by Mandy Magro
Feeling exhilarated for no particular reason, Anne swished her skirt around her ankles, the chickens at her feet clucking and flapping as they eagerly pecked the grain she and the children had scattered. She picked three-year-old Mary up and gave her a cuddle, laughing as five-year-old Will darted around behind her legs, giggling hysterically as he avoided their dog’s frantic licking. Today felt like it was going to be a glorious one.
She glanced around, breathing in Waratah Station as it pulsed with life. It was a picture-perfect summer’s day, the humidity a little high after the previous day’s monsoonal rain. The cloudless sky was a remarkable azure, the birds were chirping harmoniously as they fluttered among the native trees, and the wind was soft and gentle. If there was a heaven on earth, this place she and her family called home was it.
Placing a fidgeting Mary back on the ground, she halted, a shooting pain travelling from her belly and into her back. She clutched at her sides and bent over at the hips, easing herself down to a crouch, the pain intensifying at an alarming rate. It had been three years since she had given birth to Mary, and she knew from experience childbirth was agonising, but she couldn’t remember sudden excruciating pains like this. And it was too soon, much too soon for her child to be born into this world and live.
She began to pant as she grasped her belly, a combination of pain and anxiousness stealing her ability to breathe normally. Something was very wrong. She motioned to young Will and he ran towards her. As he peered at her with concern she tried to keep a smile on her quivering lips. She didn’t want to scare her children. ‘Will, I need you to go and have a look for Daddy down by our old house. I think he’s there with that man who came last night.’ A stabbing pain gripped her and she gasped, biting her lip to stop herself from screaming. ‘And can you tell him that Mummy needs him here very fast?’ She patted his bottom lovingly. ‘Now, go, as quick as you can. I’ll wait right here for you, my love.’
Anne watched her spirited son take off down the path, his bare feet accustomed to the stones and heat. Mary clutched her hand, the child sensing her distress. Anne wrapped her arms around her, begging herself to hold it together as she repeatedly kissed Mary on the cheek. Another wave of pain washed over her as wetness gushed out from between her legs, instantly soaking her skirt with blood. Anne quickly hid Mary’s eyes, fear gripping her heart as she began to sing lullabies. The flow of wetness continued and the sensation of needing to push suddenly overwhelmed her. She grunted while trying to hold back the pressure between her legs, her intuition telling her this was something Mary should witness. A misty haze came over her, the shooting pain so intense it clouded her vision as she slumped forwards and prayed for William to hurry.
Heavy footsteps came in behind her, a familiar man’s voice announcing he would take the children inside then there was William’s soothing voice. He knelt down in the dirt and cradled her in his arms. Anne looked up at him, her vision blurred by tears.
‘Will, something’s wrong with our baby. I have to push and I don’t want to.’ She broke down, weeping loudly. ‘If I push then our baby will die, I just know it.’
William brushed her long red shock of curls back from her face, panic choking him as he spotted the amount of blood on Anne’s skirt and on the ground. ‘My love, I’m going to carry you inside to the bed and then if you have to push, you must. I don’t want anything happening to you.’
As William lifted her from the ground a contraction gripped her, squeezing her insides. Anne cried out as she tightened her hold around William’s shoulders, panting vigorously. William held her close as he stumbled through the cottage and towards their bedroom. He placed her down on the bed, all the while controlling his own fear as he tried his best to pacify her.
‘Ben, I need cloths and hot water in here. Now!’ he yelled while pulling Anne’s skirt up around her hips. He could see the baby’s head, and blood, too much blood. How was his darling Anne going to survive this? And their baby — how was he or she coping? And what was he meant to do to save them? What if he couldn’t save them? He clutched Anne’s hand, stroking her sweat-soaked forehead as she wept in between her laboured panting.
Ben bolted in. His boots heavy on the floor and his eyes shadowed with trepidation. William took the cloths from him with trembling hands and then gestured towards the end of the bed with his eyes. ‘Put the bowl of water there, Ben, where I can use it, and then can you go and keep the children amused. Whatever you do, don’t let them in here, no matter what.’
Ben nodded then strode out of the room.
