Sam pulled back from the window before he could see her. What was he doing mowing her yard? Helping her? The last time she’d seen him, his feelings were written clearly in his eyes.
But he was back. Warmth flowed through her at the slightest notion of hope.
Stop it, Sam! This isn’t what you want. She closed her eyes, battling the feelings again, pushing them back to a place she could control them. You just have this one last day. One day, Sam. You can do it. Youcan leave here with your heart intact if you just guard yourself today.
The sound of the mower grew faint as he headed down toward the shoreline. Hadn’t she told him to go away and not come back? Hadn’t she given him every reason to stay away? Why did he keep coming around? How could he, now that he knew what she had done?
Maybe he would leave after he finished mowing. It didn’t make sense, but then, his being here now didn’t make sense either.
The bedroom door opened, and Caden stopped on the threshold, holding a bundle of clothes. Without a word, she headed to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.
Sam wandered back to the kitchen and sank to the floor to give the pipe another try. Landon’s presence captured her thoughts.
Without bidding, the memory of their kiss sprang to her mind and lingered there like the sweet fragrance of a rose. How was it he made her want more than other men did? Mere physical intimacy would never be enough for Landon. If she let it happen, he would fill her heart and soul until there was no border between them. They would intertwine like the threads of a heavy sailcloth, indivisible.
Nothing is ever indivisible, Sam. Things come apart, especially relationships. Even a sailcloth, if pulled and ripped hard enough, will come apart. And imagine the damage when it does. But she didn’t have to imagine. She had been intertwined with her dad and mom. She knew what loss felt like.
Landon shifted the mower around a tree and continued on a straight path toward the water. After his conversation with Scott yesterday, he went home and paced. Then he went to bed and tossed, lying awake, his mind wandering two doors down.
He was still angry. What Sam had done was wrong; there was no defending her actions. But something else sank into his heart in the wee hours of the night. There was no denying his love for her. His father had always told Landon he loved him unconditionally. The fact gave Landon security. Sam had never been loved like that, and for the first time, he knew how his father felt.
Landon’s love for Sam was deep and unswaying. It didn’t matter what she did or if she hurt him. The roots of love went down to his very core. They could never be weeded out.
Once he realized that, panic set in. He had one day before she left the island. One full day to make Sam realize what she was giving up. He had wasted three days brooding about something that couldn’t be changed.
He pushed down on the mower’s handle, making a full turn and heading toward the house on his last strip of grass. A few feet away, Max plopped under the shade of a bush and rested his head on his paws.
He wondered if Sam knew he was there. Probably not. She would have tried to chase him away with a broomstick if she did. Well, he was going to be here for her whether she wanted him to or not. It was time she discovered what it was like to trust someone else.
When he reached the flower bed, he cut the mower’s engine, took off his hat, and dragged his hand across his forehead. He looked up through the screened porch to the back door. She was surely awake by now. Even Caden was probably up and helping with the repairs. Sam was probably stressed over the work still undone. Not stressedenough to welcome you, Reed.
He drew in a breath and released a sigh. He’d fought uphill battles before, but none was more important than the one he’d fight today. Sam didn’t have a corner on the obstinate market.
He set his hat back on his head and took the porch steps in one stride, sliding through the screen door. Without pausing, he lifted his hand and knocked on the freshly painted door. Then he waited.
Maybe he should’ve gone to her door before he smelled like gasoline and sweat. Too late now.
Thirty
A knock sounded on the door, and Sam jumped, knocking her head against the bottom of the sink. She smothered a curse and dropped the pliers. They clanked against the wood floor of the cabinet.
A glance out the kitchen window showed Landon’s profile. Her heartbeat kicked up a notch. She wanted to crawl inside the cupboard and hide. Why did he have to come back? Why couldn’t he just do as she asked for once and stay away?
