by Bobbi Smith
“Is it something I did? Something I said?” Coming to her knees in the center of the bed, she faced him, her auburn hair streaming about her shoulders in tumbled disarray, her eyes flashing fire.
When Noah turned around to answer her, he was struck again by her loveliness, for she looked like an avenging angel. She was everything he’d ever wanted, and he wondered how he was going to tell her that he had to leave her and that it was over between them.
“CC, this has nothing to do with you….” he hedged, his gaze fastened on the beauty of her.
“How can you say that?” she demanded. “You make wonderful love to me, then leave our bed without a word. You became cold and indifferent….”
“CC, I am hardly indifferent to you, and if I seem cold, I’m sorry.”
“Then tell me what’s wrong. We love each other. If there’s something troubling you, maybe I can help.” Her plea was so heartfelt that Noah couldn’t prevent himself from sitting down on the bed and drawing her back into his arms.
“Ah, love…everything is wrong.” His voice was a hoarse whisper as he buried his face against the sweetness of her throat.
“What do you mean?”
“I love you, CC. There’s nothing I want more than for us to spend the rest of our lives together, but that’s not going to happen.”
The certainty of his words was like a slap in the face to CC, and she stiffened in his embrace and drew back to look at him. “What do you mean?”
“I have nothing to offer you, darling.” His words were despairing. Noah felt as if his heart were being torn from his chest. He wanted her, God knows he did, but his sense of honor would not allow him to make promises to her he would be unable to keep.
“I have your love. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“What good is my love going to do you if I’m a wanted man? Have you forgotten that I’ve just broken out of jail? I’m a criminal, wanted by the law. Ryan’s going to get me out of Boston as soon as he can, but after that I’m going to be on the run. There can be no future for us.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “But I love you! I want to be with you! It doesn’t matter….”
“It does matter!” Noah told her bitterly. “CC…I feel the same way you do. I love you…. I want to be with you, but I won’t take you with me. It’s too dangerous. If anything ever happened to you, I’d never forgive myself.”
“Let me make that decision!” she demanded.
“No.” He was curt. “I love you too much to put you at such risk.”
“Then marry me now. I can stay here and wait for you….” she pleaded, wanting more than anything to be his wife and to bear his name.
“No, love. It wouldn’t be fair to you. I have no idea where I’ll be going or what I’ll be doing. The way things stand, I could be dead tomorrow.”
“Oh, don’t say that!” CC cried as she wrapped her arms about him in a fiercely protective embrace.
“I have to say it, CC. It’s something you have to think about. You’ve got to understand….” Noah pried her arms from about him and held her slightly away so he could meet her eyes. “I love you, darling. I’ll never love anyone else. It’s because of my love that I won’t put you through all the torment.”
“What’s going to happen to you?” CC asked in a choked whisper as she struggled to fight back the tears burning in her eyes.
“I wish I knew,” he told her, smoothing an errant lock of hair back from her face and then bending to brush his lips tenderly against hers.
“Noah, please, I’ll go anywhere with you! I’ll do anything…. Just don’t say that we’re going to be separated!” she agonized.
Before he could reply, the sound of someone entering the house below tore them apart. “Get dressed,” he ordered as he closed the door firmly and then quickly finished straightening his own clothing. “It’s probably the messenger from Ryan.”
CC was grateful she had been wearing the boy’s garb, for it made it easier for her to dress, and she was completely clothed before the knock sounded at the door.
“Kincade?” Joshua Smith asked cautiously.
“Yes. Come in.”
Noah greeted him with pleased surprise. “It’s good to see you again, Smith.”
“You, too,” he returned, glancing questioningly from Noah to CC. “Did Ryan send you here, Miss CC?”
“No. As a matter of fact, I came here looking for Ryan and accidentally discovered Lord Kincade’s presence.”
Smith nodded. “Oh.”
“What’s the news?” Noah quickly asked, directing the conversation away from the subject of CC’s presence.
“It looks like we may be able to get you out of town just before dawn.”
“Is it definite?”
“We won’t be sure until after midnight. Ryan will get back to us then with a definite answer, one way or the other.”
“Us?”
“Yes. He gave me orders that I was to stay with you for now, just in case.”
Noah fought to keep from scowling at the news. Smith was staying! Were he and CC never to have another moment alone together? Was it to end like this?
“I can stay with him if you’ve got something else you have to do, Joshua,” CC offered, feeling the same terrible desperation that gripped Noah.
“No, I’m sorry, Miss CC. Ryan gave me explicit instructions that I was to stay here until we heard from him.”
CC was crestfallen. The thought that she might never see Noah again left her dreams shattered, and she felt as if her life were ending.
“How’s my brother?” Noah was asking. He was trying not to believe that CC would soon be forced to leave.
“They searched Matthew’s house first, but of course they didn’t find anything.” Smith was smug, pleased that their plan had worked so well.
“Good.” Noah was relieved that Matthew wasn’t paying the price for his present predicament.
“I’ve brought us some food.” He held up a saddlebag and then looked around the small room in annoyance. “Pity there’s not a better place to sit than on the bed,” he commented as he walked over and sat down. As he rummaged through the pouch for food, CC and Noah exchanged strained glances.