Anne gripped the sides of the bed, the urge to push now too much to ignore. Forcing all her energy downwards, she grunted, the intense burning between her legs insufferable, the torture in her heart beyond anything she’d ever felt before. As the contraction faded away, she stole a few moments to catch her breath and then when the overpowering urge gripped her once more she began to push again, all the while feeling gushes of blood rushing from her. She knew this wasn’t right; this wasn’t how a normal childbirth went. Was she going to live through this? Images of Mary’s and Will’s faces flashed before her, and she howled loudly, the fear of never seeing her gorgeous children, or feeling her beloved Will’s embrace again crushing her.
With one last colossal push, the pressure eased instantly, as her ears strained to pick up the first cries of her baby. But other than her heavy breathing, silence greeted her and Anne’s heart sank.
William placed cloths against her to soak up the blood then gathered the bundle into his arms, tears now falling freely from his eyes. He met Anne’s gaze, and gently shook his head, the simple gesture devastating her as she reached out her arms. ‘Please, Will. I need to see our baby.’
William hesitated. ‘But Anne, he’s . . .’
Anne held her finger to her lips, weeping. ‘I’m begging you, Will. Don’t say the word. I know. I knew the minute I felt the pain. I just want to hold him in my arms before we have to bury him.’ She stretched her arms out further. ‘Please.’
His steps difficult, William ambled towards her and placed the stillborn in her arms. Anne pulled the bundle to her breast and placed a lingering kiss on the baby’s cheek.
‘I think we will name you Edward, after my father. Goodbye, my little man,’ Anne whispered.
Sniffling, his throat so constricted he was taking wheezing breaths, Will sat down beside Anne and did the same, kissing his never-to-be-known son on the forehead as he quietly said his goodbyes.
CHAPTER
18
2012 — Far North Queensland
The balmy moonlit landscape lay hushed, the whisper of wind encouraging a soft melody from the bamboo wind chimes outside Taylor’s bedroom. She switched off her alarm and crawled out from beneath her sheets, yawning. Stretching her body to life, she padded towards the parted curtains, debating whether she had time for a shower as she peered out at the night sky still peppered with blazing stars. She was enthralled by the uncomplicated beauty of the sleeping bushlands and faintly aware of the scurry of nocturnal animals as dried leaves rustled beneath her window.
She’d left herself plenty of time so a few minutes luxuriating under a warm shower wouldn’t hurt, she decided. It would be the last one she’d be having for a while: over the coming two weeks the earth would be her bed, the pastoral lands of Waratah Station her home and Stoney Creek her bath, as they made their way across the station’s six hundred thousand acres, mustering and drafting twelve thousand head of cattle.
Taylor grinned, excitement fizzing in her belly as she quickly made her bed and imagined what adventures might lie ahead. From today on she was officially a jillaroo, and she couldn’t wait to be sitting in the saddle, even more so considering she’d be working alongside Jay. This is what she’d dreamt of doing since she was a little girl and how blessed she was to finally be living that lifelong dream. Only months ago it had seemed so unattainable, but thanks to Jay and his big, beautiful — albeit broken — heart, it was now a reality.
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sp; Pulling her dreamy gaze from the window, Taylor slung her towel over her shoulder and padded out towards the bathroom, passing a freshly showered Adam Brand along the way, his towel secured around his waist. Trying to keep her focus away from his fit and lusciously hairy chest, Taylor almost tripped over her own feet, Adam’s presence still felt so unbelievable.
As though reading her thoughts, he grinned in her direction and she quickly ran her fingers through her wild red hair, hoping she didn’t look too awful, not uncommon first thing in the morning with her wayward mane of curly hair.
‘Mornin’, Taylor.’
‘Morning, Adam,’ she said, not stopping for fear of staring at his half-naked body. Not that she was interested in him in that way, but he was a country music star for goodness’ sake, and a sexy one at that. How could anyone blame her for wanting to admire him? A woman would be crazy not to!
Over a breakfast of bacon and eggs, the ABC radio playing softly in the background, Taylor listened intently to the men sharing stories of mustering in years gone by. Every bloke at the table had his own unique way to put a spin on each yarn. From her observations, Tom was the serious one, the one the men turned to for leadership and wisdom; Fang was the brawn, not afraid to tackle the wildest of mickey bulls from his chopper; Graham was the clown with a cheery can-do, anything-goes attitude, making her laugh until her sides ached with his recollections; and Adam was the deep-thinking soul of the group, the one who sees everything in the bush through the enchanting eyes of a musical artist. Such a varied group of blokes blown in from all over Australia, yet all of them bonded on a level she guessed only people who had braved the fierceness of the bush coupled with the brutality of the north’s infamous wet season could.
