But she managed a smile as she and Giulia moved away. ‘Tomorrow you shall hold him as much as you like. I might even let you change his nappy if you behave yourself!”
Giulia was still laughing when they returned to the dining room, where coffee was being served, and Justina took the opportunity to excuse herself before slipping back to their suite.
She fed and changed Nico and put him back in his cot, and was standing in her silk robe, staring out at the starry night sky, when she heard Dante enter the room behind her.
She didn’t turn round immediately. Just said in a flat and emotionless voice, ‘What was Luigi saying to you over dinner?’
There was a pause. ‘We spoke of many things, Justina. You were there, remember?’
At this, she turned round—her body automatically responding to the way he was removing his tie and unbuttoning his silk shirt to reveal a triangle of dark, honed chest beneath. Keep it real, she reminded herself. Don’t let yourself be swayed by how much you want him.
‘I listened to him insulting me by implying that I was a neglectful mother. I know that.’
‘And I put him right. I told him that you are a brilliant mother.’
‘Did you?’
‘Certainly I did. I said that no mother could be more devoted nor more loving than you are.’
That took the wind right out of her sails. She didn’t want Dante praising her because that was distracting. She wanted to get to the bottom of what Luigi had been saying. ‘I’m thinking more specifically about when he spoke to you in Italian.’
‘I don’t remember.’
‘You don’t? That’s quite unusual for a man with your sharp sense of recall, Dante. Perhaps I’d better jog your memory for you. He said matrimonio—which means marriage, and which I imagine is understandable in most languages. But he also said avoccato.’ She frowned. ‘Which means lawyer, if my memory of my Italian classes serves me well.’
There was a moment of silence before Dante spoke. ‘Brava, tesoro,’ he said softly. ‘I had no idea you were so advanced in my language.’
‘Please don’t patronise me, Dante. Just tell me what you were talking about.’
For a moment he didn’t answer, and there was no sound other than the faint clatter of metal on wood as he put his cufflinks down on the dresser. He had intended to say this to her, yes—but not in this way. Not as something produced as a defence against a heated accusation made at the end of a long day. He had planned to wait until she had softened. Until he had made love to her and she was lying in his arms in one of those rare moments when he sensed she might be close to letting her carefully built defences fall away.
He met the amber fire in her eyes. ‘I had planned to ask you to marry me.’
CHAPTER TEN
JUSTINA FLINCHED, THINKING how wrong Dante’s words sounded. It was the coldest marriage proposal she could have imagined—and how it mocked her. The first time he’d asked her to be his wife he had been brimming over with love—but now his voice was completely different. It was like playing a familiar piece of music and discovering that the disc was covered with dust, so that the sound came out all distorted.
‘Right,’ she said, somehow managing to keep her voice steady. ‘That’s why your brother mentioned matrimony. But that wasn’t all you were talking about, was it? I’m interested to know why you mentioned lawyers. It’s not usually a top topic for dinner conversation—particularly as you both switched to speaking in Italian.’
Dante’s eyes narrowed, because surely she knew him well enough to realise that he would have covered this particular base. And if she was missing the point then wasn’t it time he enlightened her?
‘I’ve spoken to my lawyer,’ he said. ‘Obviously.’
‘Oh, obviously,’ she echoed sardonically. ‘And what did your lawyer say?’
‘She advised me that in our particular situation marriage would be the best solution.’
She? Justina nodded. Of course Dante would have a female lawyer—of course he would! ‘But a solution implies some sort of problem.’
‘Si!’ he agreed hotly. ‘There is a problem! A big problem. Surely you can see that for yourself? We have different lives but a shared child. And for as long as we remain unmarried I have no legal say in what happens to that child.’
He felt his lips harden with determination. What had his lawyer said? “Marriage just makes things easier, Dante—because even if the marriage doesn’t endure the law is on your side. Without it you must rely on the woman’s benevolence in order to see your child—and this woman might not be feeling particularly benevolent towards you.”
He looked at Justina now, her black hair silvered by the moonlight which streamed in through the unshuttered windows. He thought how majestic she looked, with the flow of her satin robe clinging like oil to the soft curves of her body. He thought of her talent and the loving way she was with his son.
‘Marry me, Justina,’ he said.
There was a long silence as Justina looked into his eyes and tried to steel herself against their dark beauty. She told herself that this was not the time to listen to her heart—that the soft dip in his voice was simply Dante at his most charmingly manipulative. For her son’s sake she had to be governed by reason and nothing else.
‘And if I do. What’s in it for me?’ she questioned.
‘Security, of course.’ He smiled. ‘And family.’
Justina smiled back, because he was clever. Oh, he was very clever. He had picked on the two things which had always eluded her. The two things she’d always yearned for. A sense of home and being rooted and a sense of being safe. But how could she be safe when what they had was only the mirage of a family... And once that mirage had disappeared, what would be left behind? A man who didn’t love and a woman who did.