“Noah…I…”
“You’d better go now,” he told her firmly, not wanting to put her reputation at any greater risk.
“All right.” They were the most painful words she’d ever uttered. She wanted to throw herself into his arms and refuse to leave, but she knew it was impossible. Heartbroken, she picked up her tricorn and started from the room.
“I’ll go down with you,” Noah offered.
“Don’t go downstairs, Kincade. Someone might catch sight of you through a window. Stay up here,” Smith instructed, keeping his attention diverted to allow them a moment of privacy. Though he gave the impression of being a coldhearted man, Joshua knew love when he saw it. He knew that young Miss CC was carrying quite a flame for the Englishman, and he thought it quite a pity that things were turning out as they were.
Noah and CC moved in silence out into the darkened hallway, and they didn’t speak until they were near the top of the staircase.
“Noah…please don’t make me leave you!” Her tears were falling freely now as she gave up the fight to contain them. “Not now…not when we’ve just discovered how much we love each other! My life will be empty without you!”
“CC, it’s the only way I can live with myself. If you’re home with your father, I’ll know you’re safe and well.”
“But Noah—”
“No more, CC!” he cut her off brusquely. “Do you think I want this any more than you do? Do you think I enjoy the thought that I may never hold you, or touch you, or kiss you again? It’s tearing me apart to send you away, but it’s the only solution!”
Without another word, he clasped her to him and covered her mouth with his in a potent kiss meant to brand her as his for all time.
“No matter what happens, CC, always remember that I love
you….” He said the words softly and then kissed her again, this time cherishingly. “Good-bye, my darling….”
“Noah…”
“Go now before it becomes even more difficult!”
CC gave a choked sob and then touched his cheek one last time. Steeling herself against the emotions that were ravaging her very soul, she turned away to stuff her hair up under her hat.
“Good-bye, Noah…and please, please, be careful.” Tears were coursing freely down her cheeks as she took one last look at him. Then she turned and raced away down the steps and out of the house, disappearing quickly into the night.
Miserable and dying inside, Noah watched her until she was out of sight. He felt as if someone had physically ripped his heart from his chest, and he drew a deep, shuddering breath as he started back to his room and Smith.
Unmindful of any attention she might attract, CC hurried away. She felt frozen and lifeless inside. Nothing seemed to matter without Noah…nothing. Eager to seek out what little comfort the familiar surroundings of her room could offer, she ran for home, unaware that her father was there in her chambers waiting for her.
Chapter Thirty
CC was exhausted as she finally climbed through her open window and then closed it behind her. As she moved about the dark, warm security of her own room, she realized vaguely that she’d been very lucky in not having been found out. As tired and filled with anguish as she was, CC wanted only to collapse upon the bed and cry out her misery, but she knew that it would not do to risk being discovered in her disguise. Moving wearily to her small bedside table, she lighted the lamp. The flickering flame wavered for a moment before shining full and bright, and it bathed the chamber in a soft golden glow. CC turned, ready to search through her armoire for a nightgown. She went completely still and stared in shock at the sight that greeted her. There, sitting in the chair near the bed, was her father.
“Father!” she gasped as she stood before him, her limbs suddenly quaking in fright. They had argued many times. They had even been very angry with each other on several occasions, like this afternoon, but never before had she seen such a look on his face. His expression was positively fiendish as he regarded her with eyes that seemed to glow red with fury.
“I see you’ve finally decided to return, my dear. That is you, isn’t it?” Edward’s tone was cutting as he regarded her in complete disgust. It was bad enough that she’d left the house in such an unorthodox manner without his permission, but to discover that she had been dressed like a man while doing it…well, it was more than he could countenance. How dare she? And what was she up to?
Hastily, CC tugged the tricorn from her head, shaking her long hair free from its confines. “Yes, Father. It’s me.”
“I see,” he stated rigidly. “I want to know where you’ve been, young lady…. And I use the term loosely at this point.”
As distraught as she was over being parted from Noah, CC could think of no lies to cover for her outrageous behavior. Swallowing nervously, she didn’t answer.
“I asked you where you’ve been!” he boomed as he came to his feet and stalked toward her.
“I’d prefer not to talk about it, if you don’t mind, Father.”
“You prefer not to talk about it….” Edward was irate, and he repeated her statement in amazement. “You prefer not to talk about it! By God, daughter, were you the male you’re pretending to be, I’d thrash you within an inch of your life right now!”
CC cringed at the very real threat of physical violence in his voice. Edward came to stand before her, his hands clenched into fists at his sides as he fought for control.
“I want to know where you’ve been!” He loomed over her, barely containing his rage.
Drawing on her courage, she lifted her chin and looked up at him. “I can’t tell you.”
“Ah, but you will, little girl. I am going to know exactly what is going on here. It was bad enough that you shamed yourself earlier today by going to the jail, but this…” He gestured toward her mode of dress. “This is unforgivable!” Edward was bellowing now, and CC knew she had to do something to defuse the situation.