Taylor swallowed down the last of her bacon as Fang finished his story about losing his false teeth out on a muster, leaving them all in stitches.
Adam pointed at Fang, finding it hard to speak between his chuckles. ‘Yeah, I remember that. You put them on a rock while you were rinsing off in the river one night and then forgot to put them back in. You only remembered when we sat down for breakfast the next day and you had no teeth to chew your bacon and eggs with. Did you ever find them, mate?’
‘Nup, they must’ve washed down the river somewhere overnight. I got myself a new pair but I only stick ’em in when I’m eating, keep ’em in the back pocket the rest of the time so I don’t bloody lose ’em again. With my luck I’ll smile and they’ll drop right outta my mouth and out the door of the chopper one day,’ Fang said, grinning stupidly so he showed off his gleaming white false teeth, enticing more laughter from around the timeworn table.
‘That’s the same year I got thrown off that bloody horse about a million times too. Thank Christ, Jay sold him off to the horse trainer he knows at Jacaranda Farm — the bastard of a thing hated me,’ Graham said, chuckling. ‘I still remember coming back to camp after weeks out in the saddle, feeling sore and sorry for myself after the amount of bucks I’d suffered and the bloody thing did it again, right near the stables. He skidded to a complete stop on four stiff legs, catapulting me right outta the saddle. I landed so bloody hard I jarred my teeth and I could barely walk for days.’ Graham rolled his eyes, and then frowned menacingly, smirking as he dropped his voice so everyone had to lean in to hear him. ‘Then the bastard whickered like billy-o, as if he was laughing his head off at me.’
‘Right then, sorry to be the party pooper but enough jabbering, it’s time to get to work, I’m afraid,’ Tom said when the laughter died down. He wandered over to the sink and began packing the last of the plates into the dishwasher.
The scraping of chairs was followed by the switching off of lights and the gathering of last-minute items. Taylor’s belly somersaulted as she envisioned Jay mustering alongside her in his jeans, boots and Akubra on his big bay horse. He was going to look damn sexy, as always.
The group made their way outside and towards the stables. It was a gorgeous time to head off to work as dawn slowly gave way to twilight, the magical moment before sunrise, neither complete darkness nor filtered light from the sun.
With Floyd sniffing the ground beside her, Taylor watched the blokes wandering ahead, the bantering already beginning, as loud chuckles filled the silence perfectly. She was grateful for being part of such a wonderful group of country people. All of them had made her feel so very welcome, even Adam, who’d insisted on making her two cups of coffee this morning. They’d been strong enough to stand her spoon up in.
They walked into the stables and the first thing Taylor noticed was that Patty wasn’t there. ‘G’day, my merry band of men — and woman,’ Jay said, placing the reins in his hand over his horse’s neck, his warm gaze coming to rest on Taylor. Their eyes locked momentarily and then he turned to pack his saddlebags. ‘Mum’s all ready to go. She’s just waiting for you to throw Floyd in with her, Taylor. She’s parked up around the corner, behind the shed.’
Taylor released the breath she’d been holding after thinking Patty hadn’t shown for work. ‘Fabulous. Come on, Floyd. You get to ride in with Buster.’ She strolled past Jay, her arm brushing against his, his freshly showered scent mixed with the spiciness of his deodorant making her giddy. He smelt so manly, so moreish — so Jay.
An overzealous Buster greeted her through the Toyota’s window, his tail smacking against everything in sight. Patty clambered across the seat to grab him, laughing. ‘Come here, you little bugger.’ Patty held him to her chest as he wriggled in her arms and licked her face madly. ‘Hey there, Taylor, ready for the big day ahead?’
Taylor motioned for Floyd to jump up, smiling as he obeyed. ‘Sure am. Are you?’
Patty winked. ‘Ready as ever.’