She shook her head, fighting against the temptation to leap at it, telling herself that she had too much to lose by buying into a dream. ‘It isn’t enough.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because...’ And then the words came tumbling out. Words she’d buried in some deep place inside herself now spooled out in a dark stream. ‘Because I can’t be married to a man I don’t trust. A man who can just walk away from a woman he was supposed to marry and a few short days later take somebody else to his bed!’
He winced. ‘What’s the point of bringing that up again?’ he questioned wearily. ‘I thought we’d done all this. It’s in the past, Justina. It’s done.’
‘But the legacy of that day continues, Dante. It threatens any future we might have—can’t you see that?’
‘No, I damned well can’t. Our relationship was over,’ he bit out. ‘You know that. I wasn’t expecting you to walk in on me. That was the last thing in the world I wanted.’
‘But that’s not the point, is it? The point is that you were....you were with her.’ Briefly she covered her mouth, as if she was afraid she might be sick, before letting her fingers slide down to rest against her neck. ‘I thought what we had was so special—but how could it have been? How the hell could you replace me so quickly?’
‘She was not replacing you! She could never have replaced you. Nobody could. I know it was wrong. God help me, I know that now. But I was hurting. And I missed you,’ he said simply. ‘I missed you so much.’
‘You had a funny way of showing it.’
‘And I was angry,’ he admitted. ‘More angry than I’d ever been. That played its part—of course it did. I was angry that you kept going away on tour—that you were prepared to put your career before our relationship. I guess I blamed you for the split, and I did what countless other men have done in the same situation. I went to a bar and drank a little too much, and she—’
‘I don’t want to hear this!’
‘Well, maybe you should!’ His black eyes burned into her. ‘Maybe
it should all come out so that we can be rid of it once and for all. She came on to me like women are always coming on to me—only I’d never looked at another woman from the moment I’d met you. It was never even a consideration. Only this time it was different. We were over. Finished. This time I wanted...comfort.’
‘Stop it!’ she hissed. ‘You wanted sex and you damned well got it! You were just unlucky that I came in and caught you.’
‘I was wrong,’ he repeated harshly. ‘I just grabbed at the first thing which came along and it was too soon—much too soon. And if its purpose was to try to forget you, then I can assure you that it didn’t work.’
‘It’s easy to say that now.’
‘Easy? You think this is easy?’ he demanded, his face so tense that it looked as if it might shatter at any moment. ‘If I could go back in time I would. If I could change it then I would. But I can’t. Nobody can do that.’ His eyes were the colour of molten jet as he held both hands up in a gesture of appeal. ‘I’m asking you to forgive me, Jus. I’m asking you to take me back and to marry me—to let me spend the rest of my life making you happy.’
Justina’s heart contracted with a pain which was complicated by a temptation so strong that she didn’t know if she’d be able to resist it. Because she wanted to reach out and tell him that, yes, she would take him back. She wanted to have him hold her and kiss her and keep her close. She wanted to buy in to the dream that they could be the perfect couple and the perfect family. But it was just a dream—how could it be anything other than that when the trust between them had been severed?
He said that he wanted only her—but he’d said that once before, hadn’t he? Who was to say that Dante wouldn’t stray next time they ran into some kind of difficulty, as inevitably they would? There were a million women out there, just waiting to “come on” to him. She knew that. There was always a woman waiting in the wings for a married man to have a weak enough moment to stray. Hadn’t her own mother proved that, time and time again?
And through all his extraordinary declaration—through all his heartfelt words—there remained one startling omission. He hadn’t even mentioned the word love. Maybe she should be grateful that he wasn’t coating his proposal with sweet declarations which meant nothing, but what hope would a marriage have without love? Even if she was honest enough to admit to herself that she was falling in love with him all over again that wouldn’t be enough to go round, would it? Not nearly enough to protect her from the influence of gorgeous blondes with hunger in their eyes.
She forced herself to say it, even though her heart was sending out a silent scream of protest.
‘I can’t do it,’ she said. ‘I just...can’t. I saw it and I felt so utterly betrayed—and I don’t think I can get past that. Trust is almost impossible to repair once it’s been broken.’
‘Justina—’
‘No. Please, Dante. I promise I will give you reasonable access to your son, but no more than that. I won’t marry you—but that doesn’t mean we can’t be good parents.’ At this she stopped and drew in a deep breath which seemed to scorch her lungs, before managing a smile. ‘And I don’t see any reason why we can’t continue to have a perfectly amicable relationship.’
There was a long pause—so long that for a moment she wondered if he’d heard her. But one look at the expression on his face told her that he had. His features seemed to have been carved from stone; they were hard and unmoving. The silence in the room was tense as Justina waited to see how he would respond—and she was surprised when he walked over to her and caught hold of her, pulling her into his body in a single fluid movement. Through her silk robe she could feel the jut of her breasts pushing against his chest, and instantly she felt an inevitable rush of desire which was quickly followed by a hot wave of relief. He didn’t mind! He understood her reservations!
For a moment he stared down at her, and his hand moved down over the fall of her hair before coming to alight on one silk-covered breast. She sucked in a breath of anticipation.
‘And this “amicable” relationship of which you speak,’ he murmured. ‘You don’t think that’s going to be problematic?’
She spoke with more conviction than she felt. ‘It doesn’t have to be.’