Some treacherous part of her wanted to throw open the door and fall into his arms where she felt safe and loved. But Emmett’s words still had hold of her mind. “Don’t ever let yourself love, Sam. Just soon as you do, they leave you.”
The knock persisted.
Fine. He wanted to talk? They’d talk. Sam threw the pliers inside the cabinet, rose to her feet, and strode the few feet to the front door. She yanked it open, the whoosh of hot air smacking her in the face.
“What?” she asked, not caring that her tone was rude. Not caring that he’d just mowed her lawn. Who’d asked him to?
His eyes widened slightly.
Before she could delight in catching him off guard, he straightened, forcing her to look up. “I came to help you finish.”
“Eager to be rid of me?” she taunted.
“What can I do to help?”
“You can leave.” She cocked a brow at him.
“Landon!” Caden’s voice rang out behind Sam, and she watched Landon’s face soften. He studied Caden as if he were seeing her for the first time, and Sam wondered if he was noticing the way her bone structure mirrored Bailey’s or the way the tip of her nose turned up, just like Bailey’s had. Two seconds later, Caden edged around her mom and embraced Landon.
Sam’s gaze met Landon’s over her head. Sam saw all the emotion swim across his face. He was hugging Bailey’s daughter, his niece. Inside, a crater opened up. How selfish was she to keep Landon and Caden apart on their last day together?
“Can you stay?” Caden asked, pulling back.
Landon let the question hang, waiting for Sam to answer. Her pulse raced at the notion of Landon’s company. All the more reason to say no. Then her daughter turned her brown eyes on Sam, and her heart melted.
“He’s staying,” Sam said reluctantly.
Heaven help me. She dropped the door handle and let him in. You can let him in your house without letting him in your heart, Sam.Remember that. He’s here to work, nothing more.
“You can fix the leak under the sink. The pliers are in the cabinet.” Let him struggle with the stinking fitting.
She retrieved the tube of caulk for the bathroom tile and left the room. The tile was wet from Caden’s shower, so she dried it off and set to work.
Landon’s presence in the house was like a morning fog, heavy and thick. She shut the door as if she could shut out his presence. The odor of the caulk filled the room, and she turned on the fan.
A few minutes later, a knock sounded. Maybe Caden needed to use the restroom.
“Yes?” She slid her finger down the caulk, smoothing the line.
“Sink’s fixed.” Landon’s low voice rumbled through the door. “What can I do next?”
He’d fixed the leak in fifteen minutes? She’d spent that long trying to pry the pipe apart. She wanted to tell him to go home, but she knew he wouldn’t listen. Besides, it wasn’t worth the hassle Caden would give her.
“There’s a list on the kitchen table,” she said. “Take your pick.”
Sam listened for an answer, sure he’d paused outside the door. Her heart thudded against her ribs. But moments later, she heard a noise coming from the bedroom.
She finished the bathroom and left the sanctuary with trepidation, but Landon was nowhere to be seen. She spied him later through the living room window, caulking the exterior window frames, Caden chattering at his side.
An hour later, she was reattaching the curtain brackets when Caden ca
lled through the windows. “Can I ride my bike, Mom?”
The thought of being alone with Landon scared Sam, but she was reluctant to ruin Caden’s good spirits. Besides, the exercise would do her good. “Don’t go past the end of the road.”
“I know.” She could almost see Caden rolling her eyes.
Not long after she left, Sam was standing on the couch, screwing in brackets for the curtain rod, when the front door opened. She didn’t need to turn to know it was Landon, and she was relieved when he walked to the kitchen, presumably checking the list.
She ran the screw into the wall, tightening the bracket, and set the curtain rod in place. When she stepped down from the couch, Landon was watching her.
“How’s your ankle?”
It was an ugly shade of yellow-green under the wrap and just a little sore. “Fine.”
“The windows are caulked inside and out, and I fixed the gutter.”
