a machine shop and know something about business, I don't know shit about printing. I wouldn't know where to start."
He took a step toward her and she visibly shook. If he embraced her now, she wasn't going to survive.
Please don't Manny, please. I can't take it.
"As for your kid brother, I could slap him around a bit for you, but that's not going to change him. I think we can agree on that," he reasoned.
Annie tried to back up, but she couldn't move. She was caught between longing and terror. She froze, as he came even closer to her.
"So," she started, her throat weak. She pulled all of her energy into her voice, "So, what do I need you for then? Why would I want you?"
"You don't have to escape from it any more. I can't fix that other stuff, but I can be there for you."
"You can't fix me, Manny."
"I didn't say fix, Annie. I said be there, support you. Take some of the weight."
"The weight?" she asked. That was too close, much too close. She had to get out of here. She couldn't take another trip into fantasyland. The delusion was too great. She would break this time.
"You don't need fixing Annie. You're stronger than I imagined," he said. Again, he was earnest.
"I'm...no," she shook her head.
"You can let go, Annie. I got you. I promise."
"Jesus, will you stop!" she cried. His words pounded on her. “You can't give me what I need! No one can! It's...it's a..."
He was going to hug her. She saw him moving forward to embrace her. Her panic came out in a whispered scream, "God, no! Don't touch me! Not unless you mean it! Please!"
Something happened in his eyes, something clicked. She saw it happen. Suddenly, a new clarity was there. All of his doubt and questions were gone. "I mean it, Annie. Every bit of it."
"You can't," she whimpered, as tears ran down her face. "It's just a lie."
"No, Annie," he slowly shook his head. He claimed her. "It never was. It's all real. You're really mine."
With his arms around her, she shuddered. Then, she began to sob. The beer she was holding fell to the floor and she didn't notice. He continued to hold her. The hole inside her filled up with his warmth. "I'm yours?" she whimpered.
"Yes," he nodd
ed.
"Don't fuck with me, Manny, please."
"You belong to me," he assured her. His deep voice resonated in her gut, purging all doubt.
She pressed into him and melted. She let go of everything she was holding back. She discovered that she wasn't holding back much. She had already lost most of it.
God that was close.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Three months later, Annie skipped down the walk of her house, and out to the drive where Manny waited on his bike. The big Harley was chugging in idle. She put her helmet on and sat behind him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and gave him a squeeze.
Hearts on Fire: A Biker Erotic Romance Page 3