Taylor leant on the windowsill, trying to avoid being licked to death by Buster, who’d escaped from Patty’s clutches and was now chewing on the door handle. She gave him a hearty scratch on the head. ‘Great, we’ll see you tonight when we pull into camp.’
‘You sure will. I got a yummy dinner planned for you all, too, my famous slow-cooked goulash with damper and coal-baked potatoes.’
Taylor licked her lips. ‘Oh don’t, you’re making me hungry again and I’ve just eaten breakfast! Anyways, better run. Don’t want to keep the blokes waiting and I still have to meet Boomerang. I hope he likes me.’
‘Okay, toodles, oh and, Taylor, thanks love, for everything.’ Patty sniffed, then pulled a tissue from her bra to dab her wet eyes, her hands shaking. ‘I couldn’t have done this without you. It’s going to be hard without the drink for a week. You know, going cold turkey. But it’s nice to know I have a female friend to talk to along the way if it all gets too much.’
Taylor swallowed a rush of sympathy for Patty and blew her a kiss. ‘No need for thanks, Patty, that’s what mates are for. I’m here any time, for anything. Okay?’
‘I know you are. Thanks, Taylor,’ Patty said, smiling through her tears. ‘And by the way, don’t worry, love, after a bit of time out mustering, he’ll love you to bits. How could he not?’
Taylor scrunched her eyebrows, momentarily confused, and then she giggled. ‘Oh, you mean Boomerang. Yeah, hopefully.’
‘No, silly, I didn’t mean Boomerang. I was talking about my overcautious son.’ Patty raised her eyebrows, grinning, as she started the LandCruiser and drove away, leaving a trail of dust and a gobsmacked Taylor in her wake.
Basking in the morning sunshine, Taylor directed a hassle-free Boomerang towards the water’s edge, zigzagging between trees and shrubs. She allowed him enough rein to make his own way across the rocky creek bed, the water splashing around his ankles. Taylor was enjoying some time with Jay while the men cantered ahead, the conversation free and flowing. ‘I hope you don’t mind me asking, but has anything ever happened between you and Zoe?’
Jay glanced sideways, warily, the shade of his wide-brimmed hat creating shadows across his handsome face. ‘What do you mean? What’s Zoe told you?’
‘Oh, nothing important, she only warned me
to stay away from you because apparently you’re a heartbreaker,’ Taylor said matter-of-factly, trying desperately to hide her eagerness for his reply.
Jay smirked. ‘Oh, is that so. I reckon she’s just pissed off because I knocked back her advances at the New Year’s party they had at the pub. She hasn’t been the same with me since. She still gives subtle hints but I pretend I’m oblivious to it. I think it drives her mad but I don’t care. I’m not interested in her in that way. Sad really — she and I used to be good mates.’
Taylor was pleased to hear Jay had turned Zoe down. Zoe was gorgeous, the type of woman most single blokes would give anything to jump into bed with and Jay had chosen not to. ‘Wow, so there you go. There are always two sides to every story. Not that Zoe let on that she’d hit on you, but I gathered something must have gone on with the way she’s been acting. She’s really shitty at me for taking the job here, reckons I’m stealing her boyfriend.’
Jay laughed, his eyes wide. ‘She what? Bloody hell, I’ve never been her boyfriend and I’m never going to be.’ He shifted in the saddle to face Taylor, his smile replaced with a look of sincerity. ‘The most important thing to me, though, Taylor, is do you think I’m a heartbreaker?’
Taylor exhaled slowly, making him wait even though in her heart she knew the answer. ‘No, I don’t believe it for a second.’ She gave Boomerang a light tap, encouraging him out of his easy walk and into a canter as they approached the edge of the creek. ‘And I’m hoping you don’t prove me wrong, Jay Donnellson,’ she called over her shoulder, smiling softly.
Reaching the top of the rise and leaving the tree-lined creek behind, the land stretched out before Taylor like it had been ironed flat, trees few and far between. The sun had now risen to its rightful place in the blue sky, the heat already scorching as sweat began to roll down her face and back. Overhead, Fang roared in with a flash of rotating blades, the sound similar to that of a gargantuan mosquito, and up ahead, Graham, Tom and Adam were beginning to push the first mob forwards. In the blink of an eye the casual ride to the first site of the day was over. The muster was about to begin.