Bravo. Should she bow down and worship him? Didn’t he know she didn’t want him here? Sam knew she would’ve been in trouble if Landon hadn’t shown up. She probably would’ve spent all morning on the leaky pipe, but she couldn’t bring herself to thank him.
She picked up the next set of brackets and tried to think of one of the outside jobs he could do. If she couldn’t make him leave, she could at least get him outside.
But with Landon staring at her, her mind went blank, and she wasn’t about to shorten the distance between them by checking the list. She stepped up on the recliner, placed the bracket against the wall, and set the screw in place. When she applied the screwdriver, the bit slipped off the head and the screw fell to the floor, pinging against the wood.
“I’ll get it,” Landon said.
He retrieved the screw from behind the recliner and handed it to her.
“The floor looks good,” he said.
Sam grunted as she set the screw in place, then drove it into the wall. She could feel him watching. Her skin prickled with awareness. Didn’t he have something to do besides watch her?
“Listen, Sam, since Caden’s gone, maybe this is a good time to talk.”
Talk about how she slept with Bailey, how she caused his brother’s death, how she kept it all a secret? No thanks. “I’m busy,” she said, placing the other bracket against the wall.
He handed her the screw. “We’ll finish in plenty of time.”
Sam pressed the button on the screwdriver, sending the bit spinning, turning the screw into the wall. It whirled to a stop. “I don’t want to talk.”
She reached for the curtain rod in his hands, but he held it away from her. “Well, I do.”
Who did he think he was, forcing his way into her house and telling her what he wanted? Had he let her finish the house in peace? No, he’d wormed his way back in here against her wishes, never mind that it was about to kill her.
“You can glare at me all you like,” he said. “Fact is, I’m the one with cause to be angry, and we both know it.”
If truth were a target, he’d hit a bull’s-eye. But her anger didn’t have to make sense. She never wanted to tell him about Bailey to begin with. If he hadn’t pushed her—
“Come down so we can talk.” He held out his hand.
The last thing she needed was his proximity. That’s what got her in trouble before. She shrank away, leaning on the back of the recliner, her back against the wall.
He shoved his hands in his back pockets. “Fine.” A muscle in his jaw jumped. “The things you said about Bailey the other night shook me. It’s taken me a while to get my thoughts together.”
At the mention of Bailey, his green eyes darkened. Maybe her position wasn’t such a great idea. She didn’t like the way it left her eye to eye with him, or the way the light from the window streamed over his face, highlighting the pain she’d caused. Sam looked down at her knees, where a swipe of white caulk slashed across her skin.
“I knew he liked you that summer. He never said anything, but I could tell.”
She remembered catching Bailey’s appraisal more than once. He’d kept his distance, though. She thought Bailey was upset with her at first, because Bailey had always been a flirt. It wasn’t until that night that she learned the truth.
“I didn’t know you had feelings for Bailey,” Landon said.
“I didn’t.” The words were out before she could stop them.
He studied her like an artist who couldn’t tell what was wrong with his painting. Confusion was etched in the crease of his brow and in the slant of his eyes. “Then why?”
“I—” I was afraid. I was angry at you. I was drunk. The words formed on her tongue, but common sense swallowed them whole. She clamped her lips shut.
“Help me understand, Sam. He was my brother.”
The ultimate betrayal. He didn’t have to say it. She knew full well what she’d done as soon as she sobered up. It was why she kept the secret. Sam never wanted to hurt Landon. But looking at him now, she realized she’d hurt him intentionally that time. Just to protect herself.
See, Sam, you don’t deserve him and you never did. He could neverunderstand why you did it. He’s too good.
“You could have come to me when you found out you were pregnant.”
Yeah, right. I’m sorry, Landon, but I seem to be pregnant with yourdead brother’s child. Can I have some cash to tide me over? “I had money saved up. Miss Biddle gave me—”
“I’m not talking about money, for crying out loud.” He walked away, raking his hand through his hair.
Sam’s insides quivered like the jittery heart of a caged squirrel. She clasped her hands tightly together, squeezing until her fingertips went white.