‘Do you have any ideas about how we’re going to go about it?’
‘We could...we could make it up as we go along.’
‘Could we?’ His smile was cold. ‘So how about we start with something like this?’
He slipped his hand inside her robe to cover the breast which had been straining for his touch. She felt his thumb flick over the nipple and she swallowed.
‘Yes,’ she breathed, scarcely able to get the word out. ‘Yes.’
‘So while we are being good parents, and being reasonable about access, we will continue to enjoy sex—is that what you are suggesting?’
His tone was a honeyed murmur, even if his words sounded a little on the bald side. ‘Yes,’ she repeated. ‘Definitely.’
His thumb caressed one straining bud. ‘You want to do it now, I think?’
Justina swayed. ‘You know I do,’ she moaned.
The hand was removed with almost clinical efficiency, and Justina didn’t even realise that she’d had her eyes closed until she fluttered them open to see the look of naked fury on his face.
‘You really think that I would tolerate an arrangement like that? To be treated like some common stud? In your dreams, Justina,’ he said savagely, and walked out of their bedroom with a soft slamming of the door.
For a moment she stood staring blankly after him, until she realised she was shivering, so she climbed into bed and waited for him to return. It took several sleepless hours before it dawned on her that that he wasn’t planning on returning. At least not until after a pale dawn had streaked the Tuscan sky and she’d finished tending to Nico.
Dante walked into the room wearing the same formal trousers he’d had on at dinner, and he had clearly just pulled his dress shirt on over his bare chest, though he hadn’t bothered to do it up. His feet were bare, too—and his dark hair was ruffled and untidy.
‘Where have you been?’ she questioned tiredly.
He gave her a look composed in equal measures of ice and fury. ‘Where do you think? We’re in the middle of the Tuscan countryside—there aren’t really a lot of options open! I slept somewhere else, Justina—there are plenty of available rooms.’
She swallowed, telling herself to stay calm. That nothing could be gained from another angry exchange. ‘Why did you storm out like that?’
‘Why?’ he repeated, a look of incredulity darkening his face. ‘You really need to ask me that? I asked you to marry me and you said no—but your refusal came with an interesting suggestion.’ He gave a bitter laugh before he shot the words out as if he was firing them from a pistol. ‘Don’t you think it insults me that I’m good enough to service you any time you want, good enough to be your stud, just not good enough to be your husband?’
For a moment Justina’s resolve wavered. She wanted to blurt out the truth. To tell him that marriage without love wasn’t enough, and she was terrified her heart would get broken all over again. But that might sound like a clumsy attempt at emotional bargaining. He might feel cornered into telling her he loved her in order to appease her—and then what? Wouldn’t something like that backfire on them in the end?
She pushed her hair behind her ears and surveyed him, her calm expression belying the painful thunder of her heart. ‘So what are we going to do?’
‘Do?’ He pulled off his shirt and hung it over the back of the chair. ‘We’re going to do exactly what we came here to do. We are going to introduce Nico to the rest of his D’Arezzo family and show him a little Tuscan hospitality and then we will return to England.’
And that, it seemed, was that. End of subject.
Justina was forc
ed to watch as Dante took off his trousers and his underpants. She wanted to avert her eyes as more and more honed olive flesh was revealed, but pride wouldn’t let her. Only when he was completely and magnificently naked did he glance up and meet her gaze, his dark eyes mocking her.
‘Frustrating, isn’t it, tesoro? You can look, but you can’t touch.’
‘I don’t want to touch you.’
‘Liar.’
The soft word sliced through her.
‘But let me tell you this, so that there can be absolutely no misunderstanding. That there will be no more performing for your pleasure. You don’t want me as a husband then you don’t get me at all. None of me.’
It was a depressing way to begin the day, but Justina did her best not to let it show because she knew that streams of D’Arezzo cousins were coming over later. And she wanted to salvage something from this trip. Her relationship with Dante might have taken a nosedive, but she wanted his family to approve of her as a mother, even if it was too much to hope for that they might actually like her.
She was aware that some of the cousins were a little wary around her when they arrived just before lunchtime—but she was also aware they’d been at an impressionable age the last time she’d visited. She’d probably seemed distant to them and, if she was being truthful, she had felt a little distant. She remembered that while she’d been here her management had rung almost non-stop and it had driven Dante to despair. A photographer had even managed to penetrate the grounds of the family estate and a furious Luigi had threatened to punch him, before sending him on his way.
She didn’t miss that side of fame one bit, she realised. The irony was that in many ways she felt much more grounded—and Nico was partly responsible for that. She knew that she would make a better wife now than she would have done at the height of her fame. But she also knew that she couldn’t opt for an empty marriage.
Instead, she did her best to fit in with the family—and to her surprise it proved easier than she had anticipated. But then, it was easy to join in with the general clucking over Nico and agree with the sentiment that he was the most beautiful baby in the world! Quickly she realised the significance of this lusty little boy—the first of a new generation of D’Arezzos.
A Scandal, a Secret, a BabyMarriage Scandal, Showbiz Baby! Page 12