Finally gathering enough presence of mind to tell him a close rendition of the truth, CC hurried to offer, “I understand you’re upset, Father, but the whole thing is really quite simple. There was a political meeting tonight, and I wanted to attend. I knew it wouldn’t do if I went as CC Demorest, so I wore these clothes to keep my identity a secret. I’m sorry if I’ve upset you.”
“Upset is not the word for what I’m feeling right now, dear girl! I have dedicated my life to raising you, and this is the thanks I get for it!” He gestured toward her clothing. “A political meeting, indeed!” Edward snorted his disbelief as he shook his head in sorrow, lamenting his erroneous judgment. “I’ve given you every educational opportunity. I’ve allowed you freedoms no other woman has ever enjoyed. Yet you respond this way. I was wrong in giving you the chance to voice your opinions. Instead of permitting you to express youself, I should have forced you into the traditional submissive role so well suited to your sex.”
“Father…I…”
“Shut up!” He silenced her viciously. “I don’t want to hear another word from you. While I was sitting here alone in the dark waiting for you to return, I had quite some time to ponder your activities lately. Everything else aside, I find it most distressing that you are brazen enough to go out in public dressed as a man. I can only conclude that you are jeopardizing my good name, and that, Cecelia Marie, is something I will not tolerate.” He glowered at her. “Since, despite all my efforts, you obviously have acquired no sense of decency, I’m afraid we’re going to have to make some very drastic changes.”
“What do you mean?” Her eyes rounded fearfully as she wondered what he was planning.
“First thing in the morning I’m going to book you passage to England. You will return to London and live with your Aunt Charlotte. She was always a stickler for decorum, and perhaps, just perhaps, she can correct all your faults. Under her strict tutelage you will learn to become a woman—someone your mother would have been proud of….”
His last declaration hurt. “But Father…”
“Silence! I’ve made my decision. You will be leaving Boston at the earliest possible moment. Good night.” He turned from her without another word and quit the room.
It was well past midnight, and Noah and Joshua shared the shuttered room in silence. After they had eaten earlier, Joshua had made several attempts to engage Noah in conversation, but Noah had been so filled with despair at the thought of being parted from CC that he had been unusually curt in his replies. Frustrated in his overtures, Joshua had lapsed back into his usual taciturn manner. They had remained silent from then on as they waited tensely for word from Ryan.
The hours since CC’s departure had passed with maddening slowness for Noah, and his mood was black as he paced the small chamber. Never before had he known such an all-encompassing love for anyone. It was as if a vital part of him had been cut away, and he was at a loss to deal with it.
Though Noah had been honorable in his original intention of leaving CC behind, the more he thought about never seeing her again, the more impossible it became. How could he possibly exist without her now that he knew the true sweetness of her love? The answer came to him easily…he couldn’t. No matter how noble he had tried to be in sending her away from him, Noah knew he couldn’t live with that decision. Somehow, some way, he was going to see her one more time. When he did, if she still wanted to accompany him, he was going to take her with him. His thoughts were interrupted then by the sound of riders in the alley below.
“Joshua?” Ryan called out as he entered the house and started upstairs to find them.
“We’re here, Ryan,” Joshua answered, coming out into the hall to meet him, “and we’ve had no trouble.”
“Good.” The leader sounded slightly breathless.
“What’s the word? Do we travel tonight?” Joshua asked, l
eading the way back into the room where Noah was waiting.
“As soon as we mount up,” he told them as he handed Noah a bundle. “Here…I brought a dark cloak and hat for you. Hurry! We’re to rendezvous near Long’s Wharf as soon as possible.”
“What about patrols? Aren’t they still searching for him?” Joshua wondered how Noah was going to be able to get out of town undetected.
“Trust me.” Ryan gave him a half smile. “All we have to do is get there. The rest should be simple. Let’s go.”
Noah was glad that things were going so smoothly, but he knew that he could not leave without seeing CC one last time. “There’s just one problem, Ryan.” He spoke up determinedly, causing the other men to pause and look back at him questioningly.
“Problem? What kind of problem?”
“I have something I have to do before I leave.”
“What?” Ryan frowned at the interruption in his schedule.
“There’s someone I have to see.”
“I’m sorry, Kincade, but there’s no time. We’ll be lucky to get you out as it is without making a stop along the way.”
“Either we stop at the Demorest house on our way to the rendezvous, or you can forget about me going along with your plan.”
“The Demorests’?” Ryan looked at Noah as if he’d just lost his mind. “You’re crazy! Edward Demorest is an ardent loyalist. We’re not going anywhere near his house.”
“Edward Demorest may be a loyalist, but CC isn’t. I’m not leaving town until I’ve had the chance to speak with her again.”
“Again?” He glanced at Joshua and then back at Noah.
“CC was here earlier. We’re in love, and we’re going to be married,” Noah informed him. “I thought I would be able to leave her behind, but I find I can’t. I want her to travel with me.”
“CC go with you?” Ryan was surprised. “But it’s impossible! I don’t know if there will be room for another person.”
“CC and I go together or I don’t go at all.”