Landon came back toward her, and she pulled up straight, her back flattened against the wall.
He stopped shy of touching her. “I would’ve married you, Sam.” The words sounded like they’d been dragged across his throat. “I loved you.”
Sam warmed at the thought. Even knowing that Caden was Bailey’s, he would have married her? What kind of love was that? A kind she’d never known.
Then his words replayed in her mind. He said loved. Past tense. Only one letter thrown onto the end of the word, but it said so much. Maybe at one time he felt that way, but now? She’d done what she set out to do. She’d killed the love he had for her. Why did it leave her feeling so empty?
“You just disappeared. You left without a trace.” His eyes bored into hers, packing urgency. “I didn’t know what had happened to you. I tried to find you, but it was like you fell off the face of the earth.”
“I had to go.”
“No, you didn’t.”
Did he think she’d enjoyed being eighteen, alone, and pregnant? “Emmett kicked me out.” Sam remembered the fateful night vividly. She could still see jeans and shirts strewn across the lawn, her navy blue T-shirt hanging from an azalea bush, her toothbrush lying in the mulch. Her suitcases had been three plastic bags from Stop & Shop.
“Why?”
Because she wound up just like he said she would. Because he never wanted her to begin with. She shrugged. “He found out I was pregnant.”
“I asked him where you were. I called him over and over asking if he’d heard from you.”
“He didn’t know where I was. And I never talked to him after I left.” There was no reason to.
“But Miss Biddle knew?” His brows drew together, and his lips tightened.
It wasn’t fair for him to be mad at her. “I swore her to secrecy. It’s not her fault.” Sam had decided to go to Boston only because Miss Biddle said a friend of hers might have a job for her. In the end, it hadn’t worked out, but she’d survived.
“If only I’d known . . .”
Then what? Everything would have been peachy? He would have married her, knowing what she’d done, both with Bailey and to him? She would never believe it.
“Why do you look at me like that?”
“Like what?” Like I don’t believe you could’ve loved me after whatI did? Lik
e I’m unworthy of your love?
“You’re so jaded,” he said. “Love isn’t earned, Sam. It’s a gift.”
Well, dandy. Sam didn’t know how to accept it. Was scared to death to unwrap it. She shook her head slowly. Couldn’t he see he asked the impossible?
“What?” He took her hands, curling them up inside each one of his. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
What could she say to make him see? How could she explain the hollow spot inside of her? The fear that paralyzed her? Even now, her breathing turned shallow at the thought of hope. Her gaze focused on some point on the wall behind him.
Sam swallowed past a dry throat. “Kids are like empty glasses when they’re born. It’s a parent’s job to fill them up before they leave home.” His large, warm hands cocooned hers. “It happened for you. But me?” She had to make him see how it was. “My cup’s still empty. Sometimes you or your parents would start to fill it up, but then I’d go home, and it would get sucked dry.” Her stomach tightened around its hollow core.
He squeezed her hands in his, his eyes pleading with her. “Let me fill it up,” he whispered. His eyes turned glossy, shimmering sadness, reflecting his depth of sorrow.
Sorrow for her. For her desolate childhood, for the love she never had, for the child whose mother forsook her. The residual pain inside her was beyond tears. The pain had compacted, leaving room for a vacant spot where love was supposed to reside.
“Let me fill it up,” he’d said. If only it worked that way. She was damaged goods, not fit for the likes of him. “You can’t.”
He leaned into her, the hardness of his stomach pressing into her knees. He was strong and virile. He deserved someone whole. Not someone like her.
“I can if you let me.”
It would be so easy to believe. To let him take her in his arms and persuade her it was true. She would feel loved and full and secure.
For a while.
“Don’t ever let yourself love, Sam. Just soon as you do, they leaveyou.” All good things came to an end, especially love. And when it did, it left a shattered shell. What would become of her if she let herself love him?
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